Black Phoenix

Chapter 37

Over the next week, the tiny phoenix swiftly turned from a grey awkward chick to a sleek feathered and graceful black bird that was very near to Fawkes' size when that phoenix was fully grown. Before, when Severus and Shaiming had been pursuing it, the bird had appeared bedraggled and vulture-like. Now, it was as regal and graceful as the fiery phoenix counterpart. Shaiming postulated that it was now with its chosen wizard, Harry, and would now follow the pattern that Fawkes followed with Dumbledore; maturing for a brief life span before burning and being reborn from ashes. It would remain to be seen if this was in fact true, as they watched and waited on a daily basis, observing the interaction between Harry and the phoenix he had named Caruso.

At first, Harry had been hesitant with the phoenix, and then it was clear that a strong connection existed between the wizard and the rare familiar. Caruso followed Harry, soaring above their heads as he and Severus roamed the compound each day. The apprentices were finally able to keep their attention on their lessons after the first few times the enormous wing span cast shadows over their groups under the trees as he flew overhead.

Severus watched Harry, knowing that Ron, Draco and Shaiming were also watching, waiting with barely held breath to see how the relationship developed between the man and bird. It didn't help that Harry knew they were watching. He was watching too, watching himself and wondering each morning if this was the morning he would turn dark. He wished he knew his past, wished he knew what had been in his heart before, so that he would have a clue as to how he was supposed to handle this. They had told him he was powerful, that he had destroyed the last dark lord. He remembered with painful clarity destroying Lucretia.

He forced himself to examine those moments closely. Had he destroyed her in order to take over her role as master? Had he destroyed her in order to seize the opportunity at hand?

He was sitting beside the stream, Caruso on a branch in the tree he leaned against, when Severus walked up. The phoenix cocked an eye in his direction, a shiver running through his iridescent feathers. Severus hesitated at the intense glare the phoenix was casting, before he turned his attention back to Harry and noted that he had not heard him approach. His face was filled with the thoughts that raced through his mind. It was almost possible to follow the anxiety and question there, even without Legilimense. In the sunlight, Severus was startled to see that even more silver threads had appeared in Harry's black hair. He had surpassed the amount Severus had on his own head. Unconsciously, he rubbed a hand over his own chest at the pang that realization caused.

Harry seemed to catch the motion out of the corner of his eye and he looked up. For a moment, their eyes met and Severus saw the pain in the green eyes. He sat down beside Harry, silently lending his presence as support to whatever the young man was attempting to work through. He knew they had made an error in how they had tried to help with his memory recovery when Harry said quietly,

"There's so much you're not telling me. No one is telling me anything real and I can't fill in the blanks without some kind of—of – " He sighed deeply and threw himself back in the grass to stare up through the tree branches. "Without even knowing anything it feels like I've been lied to all my life about one thing or another. It must have been pretty bad if not one of you will break the silence."

Caruso flew down and cuddled into Harry's side, leaning his head on Harry's chest. Harry stroked his hand over the raven head, letting the phoenix calm his turmoil so he could collect his thoughts.

"I wish I understood about our relationship." He looked at Severus sharply. "When I was under Lucretia's control and she was ordering me to do those awful things, it was your voice that stopped me. There was nothing else that would have made me even consider that what I was doing was wrong. I can't even remember the words you were saying, but it was your intent that I felt. It seemed like if I didn't stop… you would be so disappointed and I couldn't face that for some reason."

Severus remained silent, but he reached out his hand to brush the hair from Harry's face, cupping his jaw. Harry covered the hand with his own and closed his eyes.

"I just wish I had the memories back so I could make sense of everything. I wish it, no matter how bad it may have been… at least I'd understand why it seems like I couldn't possibly have had a wife and forgotten her so completely. I'd understand maybe why I can't stand to be apart from you, even for a little while. I'd know why you all looked so disbelieving when I thought that Draco and I used to get along well. I'd be in on the joke, instead of being the joke."

