The events of last night would come back to her in a slow, blurry haze when she awoke the next morning sometime after eight am. She'd be confused to reach for the comforting warmth of his arms where she'd planned to snuggle up and get a few more moments of reprieve before going to investigate in their guest bedroom to see if her nephew had stirred awake.
The absence of the over six foot muscular frame she'd grown accustomed to waking up next to would prompt her eyes to open and she'd stretch her arms lazily over her head as she contemplated where he might be. Had he decided that babysitting with her just wasn't his cup of a tea and bailed to the district? She'd grow preemptively annoyed at him once her mind had made that assumption and she'd rise from their bed and slide the discarded sweatpants she'd been wearing the night before up to her hips before opening their bedroom door.
Sounds from the kitchen and smells that must've been born there too wafted down the hallway and any annoyance she had would quickly vanish. She'd heard the faint sound of the TV on in the living room as well as she walked down the hall with bare feet.
Danny was sprawled on the couch in chill mode, hands behind his head, elbows sticking out watching cartoons. Noticing this would stop her search for Jay briefly and she'd lean over the back of the couch to catch the toddler by surprise, tickling him! "Good morning little man!" She beamed down on him, her fingers roaming in playfully around his belly while she pressed kisses to his face. The boy would giggle with delight. "Pretty!" He'd shout, throwing his arms around her neck when she'd finally stopped her tickle torture. She scooped him up and hugged him just a little tighter, wondering what would happen over the next few hours.
Pretty. It was his nickname for her. After Olive and Danny had moved to Arizona to be closer to her sister, Hank had taken it pretty hard. As smart as the man was, especially when it came to his instincts, he was rather daft when it came to operating technologies, especially video chat. So Erin had taken to going over to Hank's every so often for a planned video chat with Olive and Danny as a way to lift his spirits and make sure they could stay involved in his life. Over the past year and change they'd had more than you could count on two hands, but it was their very first one had earned her the nickname. Hank had been fixing them both coffees in the back so it was Erin's face that had appeared to Danny and Olive first when they'd connected and Danny's eyes had lit up when he saw her face. "Oooh…. pretty!" He'd exclaimed, clapping his tiny hands together. After that, it had just stuck. In recalling those found memories she'd think back to the last time they'd done one of those chats. It had definitely been months; things had gotten crazy on her end and they'd fallen to the wayside. She felt guilty. If she'd done her unspoken vow she'd promised to Justin when working through her grief over his death any justice, she'd have made sure everything was good with Olive and Danny, no matter what was going on in her life. She'd let her brother down. She'd let herself down.
In order to shake off the darkness of those thoughts, Erin would press a couple more kisses to his sweet little face before depositing him onto the couch so he could resume his captivation of the characters on the screen. "Where's your Uncle Jay, hmm?" She'd ask, noting that he obviously wasn't in the living room with Danny.
"Him in the ki-shen. Him makin' pan-takes." Danny would articulate surprisingly well, Erin would smirk at his words. Damn was he adorable; his hair was darker now, his looks favored Justin more. It would be a realization that made her breath catch.
"Pancakes? Yummmm!" She'd recover quickly and exaggerate that last syllable of that word slightly and then she'd realize she'd officially lost her nephew's attention to the cartoon puppies on their giant TV screen and she moseyed into the kitchen where she would in fact find Jay, shirtless but wearing an apron, a fact that would almost make her forget that her nephew was on the couch because holy fuck did the sight of him all sexy and domestic make her want to do unspeakable things to him.
Mustering every ounce of unused self-control left in her, she sauntered up behind him and slid her arms around his waist. His body would react with slight surprise as her sudden and unexpected presence. "Babe! I didn't hear you get up." He'd confess, pouring a silver dollar sized amount of batter into the pan before turning himself slightly so he could kiss her.
"Same to you…. what is all this? I didn't realize we had any food here yet… I meant to stock up but after cleaning I was too tired to be more productive…"
"Yeah, I went to the store this morning. No big deal." He'd shrug and turn his attention back to the pan where he'd flip the pancake with great ease. Seriously, who knew making pancakes could be such a turn on? Erin would shake the dirty thoughts from her mind again and show her appreciation for his thoughtfulness in a more innocent way.
