Here we are. This chapter is a contrast of light and dark, hope and despair. This is a pretty dark Erik, and so he required a creepy antagonist.
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It took Alice several seconds to find her voice. "What…what are you doing here?" she asked with disbelief, her heart skipping a beat.
"Hanging out with Erik," Ben replied with ease. "Is something wrong?"
"What? You don't know him!"
"I've seen him around."
"How long have you been here?"
"About an hour."
"I don't think you should be here," said Alice, pointing to the backdoor. She was going to lock all the doors after this. No one in SCI really felt the need to lock anything – but SCI was not the place that it had been. "You need to leave."
"I was here first," Ben replied. He called out, "Hey, Erik! Do you mind me being here?" There was no response. Ben turned back to Alice with the hint of a smile. "I think he's fine with it."
"Who are you?" she asked. "Why do you want to see him? You don't know him!"
"Erik and I have a lot in common," said Ben, tilting his head to the side.
"What is that supposed to mean?" Alice snapped.
"I like video games," Ben replied, and there was something sarcastic about his tone. He bent down and picked up a piece of popcorn from the floor. With a strange smile, he tossed it in the air and then caught it with his mouth. "Yum." He headed back toward the living room. Hands clenched into fists, Alice followed him. Ben sat on the couch, leaned forward, and watched Erik play. Alice nervously swallowed. What was she supposed to do? This wasn't an emergency. It was just bizarre.
At least Ben was being quiet. Alice sat down and began to think over her options. Was Corey back yet? No, not until tomorrow. There was Ken, but how would she explain this?
Was she overthinking it? Could Ben simply like Erik and want to be his friend? Alice took a deep breath and leaned back into the cushion. Well, hey, maybe Erik could use another friend.
She and Ben sat there for nearly an hour, watching Erik play. Alice tried to get herself to relax, but there was something too weird about this situation. When she attempted to make conversation, Ben's answers were brief, and his tone was annoyed. He definitely didn't want her to be there.
"Where are you from, Ben?"
"Around."
"Did you go to college?"
"No."
"What are your hobbies?"
She got no response to that one. Alice gave up. She was staring at the screen, fingers pressing against her temple, not paying attention – when Ben finally spoke. He spoke to Erik.
"Good job, Erik," he murmured, leaning forward with his hands folded. "Amazing. That was quite the kill."
Alice blinked. She hadn't even focused on what game Erik was playing. It was a war game, a sort of futuristic apocalyptic game where you shot bad guys that worked for an authoritarian regime. Ken had probably given it to him. I will never forgive you for introducing Erik to video games, Ken.
"You're very good at that," Ben continued as Erik slaughtered a team of evil soldiers with a semiautomatic rifle. "Perfect aim. Perfect technique. Smart. Stealthy. It's beautiful." There was something almost sensual about the way he spoke. He talked in a way that people normally did when describing great sex or high quality chocolate.
Erik didn't say anything.
Alice felt her stomach turn. She stared at Ben. Never had she gotten such a bad feeling around anyone, including the real Erik. "Why don't you get out of here?" she asked. She tried a different angle. "Erik obviously doesn't care that you're here. He's ignoring you."
"Why don't you make me leave?" Ben calmly replied.
"What the hell is your problem?"
Ben stared at her with contempt. "My problem is that you're being annoying, Alice. I'm having a nice time with Erik. I appreciate him for who he is. Do you?" Ben shook his head. "I doubt it. Why are you being so negative? What are you? His mother?" Ben coldly chuckled.
A possibility slowly became apparent. Did Ben know who the real Erik was?
Her only comfort was that no one could be hurt in SCI. Otherwise, Alice would have started searching for a way to defend herself.
Danger vibrated throughout that room.
Her fingers came so close to pushing the button that would dial Nadir Khan's number, but Christine still wasn't sure what she would say. She felt as though she were reopening a door into the unknown, heading down a path that could lead to some bad places. Still, she felt the pull of the decision. These days, she couldn't get him out of her mind no matter how hard she tried.
"You ready to go?" Tom asked after knocking on her door the next morning. He didn't give any indication that he was upset over their conversation. He was a guy who got over things quickly.