That got Severus moving and he laid back on the grass, pulling Harry to lay against his chest, dislodging Caruso, who flew back into the tree with an irritated squawk. Harry pushed against him for a brief moment and then gave in to the emotion that had been building in him over the last weeks. Severus held him firmly until he became limp against him.

Then he whispered, "You are never a joke to us, Harry. Never that. Perhaps we have made a mistake in not helping you fill in the blanks. But you know we have not done so out of malice. Rather, we felt that you would feel manipulated if we fed you our own versions of the memories. We had hoped that your own would be restored and then we could help you deal with those. Now that the spindles have been destroyed, we are uncertain of the best way to proceed."

He raised up to look at Severus. "Would your versions be so much different from mine? Wouldn't they be better than nothing at all?" Severus put a hand on his jaw, caressing the frown line of his brow with a thumb.

"They would be from our points of view. The things that were most important to us were not the most important to you. The way we reacted, the things we said and did as a result, those things are ours, not yours."

Harry laid his head against the other mans chest, listening to his heart beat in a steady rhythm beneath his ear. "Then how will I ever know what this is? What is this that I feel for you and should I feel guilty for not feeling the same way about a woman I don't remember…"

Severus sat back up, pulling Harry up with him. Taking his hands tightly, he looked into Harry's eyes. "I will tell you this, for it is not a lie, and there is no way to manipulate you with it if you truly feel for me what I believe you do… there was no wife for you. Lucretia made that up to suit her whims. She told you that your mate had been killed by those she wanted to turn you against. Your mate still lives."

Harry gasped as the meaning of Severus's words took hold and he stared at him for a long moment. "I don't understand how she could make me forget you so completely."

"But she didn't." Severus shook his head. "How else could it explain how you responded to my voice? How else could it explain how you feel drawn to me? Because I know you feel that."

Harry nodded. "I've been fighting it because I thought it was wrong. If you had told me—"

"You would have thought that I was trying to use your memory loss to get you to trust me. You had to learn that you could trust me on your own." Severus caressed his cheek again. "You do trust me now, don't you?"

Harry nodded. "I trust that you are telling me the truth and that the attraction I feel for you is alright."

Severus hesitantly leaned towards him then, cautious in case Harry wasn't ready, and then their lips met in a kiss that shut everything around them out.

Severus was not at all ready for it to end, but he realized that it had to. Now that Harry was aware of their bond and he accepted it, the rest could develop slowly. He reluctantly pulled back from their intense kiss, pulling Harry into a close embrace. Harry wrapped his own arms tightly around Severus's waist and tucked his head into the hollow of his shoulder.

"It feels like coming home. I still want my memories back, but if I can only have this, it will be enough."

Severus stood up then and pulled Harry to his feet. They walked back towards their rooms, Caruso flying over their heads, circling when they were slow in making their way. Harry looked up at Severus and then came to a stop, pulling on his hands. Severus looked puzzled until he saw that Harry was examining the plain gold band that was on his left hand. Harry looked at his own hand and rubbed at his left ring finger.

"Did I have a ring too? Did she take it away?"

"I'll replace it. We'll choose it together," Severus assured him.

Harry nodded and laced his fingers with Severus's. The other men were in the shade of Shaiming's pavilion and they all had various reactions to the joined hands when Harry and Severus approached.

Shaiming nodded happily, while Ron muttered unclear curses while shaking his head and Draco smirked behind his hand.

"So, I see you've reached at least one goal," Draco said cheerily. "What are we going to do about the rest of Potter's memories?"

Shaiming stepped forward and held up a hand to point at the circling Caruso. "I have been having thoughts that he is the key. Have any of you considered that the tears, willingly given to his master, might heal the memories?"

Harry stood up straighter and Severus gently pulled him back to rest against his hip. "I have also been thinking about this. We've been waiting for Caruso to mature, to observe what his normal cycle will be. If it follows Fawkes, then I think we should make plans to attempt a cure."

Harry looked up at him in consternation. "You never told me this, either."

"It is all speculation. I have been reluctant to raise your hopes in this. It could very well be a waste of time." He squeezed the fingers in his reassuringly.

