Hello. Back with a new chapter if anyone still cares on this site. There's only like two or three chapters ahead of us now. I think. I'm going to end this story as soon as they reach Terminus. Boom.
And this chapter is also very shippy again.
Double boom.
Absolution
Chapter 37 - Rails
"Well, what te fuck does it say?" Murphy said, as he looked impatiently at his brother, who was reading the sign someone had nailed to a post by the railroad. It wasn't like he couldn't read it at all, it was just that some letters were scrambled, didn't look right, that he still had a hard time really reading them because of his brain injury. He looked at Connor, who was just staring at the sign a little while longer, reading the words with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Sanctuary fer all. Community fer all. Those who arrive survive" his brother read, still staring at the sign, smoking one of the cigarettes from the pack Daryl had brought him from the store earlier this morning. Murphy turned his head a little to look at Samantha curiously, who was looking at the sign as well. "'s tha what ye saw?" he asked her and she nodded, adjusting her daughter's weight.
"Cos we ain't survivin without getting there anyway. Don't need to arrive nowhere t'survive" Daryl said, commenting on the sign, and Connor snorted.
Murphy shot him a little glare, silently thinking something that Daryl could read in his eyes even without his lookalike saying it out loud.
I thought we were gonna get Connor to go there and stop him from freakin out even more. Don't fuck this up.
"Just sayin. Could've phrased that one better, 's all" he muttered, giving Murphy a little nod to make him understand that he was still on his side, then he turned his head a little to look at Connor, who was still looking at the sign and map, smoking cigarette in his mouth.
"At least they sound like they're friendlies" Samantha said, coming closer to look at the map once again, too.
"Yeah, maybe a bit too friendly" Connor muttered, scratching his chin.
Murphy rolled his eyes.
"Jaysus focken Christ, don't even start. Always with yer fuckin paranoia. 's damn fuckin better than yer Wild West idea."
Connor stopped looking at the map and leaned back up again, so he could turn around and look at his brother. He took another drag on his cigarette and the walked towards Murphy to give him a gentle affectionate slap to his cheek, only to keep walking to pass him and start walking in the direction of where Terminus was marked on the map. Murphy snorted when he felt the affectionate slap, laughed a little and leaned away.
"Relax fuckhead, I didn' say that we wasn't gonna go there" Connor said and Murphy chuckled a breathy little "Fuck ye. Get off" the moment he felt his brother's hand on his cheek. "I was just trying ta say that we should be careful and check te place out first before we make any final calls. Me so called paranoia 's what kept me arse alive. And yers by the way, before shit hit te fan."
"Yeahhh yeahh" Murphy said lazily and started following Connor, giving Samantha an annoyed eyeroll as he imitated Connor's talking behind his back, which made the woman laugh. Daryl smirked a little and shook his head as he quickly but discretely passed them so he could walk next to Connor instead.
"If I get this right, map made it look like they've been putting up these signs all over 'round here" he said, trying to use it as conversation starter with his friend.
"Aye."
Daryl nodded, looking back for a moment, to catch another glimpse of the sign in the distance.
"Someone must've seen at least one of 'em when they left Woodbury" he muttered, which made Connor turn his head and look at him. "So we gotta go there anyway, look for the others" Daryl said, shrugging a little, watching Connor smoke once more. Connor swallowed and nodded, giving Daryl a faint smile. "Aye" he said once more, lovingly taking a drag on his cigarette, only to cough a little and point ahead.
"Of course we're gonna go there no matter what. I just meant ta say that we just shouldn't go in there all fuckin naïve believing in shit just cos some people put up some signs. I mean, 's just a bit stupid I think. These days, why the fuck would ye put up signs leading ta yer base, when there's scumbags all fuckin around ye. We're either dealing with some very stupid people, or with some very fucken smart people. And we should consider that on our way there."
Daryl turned his head a little to look at his friend once more, watched him smoke the cigarette and overthink, then he let out a little sigh and stared down at the rail tracks.
"There's still some good people 'round, 'y'know. People like us."
Connor snorted.
"Is there then. Te last time I checked, a whole town got fuckin slaughtered by people from the outside. Just ta name a few…a fella named te Governor…that one Terry fella..oh, and those people who had a thing fer decapitating others. Being too careful can't do us any harm now, can it. 'm just thinking ahead fer te worst case scenario."
"Yeah? 'n how 'bout yah turn 'round and look behind yah, dumbass, while yah at it" Daryl growled and nudged Connor a little. When the Irishman turned his head a little he could see his brother and Samantha laughing whole heartedly about some story the younger MacManus was telling her in this very moment, their faces all lit up with bright smiles. Even the little girl in Samantha's arms was giggling, which only seemed to make Murphy's laughing worse.
"There's some lady and a kid right behind yah, and they're only alive cos of yah and your bro" Daryl muttered and Connor turned his head again to look straight ahead, taking a final long drag on his cigarette once more. "So there's four good people round yah right now. Ain't that reason enough t'get a lil perspective? Maybe yah just gotta believe, right" Daryl said and nudged Connor once more, which made the Irishman chuckle and hit him back with a quiet "Fuck you."
It was quiet between them for a moment, then Connor let out a little sigh, giving Daryl a tired smile.
"Since when did te sun start shinin outta yer ass. I don' remember ye bein all Dr Hippy."
Daryl turned his head and looked at Connor mutely, right then and there. It took Connor a while, but he eventually turned his head, too, waiting for an answer.
"Y'know.." Daryl muttered and quickly looked straight ahead, which made Connor frown.
"What?"
Daryl muttered something inaudible, which made Connor give him a sarcastic "Oh right, I get it" as answer, still waiting for a proper reply.
Daryl looked at his friend for a while, and although he was still a bit embarrassed, he wouldn't look away as he spoke it out, with a little shrug.
"Well maybe some Irish douchebag managed t'shrink my head with all his yappin" he said quietly, looking down.
Since I met you, man.
The look on Connor's face softened for a moment, affection and gratefulness obvious , and maybe just for a moment he thought about chuckling like a girl and leaning in to kiss his friend, to embrace and celebrate their new much more honest relationship, but he wouldn't do it. Because there were three other people right behind them, because the internalized homophobia might have vanished, but the external one was still there.