"Sure. Where to next?" asked Christine.
"Heading west. Maybe we could stay in the mountains for a couple days. Randy's family has a cabin that we use sometimes."
"Sounds good." She packed and got ready to go. Her phone rested on the nightstand, and she kept glancing at it.
A day later, Christine found herself at a two-star motel in the middle of flat Kansas. Charlotte was back with them, but Christine ignored her. The rest of the band was friendly enough, and Christine somewhat felt as though she belonged. And still sometimes felt as though she didn't.
After midnight, as Christine lay awake mulling over her options, she heard voices outside of her door. Charlotte and Tom. She got up to listen. Eavesdropping wasn't on her list of deadly sins.
"You've got to knock that shit off," said Tom.
"I was having a little fun," Charlotte replied, nearly whining. "Everyone is making it into too big of a deal. Why are you so protective of her?"
"Why the hell do you think? She went through a lot. And I wouldn't have to protect her at all if you weren't constantly being a…being nasty to her. Okay? So stop it. Jesus."
Charlotte huffed. "Whatever." A pause. "Can I come in?"
"I'm not in the mood for you," Tom replied.
"Just for a little while?" Charlotte asked, her voice softer. "There's nothing to do here. I'm bored."
Tom groaned. "Whatever. Don't change the station. I'm watching a game."
"Do you have any beer?" Charlotte asked.
That was the last Christine heard before their voices were muffled.
Well, not exactly. She eventually heard some other sounds coming from that room.
Christine got back into bed and stared at the ceiling. There was something kind of lonely about this world, something a little hollow even amidst all the excitement.
She dreamt of him again that night. She dreamt that she held him in her arms, her fingers brushing against his pale chest. He apologized for being there. She told him that it was okay, that she wanted him.
In the morning, Christine finally picked up the phone. She pushed the button to dial, her heart pounding. The call went straight to voicemail. Only the automated lady spoke, telling her that she'd reached the correct number but giving no associated name.
"Hi," Christine said, her voice raspy. "Hi. This is, um, Christine Daae. I'm guessing you remember me. I was wondering if you, um, could give me a call. I want to talk to you. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you." She hung up. Her arm dropped to her side. Did I really do that?
Did she regret it? No. Definitely not.
She made sure that the volume of her phone's ringtone was high.
All she could do now was wait.
Alice tried to think through every fact she knew, everyone she knew of, every possibility. "Are you Daniel?" she finally asked. He was the only person who seemed twisted enough to act like this. Maybe he was running some terrible science experiment.
Ben blinked. "Daniel? Oh. That nerd? If I were him, I'd off myself."
Alice ignored his harshness, determined to not get in another stupid conversation with him. "Do you work for SCI?"
Ben didn't answer. Erik shot someone else in the game, sneaking up behind them to do so. He hit the soldier in the back of the head, sending a spray of blood into the air. "Good job!" Ben exclaimed, clapping his hands together twice. "Remarkable!"
"That is enough!" Alice jumped up, grabbed the controller from Erik, and turned off the game.
"Hey!" Ben angrily exclaimed and rose to his feet.
Erik only sat there, staring into space. His hands dropped into his lap. Alice tossed the controller on the floor and turned to Ben. "If you don't get out, I'm calling someone. I don't know who you are, but I don't think you're supposed to be here."
"Why don't you get out?" Ben asked, his face very near to hers. She could see into those cool blue eyes, and it was not a happy place. "You're boring everyone." Ben pushed past her. He dropped to his knees beside Erik. As Alice's mouth fell open, Ben reached out and put an arm around Erik's curved shoulders. "Erik and I are very good friends now. He doesn't need you. You're the one who doesn't belong."
Erik sat hunched over under the weight of Ben's arm. He stared at the floor.
While no one could get hurt here, Alice wasn't ready to physically remove Ben. There would be no pain, but there was still force and pressure. Ben was likely stronger than she was. He might end up pushing her out of the house and locking the door, trapping himself in there with Erik.
Alice headed into the kitchen. She expected Ben to try and stop her. He didn't. She made the call.
Thankfully, someone answered right away. "SCI patient emergency hotline. How may I help you?"
