With two feet firmly planted on the ship's deck Rhett gazed towards the place where the grey waters touched the equally grey sky. He could feel the waves of the ocean rocking the steamliner as if it was a dingy caught in the waves of a violent sea. Not many people were on deck and even the ones that were, held onto the rail for safety but Rhett Butler -with his imposing stature and experience with the dangerous waters of the world -managed to keep himself on his two feet without any added help.
He loved this; he loved to feel the wind blow his carefully coifed hair to a mess, to feel the biting sea air in his face, to taste the salt of the ocean on his lips. Right from childhood he had always loved the sea and traipsing down Charleston's harbour had been a welcoming respite from his father's harsh and restrictive upbringing. It was in the harbour he learned the more valuable lessons in life; how to make friends, how to deal with other men's scorn, how to play and excel at a game of poker and, most importantly, how to charm the ladies. He bared his teeth for a moment.
And it was the sea that had taught him how to conquer his own fears; not much fazed him these days. Nothing but losing the love of the only woman he had ever truly cared about.
Something inside him – a basic instinct that was lost to most people – made him turn his head just in time to see Scarlett walk on deck. His eyes turned soft for a moment when he witnessed how her tiny frame struggled against the winds that were especially brutal today but he still did not rush over to her in order to protect her from the forces of nature with his large frame. She would not have appreciated it and he knew that her resolve had made her conquer nature in the past so he was not in the least worried about her now. When she came closer and he witnessed her face he could tell that she still felt as poorly as she had done this morning. Her lovely complexion carried a shade of green and her eyes did not show their usual sparkle. Rhett had hoped that his wife would be able to share his love for the sea but he should have know that a woman that put so much value on the earth's red clay would never value the secrets of the 'Le Grand Bleu'. Though part of him wondered how she would have felt about this trip under different circumstances.
He could not ponder much longer because as soon as his wife came within speaking distance she demanded his full attention.
'God's Nightgown, Rhett! Why have you chosen to come out on a day like today, have you not noticed that all the other passengers have gone inside? They are serving cocktails in the Blue Lounge; I think you owe it to me to accompany me there.'
'Oh, and why would that be, Scarlett, darling. It was not my fault you weren't up to dancing last night.'
'No, maybe not, but as my husband it is your duty to make it up to me nonetheless,' she said coquettishly.
He let his head fall backwards and laughed heartily, giving the wind free range with his smooth black locks. Scarlett stared at him; he looked so at ease on this ship, she could tell that he was happy, truly happy and she could not remember a time he had looked more handsome than he did today. That reminded her that they had not had much opportunity to test the bed in the cabin they had been assigned. Most of the time she had been either too seasick or too tired to enjoy the nights with her husband outside the welcoming comfort that sleeping in his arms always provided. And with Wade and Prissy always present with them during the daytime, they had little opportunity to frolic during the hours of daylight.
She did not feel so well today either; she silently cursed the fact that the ocean seemed to turn her into the kind of weak woman she had always resented. But the chaste co-existence with Rhett was starting to be a strain on her just the same. The last time they had shared a passionate night had been at Tara, but the loss of her father had still weighed heavy on her mind then and Rhett had been very gentle with her, providing her with the kind of comfort that she remembered so well from the days in Strawbridge when her heart had needed healing too. It had been very pleasant but her body secretly started yearning for the more brazen nights she had shared with him in the past; the day of his homecoming in particular. She wondered for a moment if it was wrong for her to feel such lecherous longing for her own husband but then pushed her feelings of shame quickly aside; nobody really knew what went on in her bedroom and the only person that did, encouraged this sort of behaviour, in fact, he had told her point blank that he enjoyed this side of her tremendously.
Scarlett was unaware of the fact that all her thoughts were clearly written on her face but Rhett marvelled in them just the same. He pushed the hair out of his face and came to stand closer to her whispering loud enough to be heard over the howling wind.
'Let's see what Wade is up to, maybe he is playing in his own room and we should make the most of that, honey.' Scarlett's eyes twinkled and he did not need any further encouragement.
As soon as they stepped into the hallway where their cabins were situated they ran into Wade and Prissy who seemed to be on their way out.
'Oh, Captain Butler, I was just coming to look for you. There is a children's activity taking place this afternoon and Young Mister Wade so would like to join in. If that is alright with you, Sir,' Prissy added uncertainly. Over the past weeks she had come to value Captain Butler as a gentle master – something that belied her initial impression of him – but she still felt uncertain in his presence. Even more so now that Miss Scarlett seemed to have returned to her former ways, feeling poorly and all.
'Is that true, Wade, would you like to join the other children?' Rhett inquired, knowing full well that Wade had been feeling uncomfortable joining into the children's fun before this day.
'Oh yes, I would, Uncle Rhett, they will be doing all sorts of games and the son of Dr. Bushnell came to my room this morning to invite me over and, I, well, Sir, if… if y..you don't mind, I wou.. Would like to…' he started stuttering, much to Scarlett's dismay. She was about to correct him but Rhett suddenly let go of her arm and knelt down so that he could talk to Wade on eye-level.
