Chapter 37

- December 2010 -

So here I am, in the airport, staring at the departure screen. My flight has been long removed from the scrolling index but I can't seem to move.

I wanted to get on that plane. I really did - I think. Or at least a part of me did. A big part of me. But then what? I get back, he looses a game and we are back to where we started. He's on a twenty game point streak. I'm paying attention. If he screwed that up, who's fault would it be? Would he blame me? Would the guys and their wives? I can't do it. He needs to understand that while he is under pressure to perform, so am I now. I know that's not what he wanted but that's what it is.

And it's not like we had a chance to talk about it. I mean, I get Trina's point that we couldn't talk because I left but… but I needed some time to think. That's fair right? Not that I have done that but that was my intention. I have done an awful lot of that since arriving at the airport. Nothing like last minute right?

I mean, I know Sid and I need to talk but were we going to be able to talk if I got on that plane? No! I would get into Pittsburgh, he would be waiting for me, waiting with some great expectation that I was back and now everything was fixed. Then we would usher me home to his parents and Taylor and… and I would see her and my heart would break and I would put aside everything and get drawn into the world where everything is perfect and fine but… but it's not! And that's not fair. It's not fair to me, or Sid or even Taylor for that matter. I just can't go back. Not yet.

No, Christmas is definitely not the time to go home. When he breaks his point streak, I'll go home. Not that I want him to! It would just be easier.

-.-

Normally, Taylor bounds down the stairs and dives into the pile of presents that are waiting for her under the tree. My parents tell me not to spoil her but I can't help it. I feel bad for not being there so much of the year and this is just one way I can make it up to her. Not that I know what teenage girls want for Christmas, I mean, normally Bree helps me with the shopping but… not this year. This year it was all on me. This year it is definitely quantity over quality. I made sure to keep all the receipts so she can take stuff back. Not that she cares right now, one way or another. She wandered down the stairs slowly and immediately plopped herself down in one of the family room chairs, my dad had to convince her to open her gifts. She has barely touched the presents from me. She seems to be pushing them to the side. She hates me. Like this is my fucking fault!

My chest tightens and I have to look away from where she is sitting, which sucks because the only other direction to look is towards another stack of unwrapped presents. Those ones I bought on my own too. Fuck, I even wrapped some of them myself. What a waste.

"How could she do this to me?" I whisper and feel my mom's hand on my back. I didn't realize I had said it out loud or that anyone was even close enough to hear me.

"It'll be okay. You'll figure something out," She offers softly. Taylor looks up at me with such hate in her eyes, like I did this to her on purpose.

"That's enough Taylor," My mom barks at her and she rolls her eyes and then pushes a present from me out of the way with her foot. I can't handle that.

"Tay, I'm sorry…" I plea but get no response. My parents exchange looks but don't say anything. What's there to say?

"I'm going to call Steph and see what she got for Christmas…" Taylor climbs to her feet.

"But you haven't finished unwrapping your gifts," My dad points out innocently, probably not knowing that all the remaining gifts are from me. It's not like he would recognize the wrapping paper, mom does it all.

"I don't want them."

"Taylor!" My mom snaps angrily.

"It's fine mom, just… just let her go…" I wave her off. She can't force Taylor to like me anymore then I can.

"That's what you do isn't it? Just let people go!" Taylor screams and throws a balled up collection of ripped wrapping paper at me.

"That is enough, young lady!" My dad interjects but Taylor just screams 'No' and runs towards the stairs and back up to her room. I don't blame her. She's right. I did just let Bree go. I didn't fight it – not hard enough anyway. And now she's gone.

-.-

"Hello?" I quickly answer my phone as I climb off the stairs of the plane.

"Hi…"

"Bree!" I practically jump out of my skin. I didn't even look at the number calling. I just assumed it was my dad, to give me a pep talk about ending the scoring streak. I doubt it would be much of a pep talk, so much as him pointing out the mistakes I made that led to me being held scoreless for the first time in a long time - especially against a team like the Islanders. "I'm sorry… I wasn't expecting you to call. I've called and left a dozen messages. Did you get them?"

"Yeah… I did…" She admits softly.