"I know right, Murph gets inta yer head te little fucker" he just said, smirking, looking away.
Daryl snorted and shook his head, looking away, too, and maybe he was a bit disappointed that Connor wouldn't answer with any honest words of appreciation or thanks, when he'd been so open with his own. "Pfff" Daryl just muttered and shook his head, turning it a little to look down.
He knew that Connor was just trying to play tough and block everything again, and it was their usual way of interacting with each other. It was like ping-pong. Daryl knew that he was supposed to change topic now, pretend that everything had been said and that everything else was going to be awkward otherwise, but when he heard Murphy and Samantha laugh yet again, when he saw their happiness, saw Murphy's face and remembered their talk from earlier today, he decided to fuck that usual bullshit.
"Speaking of Murph, I saw him steal tha shirt, and now he's pretending he's ye. Did ye see that shit?" Connor asked, chuckling a little as he was obviously already jumping on that business as usual train, changing topic, but Daryl was having none of it.
"Look, how 'bout we stop this fuckery 'n get real this time, leprechaun" he simply said, and maybe he did sound a bit annoyed. "Me 'n your bro, we know yah damn well. And we both know that yah acting weird ever since we found you after Woodbury."
Connor just huffed a little again and avoided Daryl's stare.
"Well, if we gotta get real, maybe I gotta tell ye one more fuckin time that I'm fuckin fine" Connor snarled angrily, immediately looking anywhere but at Daryl.
"Oh yeah, really, then how come yah always act all fuckin cool and change topic every time we mention that yah acting like a goddamned psycho lately."
Connor snorted.
"So what do ye want me ta fuckin do then, cry in yer shoulder like a fuckin pussy? Sorry, but I got other shit ta do. Survivin fer example. And getting our asses…" Connor said, but Daryl started talking mid sentence, too, making them talk almost past each other.
"Yeah well, it ain't like yah ain't done that shit before, remember the farm huh? And yeah, maybe yah gotta do just that cos yah creepin us out. Even the girl back there got that psycho vibe right from the off."
"Fuck you. This isn't some fuckin chick flick anymore. And I'm not fuckin gonna break inta tears or some shit just cos some random motherfuckers poked me with a stick a little!" Connor whisper-shouted furiously, his eyes wide and almost a bit insane in his harsh act of trying to defend himself. Daryl fell quiet for a moment and just looked at his friend, then he shook his head and looked away.
"No, yah just gotta go on some weirdass murder-spree instead. Killing people like…"
"…someone trying ta fucking protect his brother, best friend and a woman and her fuckin kid from some psycho-ass old fuck?!" Connor snapped, louder this time, face red already. Then they both fell quiet, for a while. Daryl could see that his friend was shaking. Maybe because of the boiling anger inside him, maybe from all the excitement, maybe because of something else entirely.
Daryl rubbed the bridge of his nose and let out a tired sigh, angry with himself and just plain exhausted because an otherwise rather sweet moment between them had been destroyed just like that again. He hated how stressful their relationship still was, hated how it was so obvious that there was something going on with Connor, hated how…
"I just couldn' fuckin do anything, alright" Connor suddenly said, which made Daryl look at him in surprise. Connor was staring straight ahead, almost stoically, walking ahead, eyes fixed on their future target. But he was still talking. "There were three times in me fuckin life where people handcuffed me, ta make me watch them kill others. An two outta those three times, my friends got killed. Right in front of me. And I couldn't do anything" Connor went on, quickly searching his pockets to grab and light another cigarette with shaky fingers.
"And with Murph back 'n Boston" he said, turning his head a little to shoot a look at his laughing and chatting brother, who was so oblivious to the current topic that was being discussed by his brother and his friend. "Fuck, that was practically like I was restrained, too. When he got bit and I was standing there watchin that happen and I couldn't do anything because of te distance between us…And then I got fucken sick, this Terry fucker tried ta kill Murph and told me about it, and then Hershel… I'm just getting so fucking tired of this shit. Evil fucks hurting and killin good people all te time when 'm not in control. I'm fucking sick of it."
He swallowed a bit and looked Daryl straight in the eye then, after a moment of getting himself back together. "Y'wanna know what they did?" he said, still staring. Daryl nodded a little.
"That woman took a long sharp knife like yers, grabbed Hershel by his head, pulled him back, cut his carotid first, then his throat, and then she kept fuckin cutting, alright?" Connor said, which made Daryl press his lips together as he closed his eyes for a moment. "Te bitch cut his head off, let him bleed out in fronta me and on me, and then they left me. There was a moment on my way there, where they kept me, when I could've killed her. But because of my stupid 'no women' rule from before this shit, she got ta live and she got ta go ahead and killed Hershel. They just beat me, cut me, and strangled me a little. Te usual shit, it was actually quite boring, so that's not te fuckin point" Connor went on, matter of factly, almost calmly explaining the scenery, what had happened.
When he saw that Daryl wanted to say something, he quickly kept talking.
"It's just te dying friends part that is pissing me off. A whole fuckin lot. And maybe I'm so sick of it that I finally decided ta go right fucking ahead."
Connor took another quick drag on his cigarette, only to spit on the ground, still shaking a bit.
"The old fuck?" he said, half growling, half snorting once. " He's te best example. It doesn't matter if he was just old and demented and crazy or that maybe he might not have pulled it through or what fucking ever. He was a fuckin threat and I eliminated it. No more talking and bargaining and no more forgiveness. Just a fucking blow ta his head and it's all done with. And now he's dead and we're all alive and happy and that's te way it should be. I mean, I didn't kill 'im ta feel strong or in control or shit like that. This isn't about me going psycho or killing fer te sake of killing. I'm doing this because I had like…call it a fuckin epiphany if ye must, when they killed Hershel and shot up te others. There's only one way ta not let this happen again. Not ta you, not ta Murph" he said, looking at Daryl with a determined look on his face.
"And that way is ta finally screw the old fucking rules and moral codes from now on. Boston is not gonna happen again. And Woodbury is not gonna happen again. Never fucking again. And if that means that I gotta kill someone without remorse, then I'm gonna fuckin do it in a heartbeat now. And trust me, I got my shit together now more than I ever have ever since shit hit te fan."