"Or it could cause more damage. Have you forgotten Olivander?" Ron asked. " He'll be in St. Mungo's forever after Voldemort used the Black Phoenix against him. Harry and Draco are lucky to have escaped that fate."

Harry pulled away from Severus and asked, "What happened to this other man you're talking about?"

Severus answered, knowing that they could no longer protect Harry from all of what he couldn't remember. "He is a wandmaker. Voldemort used him to fashion the wand that he used in the final battle. That wand is what caused the damage done to you, to Draco. Apparently, Ollivander was the first victim of the wand. He is in a mental ward, unable to function enough to be on his own any longer."

"How did he make this wand? Why was it so special?"

They all stared at him before Severus finally gazed up at the still circling Caruso. "Voldemort obtained a tail feather from the black phoenix to use as the wand core. It was very powerful and he expected to be able to defeat you with it. Your wand, and his original wand, held the tail feathers of Fawkes. They were brother wands and could not be used against one another in a duel. The old fables and stories say that the black phoenix was a dark creature and Voldemort wanted that power—the advantage of the phoenix magic, but one that could be used against you."

Ron added, "The only way to reverse the damage done by his wand was with black phoenix tears. Severus searched for that thing," he pointed up at Caruso, "until he was able to get enough tears to give you your sight back. You gave some to Draco so he could walk again."

Harry turned away from them all as he thought about what was being said. "Why didn't you use some for this man Olivander?"

Severus sighed, holding out his hand to Harry. "Honestly? I searched for the tears only for you. I never thought of Draco or Olivander while I was looking, and I never considered using the tears for either of them." He met Harry's eyes and then let his hand drop to his side. "That makes me an unfeeling bastard, I know, but I could only think of you while I searched, Harry."

Harry nodded and gave him a small smile to show he understood. "But if we have Caruso now, we can have more tears for Olivander, right?"

Shaiming moved closer and spoke, "My understanding is that Olivander's injuries were mental. There is not a physical location upon which to place the tears."

Ron asked, "Can't you just put them on his head or something?"

Draco snorted and Ron glared at him.

Severus and Shaiming were looking at each other and at the same time they both said, "In a potion!"

They immediately went to the table under the pavilion and each were grabbing quills up and scribbling madly on parchment. Draco joined them and leaned over, pointing out his own additions that they dashed into the margins.

Harry and Ron looked at each other and Ron shrugged. "Not my forte. How about we find some brooms and I remind you how much you used to love flying."

Harry gave a longing glance at Severus and saw that his attention was firmly on the development of a curative potion. He looked back at Ron and nodded.

It was awhile later that the three men stood up straight from the table and stretched, looking around. Severus gave a chagrined grimace and Draco said, "Harry would have to get used to learning about your obsession with potions sometime. Better now than later."

Severus gave him an irritated twitch of the lips as he scanned their surroundings. Laughter from above brought all their eyes to the skies and they saw Harry, Ron and Caruso soaring together. It was awhile before the three of them settled back to earth, Harry flushed and grinning at the feelings that flying had awakened.

"You were right, Ron! That was brilliant!"

Ron grinned back, ecstatic over Harry realizing how much he loved flying. They looked up as the others joined them, Draco remarking, "Of course, I was the better Seeker, Potter.

Ron smirked, "You wish, you ferret."

The bantering was lighthearted and they all felt the mood shifting from what had been oppressive. Mealtimes were a more vocal event, now that Harry had realized his true relationship with Severus. The two of them sat side-by-side, legs touching under the table, Harry with shy smiles and Severus with eyebrows raised in question when he caught the younger man looking at him.

During the next week, Harry continued joining the classes he had developed a liking for as Severus and Shaiming worked over the plans for the phoenix tears potion. Ron and Draco flew with Harry when he wanted to be up in the air with Caruso.

It was during a silent moment at dinner time that Harry asked, "Why are we still here in China? Aren't there people who are missing all of you back home?" He looked around curiously at Draco and Ron.