She pressed her lips to his bare shoulder and sighed. "You are too good to me, Jay Halstead." She'd sigh, her hands moving to brush over his abs where they were hidden behind that green apron fabric.
"Working every day to be good enough, actually." He'd correct sweetly, his free hand coming around her back to gently pat her butt. "My mom… she used to make us special breakfasts on Saturday mornings. Her, Will, and I would get TV trays and wake up early to watch Saturday morning cartoons. She'd make pancakes every time but she'd decorate them to be faces…. clowns, Santa, one time she did a really impressive one that looked like Gene Simmons from Kiss…." He'd trail off and shake his head with a smile, recalling those happy memories of simpler times. "Anyway, it used to always make me happy. I thought, why the hell not right? So I went and got stuff to make pancakes. Because kids love pancakes." He shrugged like it was no big deal and then added, "And I picked up some blocks and a couple cars…. coloring book and some crayons, I figured we could go to the park or something around lunch time but we're going to need supplies to keep him entertained. until then and afterwards."
Each word he spoke would make her heart swell just that much more and by the time he was done she was ready to burst at the seams with the overwhelming love and adoration she had for this sweet, thoughtful man she was more than sure she didn't deserve after all the things she'd done in her past. But she'd accept this fluke. She'd take the flaw in the system that had put them together because maybe she didn't deserve his gentle, caring, warmth but; she would find it to be her home now and she knew she was a better woman for having him in her life. There wasn't a day she'd taken this man for granted; especially after life had reminded them both how short and fragile it could be. There forever was right now; they were living in it;, not bystanders waiting for it to happen.
"You are amazing…" She'd whisper and she'd tug at him until he was turned around to face her and she'd capture his lips in a passionate kiss that she hoped would translate not just her gratitude for this moment, but for all the moments that had led them here. When she broke the kiss, her teeth would tug gently at his bottom lip in a different sort of unspoken message; one meant to convey just how she planned to show her appreciation for his thoughtfulness later; at a more opportune time.
"You kissin' him!" A giggle would accompany the toddler voice that had just interrupted their private moment and they'd pull back and join in his laughter.
"You're next!" Erin would remark and she'd draw herself away from Jay to give chase to her nephew who would take off as fast as his little legs would take him, heading back towards the living room, squealing with delight. The sight of that would do all sorts of thing to Jay as well. He'd wear an unmistakable smile on his lips as he finished preparing them all breakfast.
Less than fifteen minutes later he'd join them in the living room, picking up Danny under his arm and flying him like an airplane to the kitchen table. There, waiting in front of the seat he'd take where he'd sit Danny on his knee would be a pancake "face." A beard of whipped cream would surround a mouth made of sliced strawberries, a tuft of hair at the top of the place would be made of the same creamy treat. Two slices of kiwi would serve as eyes. And a whole strawberry would protrude from the middle of it all as a nose. Jay would beam proudly at his creation that would be promptly destroyed by Danny who, having no time to be bothered with silverware would slap his entire hand into the whipped cream before pulling it up to his face where he'd seem to smear it everywhere but his mouth, and then lick it off.
By the end of breakfast, Jay and Danny would both be covered in bits of pancake, syrup, fruit, and whipped cream. Erin would be amused to see just how much this bothered her favorite neat freak who would be more than willing to retreat to the shower when she'd granted him permission to abandon her to clean up the kitchen and the little boy since he'd been sweet enough to make them all breakfast. She'd only manage to get the plates into the sink before Danny was ready to go, go go, and she was following him out of the kitchen with a wet paper towel trying to clean his face and hands fruitlessly.
By the time Jay reemerged from the shower smelling fresh and manly, dressed in shorts and a bright blue t-shirt, Erin had only managed to clean part of Danny's face and change him into a pair clean pair of shorts from the small bag Hank had brought over with him. Danny had one sock on his hand and his t-shirt on his head like a wig. Erin would give Jay a look of frustrated amusement, begging for help.
