Chapter 37

All Maura wanted was to hold her little girl in her arms. All she wanted was to hold her close and hug her pain away. She couldn't stop her tears from falling. Anna was leaning into her side, her skinny legs tucked under herself as she tried to stay awake. This was excruciating for her too. Maura wished she had the strength to comfort her with reassuring words but she was having trouble finding them to comfort herself.

She tried desperately to be her rational self but it was like her entire mind was fogged up. She knew they had to wait to see how Lily got through the night. She knew there wasn't much she could do but it was killing her. It was killing her to know that she was one of the best medical examiners in the state, had multiple medical degrees and all that intelligence and yet she failed to see this. She failed to see that Lily's fever was too high before she went to bed. She failed to check on her before she went to bed herself, too busy with her own stupid flu. She failed.

Time went by excruciatingly slow. The minutes were ticking away slowly and every second felt heavier and heavier. She thought about her youngest daughter, that beautiful little girl that looked so much like Jane and yet had her own sparkling, energetic personality that left no one untouched. Losing Lily would mean losing a part of her heart. Just the thought of losing her child made her heart ache and her entire body hurt.

"Mama…" Anna's voice pulled Maura out of her thought and she looked up to see her wife slowly walking towards them, her face pale and her eyes shimmering with tears.

"Jane!" Maura stood up too quickly and had to hold herself to avoid fainting. Jane's strong arms immediately held her up and Maura knew in that moment that Jane was close to breaking. She was holding all of them up in her strong arms but it was becoming too much. She saw it in the way her dark eyes stopped sparkling and just seemed empty. "How is she?" Maura whispered, slowly reaching up her hand to cup her wife's cheek.

"Sleeping." Jane sighed deeply. "Scared. In pain."

Maura nodded and leaned forward to wrap her detective up in her arms, putting her arms around her wife's waist. "We have to see how she gets through the night," she whispered. "Let's just stay positive."

"Yeah…"

Maura pulled back to look into Jane's eyes. "How are you?"

Jane took a deep breath and Maura saw her building that familiar shield around her feelings. She wanted to stay strong for them. "I'm still here."

"You are." Maura smiled slightly and steadied herself against the strong brunette, feeling how weak her own legs were. "Thank God."

"Sit down, Maur," Jane whispered, gently pushing Maura back to the ugly purple couch. "You need to rest."

"I know." Maura sighed. She knew she had to rest. She hated it. "I just want to be with her," she said softly through the fresh tears that filled her eyes.

Jane nodded and opened her arms for Anna who was sitting silently in her place. "You will. Just be with this one while you can, okay?" She smiled slightly and kissed the top of Anna's head as the girl wrapped her arms around her mother's waist in a tight hug. "It's okay, peanut."

"Is Lily gonna be okay?" Anna sniffled softly.

Jane sighed and looked at Maura over Anna's head. They wanted so badly to answer that question but they just didn't know yet. "Things are looking alright so far," Jane answered quietly, knowing she had to be honest with her oldest daughter. "She's on strong medicine. We just have to wait to see how she gets through the night."

Anna nodded against her mother. "Is s-she-… Is she gonna s-survive?"

"Yeah, peanut." Jane pulled back and cupped Anna's face to press her lips against her forehead. "Your sister's a fighter. She'll pull through."

Maura saw those words calming Anna down and she gently reached out to take her arm and make her sit back down next to her. "Go back to Lily, Jane," Maura whispered. "We'll be fine."

"When can we see her, Mom?"

Maura sighed. She wished she knew. "Soon, honey." She watched Jane hurrying back to Lily and felt like a heavy weight dropped on her heart. Tears spilled on her cheeks and she wiped them with the back of her hand before looking at Anna next to her, seeing her shimmering grey eyes looking at her. She smiled through her tears and brushed the girl's sweaty blond hair out of her face. "Come here," she whispered, barely audible while she carefully pulled the young girl into her lap.

Anna curled up against her mother, making herself as tiny as she could to snuggle into warm arms. "Mommy…"

"I know, sweetheart," Maura fought her tears but she failed. There were too many. She allowed them to slowly trickle down her cheeks while she held Anna close to her chest.

The both of them cried through the night, both Anna and Maura occasionally falling into a restless, shallow sleep. When Maura woke up again, her entire body felt stiff and sore, but she felt like her head was cleared. Her stomach was empty but she didn't feel like it was tossing and turning inside of her any longer. She opened her eyes, sighed deeply and looked at her oldest daughter that was slowly waking up in her lap. "Hi, sweetheart."

Anna just groaned and snuggled against her mother, too sleepy to reply. Maura pressed her lips against Anna's forehead and sighed at the knowledge that her fever was dropping slightly. "How are you feeling?"

The girl rested sideways into Maura's arms and shrugged her shoulders. "Tired."

"Hm." She kissed the top of Anna's head and pulled her close for a short moment before gently lifting her off her lap to put her next to her on the couch, feeling a stinging pain in her lower back. "How's your stomach?"

"Better."

"Good." Maura smiled and gently brushed her hair out of her face. They all needed a shower. But clean clothes were the last thing on her mind right now. She just wanted to see Lily.

As if Jane heard her thoughts, she appeared in the waiting room after a few seconds of silence. "Hi." She smiled a tired smile and brushed her fingers through her dark curls. "Doc says you can see her now, he wants to talk to us. I waited until you were awake."