'That is perfectly alright with me, Wade. Would you like your mother or me to accompany you, son?' he asked gently and much to Scarlett's aggravation. Had he forgotten already that she had wanted some one on one time with him too?
But her irritation was quickly forgotten when Prissy assured him that she would be glad to keep Wade company; Prissy looked forward to exploring a different area on the boat; so far she had not seen much more than their cabin and the area's that were assigned to the servants. Scarlett admonished her not to get lost on the large ship but Rhett quickly intercepted by saying that Wade was an excellent navigator as a son of a Confederate soldier befitted.
Wade left them with a proud grin on his face and Scarlett entered their cabin shaking her head. How Rhett always knew how to encourage that boy was something she had never counted on when marrying him; it was a welcome extra nonetheless. As soon as she heard him close the door behind him she rushed over to him, not even giving him time to take off his overcoat before she started kissing him feverishly.
Rhett responded with equal zealousness and when she started shaking in his arms he chuckled thinking how he still was able to kiss his wife near fainting. However, soon he realised that it was not so much his kisses but her condition that had made her tremble so much and he quickly guided a mortified Scarlett to lie down on the bed while he retrieved the chamber pot as a precaution. He held her hand and after a while her breathing became more evenly. He sighed with relief while he took in her figure. Her belly did not show any real signs yet, but he could tell from the way her dress was clinging on to her chest that her body was gradually changing. He had waited patiently for her to tell him the happy news, as he would have expected a wife to but if he calculated things right she must be almost three months along and he thought it was time she saw a doctor and with one on board she could just as well see one here. He knew that Scarlett was strong and so he did not really concern himself too much about her condition but he hoped that the doctor could prescribe something against her ongoing nausea.
In order to do so he needed to have a talk with his wife, who had decided to keep her happy circumstances a secret from him so far, something that he had found endearing yet annoying at times. She should know that he wanted to be there for her from day one and certainly she must be aware by now that he welcomed such news with open arms.
'Well, dear, don't you think it is about time you let me know the reason for these ongoing bouts of nausea?' he murmured gently, patting her hand at the same time.
Scarlett let out a gurgling sigh before she answered.
'You know why, Rhett, it is this awful sea that you seem to love so much. If I would have known how violently ill it would make me I would have never agreed to company you to London!'
Irritation flickered over Rhett's features before he quickly smoothed them over with a more neutral look.
'Scarlett, I am not really aware of the proper behaviour between man and wife under such circumstances but I am sure that most husbands get some duly notice to prepare themselves for the happy occasion.'
'Rhett, you are talking in riddles. Can you, just for once, tell me in normal terms what is on your mind?' Rhett squinted his eyes, taking in her face, looking for any trace of mockery or even embarrassment but it seemed that his wife really had no clue what he was talking about.'
'Alright, my pet, then I guess I have to address this subject myself. Though I would not know why; I heard that wives are usually thrilled to inform their husbands of such happy occasions.' He took a deep breath. 'When do you think you are due, my dear? My guess is by the end of March but I am sure you are more experienced in making these kinds of predictions.'
'Due?' she replied dumbly before it seemed to hit her what he was talking about. It was extremely entertaining to witness the realisation on her face; it was obvious to Rhett that her coyness about the subject had not been an act, somehow she had not realised that she had been with child for a few months already. He was about to sooth the shock she experienced with a warm hug and a few friendly words when he noticed her face turn into a look of furious anger. Feeling ill at ease suddenly he shifted a bit further away from her on the bed.
'A child? I am going to have another child?' she cried, the sounds of her voice not altogether the one of joy that he had hoped for.
'But how… Why… Oh!' Rhett lifted his eyebrows, not certain if he should laugh or not at her ridiculous utterances.
'Surely you must have taken this option into account, Scarlett?' he said gently although his voice was thick with repressed emotion. He felt overjoyed at the prospect of being a father to a child that had his and Scarlett's blood running through its veins and he found it hard to witness her lack of enthusiasm.
'Yes, well, I know we didn't always… I mean, those last times we… But I never thought it would come to this.'
'But Scarlett, surely, being a mother already, you knew there was every chance of this happening.'
'No, I didn't, not really,' she muttered before she gave him a sharp look. 'You wanted this, didn't you?' She sat up and spoke more firmly. 'You wanted this to happen, despite all that talk about us not needing any children, about not wanting them just like I did not want them, you wanted this all along. You wanted to tie me to the house just like any other man and the best way to do so was by getting me into a fix.'
Her voice sounded cold and harsh and for a moment Rhett had a hard time picturing her as the woman that had declared her love for him so passionately months before. Surely, being in love with him as much as she said she was, having a child with him could not be so bad? Or was she just frightened by past experiences? As he had realised before; having Wade at such a young age and facing the fact that she was going to have to raise him by herself, must have been a terrifying prospect, even for a woman as courageous as his Scarlett was.
'Darling,' he managed to say calmly. 'I never claimed to you that I did not want any children, I was merely respecting your wishes and when you stopped using the contraceptive I assumed that you had changed your mind about that. I know you are scared now, but there is really no need, I…'
'Yes, you did,' she cut in, 'you told me you did not want children either because they would interrupt our love life and…'
Rhett felt his own anger rising but forced himself to stay in control of the situation.