"Do you?" Daryl asked, just staring, not really able to say anything after that. He just watched Connor smoke and nod, and after having brought the cigarette to his mouth for another time and lowering it again, Connor spoke once more, breathing out the smoke with his first word, once again nodding.
"Yeah. I mean, fuck, I understand that this looks and sounds psycho, and I get that yer worried. But believe me, I still know what's fuckin right and wrong. I understand that Murph did what he had ta do, when he ran inside that house ta help this woman and her child. I know that it is right and that this is what we should do as human beings. It's not like I'm gonna go out there and just start killing random people fer kicks, don't be fuckin stupid. I never did and never will" he said and looked at Daryl once again.
"But I'm telling ye right now, if it's our survival or some old rules and humanity, I'm gonna fuckin choose our survival. I will kill people and I will let people get killed if our or our friends' lives are at stake. Anything else is just not fuckin worth losing yer friends and loved ones fer. And if ye and Murph don't get that, then I'm sorry, but I just don't fucking care cos I'm gonna keep going like that from now on. This isn't about winning the fuckin nobel prize or dying like some fucking superhero. It's about survival and keepin yer fuckin family safe now."
"Just don't wanna wake up one day facing the muzzle of yah gun" Daryl growled, a bit angrily because he still worried, maybe now more than ever. He understood where Connor was coming from, but he still worried.
"Shut it, don't be ridiculous. I told ye, 'm not a murderous psycho, alright. There's still a clear black and white here" Connor answered, shooting Daryl an offended glare. They fell quiet for a while then once more, until the Irishman spoke up for a final time, softer this time. "Can we please stop talkin about this shit now 'n relax? I don' wanna keep fuckin arguing with ye all te time. 's over and done with. I wanna get past this shit. Let's just get ta Terminus and start over, okay?"
Daryl looked at his friend, studied his face a little, until he looked straight ahead.
"I think what yah just need is t'smoke a buncha more cigs n'chill" Daryl muttered, accepting the peace offering. Connor snorted and did as he was told, smoking some more. Daryl waited for him to put the cigarette in his mouth to pull, and when his friend was busy doing just that, the hunter went on, all serious, still looking straight ahead. "That, and yah obviously just gotta get laid."
And maybe he reached back a little, feeling his backpack, the spot where he knew he'd put the stuff from the shop earlier.
Connor breathed in the wrong way and started coughing, which made Daryl smirk almost mischievously.
"And ye obviously don't, considering…how yer getting fuckin cockier every single time" Connor coughed, looking at Daryl, maybe a bit in disbelief because he was still way too used to Daryl's virgin behavior, not this. But there was something about his friend during moments like this, when he could turn into an almost deadly serious but at the same time innocent flirt, that took the Irishman completely off-guard.
"Yer right. Maybe I just gotta fuck somebody, thank god there's a pair of tits among us now" Connor added after a moment, turning around to look at Samantha, who was still talking and laughing with Murphy, looking at the younger MacManus at all times, obviously very happy to be around him. She was completely ignoring Connor and Daryl, making it obvious that she had no interest in them whatsoever. Be it because of the shared past she already had with Murphy, or because she liked him more in general.
Connor did not care either. Of course he didn't. Well, maybe he was a bit jealous, but not of Murphy but of her because he deeply loved his brother and had always hated to share him with anyone, but it was different now, different because Daryl was with him. It was really really obvious now and Connor knew it. Had known it for a while now, maybe, deep inside. He kept the act up just to tease Daryl, but deep deep down he knew that he didn't want to start anything with Samantha, or any other woman right now.
Sure, he thought women were beautiful. He desired most of them because of the way they looked and were. Back in the old days, he had enjoyed having sex with women, rather much, actually. He knew that he could probably have sex with Samantha, too, if there was a suggestion or an idea or a motion, but not because of some feelings or anything deep. No relationship. No marriage. Nothing real. And the truth was that maybe he'd rather talk to her instead, get to know her, ask her what she'd done before the apocalypse, ask her about her family and work, anything that wasn't even connected to sex or any of the usual woman-man business their old world had always dictated.
It was really obvious and he knew that she had no interest in him but Murphy, and he knew that he had no interest in her or having sex with her either, at all, for that matter. Seeing her as sexual or romantic object, anything other than a friend and normal human being, was of no interest to him because there were some feelings and there was something deep now, with someone else and not her. Something he'd never had, and that was there because of the man right next to him. The man he wanted to tease just for the fun of it, the man he wanted to sound all macho in front of, just because they both knew that the exact opposite was going on.
"Pair of tits that obviously wanna shake it up with yah bro" Daryl said, teasing right back, seeing right through it.
"Aye. And remember, we're twins. Threesome's on te way. And yer not invited. Ha" Connor said, laughing and nudging Daryl. "'s okay, she probably knows yer gay anyway."
"I ain't freakin gay, yah the faggot slimebag" Daryl growled angrily, shoving Connor away a bit, but maybe he was using the motion to quickly hold his friend for a moment, be close to him, initiate body contact. "And don't ye love that" Connor teased, giving in to a dirty and deep little laugh. Maybe Daryl blushed a little, but he quickly tried to shake it off, just shoving Connor once more as he quickly tried to walk ahead, adjusting his crossbow.
"Stop" he growled, which just made Connor chuckle behind him a bit more.
"Oh come on, I was just getting started" the Irishman said, still laughing at his friend's behavior.
"Fuck you" Daryl growled in front of Connor, and the Irishman couldn't see it, but the hunter was smirking a bit.
"Aye, I know ye wanna."
"Shut up" Daryl said, but his voice gave it away that he was grinning and trying hard not to laugh.
The evening was actually rather calming, enjoyable. Connor didn't exactly want to admit it, but it was well true that Samantha and her child were actually doing them some good. He had tried to stay rational and maybe a bit skeptical at first, because he still believed that they were a burden, too, that it was going to be even harder feeding them all with an infant in their midst, but it was exactly that infant and her mother who had a positive effect on all of them.
