Cross Roads
&
Building Blocks
Chapter 37
"Ranger, but that's your Mercedes. You don't let any dirt settle on your cars. I can't put Garner in there, there will be dog hairs. Let's just take my car, I have seat covers. If her nails would puncture a hole in the leather, I could find me and my dog somewhere I've never heard of in this world or could pronounce."
He was standing beside his black Mercedes sedan dangling keys with that Ranger 'knows best' expression, slightly pursed lips and chocolate eyes almost glaring but not quite resting on his crutches. "Babe, this gives us more room. Being honest, I feel somewhat squished in your car. It's nice for you and Sophia."
"Woof."
"I was getting to you. You didn't let me finish," the man in black now casually dressed in long dark green sweat shorts and pale green t-shirt from 'The Good Mother Earth' was doing the eyebrow thing and talking to a black dog, "and Garner. I've had it for a few years, so I'm not too concerned about the seats, besides Luis covered part of the backseat."
I looked in and saw a black blanket covering part of the rear seat and there was a pink flowered infant car seat fastened on the other side.
"You let pink flowers in your black car?"
He did an eye roll, "Babe, we got a baby!"
"Eeeeeeeh," Sophia let out in my arms. When I changed Sophia to go to my parents' house, I thought Baby Daddy was going to re-injure his healing rib. He was laughing at the little pink camouflage tank dress with flouncey skirt, tiny pink sandals, baby hat, and matching pants. Embroidered across the front 'NOW YOU SEE ME, NOW YOU DON'T'.
"That's my Little Babe," he told his daughter.
"Let's take the Mercedes," I said walking around to open the door for him. Sophia was buckled, Garner settled beside her, and I slid his crutches on the floor behind the seat.
Just as I was pulling out of the garage, the Merrymen were loading into Tank's Hummer. My Mom called earlier inviting them; she sort of overcooked and knew those three would pick up the slack. They were picking up a keg and Lula. Because it was my mother's cooking, that made up for Grandma being there and I could run interference. Daddy's new birthday grill and outdoor zero-gravity double lounger I bought were delivered yesterday.
I parked in the back so Ranger didn't have any steps. The ignition wasn't even off and Daddy was out of his lounger opening the backdoor getting Sophia.
"There's my little Pumpkin."
"Aaa baa aaah," translated from baby "Happy Birthday, Grandpa."
"Thank you, Sophia." Daddy spoke baby, too!
Garner followed her out and ran into the yard finding her water bowl on the new deck.
He handed Ranger his crutches and I knew my Cuban man was unsure of the reaction he would receive from my father. Before taking a step, he shook my father's hand, "Happy Birthday, Frank. I'm sorry for the stupid thing I said and hurting Stephanie."
Both stood for a moment sizing up the other.
Daddy's eyes were hard steel, "Don't do it again or you might find my foot up your ass." They softened seeing the concerned look of Ranger's face.
"Duly noted. I told Stephanie to whack me upside the head."
"Good," patting him on the back. "You have to try out this lounger. I slept most of last evening in it."
Ranger and Daddy were good again.
Once my Cuban man had his beer and Sophia was being fussed over by my parents, I thought I should mention about the baptism, "Happy Birthday, Daddy. Mom, Daddy, next Sunday Sophia is being baptized at the Stone Church." I knew what was coming.
"Stephanie," my Mom had that old Mom tone, "I'm sure Father Patrick could schedule." She caught Daddy's set jaw. 'I'll make the stuffed cabbages. Every christening or baptism party needs them."
"We'll be there, Pumpkin."
"Ranger's parents are coming to Reading on Saturday. Tank and Mary Lou are Sophia's godparents, but since it's a Methodist. They're silent godparents."
"Mother and I can cook on Saturday," Mom added still concerned about the stuffed cabbages.
Grandma came out in a yellow and green polka dotted sundress with thin shoulder straps not holding up her sagging breasts and yellow floppy hat, "What are we cooking?"