"Hi. This is Alice Hastings, and I have a…situation. One of the residents is harassing another. He's a new guy. His name is Ben, and I don't know much about him. He's harassing a resident named Erik."
"Could you please explain what you mean by harassing?" asked the woman on the other end. She sounded kind of bored.
"He's being…" Alice realized that she was going to sound stupid. The main problem with this situation was Erik's deteriorating condition. How was she supposed to explain all that? What if she got Erik into trouble by revealing his identity to an SCI employee who wasn't supposed to know about him?
"Hello?" asked the woman.
Alice decided to lie. "Ben is beating up on Erik. Bullying him. Taunting him. Pushing him around. That kind of thing. Maybe there's something wrong with Ben. You should look into him."
The woman sounded a little more interested. "Oh? Okay. Thank you for reporting this. We'll look into it immediately."
"Do you need more information?" Alice asked.
"No," the woman abruptly replied. "Thank you. We'll handle it."
"Please do," Alice replied. She hung up. Shaking her head, she went back into the living room. She suddenly stopped walking and shuddered at the scene occurring before her. Goose bumps ran up and down her arms.
Ben was still beside Erik, his arm draped around him. He was speaking into Erik's ear in a low voice. Alice quietly came closer to hear - "…and this isn't you. I know who you are. So do you, Erik. So wake up."
Erik stared forward, his eyes somehow appearing both blank and deranged at the same time. His mouth was drawn into a thin line. His hands were curled into fists.
"Wake up," Ben repeated. "There's a new game to play."
So much for not being physical. Alice ran over, bent down, and grabbed Ben by the right arm with both of her hands. She used all of her strength to pull him away from Erik. "Who the hell are you?!" she yelled. "Get out!"
She managed to yank Ben back by a couple of inches. Ben hopped to his feet and turned toward her, glaring. Alice froze. Ben sneered. "Sit down and shut up," he said. With both hands, he shoved her backwards – hard.
With a cry, Alice flew back. She ran into the couch and fell upon it. No pain. Only force. Only fear. She had to remind herself of these things as her heart pounded and the adrenaline flowed. It still took her a moment to recover.
Ben was beside Erik again, speaking to him. "If you wake up, we'll have fun. In here. Out there. We'll have fun, Erik. Because we can be masters of the game." Something glimmered in Ben's hand.
Alice gasped. Ben held a very sharp steak knife.
A day passed, and there was no phone call. What if that were no longer Nadir's number? It would make sense that, after everything, Nadir would seek privacy.
Christine tried to focus on her new life, as difficult as that was. "Where are we singing next?" she asked Tom. She had been growing a little impatient with the lull.
"We have a couple of events in Denver," he replied. "Some of those will be good for you. And, hey, that cookie becomes legal." He grinned. "I figured we needed a break. We do this sometimes. Hang out for a while without any performances. Figure out new songs, that kind of thing."
"I see," she said with slight disappointment.
But it didn't end up mattering that much. While they were riding in the van, late in the afternoon, her phone rang. She looked at the screen, and her heart jumped. Tom was sitting beside her, but she still answered. "Hello?"
"Yes. Christine? Is everything okay?" Nadir sounded alarmed, probably thinking she was in trouble. "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. The reception out here isn't great."
It was so good to hear his deep and pleasant voice. "Yes. I'm fine," she replied, gripping the phone. "I...I've been thinking these last few months. I want to know more. I feel like I only have half the story. I want to talk to you. About…him."
There was a long silence. Nadir finally replied, "Christine. You poor girl. Have you gotten some counseling?"
"Yes!" Before he could say anything, she continued, "Please don't treat me like everyone else. I just want someone to listen and talk to me. I think you're the only one who can kind of understand."
Nadir sighed. "I don't know. I think you need to move beyond this. What about Raoul? Have you tried talking to him?"
"I guess you don't read the gossip columns. Raoul and I broke up a long time ago. I've actually been touring with a band, singing a little bit."
"That sounds…fun."
"It is. It's helped a little bit. I love to sing. But I still can't forget. I need to know more."
