Are you afraid? No… I'm not afraid. Then why do you hide, child? I'm not hiding. Then tell me… why are you trying to forget? I'm not trying to forget anything! Is that really the case? Your memories were always so clear, why are they just a void of emptiness now? I-I… You…? Please… please stop! Tell me… what is it that you are so afraid of? Why do you force yourself to forget when the memory was vivid? I… I don't…
"-ruto." Worried onyx orbs stared into my sapphires. "You were whimpering in your sleep… are you scared of your fight?" I shook my head instantly as I leaned up and rubbed the tears out of my eyes. "I had a dream that `Suke was bullying me again!" I let out a fake sniffle. He glared at me before getting off the bed. "Kakashi beat me up already for you saying that you little…" He grumbled. "Also, you should get ready. Today is the third part of the exams." He left the room, probably preparing a small breakfast like he normally did when we had something big going on.
I was scared though, not because of my fight but… that voice. That voice has been haunting me each time I would go to sleep. Ever since that fight with snake man… that voice would question me. What did it want me to remember? But… why did that voice always ask me that question. I am Naruto… aren't I?
"I swear to god… you better not still be on that bed!" Sasuke shouted. Man… he ruined my thought process!
I pushed off those thoughts as I returned to my carefree actions. It would probably worry Sasuke if he saw me lost in thought. He doesn't know me… no one knows me—not even me. So I had to continue this… I have to be this… because as much as I'm afraid of that voice… I just want to know what it wants.
"I still can't believe they let a little kid into the fight." The crowd was muttering. I could only tighten my grip on Sasuke as he carried me through the crowd so we could be stationed in the field. One thought passed through my mind as we entered the field. Would everything that happened up to this point change depending on the outcome of our battles? Would Sasuke go on to be a Chuunin and leave behind everything he built? Would they advance me? That part is doubtful… To this crowd, I was just a little kid playing a prank. Even if I showed talent… would that be talent to them?
That day I opened my eyes to see the shocked gaze of Kakashi… I could only think… what do I do now? But I didn't have to. He took me to the Third. They kept repeating 'five year old' and my mind just clicked. Be a five year old… be what you always wanted to be—just like every other girl and boy out there. I didn't have to trick the medical field with my mental state—wasn't I frozen in time anyway? But… when Kakashi brought me to those two… I wasn't sure what was going to happen. But I instantly recognized the male—Sasuke. I ran to him because I knew. I know I made the right decision then, but why did I do all of that? I was scared to speak to him, scared to know what he thought.
But… he cried. I wanted to know why… I wanted to know who this Naruto was. I wanted to ask him, I wanted to know why he called me 'Naruto'. I wanted to know more. Before I knew it… we were in Uzushiogakure. The only place I could remember through all those blurry red memories. I wanted Sasuke to know—to figure out what that place meant to me. Spirals… those things clouded my vision. What were they telling me? Why… why did I enjoy them?
Before I knew it, talking to Sasuke seemed natural. Though his elaboration of PMS was… well… I still don't want to suffer that! I nearly gave myself away during that trip—about my knowledge of Konoha's system. Did Kakashi figure it out then? I wondered that when he told us that we could take part in the Chuunin exams. Was it a test? I had to see for myself when we entered the first part. Akuma… that name, sometimes I recall faint memories with voices that screamed out for that name. Now I realize that the name caused people to scream about it. Akuma… it sounded like a painful name. Was it really mine? Then… why did I get called Naruto?
When we met up with that snake man… I could remember a faint glimpse of a man chuckling over my screaming body. Yet, despite that memory, I didn't fear him. Actually, that vision helped me have a reason to push forward to protect the only two who still called me a teammate. Yet… the cost was nearly my life. It was then that memories started flooding my mind—causing more mental injury than physical. I let it slip… I let Sasuke see that I wasn't really running with a mind of a 5 year old. But… I feared the voice that haunted me when I slept. It wanted me to remember who I was but… how do I remember when all I can recall is all those people that I killed… all those screams and all that blood I bathed in.