Samantha was singing a bit. Not just to calm her child down and make her fall asleep, but also just in general, to make the whole campfire atmosphere that much more enjoyable. If she wasn't singing she was talking to Murphy, but now to Daryl and sometimes even him, too, chitchatting about the most random things that had happened, both before and after the turning.
Connor was half lying next to the campfire, the flames illuminating his bruised face against the black and dark forest around them. A bruised face that was healing up slowly, but still looking rather handsome, that, and just plain tired. But he was still actually smiling and just watching Samantha, Suzie and his brother, who was looking at him every now and then, smiling affectionately, happily, returning the stare like a loving and grateful brother.
Now that they had eaten some of the supplies they had found in Brooks and now that they were actually resting and just enjoying the night, Connor actually did feel better and better. Maybe Daryl was somewhat right. Maybe he should take a moment and just get himself together again, focus on the good as well, not just the bad. He'd been a whole lot better at this, before the outbreak. Their life had never been that much different. They'd always been running, always fearing for their lives, they had always been surrounded by bad and dangerous people, had always killed these people.
But they'd had their balance back in the old days, with pubs and friends and drinking and just their plain being together.
And getting some of that back with Samantha now, certainly helped.
Murphy helped. Just like always. Because he was the best example of optimism. Murphy had probably been through way worse with the headshot and all the things he had told him about Boston. What those things had left behind was clearly visible on him, the large scar on his forehead, his problems with movement and reading and seeing, the ugly deep scar from the bite on his shoulder, everything else.
But Murphy was nowhere near being crushed or broken. He had his problems, had made them obvious during the past couple of weeks, but the good clearly outweighed the bad with him. And that was getting more and more obvious with each passing day that they spent together, as a group, as a family. Murphy was still his ray of sunshine, his rock that had been missing for almost a year, but who was back now. Connor just smiled a little more, smiled at Murphy and then at the little girl who was slowly falling asleep in her mother's arms, and then he looked at Daryl, who was watching Murphy and Samantha, too.
And of course.
Daryl helped a lot, too.
Had done it for so many months now.
Maybe yah just gotta believe.
Connor chuckled a little, quietly, remembering his friend's mocking words, and when Daryl looked at him because of that, the Irishman stared right back at him, across the campfire, with a warm smile, giving him a nod.
It's alright.
Maybe, in the end, talking about it had helped, too. He wasn't going to take anything back, wasn't going to rethink anything either. He stood by his words, everything he had told Daryl today. His new agenda, his new rules. Just maybe…he was willing to drop the grumpy act a bit. Daryl smiled back.
"All right, fellas. 'm gonna go crash fer te night. Sleep a couple of hours, do the early morning watch shift" Connor said as he got up, sorting his clothes.
Murphy nodded and reached out to touch and pat him a little when Connor passed him. He watched him walk around the campfire, but not after having looked at Daryl first.
"Aye, 'm gonna do the first shift" Murphy said, giving Daryl a little nod again.
Connor nodded and rubbed his hands a little together to get them to warm up because they were still cold, oblivious to the new silent way of communication that had developed between his brother and friend, behind his back, because of him. He looked at Samantha and her daughter in the meantime, pointing at one of the two tents.
"Tha one's all yers. Murph'n I are gonna take turns sleepin. This way, ye don't have ta sleep next ta some random guy. Murph snores and Daryl's clingy, we can't have that then, can we" he told her. Murphy threw a bunch of thin branches at Connor with a lazy "Fuck ye, I don't snore". Daryl just snorted and turned his head a little to watch Connor head for the tent.
"As a matter of fact, you do snore. I remember that" Samantha said with a little chuckle, once Connor had left, to engage Murphy in another conversation. Murphy laughed a little and shook his head, looking at her with a gentle smile.
"Bullshit. I'd never do tha. 't was Keith."
Daryl just sat there for a while, watching them and listening to their talk without actually joining the conversation. He had nothing to add to that anyway because they were still talking about Boston and their time together at the reservoir, and if he was honest, Daryl was actually really getting the vibe that maybe, just maybe, there was quickly developing something between his lookalike and that woman.
It wasn't like he could blame them. Samantha was a very beautiful woman in her mid-twenties. Her best age. The only friend Murphy had left other than them, a person with a shared past, a person he didn't have to get to know, a person who wasn't a man. Back in the old days, Daryl would've been jealous. Jealous and angry by now. Because once again this was him not being able to get a girl interested in him, because just like always, there were other guys getting between him and a fragile attempt to hook up. But this time, he wasn't even jealous. Or angry. He had no desire to hook up with Samantha whatsoever, he didn't even wonder why Murphy could probably get it on and he couldn't, although they shared the same face.
No, this time, he was actually happy for the guy? Maybe there was even a tiny part of him that was proud of Murphy? That was a bit mischievous? Because he liked the kid now. Considered him pretty much his brother, too. He wanted him to be happy, maybe he also just wanted to keep him busy and away from Connor.
And Connor was exactly the point.
Daryl wasn't jealous and angry and didn't crave anything Murphy had right now because he already had Connor.
The hunter tried not to smirk, but maybe he did a little, because that actually made him proud and happy.
Fuck the whole 'gay' aspect. He didn't have to feel left out and didn't have to feel jealous and lonely because he already had a relationship.
Ha.
He sat there a little while longer and cleaned his crossbow, cleaned the place up a bit, studied the map some, did anything to kill time just so it wouldn't be too obvious that he wanted to follow Connor, wanted to be in the tent with him. Daryl actually embraced how it got more and more obvious that Murphy and Sam wanted him gone, now that Suzie had fallen asleep and was tucked away safely inside the other tent, now that they could be alone if only he was gone. Murphy shot Daryl a little glare after a while. One that was both impatient, but also a little bit mischievous and content and happy at the same time. Daryl let out a little gentle snort and shook his head, pretending that it annoyed him how he had to leave now, because Murphy's glare cleary indicated that.
Of course he wasn't annoyed. He wanted to goddamn cheer because he finally had his good excuse to go inside Connor's tent.
