Kings and Queens, Iris, I Need a Doctor, Perfect, Never Say Never.

Totally forgot it was Sunday!

Taking Care

Not My Worst Day

Make it stop, make it end, make it all just go away. She didn't want this, she couldn't handle it if this was real. It wasn't funny and it never, ever would be.

There were police in Sesshoumaru's apartment. As in men, men with guns, and badges, and uniforms, and radios, and bullet-resistant vests. At first there were only two of them, and they stayed out of the bedroom after Sesshoumaru bellowed something and slammed the door shut. He found something to wear and looked ridiculous and high-strung in a wrinkled shirt and white sweat pants as Kagura hid, shame-faced, under the sheets on the bed.

He told her to stay there and she damn-well wasn't going to argue with him, and when he opened the door one of the officers tried to come in and take a look around- hell no to that. Sesshoumaru had almost gotten into a shoving match with the man to keep him out, she'd never seen him get that aggressive before, ever. It wasn't until she screamed and threatened to throw something that the cop backed off and said they'd call for a female officer to come. Until then, they refused to let her shut the bedroom door.

So Kagura was left stark naked, wrapped up in bedsheets and clutching a pillow, hiding and wishing she could either die or wake up. She found her bra and panties and struggled to put them on inside her cotton cocoon, but moving around too much kept getting the attention of one of the officers- did they think she was stashing drugs or something? Sick, disgusting freaks!

Now there were four officers in Sesshoumaru's apartment, and Kagura could hear enough from the bedroom to know that his landlord had been the one to unlock the door and let them in. A woman dressed in blue stepped into the room and Kagura was doing everything in her power not to let tears of fury and humiliation run down her face, pointedly telling the bitch to go get her backpack that had been dropped off by the front door last night. Sesshoumaru's front door, not the landlord's.

"Do you have any ID, Miss?"

"In the backpack!" Idiot! Did Kagura look like she wanted to stay like this? Was the woman completely brain dead!

Only after the officer came back- and when she did the backpack had been opened and clearly rifled through, Kagura was finally allowed to have the door closed. The female officer had to stay, but Kagura made herself handle it. She pulled on the change of clothes from inside, plus her hair-brush and tried to tame the mess clinging to her head. As she dressed, the woman asked questions and checked the ID cards Kagura'd pulled out to appease her.

"What's with all this barging in on people?" She'd been answering questions about her relationship with Sesshoumaru; that they'd been dating on and off for several months, that he'd picked her up around seven last night and they'd been together all night- yes, all night, and with no interruptions until this morning!

Kagura hesitated to give her place of work but knuckled under the weight of the officer's position: all they'd have to do was run her name and Kagura's status as a care-giver would come up, she couldn't afford to be too difficult with the police.

"There was an incident last night, from what I understand no one was able to get in contact with Mr. Taishou." Inu- Taishou, but Kagura didn't correct her. "Extra measures were taken when there was no answer at the apartment door, it was for your own protection." And it'd be a great laugh down at the police station too, wouldn't it? Kagura could almost hear the jokes now, and her face burned as she took her cards back and stuffed them into her wallet.

The female officer didn't get in her way, or seem to mind at all when Kagura wanted to leave the bedroom, they both stepped out and she had to ignore the fact that there were three armed men standing around Sesshoumaru. It surprised her that he was sitting down at the table in his kitchen, a number of photos spread out in front of him. But then she saw the look on his face, and she wanted to scream at the officers to get away from him.

Sesshoumaru was not expressive. He didn't write much of anything on his face, he didn't get excited easily or crumble under a bit of pressure or bad news. His emotions found other out-lets; usually his eyes, but the colour and heat of his skin worked well too, his gestures, his touch, the pitch of his voice. You had to pay attention to him to know how he was feeling.

So when she saw him looking too pale, his eyes vacant and staring down through the glass without actually seeing anything, something was wrong. His lame arm was hanging limp at his side with his good hand resting in his lap, the strength drained out of his shoulders where they'd slouched down. He didn't seem to care that his hair was loose and some of it tangled over his face, he'd completely forgotten the fact that he was bare-foot and had obviously dressed in under thirty seconds. He didn't even look at her when Kagura came into the room, just listened to what the officer next to him was saying.