'I was merely joking about that, Scarlett, and I remember telling you in the same conversation that I do like children. Babies to be precise and I am sure that if you calm down and think about it, having a child with me will not be as hard or as difficult as having your first child was. In fact, if you love me the way you say you do, I think you will grow to love this child more than you ever imagined possible.'
'And who made you the expert in such matters, Rhett?' she retorted heatedly. 'It is not as if you have ever been a father…' As soon as she had uttered those words she clasped her mouth in shock, realising something she had almost forgotten. Rhett did have a child. With the woman he lived together with in California. Clover something. They had become very close over the last few months but it still had not made him willing to reveal this secret from his past. Scarlett felt utterly confused. About the child she was carrying at the moment but also about Rhett's obvious joy over her pregnancy. She had truly believed that Wade would be their only child and even though she felt foolish now about not realising the consequences that sharing a bed with Rhett with no added precautions would have she still had a hard time getting her head around it. She could not really tell what she felt but she wanted to blame somebody and Rhett was the obvious choice for fulfilling that role.
Rhett frowned when he witnessed the look on her face; she had clearly stumbled upon something. Was it the realisation that he would not make such a bad father if she took his treatment of Wade as an example? He was stunned to silence when she spoke again.
'Let me correct that, Rhett, you have been a father, at least once before, but I suppose you have no idea where that child is now, have you Rhett?' She felt unexplainable satisfaction when she witnessed that she had managed to not only reduce her husband to silence but also had managed to shock him deeply if the pallor of his skin was any indication.
'And that fact is supposed to put me at ease? Who says you won't run from this child either, Rhett? What guarantee do I have that you will be around to see this child turn one year old at least?' The look he gave her made her realise instantly that she had gone too far and for a moment she was certain that he would come at her and strangle the life right out of her.
'If you were a man I would break your neck for that, Scarlett,' he said instead, in a thick raspy voice, before he threw open the door and barged out, leaving Scarlett behind shivering on the bed, both from the cold wind that had swept into the room and the cold fear that she suddenly felt in her heart.
'Well, we wouldn't be in this mess if it was not for him,' she muttered softly to herself but even when she said the words out loud she knew they were lies. Yes, he had not urged her to use the equipment as diligently as she had done in Strawbridge but then things had changed so much since those days. They were secure of each other's love now – Scarlett glanced at the now closed door, praying that that assumption was still true – and they had more security in their life now, great wealth even if they made it to England safely. In Rhett's mind the obstacles for having more children must have been erased. And he had said this evening that he liked children, babies even. Of course that fact should not have surprised her so much, knowing how much he doted on Wade and even Beau. He even told her that he had informed her of this fact before.
She moved in front of the slight dressing mirror that hung on the inside of their door. Rhett had loosened her clothing somewhat so that she could breathe more easily when feeling ill. But she smoothed the fabric that covered her belly and with one hand behind her back she gathered most of the cloth so that the front stretched over her belly. It was hard to tell if a child was indeed growing under her heart but her breasts had been fuller lately and the ongoing nausea was certainly a sign that could not be ignored. A pregnancy also would explain the faint blush that had naturally appeared on her face lately.
Suddenly she remembered holding little Billy that one time when they had only recently learned of Pieter's demise. She remembered how she had dreamt about holding a dark haired little boy at the time. A dark haired little boy with Rhett's dark mischievous eyes. Suddenly excitement took control of her. Yes, having another child terrified her; the inevitable growth of her belly was guaranteed to make her feel ugly and unhappy; the sharp pains of giving birth were something else she had not forgotten and she definitely dreaded the sleepless nights and straining hours that a crying baby would make her go through but what a wonder it would be; a child that possessed Rhett's striking good looks and both their characters combined. This would not be a weak little child, no; this little boy would be dapper. If he resembled his father at all, he would make her anger turn into laughter with just a little twinkle in those naughty glimmering eyes.
Another memory flashed by; it was a hazy memory, since she had been quite intoxicated at the time but she was sitting in a restaurant and Rhett was nearby staring down at her with something that she recognized as a loving look now while he told her that he thought she must have been beautiful carrying Wade. Oh, despite both their track records she just knew that this time would be different for both of them. Because this time Rhett was ready to be a father and while she was not exactly ready to be a mother again herself, she knew that at least this time she did not have to go through the whole ordeal by herself. And, who knows, maybe she would fall in love with this child in the same way she had fallen in love with its father. No, not in the same way she had fallen in love with Rhett. God, it had taken her forever to recognize those feelings. No, if the little boy was as handsome as she thought it was going to be she would love it instantly.
Scarlett got up from the bed and wrapped her little cape around her, fully intent on looking for her husband – being on a boat had its advantages; Rhett could not have gone far – but as soon as she swung the door open she came into collision with his wide firm chest. He gripped her quickly to stop her from falling backwards and as soon as their eyes locked they started speaking at the same time, uttering words of regret. Then they both fell quiet, smiling at each other before Rhett pulled Scarlett in his arms for a hug that rendered all words unnecessary.