The lock on the door clicks shut as Jim flings me against the back wall of the disabled toilet. I hit it with force and it knocks against the wound I already have on my head. I raise my hand to it and throw a scared glance at Jim. He suddenly seems so tall and scary like he was first time we met. The past few weeks he'd been much more humane and I'd grown to like him but in this moment right now he's a stranger again. I feel the fresh sticky blood as it merges into my tangled hair.
Tears form in the corner of my eyes and my bottom lip trembles, I just want to break down and cry. Jim is still stood still in front of me as I slouch against the wall he says nothing and all that can be heard in the confined space is my erratic breathing. After what seems like an eternity he takes a step forward, it only needs to be the one and he's right up close and our bodies are almost touching.
Taking me by surprise, I let out a gasp as he grabs my cheeks and squeezes till its painful. He pushes his lips to my ear and they brush the edge gently as he begins to speak.
"You screwed up, you know that so you're going to make it right. You understand me?" He whispers his breath warm and wet against my skin. I nod slightly.
"Do you understand me?" he yells making certain I understand him.
"Yes, yes…..yes" I answer as a tear escapes and runs along the side of my nose before reaching my lips where I can taste it. My throat dry and the escaping words are croaky.
He lets go pushing me away and my head knocks back against the wall, pain radiating throughout.
He steps back from me but still I feel it's too close. He's thinking something through but what? Ringing can suddenly be heard from his jacket pocket as his phone goes off. He grunts as he reaches for it, answers it and slams it against his ear.
"Yeah, she's here….yeah she understands….what? Well look for him you idiot!….you mean….na mate….it's cool I'll deal with her and then him."
He snaps the phone shut and glowers at me. Oh no what the hell have I done now and what's happened?
I fall to the floor the impact of his actions ripping through my aching, weak body. The next thing I see is his boot coming for me. He propels it forward with force and my body flies into the pipes that line the skirting. My mouth drops open but I can't say a word, can't even beg him to stop. I gasp for air after I take the second blow; he continues to kick at me for the length of my torso making sure to hit every inch. He finally stops and I think that's it. Whatever lesson he is trying to teach me I promise it has worked.
I lie against the sticky, discoloured lino taking short sharp breathes as I try to suppress the thoughts of how much pain I'm in and concentrate on what's happening around me. Jim stands over me and it scarily reminds me of the way Frank had stood just after he'd raped me. Great now I have that horrible thought in my head again! I just want Peter, I want him to hold me, I want him to kiss me and just tell me everything is going to be ok. I close my eyes awaiting Jim's next move and transport myself to a happier time. I have so many from moments with Liam to moments with Peter to chose from. They all flash before my eyes and a small smile finds it's way to my lips.
I feel Jim's cold hands take grip around my arms dragging me to my feet. Brushing the back of his knuckles across my cheek I just have a gut feeling he is going to strike me again. The seconds tick by before he removes his hand and then in one swift movement smacks it across my face. The bold gold rings he wears scrape across my cheek and I wince as he goes to hit me again. My blood dotted across his knuckles. He continues to hit me until my body buckles and falls again to the floor.
As I gaze up he hovers over me once more, the room now spinning as he starts the routine of kicking. I begin to cough each one becoming more and more violent to the point I almost choke. With all the energy I have left I raise my hands as if to say stop, please just stop but he dismisses the action and continues to beat me. He only stops when a dribble of blood emerges from my mouth. I curl instantly into a ball and try to protect myself from any further harm. He crouches down still hovering and tuts in disgust. My whole body lies trembling before him and I pray he won't touch me but he does. Lifting his hand he gives me a firm slap making my face twist into the disgusting lino.
His knees crack as he rises to his feet, I don't dare look at him I just can't endure any more pain. The lock on the door clicks open and Jim's boots squeak on the floor as he leaves. Staring blankly at the door I watch him close it and then hear him moving around outside. I'm frozen not able to move at all, my whole body aching and screaming out in pain. I feel all the cold trails of blood run across my face and dry against my skin. My head still pounding and my skin having turned that horrible pale shade of greeny blue again.
I continue to cough and suck in deep breaths, the pain of exhaling unbearable as it makes the coughing worse. Blood still comes up and spills from my mouth, the dark red fluid leaks from my mouth and pools beside me on the lino. It's been quiet outside for a while so I try to sit up. My arms are not strong enough to support me so I reach out and grab the sink edge. I just about manage to struggle up to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.
Staring back at me is a beaten, frightened young girl. She's skinny, she's drawn and pale, unwell looking. He face is stained with blood, her eyes red and dry. Tangled dark hair frames her puffy red patched pale face and pinky bloodstained paths from tears decorate her cheeks. She doesn't look like me at all. I've never been beaten like this in my life and I don't know why it has happened.
I can only stare at the reflection for a few seconds before I fall against the basin. I try to pull myself up again, I cannot get my head around what I've seen, what Jim has done to me or why? Bravely I reach for my cheek but flinch before my fingertips can touch it. One hand on the sink is not enough to support me, it gives out on me and I hit the side of my head as I slip back to the floor. I lie lifelessly for a few seconds before I completely blank out.