Yet… why did Sasuke accept me? He didn't push me away… he held me closer. I wanted to fight for Sasuke and what he believed in. So when the third part started and I had to fight that dog… when he started to put down 'Naruto'… I could only remember all those nights that Sasuke let a tear fall as he mumbled about this 'Naruto'. That 'Naruto' was precious to him—so that Naruto was precious to me. But… I never knew… that I was that 'Naruto'. That meant that even I was precious to someone… despite all the pain that I caused. I wanted him to know—wanted him to have a reason to figure out what I was. So I would do things that would force him to see what normal eyes couldn't. The symbol in my mouth was the start… maybe, just maybe… he will learn about my crimson eyes. Maybe… maybe he'll see that when he advances.
I did make the right decision… because Sasuke accepted me. I wasn't alone in that black cloud anymore. I could breathe, I could walk… I felt alive compared to how I felt before I opened my eyes to Kakashi. But… I couldn't tell Sasuke. No… I couldn't tell anyone. If anyone knew… would I be returned to that black cloud? It was cold…
"Naruto?" But… everyone saw my golden cloak—so maybe… "Naruto… you're up first." I shook my head before allowing Sasuke to place me down. The past is in the past, right? I couldn't let it go but, I could cover it just a little longer.
"Is the little kid afraid to fight me?" No… I had no fears when I fought. Maybe that was why I could seal the lives of people I never knew. That was my Uzumaki blood… though the chakra from that bloodline chained me. I couldn't break those chains, but they were the only thing that embraced me.
"Ne… are you a girl-ttebayo?" A vein was visible on the kid's head. Neji… he wasn't much of a danger to me, but he appeared to have pride. He will aim for my chakra points, but that won't do much. He will try to use a lot of taijutsu; so long range attacks would work better. That cloak would be perfect for this fight if I wanted to win instantly. Yet… what would he learn? He hurt that girl for stupid reasons. Hinata... that girl, wasn't she nice to that Naruto? Then she was precious to that Naruto, right? So it shouldn't be wrong of me to teach this egotistic ding-a-ling a lesson, right?
Right now I could tell that the girly-boy was confused though. I just asked him if he was a girl, but my eyes were closed. That made me feel… powerful. However… it's only because my chakra is within the earth's surface that I can see without my eyes being open. My father left me with something! Well… there was something else he passed down to me but… I just can't recall it. Actually, I can't recall much of anything about my father… I only remember my mother because of the chains. Those chains hugged me, as if she was hugging me. It's cold but… wouldn't any dead body be cold too?
"I think a pink dress with blossoms would match your hairstyle-ttebayo!" Yay, another vein! Eventually what I'm doing should get him angry enough, right? It's what I was aiming for from the start.
"I don't get it—why would that foolish child, Naruto, be your idol? He was a fool, both stupid and useless and in the end, just an idiotic dropout."E-eh? "That parentless fool would only cause the others trouble. He couldn't even pass a simple test all those times in the past. It's no wonder he didn't get out until recently." I turned to see Sasuke—his eyes seemed deadly as they stared upon the girly-boy. Does that mean that everything he said was true? Did that Naruto fail that much? Then… wouldn't that mean that Kyuu-chan wasn't so friendly with him?
"What I find interesting is how Konoha suddenly gained another Uzumaki. Naruto had no family—so why is there suddenly an 'Uzumaki Akuma' in our country? However… I went to the academy for a short time with a kid called 'Akuma'. She naturally disappeared from our classes. She was the top student, and the youngest in our class. She disappeared, but soon after Uzumaki Naruto appeared. Tell me, is that just a coincidence or are you and Naruto connected? My point is that Naruto is nowhere to be found, just like how it was for Akuma, but instead a child named Akuma is around once again."
I could hear people muttering in the stadium. What was this guy talking about—they wondered. "Your chakra signature is exactly like that Akuma. Naruto's chakra signature had partial resemblance to both of you. So how about you tell me why it is like that. Why is it that Konoha lost what was possibly their strongest fighter, gained a dropout before suddenly gaining a child that appears just like the strongest fighter?"