"Christine, you need to move on and - "
"If you don't talk to me, I'm going to completely…go wild and crazy." Tom sharply looked at her, obviously amused. She sounded ridiculous on purpose, teasing Nadir, hoping he wouldn't see her as a broken person who needed to be protected. "I'm going to Denver. My friend, Tom, says that there are legal cookies in Colorado. I mean, legal cookies that aren't legal in other places. I'm sure I could get a lot of other stuff, too. Right, Tom?"
She held the phone up toward him. Tom blinked and then wryly joined in, "Yep. She's going to go completely crazy. Crack. Mushrooms. You name it, we've got it."
Smiling, Christine put the phone back up to her ear. "And I don't think that Tom is talking about mushrooms that go on pizza. I'm going to do other wild things, too. I might get a tattoo. Or a nose piercing. So help me before I do those things because I'm not very good with pain." Christine nervously waited, hoping this wouldn't completely backfire on her. And that Nadir hadn't hung up.
There was the longest pause. And then Nadir started laughing. He had a nice, warm, long laugh. "Oh, my," he said, out of breath. "You did spend too much time with him, didn't you?" Christine's heart ached at those words. There was affection in Nadir's tone, though, and she felt that she had made the right decision. "Are you seriously going to Colorado?"
"Yes. Why?"
"I'm staying in a cabin here."
"Really?"
"Yes," said Nadir. "And I'll talk to you, Christine. If you think that will help, I'll talk to you."
"Okay," Ben said, gripping the knife. "This was supposed to be a much slower process. Because of your Mommy over there, though, there isn't a whole lot of time. She's never going to leave us alone." He grabbed Erik's right hand. He forced the wooden handle of the knife into Erik's palm. Ben carefully wrapped Erik's fingers around it. Ben leaned back onto his knees. Erik held the knife in the air, staring at it. "Now come get me," said Ben, spreading his arms out at his sides. "It's just a game, you know? Another video game. Come get me."
Throughout all this, Alice watched, mesmerized with terror. Her mind desperately went through her options. Only one thing was certain – she had to get Erik out of here. They had to run away from this psychopath, whomever he was.
Erik's gaze darted between Ben and the knife.
Ben grunted and shoved Erik's shoulder. "I said come after me. Stab me, you little bitch!" Erik blinked twice. "Come on, you stupid little pussy. Come after me. I know you want to. You know who you are. So come on!"
Alice stood and hurried to stand behind Erik. "Erik, get up," she said, nearly choking on her own voice. She gently grabbed his shoulder, fully aware he was holding a weapon. No pain. No death. Only fear. "You have to get up. Get away from him! We need to leave. We're going to run!"
Ben ignored her and continued to speak to Erik, "I know what you did to those officers. I know what you were going to do to the legislature. Why'd you stop? And I know what you did to the little blonde slut. Did she scream for you in that pretty voice of hers? You have to at least remember that."
This had gone from creepy to utterly horrific.
"Erik, come with me!" screamed Alice. "Get up and come with me! Run! You have to run!"
In an eerily fluid motion, Ben stood. He came toward her. Before she could react, Ben pulled back his right arm and punched her hard in the left cheek, near her eye. It felt like someone had only tapped her on the face. The lights flashed. A crackle of static. There was a glitch in the room, as the System sensed unauthorized activity. Then Ben shoved her. She felt pressure against her chest, then pressure against her head and back as she flew into the wall.
The colors blurred. Alice was in shock, dizzy and disoriented, leaning back against the cold plaster.
A scream echoed in her ears – primal and enraged. Erik's scream.
Followed by Ben's laughter. Hysterical, uncontained laughter.
The world came back into focus. Alice felt her heart plunge as she stared downward.
Ben was lying flat on his back. Erik was crouched on top of Ben's stomach, one hand gripping Ben's lower neck and the other hand holding the knife tightly against his throat. The lights blinked, and the sound of crackling continued. There was a shift to the colors, a dullness. The shadows were off center. The knife penetrated Ben's flesh, but there was no blood. The blade went through his skin like butter, like a hologram through reality.
Erik snarled in frustration.
Ben laughed and laughed.
"Do you think you'll come back?" asked Tom. It was the day after she had talked to Nadir. Tom stood in her motel room, where she had stayed overnight with the band for the final time.