"Alright. 'm done for t'night. Don't fuck this nightshift up, M" he said, and maybe he thought about giving Murphy a mischievous wink. But of course, he wouldn't. He pretended to be his usual grumpy annoyed 'redneck' self. Murphy gave him a ver empathetic middle finger. Daryl didn't waste any time on actually listening to what Murphy had to answer along with it, he simply knelt down to crawl inside the tent that was already occupied by Connor.
He wasn't surprised to see that his friend was still awake. Lying there, all wrapped up in blankets and an old sleeping bag, but lazily leafing through one of the magazines Daryl had brought from the shop. It was Connor's usual evening ritual anyway, to get his mind to stop rattling, a little bit of easy distraction material before he could actually catch some sleep. Connor looked up for a moment and then moved to the side, a little smirk soon crossing his face.
"Damn, I thought this was gonna be a lovely visit from our latest addition, where she was finally gonna admit her deep love fer dashing me. Not yer ugly face" Connor greeted his friend, which made Daryl snort. The hunter got rid of his shoes and then lay down next to Connor, on his back, arm soon tugged under his head.
"Yeah, sorry t'disappoint leprechaun, but looks like emokid already got no more reason t'be emo tonight."
Connor lowered the magazine a little, to try and have a little look outside. They could only see silhouettes by the campfire, but they couldn't make out what they were doing, and they couldn't hear what they were saying either.
"Yer shitting me" Connor said, faking disbelief, although he'd thought the same already anyway.
"Nope" Daryl said and took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling, but then he just smirked. "Well, the chick asked for a threesome cos we got the same face 'n all, didn't wanna invite yah. 'm supposed t'join 'em in their tent later, when yah ass's asleep."
"Pffffffff" Connor said and put his magazine away to give Daryl his infamous 'yeah sure, in what universe' look. Daryl just smirked a little more but wouldn't say anything, staring at the ceiling. He actually waited for Connor to make a move for quite a while, getting lost in thoughts and waiting for his body to warm up, now that he was wrapped in blankets, too. He waited for Connor to maybe say something, find a good and cheesy line to get to the next part, to maybe initiate something of their own, but when he finally turned his head to see what was going on, he was actually surprised to see that his friend had fallen asleep.
Daryl raised an eyebrow a little, taken aback and maybe a bit disappointed and offended to see that Connor had just fallen asleep without telling him that he'd intended to do that, but here he was, sound asleep, lying on his side, at least facing him. "Guess I can join that damned threesome now" Daryl muttered after a moment, talking to himself, only to snort once and shake his head.
Oh well.
He turned his head after a moment once again, to look at Connor, to watch his friend sleep.
Daryl let out a little sigh and killed the light after a while, only to turn on his side, move closer to Connor, and close his eyes as well.
He woke up in the middle of the night, to the gentle shuffling of a sleeping bag right next to him. Daryl shifted a bit as well, tiredly, with a little yawn, as he opened his eyes to see what was going on. He startled a bit when he saw an equally sleepy Connor blink right back at him, almost right in front of his face because at some point, they had ended up getting all tangled up under the blankets, close to each other. It had happened almost subconsciously, like it was still deeply embedded in their minds to do this as soon as they were lying inside a tent, but much in contrast to their farm days, Daryl would no longer fight it or punch Connor for it, quite the opposite, he moved even closer.
His sleepy state made it easier to cross that little border of his usual embarrassment, shyness and shame, he just leaned in and kissed Connor almost lazily, still half asleep, but using their closeness and this opportunity to pull his earlier attempts through. He'd been thinking about it for a couple of days now, had gotten needier for it with each passing day, and maybe he welcomed that near now, let it pull him in, let him get over himself.
Connor let out a little tired but almost desperate gentle moan and just moved closer as well, still half asleep, but not exactly minding the invitation either. The truth was that he'd been thinking about doing it, too, before falling asleep, because of his jealousy and Daryl's earlier suggestion. He knew that if he gave in too much now he was just going to fall asleep yet again because he was so tired, but at the same time, he embraced exactly that. Because it made it that much sweeter, and so much calmer than their usual coupling. They got a bit more heated the longer the kissing went on, but it still wasn't as aggressive as usual, quite the opposite.
Soon there was some more touching and stroking involved, until it was Daryl once again, who couldn't wait, who had to hurry, who moved his hands down Connor's thin but at the same time muscular stomach to reach inside his pants, to open the belt and fly right there, which made his friend break the kiss for a short moment so he could throw his head back a little and let out a shaky aroused gasp.
Daryl still remembered his friend's latest statement, after what had happened on the farm less than a week ago. And maybe he still feared that way too much, didn't want that, Connor fucking him this time, his mind spinning a bit because he was equally needy when Connor reached between his legs too, to knead him through his jeans, rubbing and squeezing and cupping a little. The hunter quickly decided to go ahead, capturing his friend's lips once again to kiss him heatedly as he pulled the jeans and briefs down to get to the flesh, so he could wrap a hand around him and not let go before he was finished.
He didn't just decide to jerk Connor off because he wanted to keep him from topping this time, because he wasn't ready yet. He also decided to do it because he thought that his friend could use it, that it could do him some good. That it could get him to calm down, to ease up and relax and stop freaking out, getting worse, or whatever the hell was going on with him these days. He kissed Connor some more, sweating already from their closeness and breathing against each other's skin. He also intertwined their legs a little more, to make it harder for his friend to try and flip them somehow, to make it the proper deal before he was finished.
There was going to be no debate about the fact that he was going to fuck him tonight, though. They'd gone there once, and Daryl wanted to do that again, actually wanted to do it every time now, whenever it got to that. He was fed up with the mutual jerking each other off and letting go right after it part, which was why he tried to deny Connor all the touching him in return, this was just about getting Connor off before everything else.
Their breathing got more labored and especially Connor was getting a bit louder pretty soon, as he trusted some more into the hand and started shaking, grabbing and scratching a bit, which just spurred Daryl on even more. He wrapped his hand a bit tighter around Connor's dick and twisted some more, all the while trying to pick up sped, and then his friend was suddenly coming with a little jerk and shout, which he tried to compensate by moving closer to Daryl and almost tackling him into a clingy, shaky hug.