"Oh." Man, I was really hoping she hadn't got them. That way I could pretend, at least in my head, that she didn't know I was calling and then maybe think that she wasn't just avoiding me. But I guess she was…

"Sid… I'm really sorry about Christmas…" She begins but I don't want to hear it.

"Shhh… it's fine," I cut her off. "I shouldn't have pushed you so hard. I get it."

"No, it's not your fault!"

"Bree, it's fine. It wasn't the same without you here but it's fine. We don't need to talk about it."

"No," She replies firmly. "We do. We do need to talk about it. We need to talk."

"It be easier to talk if you weren't on the other side of the Atlantic," I snort and instantly regret it. Again with the pushing. What's wrong with me? I am going to back off. I want this to be her decision. I can't push her. I have told myself this over and over again and still, somehow, here I am pushing. I want her back so bad, I just can't stop myself. She'll come back when she's ready.

"I know…" I hear her soft voice on the other side of the phone and just wish it was here in front of me. "That's why I thought I would come home now…"

"I'm sorry what? Really? For real?" Screw December 25th! This is freakin' Christmas!

"Yeah, I mean, if you promise we can talk," She warns me and I can barely hear her because I am screaming with happiness in my head.

"100%!" I don't know what I agreed to. I will say anything right now if it gets her home sooner! "I just can't wait to see you! When are you coming home?"

"I'll try and book a flight for tomorrow but it's a busy time of year, so…"

"I'll arrange a plane! Better yet, I'll come and meet you and then we can talk the whole way home!" Oh man, how am I going to explain that to everyone? I'll say I have the flu. Nobody will want to be near me. Yeah, the flu. That's perfect!

"No! I will take a regular flight, don't be ridiculous!" She laughs. "You have a big game to prepare for, eh?"

"I don't care! I just want to see you!"

"I'll be there. I'll text you the flight info when I get it…"

"You're really coming home?" I have to re-confirm, just in case I was hearing things this whole time.

"I'll see you soon, k?" She laughs. I love her laugh. I imagine her smile as I say goodbye. There is a weight lifted off my shoulders. I can't wait to tell Taylor. Wow, I thought today was going to suck. After ending my point streak, I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed and pretend it didn't happen but now, I wanna go home and wash the sheets and make the bed and just wait for her to walk through the door.

-.-

I lift my last sweater from the drawer and place it on top of my suitcase. I think that's everything, as I flip my suitcase shut and pull the zipper closed. I look around and survey the hotel room for any forgotten belongings. Nope, looks like I got it all. There is a knock on the door and I practically bounce across the room to answer it.

"Madam, the car is here for you, to take you to the airport," The bellhop announces, stepping into the room to gather my luggage for me.

"Thank-you," I nod appreciatively. I follow the bellhop down the hall and into the elevator, listening to the bad elevator muzak for the last time. As soon as I got off the phone with Sid, I attempted to book a seat on the next flight out but could only manage to get a flight today, New Year's Eve, of all days. Whatever, it doesn't matter, it gets me into Pittsburgh at 11:00pm and Sid said he would pick me up. Hopefully it isn't late and I can ring in the New Year the right way, in his arms.

I watch out my window as the car moves through the streets towards the airport and I can't help but feel a pang of excitement. I actually can't wait to get back to Pittsburgh. I have stayed in contact with Vero and of course Sid but other then that I have been basically alone. I saw some friends in London and was supposed to stay with them but their baby had whopping cough, so I decided to check into a hotel. I spent a couple weeks in London, before taking the Chunnel to Paris and from there got a EuroPass and travelled around – Belgium, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, Czech Republic. It was fun for awhile, but the loneliness definitely kicked in and I found myself, on more the one occasion, calling or texting Sid to tell him about something I had just seen and wishing he had been there with me. And sometimes, late at night, when I had checked into another bland hotel room, that looked just like all the others, I had wished I had been home with him.

Soon enough.

The car pulled up to the sidewalk outside the check-in counter for international flights and the driver dug my luggage out for me. I pushed my way through heavy pedestrian traffic, a lot of very upset people in a crowded space. I guess that is too be expected on a day like today.

"Hi, just checking in for my flight," I smile as I approach the counter, after waiting in a long line, and slide my well loved and used Passport towards the check-in staff member. She accepts my printed ticket confirmation and begins typing into the computer in front of her.