"The fire department responded in time to salvage the structure, but the damage is still extensive on the inside, several people were hurt in the crush trying to get out the fire-exits."

"You said shots were fired." His voice sounded dead.

"There were no gunshot wounds reported, but..." The officer speaking finally noticed Kagura standing there, his words trailing off as Sesshoumaru lifted his head to look at her. She wasn't sure what her first instinct was, but it wasn't to rush over and hug him: not in front of all these people. She also didn't want him to suddenly come up with an explanation for what was happening, for the same reason.

So Kagura didn't say anything at all, just walked up until she was at the chair next to him around the corner of the table, taking a seat and looking down at the pictures in front of him. They were men's faces, most looked like mug-shots and Sesshoumaru's hand drifted up slowly, touching one near the corner and sliding it towards her.

Kagura didn't know what she was looking at for a moment, then took a harder look at the man's bleached hair and oriental moustache. She couldn't put her finger on it, but there was something about him...

One of the officers had stepped outside for a minute, murmuring into his shoulder radio trying not to be too disturbing. When he came back, he spoke up with a question.

"Mr. Inu-Taishou, do you know a man named Moryomaru?" Sesshoumaru's floor manager? Kagura gave Sesshoumaru a look as he stared at nothing for a moment, then saw him nod. Words formed slowly in his throat, but he was given time to speak.

"I fired him last week." Kagura had seen him once, maybe twice before, but they'd never spoken. She understood that Sesshoumaru's business and personal lives didn't mix, so hadn't made it her business to get to know any of his staff at Tokijin. A look passed between the officers, but no one said anything.

What happened last night?

"Sir, I think you may want to come with us."

"I think so." It took Sesshoumaru only one try to stand up, but he needed a moment before he made that effort. She'd seen him stressed before, frustrated, trapped: it was how he looked almost every night at Tokijin. But she'd never seen him like this. He was vacant, not dismissive, quiet, not contemplative. It was like something had broken in him, and Sesshoumaru didn't even notice her until Kagura grabbed his hand and spoke.

"I'll call a taxi." It was like her voice reminded him that she was even there, Sesshoumaru's eyes looking down at her. He almost looked confused, and then instead of arguing with her like he would at almost any other time, Sesshoumaru nodded. There was nothing in his eyes as he shook his hand free of hers.

So... She called a taxi, and Kagura left...

It was hard to go to practice, harder still to pay attention. Kagura wasn't the sort of person who needed several do-overs to get the basic routine down properly, but it was hard to stop thinking and just dance. She didn't want to just drop into that daze and let her body go where it wanted.

When she did get the steps down, they were slow and heavy. That would've been fine yesterday, a Tuesday, but after today there was only one more practice tomorrow and then performances on the weekend. One hour, maybe two after they really started, Kagura was flagging badly enough for Jakotsu to pull her off the stage.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad morning, y'know?" Jakotsu could still sympathize even if he didn't know what exactly had happened, her friend standing with her over by the bar while the others stretched and chatted on the stage. Kagura rubbed her face with one hand, she'd slept fine- she'd slept great, but it felt like she'd been up all night instead. This was not a good day.

"Problems at home?"

"No, no. Boyfriend." Jakotsu's eyebrows shot up, his mouth forming a perfect 'o'. Kagura didn't get a chance to cut him off.

"What did he do? Sesshoumaru didn't say anything mean to you, did he? I know he's hot but that man can just-"

"Jak." He was just worried. Kagura closed her eyes and gave her head a shake. "No, it's not like that. Something happened and it just..." She was distracted. Jakotsu sort of tilted his head back and forth a few times, swinging from side to side like he had to pee, then spoke up.

"Do you need to go see him?" Ugh... That was a hard question.

"I was gonna go after practice." The choreographer shook his head. No, did Kagura need to go see him? She bit her lip and tried to think up the right answer. She was at work, her priorities were supposed to be-

"Yeah. Yeah, if I can, then..."

