Tony's day had already been eventful and it wasn't even lunchtime yet. He had been back at the Rehab center for four days and this time, his frame of mind had been ready to deal with the challenges and demands that would be placed on him both physically and mentally; the marked improvement in his attitude had made a difference in his approach to his recovery. The staff had been both surprised and grateful by the change in Tony and he was doing his best to maintain that positive outlook that had been endearing him to those working with him; of course, being optimistic all the time was easier said than done but he had promised himself and Gibbs that he was through feeling sorry for himself.
Looking back, Tony couldn't believe that he had allowed himself to become so pessimistic and melancholy; normally, he was the one trying to alleviate the tension with a joke or off hand remark but somewhere along the way, he had lost his sense of humor and in turn, lost part of himself. Not that there was anything funny about being shot and ending up in a wheelchair but he had realized that he was going to have to make the best of the situation; he had been paralyzed for a reason and although he wasn't sure what that reason was, Tony was certain that he wasn't supposed to sit around and let the world pass him by.
This morning, he had met with his physical therapist and the wheelchair representative so that he could be fitted for his own personal chair. It was a huge step towards his acceptance of his disability; Tony had actually managed to show some excitement when he was told that he could pick out the color of his chair and he decided that his new ride would be red, just like Magnum's Ferrari.
Like a child with a new toy, he couldn't wait to show the picture to Gibbs for his approval; hopefully, the team leader would drop by before his physical therapy session this afternoon. Tony didn't mind the therapy sessions; he viewed them as a necessary evil if he was ever going to have a semi normal life. However, the sessions were grueling and afterwards, he often preferred to be left alone in for a while so he could reenergize his mind and his body; his therapist challenged him and pushed him beyond his perceived limits, much like Gibbs often did whenever he needed to be reminded of his potential.
A knock at his door brought him back to the present. Unsure of who could be coming to see him at the moment, he called out, "Come in!"
"Well, Agent DiNozzo, it's good to see you again."
Tony actually wasn't surprised to see Dr. Claire Williams walk into his room; in fact, he was amazed at the fact that he hadn't seen her before now. The psychiatrist had been a constant source of aggravation for him during his previous stay but he was determined not to make himself such an easy target this time. She was about to meet the real Tony DiNozzo and she was definitely in for a surprise. He hoped that he could make her forget the man that she had encountered before; his depressed state, anger, and constant negativity had definitely left her with the wrong impression and he was going to do his best to correct that image that he had created. Putting on his most charming grin, he slowly extended his hand to greet her. "It's good to see you again, Doc."
As she shook his hand, Tony could tell that she was puzzled by his behavior. "I guess the fact that you're not telling me to get out of your room is a good sign," she quipped.
"No," Tony replied. "I uh…was actually just thinking that it was kind of strange that I hadn't seen you yet. I figured that you would've been the first in line to welcome me back, seeing as how we parted on such good terms." He mentally chastised himself for his sarcastic comment; for some reason, Tony still felt the need to keep up his guard around the beautiful psychiatrist and she probably could tell that he was still on the defense. So much for making a good impression.
"I've had a few days off," the doctor explained. "But, I cleared the next hour when I saw that you were back; I figured we had a lot of ground to cover."
"You're probably right," he conceded.
Dr. Williams made her way over to where he was sitting in his wheelchair and sat on the edge of the bed. "If you don't mind an observation, you seem different."
"Really? How so?" Tony inquired.
"For one thing, you're smiling."
"Well, let's just say, I have a lot to smile about."
"Such as?" she pressed.
"Well, I just ordered my new wheelchair, I've gotten phone numbers from three nurses for when I get out of here, and we had blueberry pancakes this morning; life is good," Tony happily declared.
"Gretchen and the other nurses have noticed a remarkable improvement in your attitude; they say that you're a lot easier to be around and that your outlook on life has greatly improved."
"I guess so; I'm trying."
"I can see that, but you're avoiding the question."