I shook my head- I had no idea what he was talking about. I can't explain anything if I remember nothing, right? Why are you afraid? I'm not afraid! I remember nothing so please…. Please stop it! I'm just… I… who…?
Why was I trying to hide like this? Why didn't I want anyone to know what I was? I lied to the people that accepted me as their teammate. I pretended my mental age was around 5 years old with them. Why did I lie? I fell asleep with this same though process even at my age—then I woke up with this same thought process. If I'm twelve like I heard someone say, then… what happened? Was I advanced? No… that can't be.
"Listen-ttebayo… I don't know who Naruto is that everyone talks about. All I know is that he is precious to some. I may have taken his life when I woke up-ttebayo… but maybe… just maybe we are the same being like you suspect. Maybe I'm that Akuma you think I am… but I can't answer that. I can only tell you this—I share the same dream. I will become Hokage-ttebayo!" His gaze darkened as he stared at me.
"You think you can just become the Hokage? Tch… childish. You can change your fate, child." Fate? Does he even know who he is talking to? "People are born for that role. You just can't become the Hokage. You are childish, just like Naruto." What was he saying? Was he saying I couldn't become Hokage? Did I need to kick his girlish batooski to show him I'm capable?
"Everyone is born with a certain destiny. Yours is to fail here."
Let's see who will fail here.
-AN—
So I wanted to get this up between several of my reader's b-days however only two have told me about their birthdays for March, and none for April… so this chapter was planned for today, since it would be put up in a perfect time frame for Killijimaru who told me his birthday was on the 16th, so 2 days late, but 2 days before my other reader who doesn't have a FF account.
Now, a while back someone asked me if I could recap what has happened thus far…. And that actually was what would happen with Naruto relapsing everything that happened to her and how she got this far. You learn that her thought process changes constantly between what a "child" would think then she would switch to what a "mature" child would think. Hence why her thought process chances constantly… and it is the same towards what happens when she speaks with Sasuke.
Now despite the fact that I did the whole thing where I answer or respond to reviews… I thought I should at least answer the recent one from .luna:
My rewrite process that is hitting all my stories is to make each chapter longer than what it currently is. Reality is that back then I did in fact rush chapters, because I had very little time to do things, though that is still the case, but I also posted weekly despite all this. But that wasn't why the chapters were short. I know a few people, including myself, who can only read so many words at once. My boyfriend can take up to 4 hours to read half a chapter and he will already have forgotten what happened before. In my case, I can't read big paragraphs which is why my stuff tends to be spaced out more than it should. I stated already that the headers are getting deleted in the rewrites… in reality I haven't put up any of the rewritten chapters now that I think about it… if I did it might have only been the first chapter. As for names, I prefer using Naruto but I had reasons for 'Akuma' but people find that more offending than when people, in the past, used Natsu, Hana etc. But as for the whole Naruko ordeal… I got constant hate because people believed that Naruko came from Kishimoto when it was just fan-made like the rest of the fanfics around are. Also I should have mentioned that I'm not trying to be spiteful here… I'm just trying to help people understand my reasons haha… for some reason it always sounds like I'm being mean…
I blame FF because they won't allow many facial emotes so people understand 'Hey yo, I'm a happy little whatever-I-am!'… actually now that I think about it…. Maybe it's a good thing they don't have faces. For one it makes it seem less professional and secondly… I have come across a story on a blog itself that the faces were within the story as the description of emotion… I also apparently just got ADD.
Anyway… Chapter 38 will be out… sometime in April, though I don't know when since I don't know many birthdays in April lol. YnK will temporarily be a monthly update until I can finish it up a bit more. At least I hope it stays monthly and doesn't become where I state it'll update monthly… then end up not getting updated… Yes… yes I do know this happens…. And that is why I hate my schedule that doesn't have set days that I work… literally I could work every day or not work for a whole week. Spring break for schools will cause me to have more hours… but I cry for a reason… I'll be working with all the immature people that are in school… seriously… I'm lucky I got the one 17 year old to calm down and work together as a group and not fight about every little thing.
ADD again… anyway til next time!
-Ja