"Say no more. You've got the steps, just bring your A-game tomorrow." Right, she could do that, the trick was avoiding their boss. Smiling and rushing off to get changed, Kagura was out of the Tetseiga and on the bus ten minutes later.

Finding Sesshoumaru was easy, calling him wasn't though, so she just left the phone in her pocket as she navigated the bus network and stepped off at a stop in her old neighbourhood. Tokijin was close enough to her old apartment that Kagura didn't have to walk for more than a few minutes, but once she was there, she stopped.

The fire trucks had probably left hours ago, but there were still two patrol cars outside along with a large official-looking van. There was yellow tape over the windows and a perimeter set-up, but no one around. She ducked under the caution tape and had a look up at the sign that still hung suspended over the doors. The heat of the fire had blackened the bottom of it so just the 'Toki' could be seen, and even from the ground Kagura could see bullet holes in the blue lettering.

'Shit, I lived here?' Only a few blocks away, not enough distance to take her out of gang territory. People like that didn't shoot up apartment blocks though, at least not that Kagura'd ever heard of. Still, it made her look back with a shiver.

The doors had been propped open and Kagura entered unnanounced, broken glass crackling under her feet as she was careful not to slice open the bottoms of her shoes. Tokijin had been maze-like on the inside, ramps and booths surrounding the dance floor and leading to and from the bar. There was daylight across the black floor where one of the emergency exits had been propped open like the front, but the air was wet and salty from the night's trauma. The neon paint had been covered up by char, the bar completely smashed and partially melted, every light had burst from the power going haywire. Even in the middle of the day, this place was dark.

She was stopped by a pair of officers who looked like they were on their way out. She recognized one of them from that morning and was allowed to stay, the man pointing up in the direction of Sesshoumaru's office when she asked where he was. That was all she'd really wanted.

It didn't make sense until she saw the burnt furniture sitting behind the bar: the fire had been intentional. Whoever had done it had set the blaze where it would go crazy and do the most damage- which meant right next to and under the alcohol. Kagura felt a little sick when she thought she smelled blood on the floor and wall near the gate protecting the gangway, but she made herself pass through the fence and walk up towards the office. She stopped again when she got to the door, both because it was open, and its condition.

Bullets. Five, six, seven small holes had been blasted through the soft wood. The stink of soot and ash was strong here again, but she entered the silent, empty office and took a look around. The window he always looked out through had been smashed down onto the dance floor, the filing cabinets set up around the room all pulled over with their drawers ripped open. The remains of a bonfire had been set next to his overturned desk, all of it wet now from the fire-engine's pumps.

The door to the roof was open, but Kagura hadn't expected to find him inside anyways.

But she also hadn't expected to find Sesshoumaru crouched on the ground with his hand over his face, back resting against the short brick wall bordering the rooftop. Before leaving that morning he'd had a chance to change into one of his proper suits, a deep green one, and to brush his teeth and tie back his silver hair. Kagura had left before him, but she still knew he hadn't showered or shaved; there'd been no time for unnecessary grooming.

The roof was concrete strewn with pebbles and stone chips from years of neglect, some old crates were stacked up nearby, plastic-wrapped bundles of whatever, industrial plastic tubs of more who-knew-what. Kagura's feet crunched over the bits of concrete, the dancer not worried about keeping quiet as she walked up to him. He'd know she was there, and he'd know who she was by the time Kagura was standing over Sesshoumaru's crumpled form.

He really must have lost a lot of weight after his accident, that jacket didn't fit him at all.

"C'mon." Backpack settled behind her shoulders, one hand in her jean pocket, Kagura extended the other one out to him, only speaking since he wasn't looking at her to see the gesture. His hand moved, but just to squish and rub at his eyes, she could practically hear his eyelashes being twisted together.

"I was desperate." His voice didn't sound right. It was still his, it was still Sesshoumaru speaking, but it was like something had been cut out from under him, like she was just hearing an echo. "I needed to get rid of Kaijinbo. I knew Moryomaru had a record, but I didn't look into it and I didn't go with my gut. I hired a gang-"

"Shut up."