Daryl smirked a little and kept moving his hand a little longer, slower this time, as he listened to Connor breathe into his neck, catching breath there, relaxing, sated at last. Daryl took a deep and shaky breath right then and there, too, because he was still far from finished, but right now he was actually quite happy, too. He started kissing and maybe biting at Connor's neck and shoulder a little, gently, massaging it with his teeth, as he let him cling and get through his orgasm, and that blissful state right after it.
His kissing and being closer to Connor finally really made him realize how their annoying their clothes really were, so he actually moved his hands up some right then and there, digging them underneath Connor's shirt so he could pull it above his head. The Irishman interrupted their hugging and kissing to get a little bit of distance between them, not just so Daryl could pull his shirt over his head, but also so he could give him a deep and heated look.
Daryl snorted a little because of the way his friend looked with his dirty and sweaty face and his hair that was pointing in every direction, but most importantly, because the look on Connor's face reminded him of some freakin porn material or something, but it didn't matter, because as soon as the shirt was gone, Connor already reached down on him again to open his jeans and belt, too.
Daryl tried to wriggle his hips away a little.
"Don't want yah t'jack me off" he muttered, and Connor immediately tried to shut him up.
"Ye did me, didn't ye, 's just fair play. Don' play fuckin hard t'get all te time"he grunted when Daryl moved away a bit, but then the hunter put a hand on his friend's chest to push him a bit.
"Wait up jackass" the hunter growled and looked his friend right in the eye, for a while, the both of them breathing hard, with Connor being a complete mess of lowered jeans and drying come on his belly, legs all tangled up in his jeans, and Daryl with a painfully obvious erection pretty much pointed right at his friend, making the necessity clear. Daryl chewed on his lips a little and tried hard not to blush, but it wasn't like it would be that visible anyway, considering the fact that his head was already red anyway, from the heat and effort.
"Don't laugh, al'right" the hunter growled and then suddenly got up a little, to move over to his bag. He could see Connor watch him with a little wary frown but then the Irishman was already busy getting rid of his jeans and briefs, which actually made Daryl look away again, so he could quickly and shakily search the bag until he finally found that little bottle and pack, losing grip of it not only once but actually twice in the nervous process. Daryl stilled for a moment, thinking hard, and then decided to just grab the bottle. His face was now actually alarmingly red as he shyly turned around and then threw the bottle at Connor, and that maybe a bit harder than necessary, almost hitting the Irishman in the face with it.
Daryl now hastily tried to avoid direct eye contact as he moved away from the bag and started to get closer to his friend.
"I..found…well" the hunter growled, once again slurring the words so it was almost impossible to understand him, and he immediately started scratching the back of his head with a nervous little frown. Connor looked at the bottle for a moment, picked it up, stared at the label, then looked up to face Daryl…
To start laughing.
"Oh fuckin screw yah" the hunter growled angrily and quickly turned away to lie down, close his eyes, and pretend that nothing had happened. Connor was still laughing behind him but it sounded like he was trying really hard to contain it, keep it down, a mixture of proper laughing and muffled snorting and snickering.
Daryl just kept his back turned on his friend and pretended that nothing had happened, anger and embarrassment boiling inside of him, not just because of Connor's laughing, but also because his erection was freaking killing him by now. Fuck, that shit was so fucking unfair. He had made the fucker come, jerked him off, and now the asshole was freaking laughing at him. Fucker.
Connor calmed down after a while but Daryl just kept lying there, folded hands tugged under his cheek as he stared at the side of the tent, angry with himself, and his friend. A few moments passed but then Connor eventually moved closer to him, even when Daryl snarled a warning "Fuck off". But the Irishman kept coming closer, wriggled a hand between his friend's arm and waist, to move it down like a snake, brushing gentle fingers over his still clothed belly, moving lower and lower towards the erection that still tented the jeans right there.
"'m not laughin anymore, alright" the Irishman said, but his strained voice gave it away, that he was still fighting a fit of laughter.
"Fuck off" Daryl repeated, but he wouldn't quite fight the hand, because Jesus fuckin Christ was he close. Connor tried to kiss his friend's neck, where his collar bone was, breathing hot against it but Daryl just wriggled away again, until his friend no longer saw it as some sort of amusing foreplay, but actually as something annoying.
"Jesus fuckin Christ, Daryl. I laughed because ye surprised me with dat shit, all right. I just didn' see that one comin, doesn't mean I was fuckin laughing at ye….Maybe just a little bit" Connor said, laughing, but quickly trying to muffle it when Daryl gave him another "Fuck you."
Then, the hunter wouldn't say anything anymore. Although he was no longer that angry with Connor he actually just didn't know what he should do or say, because it was still a bit embarrassing. Their sleepy state from their kissing earlier was long since gone, they and most importantly he was wide enough awake again to have his usual doubts.
"If ye don't want me ta jerk ye off but want me ta fuck ye instead, you could've just said. I thought we're past that schtick now. We're not fuckin teenagers or some shit. So fuck it. It's okay, man."
"I don't want yah t'fuck me, jackass. Why'd yah I think I jerked yah off" Daryl snarled right back and turned his head for a short moment, to give his friend a long but quiet stare. Then he just turned away again.
"I wouldn't fuckin hurt ye, y'know" Connor said after a while, licking his lips, but sounding surprisingly gentle and most of all honest. Daryl shifted a little, ducking his head a little more. "Yeah, I don't care and it don't matter" he said after a moment, breathing in. "Yah know why" he added, after a while.
Connor took a deep breath and just stared at his friend for a while, his back that was slightly moving with each breath that he took. Then he quickly moved his hand across his face, down, only to move it up, through his strands of blonde hair that had gotten a bit darker now that summer had passed. Connor then shot a little look at the bottle that now lay half buried under his blankets, trapped somewhere between them, staring down on himself a little bit.
Nah.
It wasn't like he could do it right now anyway. He didn't even really want to right now, if he was honest, too.
He was satisfied and he felt comfortable and most certainly relaxed right now. One thing he couldn't exactly say about his friend.
And fuck it.
Connor snorted once, gently, shaking his head.
Stupid Daryl and all the quiet and secret shit he always did, always tried to cover up. The Irishman slowly and discretely reached for the bottle, opened it up and coughed once to cover up the sound it made with the opening, then, he slowly and carefully slicked his hand up a little.