He'd couldn't help but smile at her and he dipped down to kiss her forehead before struggling to lower himself to sit on the floor, his long reach easily getting a hold on Danny as he ran around the living room in a circle with his wings out like an airplane. The boy would laugh as she tried without avail to wriggle from Jay's grasp on him. "Go, get dressed, I got this." He'd wink at his wife and she'd feel a little defeated as Jay tugged the shirt from Danny's head and blew a raspberry onto his stomach. "You don't want to get dressed? We'll see about that mister…" The little boy's laughs would drown out her husband's words as she rose from the floor to find respite in the bedroom. She'd sink onto the bed silent for a moment. Jay seemed so natural at this. Almost born for it, if you asked her. She'd seen him with kids before, sure, but never in a capacity like this. It did something strange to her biological clock.
But her mind, as always, would step in with reminders of self-doubt and she'd find herself paralyzed with anxious thoughts. Jay would be an amazing father, without a doubt. But, what about her? Could she do this full time? Would she be any good at it? Would she be the kind of mom who woke her kids up on Saturday mornings for special breakfasts and Saturday morning cartoons like his had been? Or would she be more like Bunny, and fail them every time? She knew what kind of mother she'd want to be. But, could she be? Wanting things for yourself and actually doing them weren't always aligned.
She'd shake the feelings of self doubt and try her best to silence the ticking of that biological clock that had been sent into overdrive by the morning's events because in addition to making her completely in love with the idea of Jay as a father; she was equally as wary of herself as a mom. She'd shake the serious weight of those ponderings from her shoulders when she felt her phone vibrate next to her. Hank's name flashing on the screen would be enough to draw her from the tizzy she was whipping herself into.
She answered the call quickly, bringing the phone to her ear. "Please tell me she's with you."
"Not quite." Would be the gruff response, her heart would sink. "We got a plate off the car she got into, did some more digging into this Brody character and let's just say, he's no stranger to being charged with domestics. In fact, six different women have pressed charges against him in the last four years." Hank's voice would be filled with disgust. "We got a hit off some plate readers on I-94, but after they took an exit onto some backroads after we'd crossed into Wisconsin, we lost the ability to track his plates. Al and I are still following up on some leads and now that we have more information on this punk, we have some ideas on where he might have taken her. Turns out; he grew up in Stoughton, Wisconsin. It's only about an 40 minutes east of where we lost him, so, we're heading there now. We're going to check in on his known associates, see if he's been in touch with any of them, I'll let you know more when I have more to tell." He'd indicate he was about to hang up but he'd speak suddenly, as if just remembering he wanted to ask his next question. "How's it going with Danny?"
"Fine," Erin would shrug even though she knew he wouldn't see it through the phone. "Jay made us all breakfast and we're going to head to the park a couple blocks from our apartment in a few, let him run around and burn off some of this constant stream of energy that never seems to run out." This would motivate her to start getting dressed quickly into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt of her own before lacing her feet into sneakers.
"Thanks kid, I knew I could count on you. Give him my love; okay?"
And with that, he'd hang up before she could ask the pressing question of her own. What was she supposed to tell Danny if he asked about Olive? They'd been able to distract him so far but, he was a curious kid and it was bound to come up. She'd resolve to deal with that when she actually needed to and then, moved back to rejoin the boys in the living room.
She'd be relieved to find it in total chaos. Blocks were everywhere as were crayons; as if someone had taken fistfuls of each of them and thrown them into the air like confetti. In fact, she was pretty sure that was exactly what had happened because Danny was doing the same thing with a handful of cards right now. "Whoa there mister, that is not how we play with toys." She'd warn, her voice soft and nurturing in a way she didn't even know she could intone. "And you need to be careful throwing things anyway because Uncle Jay as a boo boo on his leg."
Danny would look up at the taller man who was somehow perched on the floor, a task she knew wasn't easy for him given his current state. "A boo boo?" His tiny voice would ask, full of concern.
"Yes," Erin would affirm. "A very bad one, right here." She'd point to the spot on his leg that used to be adorned with metal bars and braces. "… so we need to be careful now help me clean up and we can go to the park…" She'd add gently. And she'd surprise even herself at how easily she'd found those words. Maybe Jay wasn't the only one with a paternal inclination here. Danny would adorably bend and press a sloppy kiss to the spot Erin had indicated on Jay's leg and it would absolutely melt them both.