Last night a group of men with ties to Tokyo's underworld stormed Tokijin. They terrorized Sesshoumaru's customers and set fire to the main bar, then shot down the door to his office and, finding it empty, destroyed his records and set the whole thing ablaze. Last night Sesshoumaru could have died in this place, if he'd been there, but he wasn't.

Sesshoumaru had been with her instead, so right now Kagura didn't want to talk about the rest of that stuff. Last night Sesshoumaru could have died in this place, so as long as he was still alive Kagura wasn't going to let him stay here.

"I'm not gonna pick you up and carry you." Even if she'd wanted to, there just wasn't enough of her left for that sort of thing. She couldn't do anything for him if he was broken, but damaged? Kagura could handle damaged. "Just stand." Just take her hand.

Kagura wouldn't give aid if Sesshoumaru didn't want it. What was the good of helping someone if you had to break who they were to get your way? He hadn't wanted help this morning in his apartment kitchen, he hadn't wanted help last night when he'd earned his own rent for the first time in months. He'd needed it all along but Sesshoumaru just hadn't wanted it, so Kagura couldn't give any.

Friends were who you asked for help from when you needed it. Family was who you begged for it from when your friends couldn't do any more. Or maybe it was the other way around. It didn't matter.

Because the one you loved wasn't someone you had to ask. You just had to let them know that you were ready.

Was he?

The first order of business was getting away from Tokijin. Far, far away.

Kagura didn't want any talking either, not when she walked him to the bus-stop and then released his hand only for the minute it took her to count out extra change for his fare. And at no point after that was there going to be any talking. It was standing room only on the bus, so she couldn't hold his hand again lest he topple over whenever the loud vehicle lurched or turned, but they weren't on it for very long.

Off of the bus, onto the trains. No talking. They found a seat at the back of one nearly empty car, moving against the early rush-hour crowd.

"Where are we going?" It was the only full sentence she let him get out, Sesshoumaru's face still dazed and his eyes not quite alert to what was going on around him.

"Take that thing off." It was the closest he got to a response from her, the two of them seated next to one another for the thirty minutes it took them to reach the stop she wanted. Sesshoumaru didn't have it in him to argue with her, and Kagura unbuckled the sling around his body and stuffed it away in her backpack, helping straighten his jacket once his lame arm was pushed through the sleeve. She seemed pleased with the effect.

She leaned on his good shoulder, one hand curled around his bicep and fingers woven through his as they rode a second train through the dark underbelly of the city. They weren't leaving Tokyo, but by the time she tugged on him again to step off, he didn't know where he was anymore. But there were trees, and about ten minutes later they were someplace quiet, someplace safe, someplace different.

The Rikugi-en, he read the sign and recognized the name of one of the city gardens. It was quiet once they were in the gates, and given the time of day- early afternoon on a Wednesday, there was almost no one inside. Sesshoumaru didn't know too much about the garden, just where it was since he'd driven through this sector of the city multiple times before. He'd never been inside, and Kagura stopped once they were through the gates and looked like she didn't know which way to go. But, maybe, that was alright. This was where she'd wanted to come.

It was a strolling garden, there were low benches and sprawling vegetation- most of which was still just waking up for the growing season. A lot of green and yellow, but not much else. No vibrant colours yet, but that was part of the calming effect too: not a lot going on, but still enough for your to notice. They walked together and, after a few minutes, Sesshoumaru let his good hand stray and take hers again. He wanted to hold onto her, but more importantly he wanted her to coil her arm around his like she'd done on the train, wanted to feel her fingers weave between his and squeeze tightly.

He also didn't want to keep walking, but neither did Kagura. They slowed almost to a stop at every bench they passed, but none met her standards. There was no talking, and that was alright, but Sesshoumaru could feel a weakness in his knees that started creeping up along his back. He felt himself starting to lean on her and wanted to stop walking.