"I don't know," she admitted. "Can I?"
"Of course," he replied. "You're always welcome." Yet Christine had the feeling that her time with them had come to an end. Maybe that was why Tom gently added, "And if not, let me know if you want some connections into the industry. I can definitely help you out there."
She smiled. "Thanks. That helps a lot. I do want to keep singing."
"You should. You have to." Tom watched her fold a shirt. "Do you care if I ask where you're going?"
"Uh. To talk to someone who might be able to give me more answers about some things. Sorry that's kind of vague, but it's all I can say right now."
"No problem."
She folded a pair of pants. "I've felt bad about so many things," she said. "I've felt like no one understands, like I'm weird and crazy." Christine looked up at him. "It kind of clicked on stage, right before our duet, when you said that the audience didn't care about me. At first, that seemed offensive. But then I realized – it's actually great. Who cares if people don't understand? Why should I let a bunch of people who don't know me, who don't care about me, affect my life?"
"Exactly," said Tom with a nod. "I'm glad you've learned a lesson in not giving a damn."
"Yes," she said. "I don't know what will happen next. But I finally feel…authentic, I guess."
Tom smiled. "That's all you can be." He looked a little confused.
She walked over and gave him a hug. "Thanks for everything!"
He slowly hugged her back. "Christine Daae. I don't think I've ever met someone with so many secrets."
"I have," she said into his ear.
He chuckled. "I bet you have." She pulled back and released him. "You take care of yourself. I don't want to see you in the news again for anything besides singing." Tom had a funny expression. Maybe he knew more than she thought he did. Maybe her intentions were written all over her face.
"I'll be fine," she said and wasn't sure if that was the truth. "You take care, too, Tom."
He gave her a little wave, a last glance, and then he left.
Erik's face was twisted into a scowl out of hell, as though he were a blend of his two selves. He was breathing hard but making no sound. One hand had moved to grip Ben by the hair. He continued to slice the knife into Ben's neck to no avail.
Ben was completely delighted by the fact that Erik was unsuccessfully trying to murder him. "There you go, Erik!" he shouted. "There you go! I knew you were in there! I knew it! Wake up!"
Alice felt utterly sick. A part of her brain was telling her to run, to get far away from these two very damaged people. Yet she was too involved now. She was the only sanity in that room.
"Erik," Alice pled. She knelt at about a foot away from them. "Stop! Please stop! Run with me." She dared to grab his shoulder. "Erik! Please." She felt the tears on her cheeks and in her voice. "Erik, we have to go! Stop it! It's not even doing anything! You can't do that here."
Erik froze. He turned to stare at her, still scowling, his narrowed eyes resembling those of a predator. Ben yelled, "No, don't listen to her! Keep going! Keep going, you ugly motherfucker!"
"Erik, stop!" she yelled, trying to drown out Ben.
"Do it, Erik! Do it!"
And then - Ben disappeared from beneath him. Ben vanished as though he'd never been there at all.
For a moment, Alice feared that Erik would disappear, too.
He didn't, though. He looked back at where Ben had lain. Erik blinked, obviously startled. He dropped the knife, and it hit the carpet with a soft thud. He fell backwards and scooted away with a bewildered expression on his face. He looked at his hands, probably searching for blood, but there was none.
"It's all right," Alice whispered, slowly crawling closer. "It's all right, Erik. He's gone now." God forbid he ever comes back. If he does, I will sue the damned company for emotional distress.
Erik lowered his whole body onto the floor, lying down on his side. He brought his knees up to his chest, curling into a fetal position. Alice touched his arm. Erik flinched. He folded his arms up near his heart and crossed his wrists, making himself as small as possible.
She didn't know what to say. She didn't even know which Erik she was speaking to, if either of them.
Erik softly spoke, his voice dull, "He wanted me to cut him. But nothing cuts here."
"I know," said Alice. "He was crazy. Something was very wrong with him."
But it wasn't Ben's insanity that concerned Erik. "There was no way out of here," he muttered. "Nothing cuts. Or bleeds. And there is no way out. But why did he get out? Why did he go? And I cannot? Because nothing bleeds. Nothing ever bleeds…"
Alice closed her eyes as his words and their meaning sunk in. She found calm. And then asked, with no trace of judgment, "Erik, have you been trying to harm yourself?"