"I am?" Tony had thought that he had satisfactorily answered her inquiry, but obviously it wasn't the answer she was looking for.
Claire nodded her head. "You are."
Tony knew she was right; he was expert at talking around his emotions and it was a habit that wasn't easy for him to break.
He nervously licked his lips as he met her questioning gaze. "Well, let's just say in the past week I realized that…that things could be a lot worse."
"And how did you come to this conclusion?"
Tony wasn't sure exactly how much he wanted to reveal to Dr. Williams but he knew he had to assure her that he had a better grip on his disability. Their last conversation had left both of them frustrated and she was probably ready to commit him to the psychiatric ward. Tony couldn't blame her; he knew that his defensiveness had made her job much more difficult but she continued pressing him to acknowledge his emotions and deal with them. He had fought her every step of the way and although he doubted that they would ever be good friends, he now wanted to convince her that he was on his way to a complete recovery.
Clearing his throat, he carefully picked up the cup of water on the table and took a sip; he was thankful that the tremors had finally dissipated and that he could eat and drink without wearing his food or beverage. "Uh, what was the question again?" he sheepishly asked.
"How did you come to the conclusion that things could be worse?" the doctor patiently repeated.
He placed the cup back on the table and scrubbed his face. "At first when I was faced with the possibility of losing the use of my arms, I was angry; then I realized that maybe I had taken some things for granted and I…" Tony paused and blew out a long, drawn out breath. "Let's just say, I know now that I need to get my priorities straight and my first priority needs to be moving on with my life. I almost didn't get the chance to do that when my father tried to put me away for good, but that's another story for another day."
"I can't wait to hear it."
He almost regretted permitting the bit about his father to slip out but Tony figured that she would learn about it eventually. "You won't believe it."
"I just might; you never know until you try me. I did talk to Dr. Winesett and while he didn't fill me in on everything, he did give me a heads up about what happened with your dad. So tell me, how would you describe the relationship between you and your dad?"
Tony couldn't help but laugh. "Relationship? What relationship?"
"Surely, you can come up with something. If you had to describe your relationship between you and your father using one word, what would it be?"
"If I answer your question, can we move on to something else?"
"For now," she agreed.
"One word, huh?"
"One word."
Tony thought for a moment; there were so many words that he could choose from but at the moment, only one came to mind. "Convenient," he mumbled.
"Excuse me?"
"My relationship with my dad has always been one of convenience; whenever he wants or needs something, he reappears in my life," Tony explained. "This last time, he wanted to put me away so he can have control over all my assets, especially the trust fund that my mother left me. Now, can we talk about something else?"
Tony watched her as she made a few notes in his chart; there wasn't a doubt in his mind that they would revisit the topic of his father sooner than later. "Okay," she said as she finished writing. "What about your relationship with Agent Gibbs?"
"What about it?"
"You all have been through a lot together; what one word would you use to describe your relationship with Gibbs?"
Without hesitation, Tony answered, "Family."
"Interesting."
He expected Dr. Williams to insist that he expound on that answer as well but she simply jotted down another note in his chart. "I must say Tony, that the…incident with your father seems to have given you a renewed sense of hope," she observed.
"I don't know if I'd call it hope, but I guess it's something."
"It sounds like you're on the right track."
"But?"
The psychiatrist returned his smile. "But we still have some work to do."
"I had a feeling that you were going to say that."
"Well, you were right."
"You'll probably be ready for a week or two off after dealing with my warped psyche," Tony teased.
"Don't worry; I've got a lot of sick time built up," she playfully shot back. "I've scheduled you for nine in the morning; don't be late."
"That's kind of early," Tony tried to reason. "I'm not really a morning person; I don't think…"
"Nine in the morning, Agent DiNozzo."