He was moving through a heavy fog, a numbness that was only getting worse the more he moved and had to keep thinking, keep acting, keep going. Kagura made it better, but as she watched the plants and the benches and the reflection of the sun off the wide pond taking up a portion of the garden... No, stop that. Don't do this, he couldn't do this right now. He couldn't pretend everything was okay, he was so tired of acting like he was doing fine. It was exhausting to keep going through the motions and keeping everything hidden and neat.

He'd lost his business to Inuyasha. He'd lost his livelihood and his pride and his self-confidence to his father. He'd lost all control to his mother. He'd lost the respect of Jaken, and he was going to lose it from Jakotsu and Byakuya soon enough. He'd lost his only chance to Moryomaru. He'd destroyed his own credit and then let underworld politics he hadn't known anything about destroy everything else.

'For the love of God, Kagura, say something.'

"This way." There was a path for a reason, but there was also a massive, gnarled tree planted right at the bend in the walkway that marked a transition between the little road and a small meadow of yellow plants. She didn't expect them to trample the sweet grass down, but Kagura did leave the path behind, tugging Sesshoumaru along to follow her to the base of the tree. He had no idea what kind it was, the tree was big and it had leaves, that was all that seemed important to him, especially when she finally, blessedly, stopped walking.

"Come." She dropped her backpack on the path near the tree's roots and then plopped down on the grass, leaning her back against the rough bark and looking up at him. He almost felt the need to look around, to make sure no one else was around, but then he saw a softness in her eyes and he just knelt down in front of her. It would be alright, to be like this with her, and only for today.

It took a few minutes, the ground was uncomfortable and Sesshoumaru still wasn't quite all together in his mind. It should have been Kagura resting in his arms, held close by him and giving him a sense, a reminder, of the fact that he could protect her. That was how it should have been, but she wouldn't let him do that. It was like Kagura's refusal was her way of silently challenging the entire platform. How could he look after her? How could he provide for her needs? What good was he right now? The questions bit and stung him, they trampled down the hope he'd clung to that, maybe, their relationship hadn't been changed by this morning.

"Sesshoumaru, I love you." But it was different, it was completely different from what it had been last night, or the day before that. "So just come here."

He did what she said and finally settled the way she wanted him. Maybe it was what he needed, to be ordered around just once and made to do something he didn't initially want. Maybe this would help him, because as he let himself sink into Kagura's arms, his head on her shoulder, his back pressed against her body where she was sitting behind him, letting him recline on her... Sesshoumaru started- started, to maybe feel better. Maybe. A little.

She was wrapped tight around him, Kagura's knee up supporting him from the side, her opposite arm draped over his shoulder and looped around his chest. Her other hand was touching his face, stroking his temple and cheek, combing her fingers back through his hair. Sesshoumaru could close his eyes and turn his face down under her throat, his good hand up and holding her elbow to keep her touch from slipping away.

It took her a long time to say anything, and when she did... Sesshoumaru almost resented her for it.

"It's okay." No, it wasn't. "You'll get through this." No, no he wouldn't. He'd exhausted everything. No credit, no capital, no investments, no savings, he- "Are you bankrupt?" He- what? No. Well... no? There were so many numbers, he had no idea if- "Explain it to me?" No. "Talk me through it." He didn't... want to...

"I'm tired." She didn't let go of him, didn't stop running her fingertips over his scarred cheek or pull away at all. He was so tired. It wasn't even physical anymore, it had nothing to do with how much he'd slept or eaten or walked around today. It was nothing his limbs could deal with or feel better about. It was his mind: he was so, so tired... "I don't-"

His cell went off. It was sitting in his jacket pocket and it started to vibrate and thrum loudly. It could have been a brick landing square in his chest though, his words seized up and he couldn't remember how to breathe. There was a creeping burn around his eyes as he opened them, stunned by the choking sensation in his throat and the doom that came washing over his body.