Fuck fuck fuck it.
At least the fucker had thought ahead this time.
Daryl just lay there and suddenly felt a bit of a mixture of anger and sadness, because just as always, an almost sweet and normal moment of just being together had been destroyed between them, because of his foolish stupidity, and because of Connor's general asshole behavior.
That fucker Murphy certainly had to have it easier out there right now.
With a woman. Being himself. His stupid Irish self with his fuck it attitude.
Being that much different than him, no matter how much they looked alike.
The hunter startled and jerked a bit when Connor suddenly moved really close to him, wrapped an arm around his hip once more and then reached between his legs, snaking a hand inside his jeans, feeling cold and most of all shockingly slippery. He couldn't hold back the surprised gasp that escaped his mouth. He almost immediately turned his head to shoot his friend a look, but then Connor was already and suddenly kissing him to shut him up, making him turn properly on his back so he could gain better access. He used his other clean hand to clumsily open Daryl's jeans, and after a moment of holding and stroking his friend's naked lower back Daryl finally reached down as well to help him get rid of the clothes.
He was grateful that Connor would no longer say anything, would no longer laugh or even smile, he was actually giving him that look again, that heated look that meant that something was about to happen. It didn't take long and Daryl's jeans came off, and maybe he let out another little groan because Connor was still touching him, slowly, almost leisurely as he continued to slick him up, jerk him off with slow, lazy motions.
The hunter almost wanted to go mad from that right then and there, because he was incredibly on edge already, and because the feel of lube against his skin was so unfamiliar and yet freaking good. And when Connor reached for the bottle for a second time he even jerked a little bit, in his hand, in sheer anticipation.
They looked at each other once more but then Daryl quickly reached for his other layers of clothing that still covered the rest of his body, the leather vest, the jacket, and the two shirts. Connor used the time his friend was busy to quickly and awkwardly try to somewhat prep himself when he wasn't looking, because there was no way in hell he was going to endure that freaking slow and burning drag from last time again.
Their breathing had gotten more labored again by now, and an occasional loud gasp or gentle groan escaped their mouths, and when Daryl was finally and properly undressed, he could no longer bear it. Connor's continuous slippery touch on his dick had already nearly managed to get him off when he'd been busy getting undressed, something he certainly did not want, not when he was so close to getting what he truly wanted instead.
As soon as he was undressed he quickly moved up a little and tried to flip them, quickly spinning him around so he could press Connor back into the blankets and sleeping bag, face down, flat on his stomach. His breathing was ragged by now as he once again found himself facing his friend's back tattoo, his suntanned skin and the fainted bruises and healing cuts from his capture.
For a moment, he actually just placed a hand on his friend's behind and took a couple of deep breaths, enjoying the touch, the closeness, the feel of bare skin against bare skin, his mind spinning from the anticipation, lust and lack of blood in his head. Then he eventually and almost shakily reached for the bottle that Connor still held in his hand, clutching to it with sweaty and slick fingers.
He'd never really done this sort of thing before, with the lube at least, but his mind had already drifted so far off that he no longer even had the time to feel embarrassed. He simply squirted some more of it on his hand, to slick himself up some more with a shiver, and then, a bit more shyly this time, Connor, too, (and what the fuck was he really supposed to do there, anyway? How the fuck did this shit work? The downside of being anti gay before the apocalypse, he didn't know shit about it, fuck) until he could no longer bear it and simply decided to go ahead and enter instead.
Connor immediately let a little grunt out again, but that one slowly turned into a somewhat award groan, because during this second time, he was already prepared for the little bit of pain right then and there. The lube certainly made it easier, and both men really started to wonder how the fuck they had managed to pull it through without it the first time.
Daryl still had a hard time keeping it together, to keep himself from just mindlessly and harshly thrusting into his friend, giving him the time he needed to adjust and calm down, although it was rather hard to do so, considering the fact that he was so close already. And it was exactly that that made Daryl still the moment he fully slipped inside, staying right where he was with his mouth formed to a shocked "o", eyes closed and shivering, hip pressed to Connor's. Collecting himself and keeping it together without any movement, just so he wouldn't come too early again.
Connor wriggled his hips after a moment, maybe because he was uncomfortable or just because he wanted his friend to get moving, and when he finally did get going, Connor immediately let out yet another half-grunt half moan. Daryl moaned once as well and then fully lay down on top of his friend, quickly grabbing a blanket to somewhat cover them, all the while thrusting in a steady, careful and almost shy rhythm.
He once again found himself getting rather overwhelmed by his emotions as he continuously dove into his friend, because this time it was even more intimate, not in some old bathroom in front of a dirty sink, not in an awkward standing position, no this was them right here, practically in a freaking bed, properly fucking with no more boundaries, no more doubts, no more nothing.
Just the normal, natural deed itself, just…loving.
Daryl thrusted a couple more times but then suddenly let himself slip out during the last thrust, quickly wiping his wet and stringy hair out of his eyes with a shaky deep breath because this still wasn't quite freaking right yet.
"Turn 'round man" he muttered, surprised at the sound of his own voice because it was rather deep and shaky.
"What?" Connor asked, equally out of breath, a confused and little annoyed look on his face because of the sudden interruption.
When he turned around Daryl could see that his friend was half hard already again, a sight that maybe made him smirk a bit.
So much for not being freaking gay. Ha. As if.
Instead of answering, he simply grabbed Connor by his shoulder and manhandled him a bit to get him to turn around, on his back, to face him, and for a moment, no matter how hard that was, Daryl actually stilled and just looked down at his friend, looked at his heated face, messy hair, the sweat everywhere. It was still a rare sight to see Connor completely beside himself, all honest, raw, and emotional. He was usually calm and overthinking or brutal and laughing, but never like this, he hardly truly let himself go and just be.
But this was one of these moments right here and Daryl almost wanted to grin because he knew it was because of him, finally, that this was someone letting themselves fall apart and be vulnerable because of him. He dove down a little to kiss his friend again, making Connor return the favor a bit more heatedly as he immediately dug his fingers into Daryl's raven-black and sweaty hair to keep him there. To pull, maybe hurt a bit, but not too much. The hunter used the time to thrust and enter again, making Connor grunt and then moan into his mouth, then, they made it the proper deal.