Maura immediately stood up, her head spinning for a second before the fog in her mind cleared. "How is she? Is she strong enough?"

"She's a little better now that she's slept for a few hours. The doctor said she's stable and the antibiotics are kicking in, but they did a few tests and they want to tell us the results."

"Is it bad?" Maura furrowed her brow and followed her wife towards Lily's hospital room, Anna following them closely.

"He's not saying anything." Jane opened the door to Lily's door and tears sprung to Maura's eyes when she saw her little girl lying in that big hospital bed.

As soon as Lily saw her blond mother, she sat up and cried out for her. "Mommy!"

"Oh, sweetheart…" Maura hurried towards the dark-haired girl and scooped her up in her arms, pulling her as close as possible while a desperate sob escaped her body. "I was so worried about you, baby."

"What?" Lily pulled back and looked at Maura with an intense kind of sadness in her eyes that worried Maura.

She cupped her daughter's cheek and repeated her words while looking into her eyes: "I said I was worried about you."

Lily looked intently at her mother's lips while she talked and her eyes lit up when she understood what she said. Maura knew what this meant. She pulled Lily back to her chest and turned her attention towards the doctor in the room. "It's her hearing, isn't it?" Maura whispered.

The doctor sighed and brought up Lily's test results on the iPad in his hands. "Yes."

"She's deaf?" Jane asked, her voice laced with panic.

"Let me finish first." He held up his hand to stop them from panicking. "We don't know if these results are permanent yet. It could all be temporary. Right now, she lost all her hearing in her left ear. She lost part of her hearing in her right ear, but there's a good chance the ear infection still plays a part in that."

Tears filled Maura's eyes as she pulled her daughter close. The rational part of her knew this didn't come close to the worst case scenarios she imagined, but the overwhelming part of her wanted Lily to get back to her old self. She knew it was very unlikely that Lily's hearing would get back to normal ever again.

"Is that it?" Jane asked, her arm wrapped around Anna's chest from behind, her hands resting on her daughter's stomach. "Is there more?"

"No," the doctor smiled at them. "She'll be very tired for a while; the antibiotics and painkillers are quite heavy for a girl her age. But they are kicking in, so we'll continue them for today."

"When can we take her home?"

"It's too soon to say anything about that, I'm sorry. She's strong enough for your wife and daughter to be with her. I'd advice you to keep visitors to a minimum to save her strength, but she can handle a visitor or two."

Maura hadn't even thought about Angela or the rest of the family. She was grateful Jane thought about informing her, otherwise Angela would be in for an awful surprise. She made a mental note to call her and ask her to visit that afternoon. "Thank you."

"We'll perform another hearing test in a few days to determine the long-term effects." He nodded his head at them and opened the door. "Feel free to stay as long as she needs. She…" He smiled and looked at Lily in Maura's arms. "She's a fighter."

Maura smiled proudly and brushed her hand through Lily's messy curls, seeing her dark eyes filled with worry as she tried her best to listen to whatever happened around her. Her small fingers went up to fumble with her ear as thick tears filled her eyes. Maura sat down on the edge of the bed and took Lily in her lap, adjusting the string of the IV so it wouldn't be in the way. She cupped Lily's chin to make her look at her.

"What's wrong with my ear, Mom?" Lily asked, looking intently at her mother.

"Well, the infection made you lose your hearing in this ear," Maura said softly but clearly while she gently touched Lily's left ear. "We don't know if it'll be permanent, it could still get better."

Tears filled Lily's eyes as she concentrated on her mother's words. Listening suddenly took up a lot more energy than usual but at least she was able to understand what was being said as long as she looked at Maura and her right ear was uncovered. Maura smiled sadly and pulled her youngest daughter back to her chest, looking over Lily's head at Anna and Jane who were still standing in the same position, Anna looking at them with concern.

"You okay, Lily?" she asked softly.

"She can't hear you, baby," Maura replied through her tears.

"You gotta make sure she looks at you first," Jane said softly when she noticed Maura had trouble getting out words. "That way she knows you're talking to her and she can focus on what you're saying."

Anna looked up at Jane with tears in her eyes. "Is she gonna be okay?"

Jane swallowed and looked at Maura who sighed deeply and managed a small smile. "Yeah, peanut," Jane replied softly, "she's gonna be okay."

Maura settled back against the bed and took Lily in her arms with her, feeling the girl snuggling into her arms. "It'll be okay, honey."

"Hm?" Lily lifted her head, her right ear had rested on her mother's chest so she couldn't hear a thing.

Maura sighed and gently turned Lily on her other side against her. They would have to adjust. A lot. "It'll be okay, honey," Maura repeated. "We'll get through this."

Lily nodded and her eyes slowly slipped shut, she was too tired to keep them open. Maura rested her cheek against Lily's forehead and soothingly rubbed the girl's back. "Sleep, sweetheart. Mommy's here." She looked at her wife and oldest daughter and saw Jane sitting down in a chair at Lily's bedside, taking Anna's feverish body into her lap.

Maura sighed deeply. Her heart was heavy with worry but her family was together. She had her daughter in her arms, her wife and other daughter right next to her. There was a tough road ahead, she knew it. There was a lot to overcome. For Lily especially, but for all of them. It wouldn't be easy. But right now, all that mattered was that Lily was alive and well in her arms. They were together and as long as they were, they would overcome it.