A/N: No spoilers! Review, please!

Disclaimer: I do own Bleach! That's right, you read that wrong.

SEX TALK

Rukia sighed heavily, looking towards Ichigo at his desk. When he didn't turn to look at her, she sighed again, louder this time. Still, Ichigo didn't move. This time she added a dramatic tone to her sigh.

Meanwhile, Ichigo was trying very, very hard to ignore her. He knew that if he gave in and asked her what was wrong, it would spur a long conversation, and he was almost at the end of Hamlet. If he could just hold her off until then-

His thoughts were interrupted by a loud, haughty sigh right by his ear. Rukia had gotten up from her place on his bed to stand right by him and pointedly sigh in his ear. He pursed his lips and tried to force his eyes to read the words on the page. When she did it again, though, he couldn't hold back his frustration.

"WHAT?" he snapped, swinging his head to glare at her and slamming down his book.

Rukia smirked. "Sheesh, Ichigo, what's your problem?" Her smirk grew as the carrottop's eye twitched visibly. "I was just thinking."

"Think more quietly, then," he snipped harshly, picking his book back up and turning to his page.

No sooner had he found his spot than Rukia spoke again. "It's just that, well, what I was thinking about was in regards to you."

Ichigo sat down and, rubbing his temples, set his book back down on the desk. "What is it, Rukia?" he said wearily.

Rukia pushed a few things aside on his desk and, much to his dismay, sat down (more like jumped up) on it. "Well, you see, the girls and I were talking."

"Girls?"

"Oh, you know, Inoue-san, Tatsuki-san, Matsumoto-san, Yoruichi-san..."

Ichigo cringed. Nothing involving all of those people, particularly the two adult perverts could ever, ever be good.

"And they were all talking about turning men down." Rukia glanced at him at this point.

"Huh?"

Sighing, she continued. "You know, like for sex."

"WHAT?" Ichigo knew his face was bright red; he could feel the burn. But he didn't care. He had no idea where this was going, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to find out.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Oh, please, Ichigo." She looked up to the ceiling again and went on. "Well, I got to thinking-"

"Which is never a good thing," Ichigo put in.

Disregarding this except for a swift kick to his waist (the lowest part of him she could reach from her position.) "We're together, we're dating, right?"

It was Ichigo's turn to roll his eyes, still scowling and rubbing his waist. "No, Rukia, I hate you," he said sarcastically.

Rukia responded to this with another kick. "Well, I was wondering why you haven't asked me for sex yet." She looked at him expectantly.

If he had been taking a drink, at this point, Ichigo would've spit it out. Instead, his jaw dropped and he stared stupidly at Rukia for almost a full minute before she kicked him again, bringing him back to reality. His face turned red again, but whether it was from anger or embarrassment, neither teen knew.

"Well?" Rukia asked impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well, uh, um, uh, wha-" he sputtered, then, "WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THAT?"

The raven-headed shinigami sighed irritably again and looked him directly in the eyes. "Because all the boys pressure their girlfriends into sex. But you don't. And I want to know why. Matsumoto claims that you're gay and I'm just a cover up." Rukia's eyebrows furrowed and her bottom lip puckered out in a pout.

"I'm not gay!" Ichigo protested, vigorously shaking his hands. "I don't know why I have to keep telling people that." He sighed and let his hands drop. Taking a glance at his girlfriend, he took a deep breath and put his head in his hands. "Rukia, I don't pressure you because I don't want to pressure you."

"Huh?"

"I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for. And seeing as you're rather, erm, old-fashioned," he gave her a pointed look, "I thought you might want to wait. And I'm totally cool with that." Dispite sounding like he was okay with the situation, Ichigo's face burned red as he spoke these words. Even with a girlfriend, he was still a prude when it came to some things.

Rukia looked taken aback by his explanation. "Oh. Well." She looked down at her shoes for a moment before looking back to him. "Well do you want to?"

Ichigo's eyes widened and his jaw dropped. "What?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"Do you want to have sex with me?" Rukia said slowly, as if he might understand better that way.

Ichigo's face progressed from red to purple as he realized what she was asking. "Rukia, do you know what s-s-s- that is?"

Rukia smacked the back of his head and glared at him. "Idiot! Of course I know what sex is! It's when a man and a woman-"

"OKAY, OKAY, STOP RIGHT THERE!" Ichigo clamped a hand over her mouth and glared at her. "OW!" He withdrew his hand that she had just bitten and shook it out, scowling more deeply.

"That's what you get! Now answer my question!"

Instead of answering, though, Ichigo got up from his seat and flopped on the bed with his book and flipped it open.

"Ichigo! Do. You. Want. To. Have. Sex?" Rukia stood above him, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

Finally, Ichigo threw down his book and sat up. "Of course I do, Rukia! Every teenage boy wants to have sex!" he shouted angrily. "That doesn't mean I want to!"

After a moment of silence, Rukia spoke flatly. "Ichigo, that doesn't make any sense whatsoever."

He slumped back down on the bed and crossed his arms. "It'd make sense if you were a guy," he muttered irritably.

Rukia slowly made her way to sit beside him and laid a hand on his knee. "Ichigo, if you want to, ask me." Her eyes were wide and searching his, yet he refused to look at her.

Finally, he turned his head towards hers. "Rukia, why are you so curious all of the sudden?" He thought back to her explanation before of what she was "thinking." His eyes widened and he stood from the bed. Pointing at her accusingly, he shouted, "You just want to turn me down!"

"No, Ichigo!" Rukia protested, but her eyes said otherwise.

The orange-haired shinigami turned his back and crossed his arms. "I'm not going to ask you to, well, do that if all you want to do is reject me!"