Danny would help Erin clean up the toys and she'd help Jay struggle back to his feet and remind him not to sit on the floor like that again because it clearly didn't feel good. She'd been lecturing him about being careful when the question had come from Danny's mouth.
"Where's mommy?" His curious little voice would stop them both and end the growing tension between them.
Erin would stop only a moment before drumming up an answer. "She and Grandpa Hank are looking for something, they'll be back later. But, until then…. we are going to go to the park! Does that sound fun?"
"YEAH!" He'd cheer, her distraction techniques working like a charm. "Him can push me on the swings." And with that, he'd sit down in front of Erin to let her put on his shoes.
They'd have a great time at the park. Erin fixed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for them all and they'd gotten snacks and drinks at a corner store on the way. It was only a four block walk to the sunny little park but Danny had grown tired of walking after just the first block and to avoid the boy dissolving into a full blown tantrum, Jay had perched him on his shoulders and they'd walked, slow and steady, hand in hand in a slight vision of what their future might one day be. When they got to the park they'd take turns pushing him on the swings or watching him go up and down the slide about thirty times in a row. She'd chase him around for what felt like hours before he was tired and they stopped to sit on a bench and eat a makeshift picnic lunch. The jaunt to the park would exhaust them all and Danny would be asleep against Erin's chest as they made the short walk back to their apartment.
"You're really good with him," Jay said gently as they rounded the corner of their block, indicating they'd be home in the next few minutes.
"So are you." She'd concede in return, casting her eyes over her sleeping nephew's head to find his. They'd find a beat of silence where neither spoke but they considered each other seriously, staring into one another.
When he'd studied her long enough to decide he was ready to give an honest verbalization to what he thought they'd been communicating silently. "I think I'm—" His confession would be cut short as her phone rang, vibrating against her back pocket.
She'd let out a frustrated sigh; she would've done anything to hear him finish that sentence. She'd find a way to bring it up later, if it was the last thing she did. "Can you get the phone? My hands are full."
Jay would dip his hand into her pocket gladly, letting his hand occupy the place her phone had just been. She'd give him a coy smile but make no attempt to move away. Her husband would move the phone to his own ear. "Hank, it's Jay. Danny's sleeping on her so, she didn't want to wake him…"
"I've got her!" Hank's voice was full of relief. "He put his hands on her but; Al is going to take to the hospital up here to get checked out while I deal with Brody…" Jay's eyes would widen at his boss' admission and Erin would suck in a breath. She could hear her father figure's harsh loud voice even though the phone wasn't on speaker.
Erin would motion for Jay to swap places with her and he'd hand her the phone and take Danny carefully from her. She'd miss the slight warmness his snuggly body had given her as soon as he was gone from the place on her front where he'd taken up respite. "Hank…slow down. What are you going to—"
"Keep Danny for us, maybe another night. Olive is not in great shape I think the bastard dislocated her shoulder and she may have also fractured her arm. We're going to stay in Wisconsin for the night until this is taken care of."
"Hank!" She'd move away from Jay and the sleeping toddler so she could fully express her concern and not have it muddled by being told to him in a low whisper. "Listen; this is not the way. Rough him up a little, fine, he deserves it. But…. drop him off at a local precinct and let them handle this. If your name gets mixed up into a story about this going south, that's not good for Olive or Danny and you know it…" She tried to convince him but it felt useless as he responded simply.
"Yeah, I hear you kid. But, I've got this covered. You just; take care of Danny and when I know more, I'll let you know." The line would go dead after that and she'd turn back to Jay, frustrated.
She'd find that her quickened pace had led her to the stoop of their building and she'd only wait a few more seconds for Jay and the baby to join her. "Appears to have gone well," He'd tease, attempting humor to ease some of the tension wrought into her shoulders and face.
She pulled the door open and let him in before her and then followed him up the stairs. "He's a stubborn ass, as usual." She sighed. But, there was one good thing that came from this. They'd get to play house with Danny a little longer. And there was nothing she found sexier right now than Jay as a daddy, even if it was just a fantasy world she'd created in her mind. Today, the three of them had felt like a family. "Jay." She'd say gently, when he came back from laying Danny down to finish out his nap on the sheets that ornamented their guest bed. "I think I'm ready to… try." And she wouldn't need to say anything further or him to know what it was she meant.