He did not respond. All his muscles seemed to unwind at once, and he lay limply on the floor.
She wanted to comfort him. But it suddenly occurred to Alice that she needed to preserve her memories as quickly as possible, before they were stolen. She was lucky to still have them now. Alice took out her phone and called Corey. She left a message, telling him everything that she could as quickly as possible. After she hung up, Alice wrote down the events of that night into a spiral notebook, adding as many details as she could remember.
Maybe SCI would find a way to erase all of her work, but at least she had tried.
She stayed awake all night. Erik remained on the floor, curled up in a ball, likely willing himself into nonexistence. She ached for him. But she did not know what to say.
Corey arrived early the next afternoon, knocking at the door after she had locked all of them. Alice opened it and blinked in the sunlight. She threw her arms around his neck and sobbed, finally able to lose it, even though she barely remembered why she was so upset.
She saw Charlotte one last time.
Christine was meeting a cab outside the motel, which would take her to the bus station. Nadir had helped her plan her transportation route. He would eventually pick her up at another bus stop.
With her belongings in tow, Christine went out to the parking lot to wait. It had rained the night before, and the air was still misty. Clouds hung low overhead, but it was still warmer outside than she had expected it to be. Christine removed her heavy jacket. As she was stuffing it inside her suitcase, she noticed Charlotte standing outside the van. Her arms were crossed. Christine was planning to completely ignore her.
"Couldn't handle it all?" Charlotte asked, loudly.
Christine rolled her eyes and turned. "I could handle it just fine," she replied. "I have something else that I need to do."
Charlotte smirked. "Sure you do."
"Isn't this what you want?" Christine asked. "Me gone? Isn't this your perfect ending? Why do you care what I'm doing?"
Charlotte wrinkled her nose. "I don't care what you do. I think it's kind of pathetic that you're leaving."
"Oh my God!" Christine exclaimed, shaking her head, nearly amused. "Do you like having me here so that you can be mean to someone? Is that it?" Charlotte's eyes narrowed, and she scowled. "I don't get what your problem is," Christine continued. "I don't even care. But you're obviously really unhappy."
"Get the fuck out of here!" Charlotte snapped.
"I am!" Christine exclaimed. "Maybe you should, too. Tom obviously isn't making you happy. The band isn't. None of this is. So why are you here?"
Charlotte took several angry steps toward her. There was a large crack in the parking lot asphalt, and she tripped on it. Charlotte stumbled and fell onto her hands and knees, right into a large puddle. Her black boots and tight dark blue jeans were soaked. She released a cry of anger and stared down at her bleeding palms.
Christine looked down at her with pity. "I have seen so much misery," she stated. "I've seen people trapped in it. My own mother killed herself. I found her first…And someone else that I knew – he couldn't see any way out." Charlotte stared at the ground, jaw clenched. "I've been kind of miserable, too. And I'm going to try to fix that now. Life's too short…" Christine swallowed. "Stop being a miserable person before you have nothing left, before you're alone. Have a nice life. And I honestly mean that."
Her cab arrived. Christine quickly climbed inside as the driver helped with her suitcase. She glanced out the window once before they drove away. She was pretty sure that Charlotte was crying.
With a sigh, Christine put on her headphones and leaned back into the seat. Her travels went by quickly. The scenery was pretty but unchanging. Prairie with snowcapped mountains in the distance. Then there were more hills and conifer trees. She managed to feel both nervous and relieved. Listening to music, a medley of both modern pop and classics, helped calm her. Music was always an old friend.
At her final stop, she climbed off the bus with her luggage, softly thanking the driver. She waited about five minutes. It was colder here at a higher elevation.
A silver car pulled up. She hesitated. But then she could see him in the window. Nadir parked against the curb. He climbed out, and she approached him. "Hello, Christine," he said, a little awkwardly.
"Hi, Nadir." She smiled and, after a pause, gave him a hug. He seemed surprised but slowly and loosely embraced her.
She didn't ask any questions during their drive, merely appreciating it for what it was - a quiet period of time spent with someone who might somewhat understand.