Rukia hurried over to his side and rested a small hand on his shoulder. "Ichigo, it's not exactly like that... I just... I want to fit in with my friends! And I'm just not ready for that, and judging by your reaction to the whole situation, neither are you." To add an element of pity, she sniffed loudly. "Please?"

"Why don't you just lie, then?" he asked sharply, turning to look at her and as a result, knocked her hand off his shoulder.

"I don't lie." Rukia looked straight into his eyes, and for a moment, it was silent. Then, both of them burst out laughing.

Once they had quieted down, Ichigo asked, "No, really, why?"

Rukia just shrugged. "It just... wouldn't be the same."

Nodding, Ichigo sat back down on the bed and stretched out. He lounged there, apparently thinking deeply. Finally, he sighed. "What do I get out of this deal?"

Smiling hopefully, Rukia sat beside him. "Um... a girlfriend?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes and grabbed Rukia around the waist and pulled her on top of him, tickling her wildly. She gasped and let out peals of laughter and shouts of protest until he stopped. She stayed on his stomach, their heads lined up (for once). He gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and said softly, "I thought I already had one of those... Or are you threatening me?" He raised an eyebrow at her.

Rukia gently punched his chest beneath her. "Of course not! But... it would just mean a lot to me if you would just ask me." She looked down at him sheepishly and gave another smile.

Sighing, Ichigo propped himself up by his elbows. "Okay, okay." He looked her in the eye and hesitated. "But I'm only doing this to shut you up." Once she nodded to show she understood, he went on. "Rukia, will you have sex with me?"

"Yes."

A beat of silence followed, then, "WHAT?"

Rukia chuckled. "Just kidding! Nope!"

Glaring at her angrily, Ichigo pushed her off of him. "That was mean," he told her in a low voice. "Are you happy now?" he added when she just grinned up at him.

"Yes, thank you very much." She leaned forward and gave him a short peck on the lips before hopping off the bed. Ichigo's hand shot out and grabbed her wrist, dragging her back to lay beside him. Without warning, he began tickling her wildly, ignoring her screaming protests. When she was gasping for breath, Rukia finally managed to shove his hands away long enough to sit up and cross her arms over her stomach.

Glaring evily at him, she growled, "Don't ever do that again!"

Ichigo merely laughed and pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her head. "Whatever you say, Rukes."

"Don't call me that, either! It's weird." Though her words were harsh, she snuggled closer into his embrace.

"Hey, why does Renji get to call you that but I don't?" Ichigo asked and, offended, pulled slightly away from her.

Rukia punched him, hard, in the chest. "Duh, that's why, you idiot. Renji calls me that. You call me 'Midget.' It's how it's supposed to be."

Ichigo smirked at her and pulled her close to him again. "All right, Midget."

And she was right; this is how it was supposed to be, he thought and smiled before placing a kiss on her head again. Exactly how it was supposed to be.

A/N: Hellllllooooooo! How are all of you wonderful people? I'm fabulous. :)

So I just got a macbook, so as soon as I get iWork for it, I can't wait to start writing on it! Maybe I'll actually have spell check! (That's right, people, so far you've been reading stories by me with NO SPELL CHECK!) Anyway, I'll probably be more motivated to write on it because I love it so much. xD That's good news, right?

Thanks to all of you WONDERFUL, LOVELY, MAJESTIC PEOPLE! I love you so much! 13 reviews! GAHH! Amazing. :)

darklover- Oh. My. Gosh. I freaking LOVE SPIKE! He is my absolute favorite vampire EVER. I love that show. xD And yeah, vamps from Twilight are kinda... not scary. At all. They're pretty pathetic. Haha. Thanks for the review!

2coolforyou- Ooh, thanks for the suggestion! I would love to do that! I need to get my creative part of my brain working, and I'll think of an idea! :D

Miku Alli- Bunnies, vampires, what's next? Haha. Rukia will always drive him nuts. It's in her job discription, haha.

Mijumaruwott- Thanks! I'm glad that you liked it and thought it was funny!

ChocoboMuffins- I have no idea, either, why people think Twilight is good. Ginny is SO MUCH better than Bella! I love Ginny. xD I love Harry Potter in general, but Ginny is my favorite. :) INFINITELY better. It's true.

TruantPony- I always appreciate Twilight bashing as well, so I figured I might as well! Haha. Oh my gosh, I know! Edward is the CREEPIEST being ever written about or for some reason, swooned over. If I were Bella and my father was a police chief, I'd scream till he came with a gun. O.O Too creepy. Thanks for the review! :)

LesleytheLion- Thanks for the advice! I should do that. :) I have a book of prompts, but I feel like they get me started and then I get stuck after the first paragraph. Haha. I'm glad you like this story! :)

Winter Knight- Twilight is so bad, just sayin'. Haha. I'm glad you liked the chapter! :)

Disha5- Completely dry juices, but then I had some apple juice and managed to get it out. Haha. I love the guy going for the girl any time, so I tend to write that a lot. :) It's just so darn cute!

Andr3w R0b3rts0n- Sparkly vampires are scary. I mean, what could you do to defend yourself? Wear sunglasses? That's just too difficult. Okay, sounds like a deal. :)

uryufangirl- Oh, trust me, I appreciate the word uber. Haha. It's a great word! And you used it in great context; Edward IS uber creepy! Thanks! Glad you liked it! :)

Rukia's Reflection- Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it! xD

Mokimoki-chan- (Your review for chapter 4, 'Memories') Thanks! Yeah, that one was pretty sad, haha. It almost made me cry writing it! Thanks for the review!

REVIEW! Or... Um... I'll... Tickle you?