"Stuffed cabbages for Sophia's baptism next Sunday in Reading."
"I'll go to the Italian grocery in The Square to get the stuff so it's there cause I'll be going back early with them," pointing to Ranger and me. "Besides, the girls are bored without me. I got a text from them," waving her cell phone.
Ranger looked slightly upset; Daddy was smiling since Grandma would be out of his hair.
"Oh here, put this on. Which is his good side?"
"Left."
Grandma put something on his shirt. "We'll go by our porn star names today," putting a sticker on herself.
Ranger was sitting there with 'Hi! I'm Rex Ramrod' on his chest that Sophia was touching. Hers read 'Pussy Biglips'.
She had four little bags. Two had pink labels with '1' and '2' and two blue with '1' and '2'. "Pick one out of each," giving the pink bags to my Mother and the blue to my father. She pulled the lobster hat from behind her and plopped it on Daddy's head.
"I knew you didn't have one of those. Happy Birthday! What's your porn name?"
"You crazy old bat!" Daddy yelled at her with the pinchers flying and the eyes opening and closing on his head.
Sophia was laughing at the red sea creature and Garner was sniffing it.
"I'm Bubble Buds, Mother."
Grandma took her marker out of her pocket and wrote my mother's porn name giving her a sticker to wear.
"Pick two good ones, Baby Granddaughter."
Daddy got one slapped on him that read, "Hi! I'm Brock Rockem."
My new name was 'Delilah Delight'. Ranger gave me that damn sexy eyebrow, "Babe."
When they arrived, Lula was 'Misty Tempations', Tank was 'Magnum Pulse', Lester became 'Jag Pumperman', and Bobby's 'Maximum Poker'.
If that wasn't enough chaos, Valerie and Albert came with my three nieces.
Albert who was now 'Buck Slippery-Stick' asked, "Ranger, when did you get a baby?"
He was playing with the wooden blocks and colored rings with Sophia on the lounger oblivious to the craziness around him. His attention totally on Sophia.
Grandma answered, "Rex is giving up the security business and becoming a ventriloquist. He'll be taking his act on the road. This is just practice."
Sophia if on cue was going "Aaa baa aaa eee aaa."
"Wow, that puppet looks really life like. I hope we can get some tickets to your show."
"We'll put you on the mailing list," Grandma told him. "Hey Misty, I like those pink ringlets in your hair. Real or extensions?"
Lula was sporting blonde hair with pink spirals swinging on the side of her head to match the hot pink spandex halter top which quite a lot was showing in the middle peek-a-boo cutout, "They're extensions, Granny. Bright yellow and lime green look good on you. It compliments them grey curls. Skinny White Girl, where's Batman's hair? He looks to young for you. Did he get carded since I see a beer there? I don't want no cops showing up."
"Ranger had to get it cut to even it out. Kim did an excellent job," I said watching Ventriloquist Ranger and his babbling baby.
Valerie, now 'Wendy Wetone' was dragging Albert out on the porch, "Cuddle Umpkins, that's a baby! My sister, Stephanie, went off and had one, not telling anyone. Ranger's not going into ventriloquism to earn extra money!"
This really proved it; Albert was a few cards short of that full deck.
"It was on a need to know basis and you didn't need to know," Grandma spat at Wendy or Valerie. I'm not sure if she's had a little too much. Grandma keeps hitting the keg.
Finally coming out of Baby land, "Babe, who's a ventriloquist?"
"I told Cuddle Umpkins you were," Grandma informed him.
Ranger nodded "OK," and went right back to playing with our daughter.
"Whatever happened to being aware of his surroundings," I muttered to myself. I couldn't take the chaos. I thought about grabbing everyone and driving until I got to the serenity of Reading.
"Hey you three, want to play hide n seek?" Grandma went hustling off the deck towards Tank, Bobby, and Lester. "I got to keep my spy skills sharp."
They went running and she was following. "One, two, three."
