Chapter 35

I have never been as angry or as proud of myself as I am tonight. I dip my face into the cool water in our rain barrel and sigh as the water trickles down my back cooling me down a bit. Tonight I'd almost given in. I was giving in. And then I didn't. I'd made us stop again and it was so frustrating. She'd worn that ruffled nightgown thing into the woods tonight. That alone brought me pleasure. The way those ruffles danced around the top of her thighs drove me crazy. As usual, it didn't take long for our kissing to heat up and before I knew it we were at that point where I knew we should stop. I'd tried to say her name, to get her to stop. She knew it but just flat out told me no and keep going. It was even more difficult after that. Her skin was so soft and delicate and my fingers had gripped onto her thighs, desperately wanting more. My shirt had come off again and she stole the breathe right out of my chest as her tongue and lips explored my bare chest. When her hands undid the button of my pants and her tongue traced over my navel I'd had such a surge of desire for her. I can't believe I made us stop. I'm angry that I stopped us but proud of myself because I wouldn't have thought I had it in me to pull back at that point. I love this girl. I do. I love her. That's the only thing that allowed me to stop. Any other girl, any of the silly girls before her couldn't have stopped me at that point. No way. The girls before Madge were just that though. Silly girls who meant next to nothing. In fact, I'd never really had much interest in them afterwards. It wasn't that way with Madge though. With her, it felt different. Felt real and significant. Of course that didn't change the fact that I wanted to kick myself for stopping us. I'm pretty sure she felt like kicking me too. She was not happy about stopping but she reluctantly obliged. It was tonight when I realized that I'm in love with her. I didn't tell her though. I've never felt this way about anyone before and I don't know when I'll tell her. I want the moment to be just right when I do.

She'd gotten a little tidbit of information from Mabel. Apparently, there is a woman named Lily who was her mother's best friend. This Lily person might be able to tell us when Mrs. Undersee fell ill and might even know what it was she was so terrified of. Madge wanted me to ask my mother if she knew who Lily was. My mother had been close to the same age as Madge's mother was and went to school with her when they were younger. Not that they were friends. Seam and Town hadn't ever been blended together as a whole. Occasionally there were girls who were from town that fell in love and married boys from the Seam. Mrs. Everdeen had done that herself. But it was rare and always frowned upon. Thinking about this bothered me because Madge is town and I'm as Seam as they come. Though it didn't seem to matter to her where I was from I wondered if she would be willing to give everything up for me one day. Would she be willing to leave the comforts and money that she had in the town in order to be with me forever? I think she would do it but I know I'd feel guilty for it. And it's not like it worked the other way around. I certainly wouldn't be able to marry her and move into town. Nope. You only moved out of the town, not into it.

I will ask my mother when she wakes up if she knew Lily. I hate to ask her because I really don't want to involve her in this. And I don't like to ask her about when she was younger because it'll make her think of my father. The two of them had been together all through school and married when they were just 18. So, drudging up any memories of when she was younger will undoubtedly stir up memories of my father for her. I know she misses him like crazy. She loves him even now, all these years after he's gone. But, if she can help us locate Lily then I have to know. I want this thing with Madge solved. I hate how we're doing things right now with being only friends in the daytime. It's awful. So the sooner we solve this mystery, the sooner I get her back all the time.

Morning is here before I feel like my eyes have even closed. Being out all night, every night is definitely exhausting. I rub my bloodshot eyes and climb out of bed. I find my mother in the kitchen, leaning over the wood stove.

"Morning." I say through a yawn.

"Good morning to you. I suppose you look so exhausted because you were up all night folding my laundry for me?" She says with an eyebrow raised as she looks back at me over her shoulder.

"Something like that." I mumble looking away. I know she knows I've been sneaking out with Madge at night. My mother has always had a way of knowing things like this.

"Thank you for folding all that for me. It was a pleasant surprise to wake up too. But Gale, are you being careful? Are you remembering that she's the mayor's daughter?"

"Ma, everything is good. Don't worry." I say shaking my head and putting my hands up. I do not want to have this talk with her.

"I like her Gale. She's a sweet girl but I don't want to see either of you get your hearts broken. Or worse." She continues with an evident warning in her tone.

"I know Ma." I say trying not to let my annoyance come out in my voice.

"I do have a question for you." I say changing the subject a bit. She nods for me to continue.

"Back when you were in school, did you know Madge's mother at all?"

"Well everyone knew of her. I can't say we were friends of course but I was aware of her, yes. She had a twin actually so with two of her face running around town you couldn't help but know her. They were very beautiful girls, much like Madge is now."

"Well, did you know a girl that she was friends with? Lily somebody?"

"I suppose you mean Lily Decker. She was best friends with Marie and Maysilee. The three of them could've almost passed for triplets with their golden blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Always together those three."

"Well, do you know what happened to Lily? Who she married?"

"Why so many questions Gale? What's going on?"

"Madge's mother was so sick all the time that she never really got to know her. She misses her a lot and is trying to find out more about her. She heard that there was a girl she was friends with named Lily but she wasn't able to find out anything about her." I try to explain without having to really explain the whole truth of the matter.

"I see. Well, Lily Decker got married right after school ended. Married a chef and had a few babies. They own the café in town now. Krull. Lily Krull. That's her name now."

My heart drops when I hear the last name. Really? Freaking Tripp Krull's mother is who Lily is? I don't want my mother to see my annoyance so I tell her thanks for the information and that I'll pass it along to Madge. She just nods and goes back to her cooking.

I get dressed and head out to check and reset my snares before school. Krull. The one guy who had tried to challenge me about being with Madge. Why the hell did he have to be connected with Lily? Now Madge was going to have more time around him. She was going to try and get to know his mother. He would see that and be all over her in no time. And because Madge and I are supposedly just friends I can't even say anything to him without raising a few suspicions about us. This sucked. I don't even want to tell her about it.

I'm so annoyed and exhausted that I decide to cut school today. I can't deal with it. I stay out in the woods and hunt instead. The woods are therapeutic for me, always have been. I can always clear my head out here. By the time I leave the woods I'm in a much better mood and I've collected quite a haul. I know Madge will be worried that I wasn't in school today. I hadn't planned on skipping of course so I hadn't warned her of my absence. I feel guilty knowing that I she probably searched for me in the halls and likely sat alone at lunch. I'll have to apologize and make it up to her. And then I have to tell her about Lily. I don't want to but I know I should.

When I arrive at the viewing and get through the check in stations I see Madge. She's smiling and looking her part as usual but I've learned to see through her illusion. I can see the worry in her eyes. She's chatting with some Capitol official and looking pleasing as ever. Her silky waves pulled back tied with a ribbon that matches the exact color of turquoise dress. She notices me out of the corner of her eye and I see her wrapping up her chatting. I go over to our usual seats and sit down and wait for her to join me. It feels like forever before she finally sits down in the chair next to me.

"I'm sorry." I whisper without looking at her.

"You should be." She whispers back before turning to talk to Prim on her other side.

I know she's upset because I made her worry. She has every right to be upset too. If she wasn't at school when I'd expected to see her there I'd be just as worried. I just want to kiss her right now and make everything okay again but I can't. We're in the most public place of all right now. And it's killing me.