Connor knew that he was probably going to punch himself for this later, maybe run against a tree or something because this was so stupid and damn freaking girly, but here he was, just clinging to his friend's sweaty and naked body on top of him, pressing a hand to his ass and maybe digging his fingers into the skin of his cheek to pull him in closer, pull him in deeper, and maybe he rubbed his hairy dirty legs against a pair of equally hairy and dirty legs, manly legs, fuck, but right now he didn't care about that, he just needed the near, needed the heat, needed the tension and sweat and movement.
Daryl had wrapped both his arms tightly around him, tugged them under his armpits, around his shoulders and locked him there in an almost clingy way, to hold him tight and support his thrusting motions, making them a bit harder, a bit harsher, a bit more abrupt each time, trying to get deeper. He looked up after a moment, too, so he could check if everything was alright, if his stupid, embarrassing lube idea had been a good one, and he was actually surprised to see that Connor seemed to freaking enjoy it. He let out a single breathy little laugh because he couldn't quite believe that shit, but it was well true. Connor was clinging to him, with a look on his face that spoke volumes.
And maybe Daryl truly did no longer care either, which was why he dipped his head down again to lock them in a kiss once more, diving in deeper, thrusting a bit harsher, gaining a little more momentum, drawing some ragged little sounds out of Connor, into his mouth. And it didn't take long until he could feel a hot and throbbing erection nudge him in his lower stomach, moving with each thrust. He'd noticed it a little while ago, how a certain angle and a certain way of thrusting seemed to make Connor jerk and moan a little every time he did it right, although it was a bit hard to get it right, but it seemed to be just that that was slowly getting Connor off again, and right now, only that mattered.
It soon turned into a competition again, and at first, this one only consisted of denying Connor to reach between them so he could jerk himself off to help. Maybe Daryl just did that to tease and annoy his friend at first, but at the same time, to make it better, and when Connor slowly but carefully started to complain and curse, he eventually gave in and reached between them himself instead, to touch his friend again, to move the hand in the same rhythm as his thrusts.
From then on, everything got pretty much faster, sticker, hotter, until the both of them knew that they could pretty much and undoubtedly be sure that if Murphy and Sam were still awake, they would notice, would hear.
Daryl was really surprised to see, hear and feel Connor come first, a short moment later, all suddenly and twitchy. The Irishman let out an exhausted and muffled shout, digging his fingers deeper into the skin of Daryl's ass, and it was that what then suddenly pulled an orgasm from the hunter, too, making the rhythm stutter, making him shake and shiver against his friend, spilling deep inside him. Then, they once again stilled, relaxed, collapsed into a heap of sated flesh. Their breathing evened out after a while, their bellies and chests moving against each other with each breath, sticking together from all the sweat and Connor's seed between them.
"You…fuckin killed me ye dick" Connor breathed after a moment, chest heaving, the back of his hand pressed to his sweaty forehead.
Daryl was still almost lazily clinging to his friend, too tired and done to bother pulling out just yet.
"Huh?" he just muttered, against his friend's sweaty chest.
"'m too old fer coming fuckin twice in less than half an hour…oh fuck."
Daryl just snorted once, even snickering a little because he didn't really care.
"Ain't my fault that yah get off on fagottry sex so much that yah gotta come twice" he teased, and Connor hit his back.
"Fuck ye."
"As a matter of fact, I just did" Daryl said, once again, and he soon found himself smirking.
He knew he'd probably hit himself later, too, because this was so stupid, but right now, he was in such an almost fuzzy state of being.
Warm, relaxed state of being.
Most importantly.
Loving.
He moved his head a little, so he could lean forward, press his forehead to Connor's chest, right where his heart was. Breathing in and out. Calmly. Nuzzling his chest a little, gently. Connor looked down on himself right then and there, saw the black mop of hair all sprawled out on his chest, as they both fully allowed themselves to calm down and relax after the hard work. No matter how hard his friend had always fought it hid it. There was no hiding it right now, no matter how surprising that was, but it was still happening.
Daryl Dixon was a cuddler.
Holy fucking god.
Connor thought and snorted gently. For a moment he just let him lie there like that.
He even moved a hand up a bit to place it on his side, on the first brushes of the tattoo there, to stroke it and return the gesture.
"If ye start fuckin purring now.." Connor eventually said, which made Daryl snort.
"Shut up, leprechaun. Tryin t'sleep" the hunter growled, shifting a little, finally pulling out.
Then, he eventually looked up at Connor, watched him, with a little thoughtful look on his face.
Looking at him, for a very long while, with Connor staring right back. And he even let him comb and pet his stupid black hair for a bit. What the hell.
And maybe he decided to kiss him again.
Oh. Well, fuck. This still was a freaking chick-flick. Fuck. Connor thought, but he still couldn't stop himself from lazily and lovingly returning the favor once more, kissing back, without any bad conscience about that. Yeah, Daryl was acting like a freaking purring cat right now. And he was acting like the stupid cat owner who talked to it like it was a baby, making kissy faces and all that crap because he loved said cat. The problem was just that he usually hated cats. Because just like Daryl, those little fuckers were usually unpredictable. Ready to scratch you with their claws at any time. But it soon got obvious that Daryl certainly didn't have his usual claws out today.
Connor frowned a little when he could clearly hear and feel Daryl mumble something short into his mouth, during the kiss, with a little stroking motion of his thumb against his arm, but when the Irishman interrupted the kiss to give him a tired and confused little "What?" Daryl would just look at him for a moment, only to shake his head and get off of him.
"Nothin."
Daryl took a deep breath and then used a corner of one of their blankets to wipe off, lost in thoughts as he got dressed again. He thought about it during the whole process of getting dressed and lying down, being more and more glad that Connor had failed to understand him, that he had picked the exact right moment to muffle the only time he had allowed himself to tell his friend that he thought he freaking loved him.
They fell asleep soon after, no longer tangled up, but staying close to each other still, facing each other, still together, just like any other time.