"I'm sorry ma'am, your flight as been cancelled."

"What do you mean the flight it cancelled?" I ask slowly, maybe I didn't hear her right.

"I am sorry Mademoiselle , there is a snowstorm on the East coast of the United States and they have cancelled all flights," The woman behind the Lufthansa desk tells me in forced and broken English.

"What am I supposed to do?" I practically yell at her. I am guessing not the first time someone has yelled at her today.

"You can wait in our lounge or we can arrange a hotel for you at one of the airport hotels, there are several…"

"No, you don't understand! I need to get back to Pittsburgh today!" I cry over the counter.

"I am sorry but there are no flights to the United States right now…"

-.-

"Where is she? Where the fuck is she?" I scream and slam my fist down onto the bench beside me. She didn't come in last night. I checked the airport website and the flight information said 'delayed'. I can't get a hold of her. No one has heard from her. The airline put me on hold for hours and then my phone died.

"I don't know Sid…" Marc offers quietly from the far side of the room.

"She said she'd be here! She promised!"

"There is a lot of bad weather right now, it might not be her fault…" Brooks offers, getting involved where he is not needed. I don't need to hear about the fucking weather. I know the weather is shit right now. That's why we are stuck in this smelly ass dressing room waiting to play in the biggest game of the damn regular season.

"Not her fault? If she hadn't fucking left, she would be here! If she had come home at Christmas, she would be here! How can you stand there and tell me it's not her fucking fault?" I yell across the room. Damn am I glad there are no cameras around right now!

"Why did she leave?" Brooks asks in a deadpan voice, as if that is some kind of answer. Smug bastard.

"Fuck you!"

"You asked him…" Letang comes to his partner's defense.

"Suck my dick!" I snap at him too.

"Can't right now, gotta game… whenever we actually get around to playing it. Maybe we could focus on energies into dat right now?" Tanger offers as a resolution. It's all this damn idol time. I've spent weeks without her around, focusing myself on keeping her out of my thoughts. If I could just get out there and play… it would all be better.

-.-

"Sid, I'm soooo sorry! I am stuck here! I can't get a flight out – and my battery is basically dead, I'll try and call you later. I hope the game is going well," I pull the phone back from my face and press seven to delete her fifth voicemail. I don't want to hear anymore. A month ago, I saved all her voicemails, so I could replay them and just hear her voice but now there is nothing in the world I want to hear less.

"Hey, kid, how ya' feelin'?" Mario steps into the dressing room. I just shrug. What am I supposed to say? My so-called girlfriend just stood me up – again, we just lost a game I really wanted to win and a guy who nobody knows just tried to take my head off on the ice.

"That good hey?" he claps his hand down on my shoulder and sits down beside me. I've moved to the coaches office to get away from the media and camera's. I did my best to be polite and answer the questions but I just need a break from it all. My head is freakin' pounding but I can't very well snap at Mario. That's probably why they sent him in here, bunch of pussies are too afraid to check on me themselves.

"So, you took quite a hit out there…" he begins

"Yeah well, the guy ran me…" I cut him off before he gets to deep into the 'don't get caught watching your passes' speech. I don't need to hear it.

"They claim incidental contact," Mario informs me.

"Incidental my ass! He didn't even try to move," I argue.

"Yeah, we'll see what the league says. It's not like there is a lack of motive there." No shit.

"They're just pissy 'cause Ovi is shit this year and they wanted to knock me out. Maybe that seventeen year contract wasn't such a good idea, eh?" I shake my head. God, I hate that guy. I clench my hands into fists and feel a surge of rage move up through my body. The blood is pounding in my ears and I just want to go home and forget today happened.

"And there is nothing else going on? Nothing else bothering you right now?" Mario asks, climbing to his feet.

"No. I'm fine."

"Okay," he concedes, probably knowing full well that something is going on but having enough decency to let my private life be my private life, which is more then I can say for a lot of other people. "Nathalie is putting tea on for your parents, you should come by. She's worried about you."

"Please tell her I'm fine but I'm going to pass. I just want to go home and be alone right now…" I explain and hope he and Nathalie understand. I don't want to bring them down, or cause any undo worry. I am just going to go home and wallow in my own self pity.