Shutting his eyes again and holding them tightly closed, he turned towards Kagura's warmth and felt her stiffen; her hand pressing down on the side of his face like she was trying to take him in. The arm she'd wrapped around him moved and he felt her hand digging after the distant sound of the phone, Sesshoumaru twisting his body just enough so she could reach the pocket she needed and draw the device out. He just dropped himself back in place against her, eyes shut and throat sore, his good arm looking for her waist so he could hold onto her.

"Who's this?" She wasn't talking to him, Kagura had answered the phone and was speaking bluntly into the receiver. "Well I asked first: so who the hell is this?" Someone willing to argue with the strange woman speaking through his phone. Sesshoumaru shifted his body just enough so he could rest lower down, the hand on his face stroking and encouraging him to make himself comfortable. "Does that mean lawyer? So that makes you his mom- you could have just said that!" No, he didn't want to talk to his mother right now, not like this. His arm tightened around Kagura's waist and she answered by rubbing her hand down the middle of his back, trying to sooth him.

"No. He'll call you when he feels like it." He loved her, he loved her. It was so much easier to think about that instead of anything else. "Fine, leave a message, but I sure won't give it to him." Kagura made a sound over him after that, like a laugh or a sniff.

"She hung up on me." Sesshoumaru really wasn't surprised. He had moved all the way down until his head was resting in her lap, the dark blue of her jeans oddly comfortable against his cheek. Her leg was under him and his good arm curled around so he could rest his hand on her hip, actually comfortable like this. He listened as Kagura closed the flip-phone and tossed it off into the grass, then felt her rest one hand on his shoulder and use the other to stroke his hair slowly, like a cat.

It was quiet here... The garden swallowed the traffic sounds from the city outside the walls. He could almost pretend that... that they were miles away from Tokyo.

And when his cell went off again, Kagura just leaned over a little to pick it back up, then whipped it off into the trees. Sesshoumaru raised his head up at this, but, after a brief moment of consideration, settled back down. It was hiding, but it didn't feel that way. It was more like he was simply rejecting the idea that he had to speak to people just because they called him. Sesshoumaru didn't want to talk to anyone.

"This your worst day ever?" Except Kagura. Her voice, her questions, her opinions... those were things he was alright with.

"...No." It was close, but... His worst day hadn't ended like this. Sesshoumaru's eyes had been open again and drifted closed once more, enjoying the warmth hitting his shoulders from the sun, and Kagura's smooth, constant touch.

"Really? There was something worse than this?" Mm... he could have said his parents' divorce, but that hadn't really been a day and Sesshoumaru had been too young at the time to remember much of it. There was the day his father died, but, no, not really. Losing Tetseiga, which had been his contribution to his father's memory: that had hurt. But no. Worst day... there were days worse than this one, but the absolute lowest one...

"The accident..." He slurred the word a little bit, kept his eyes closed and his body positioned comfortably on the grass. "That was... worse." He'd started that day off badly, because he'd had a bad night before it. Too much drinking, too much anger. He'd let his temper get the best of him and his fatigue get in the way of basic motor skills. That was another day he'd almost died, but it had been his own fault then, no one else had a role in that.

Not even Inuyasha.

"That was a good day for me." Kagura's words didn't make sense right away, Sesshoumaru almost thought he'd heard her wrong. "Got a great new job, talked to a hot guy- but he was a bit of a prick." Hmph. She must have been referring to Bankotsu, Sesshoumaru was always a perfect gentleman. "It was pretty awesome... until we heard this sound outside." Oh... "We were pretty sure the guy in the silver car was gonna die..."

But he hadn't. He saw her point now: he'd survived his worst day. Today... was bad, but not on the same level. This day started with Kagura, and it was ending with her... that made it better. Not by much, but by just enough that...

"Sleep if you're tired, Sesshoumaru." He was too old for naps, but too tired to say as much. He was warm and she was still stroking his head, something he wasn't used to but found he liked. "You've had a bad day."

'... But not my worst.'

Wooo~! Long, fluffy chapter.

Still haven't made additional progress on chapter 42. Uh-oh~ I've also fallen head over heels for Hetalia, but maybe it'll be a short love-affair like my brief fling with Pokemon xD