The blond and the redhead both gave similar looks of disgust as they laid their utensils down on the table. It seemed as if a silent conference took place amongst all the glances around the table before Severus took a deep breath.

"When you were taken by Lucretia, the Ministry of Magic would only allow us to try and find you if we had tracking charms placed on us. They were afraid there would be a possibility of you becoming the next dark lord. They wanted to be able to follow us to you."

Harry looked around at all of them for a few moments. "But none of you think that…"

"No. We don't," Severus hastened to reassure him. "But they still do. Here, we are far enough away that they are not pursuing it. If we go back, they would follow us here. Draco and Ron went as far as France to try and retrieve the spindles. Even that short a journey triggered the tracking charms. They could feel them activate before they hurried back here."

"Can they be removed?" Harry asked quietly. Knowing they were here because they had to be made something tighten inside him.

"The charms were permanent," Ron admitted. "They said they would remain active even if we were to be killed."

"But your families… do you have families? Back in England?"

From the silence around the table, Harry knew that they did. These men were here because they didn't want to endanger their own families. If they went back, the people who had placed the charms would know and would use whatever means they had to get them to divulge Harry's location.

A rage he was unfamiliar with began to rise within him and he felt a tremor start in his body and move into his arms and legs and then his hands and feet. Severus had moved to put a hand on his shoulder and then bent towards him in concern. The sudden rush of wind had papers blowing across the pavilion and hands were raised to shield eyes from the force of it. Harry stood up, his eyes closed, and he reached to grip Severus's arm with both hands.

Severus jerked back as shock after shock entered his arm through Harry's hands. The men reached out to him and they too were suddenly hit by a stream of magic that flowed from Harry to Severus and out the ends of Severus's fingers to them. For an endless moment they stood connected by the streams, unable to move.

Then the wind died back suddenly and they all dropped bonelessly to the ground. Harry slowly turned his head to survey them. The anger was gone. Holding out a now steady hand, he searched over the group, instinctively feeling with his magic.

The men stirred and began to sit up, Draco moving the fastest, drawing his wand and training it on Harry. Silver grey eyes narrowed as they met green and he snarled, "What did you do, Potter?"

Harry shook his head and whispered, "The charms are gone now. They can't track you anymore."

Shaiming drew his own wand and scanned the men carefully before nodding at Severus. "He's correct. The tracking charms have been obliterated from your systems."

Ron frowned, "But they said they couldn't be removed, not even if we died."

Harry whispered again, not looking at any of them, his gaze on the ground. "I just want you all to be free… free to do what you want."

He stumbled as he turned to look at Severus. There was fear in his eyes and he reached out to touch the older man. "I'm sorry. I was just so angry that you are all stuck here, away from family, and I just wanted you to be free…"

Severus caught him as he slumped, glaring at Draco's wand tip that was still trained on Harry's chest. Draco lowered the wand as Severus slung one of Harry's arms over his shoulders and his arm around Harry's waist. "I've got you. You need to rest now."

They were all silent until Severus returned from presumably tucking Harry into his bed. Draco waited until Severus had settled into a chair before speaking.

"I have to say this because we're all thinking it. He's powerful enough to cancel charms that the Unspeakables said could not be undone even in death. If they find this out, and I don't see how it can be avoided, they will not stop until he's neutralized."

Ron stormed to his feet. "You say that so easily, Malfoy. Maybe you'll be the one to tell them-"

Shaiming interrupted his rant. "No one will have to tell them. If whatever tenuous connection they had has been severed, they will go to Albus. He has a tracking charm, too, remember. They will want to see that he is still at Hogwarts."

Severus leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair before dropping his head into them. "Surely… surely he isn't powerful enough to have disabled Albus's charm from this distance…" He felt the reality that his mate was in danger rising with each passing moment, and he felt helpless to stop it.

At that moment, a blinding flash of light heralded the fluttering of a bright orange phoenix feather onto the table. Severus knew from his years as an Order member that it was a signal to be on the alert.

He stood, drawing his wand and headed back to Harry as he growled, "They're coming."

A/N: One more chapter to go!