Daddy was happily flipping burgers, turning hot dogs; onions were sizzling in the vegetable pan on the top rack. He was really putting on a show tossing utensils as he grilled. "This is the best grill, Pumpkin, and self-cleaning, too." Turning the chicken and brushing on barbecue sauce. I caught Lester wearing the lobster hat being chased by Garner.
"Only the best for you, Daddy," kissing him and taking a wiggling baby from Ranger. "Someone needs changed and is getting hungry."
He was following me on crutches and looked at my parent's steps that went straight up; he must be going to the bathroom.
"Wait," I took his crutches and with Sophia ran up the steps. I put the crutches at the top and sat Sophia in the crib in my old room with a lime green caterpillar with colored rings. "Mommy will be right back." Ranger had hopped up the first few steps, "Can't you wait!"
"Babe." I knew he hated to rely on anyone. Damn macho Cuban!
"Ranger, you lean on me and I lean on you and we'll be OK."
He gave me a smirk, "Sure, Bill Withers."
"Smart Ass. Mommy's all most there, Peanut!"
"Aaaah." We could hear.
"We made it," I told Ranger.
He looked down at the steep steps, "Getting down may be tricky."
"Go," pointing to the bathroom as I handed him his crutches and I was off to feed a babbling baby.
I had a giggling baby breastfeeding or trying, "Aaaah!"
The Baby Daddy and part-time ventriloquist came into my old bedroom. "Is that good?" Ranger slid on the bed, laying his head on my bent knee and playing with little pink toes.
"Aaah baa baaa."
"Really?"
Her bare kicking foot smacked his nose. 'There's my answer."
Sophia was more interested in her Daddy right now than my boob. She had good taste.
Tank was calling from the hall, "What did you need, Bomber?"
Thank God I was covered again, "In here. I think Ranger may need help getting down."
"Babe!"
I gave him a 'Burg' death glare, "I don't need you falling and breaking another leg."
"We can do that," Lobster Lester agreed taking the crutches.
Before I could say a word, Bobby's hands were under Ranger's shoulders supporting his backt and Tank had his legs cradled in his arms.
"All hail the Cuban! All hail the Cuban!" Lester was leading the parade with the baton on crutches as Ranger got carried out and down the steps.
"Next time, take a leak on the neighbor's tomato plants," Tank grumbled.
I could hardly get down the stairs from laughing so hard. Ranger was trying so hard to glare at Sophia and me giggling, but he was ready to bust a gut.
After dinner, Daddy blew out the candles on his favorite Red Devil's food cake, Mom asked me to take her somewhere as she had to pick up something for his birthday. He was so proud of his Grandpa t-shirt from Sophia that read 'All Men Are Not Created Equal, Only The Finest Become Grandpas', he just slipped it on over the one he had on. I told Ranger I would be back and put Mom in the Mercedes.
I could hear Daddy asking loudly where his wife was when I pulled back in my parking space. I couldn't wait to see his face when he saw Mom's present.
"Helen, where did" Daddy barked as we were walking in the back sidewalk, changing his thought, "a puppy! I got a puppy!" scooping a black and white dog in his big arms.
"Frank, I listen to you every night saying you wish Garner was here to take for a walk. I thought it was about time you have your own dog. Her name is Gracie. She's 4 months old. Part Shepherd and part Border collie. I got her at the shelter."
Gracie was licking Daddy's face, and then started wiggling to get down seeing Garner watching on the deck.
Both sniffing each other with wagging tails, they each had a new friend.
"Thank you, Helen." Daddy laid one right on my mother in front of everyone.
"Someone besides Stephanie is getting some tonight and it ain't me," Grandma was standing on the deck. "Lester, what are you doing tonight?"
He looked all around the yard still wearing the dumb lobster hat, glanced for a second on Grandma, and then took off running in the direction of Rangeman. I expect he'll show up sometime.
"Well, Ranger, you seemed to take all the craziness in stride." Daddy was carrying Sophia to the car then taking Gracie for a walk.
"Didn't really notice it, Frank. I got one of my own," rubbing noses with his daughter.