Tony knew that he wasn't going to get off that easy; yes, he was doing better, but he still had a lot of unresolved issues that he needed to deal with and Dr. Williams recognized that fact and seemed eager to help him. He once again recalled the vow he had made to himself that he would do whatever it took to get his life back and although Tony wasn't fond of talking to shrinks, he recognized that he needed her help in order for him to find his balance.
"Nine it is," he sighed.
"I'll see you then."
Tony nodded as she stood to leave. He watched her as she made her way to the door; although he couldn't argue that the woman was stunning, she was still a shrink and he doubted that he would ever trust her completely. Of course, maybe his distrust of psychiatrists would come out in his sessions and she could help him over come those misgivings; maybe she would succeed where others had failed.
As she opened the door, Tony almost laughed when she came face to face with Gibbs; it was obvious that the team leader still made her uncomfortable and he enjoyed seeing the older man turn the tables on the lovely doctor. Gibbs acknowledged Dr. Williams with a silent nod and stepped around her to enter his room. The expression on the doctor's face was priceless; her features were etched with a mixture of disbelief and irritation and Tony figured that his relationship with Gibbs would now be the first thing on her agenda.
"How ya doin', DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as the doctor closed the door behind her.
"Doin' good, Boss," he replied. "I was just chatting with Dr. Williams; I have to see her in the morning."
"So what all did she have to say?"
Tony shrugged, wincing at the slight action; sometimes he forgot that his shoulder was still healing but he didn't complain because the pain reminded him that he was alive. "Not a whole lot; I don't know that she's convinced that I'm actually doing better but I guess after my last stay here, I've got a lot to prove."
"You don't have anything to prove, Tony," Gibbs assured him.
"I don't know about that but I'm trying, Gibbs."
"Yeah, I know."
Those three words reaffirmed the faith that Gibbs had in him; knowing that the team leader believed in him had given him the confidence that he needed to take an interest in life once again. He owed Gibbs a lot and he would never be able to repay the man for not only being a teacher but for being the father he had always wanted.
"I uh…have something to show you," Tony announced.
"What is it?"
Tony picked up a brochure that was lying on the table and handed it to Gibbs. "Take a peek at my new ride."
"New ride?"
"Yeah, my wheelchair; I even got to pick out the color. Wheelchairs have come a long way; this one is kind of like the sports car of wheelchairs."
He watched with baited breath as Gibbs studied the pamphlet. "Red?"
"How'd you know?"
"I just know you, DiNozzo."
Tony nodded. "I guess you do. So, what do you think?" he anxiously inquired.
"I like it; it suits you."
Tony took the picture back and studied it. "Yeah, it does. When I get out of here, I'm going to check into getting some kind of car that can be adapted so I can still drive."
Gibbs nodded his approval. "That'll be good."
"Hey, did I tell you that when my chair comes in, I'd be playing basketball? They've got a team here and a couple of other guys were talking to me about it at breakfast; I thought I'd give it a whirl."
"I'd like to see you play."
"Don't worry, you will."
Tony blew out a shaky breath. He muttered a quiet curse under his breath; he still seemed to tire easily and he still had a long day ahead of him.
"You sure you're all right?' Gibbs wanted to know.
"Tired. Can't seem to go two hours without feeling wiped out."
"You'll build up your strength; it'll take time."
"I know."
"Want me to help you lay down?"
Tony shook his head. "Nah, I'm okay."
"All right."
"So, did you stop by work this morning?" he asked, the urge to 'talk shop' was beginning to return in full force. Tony was now able to entertain the possibility of a future at NCIS and wanted to know everything that had been going on with the various members of the team.
"Yep," Gibbs replied, leaning back in the chair. "Ducky and Abby said to tell you that they would come by tomorrow at lunch; Abby's fixing you some kind of gumbo and Duck's bringing you some kind of tea that will help you sleep. Ziva and McGee are reviewing cold cases; I'm letting Tim get a taste of what it's like to be a senior field agent. He's not replacing you," Gibbs quickly added. "I just want him to see…"
"Gibbs, you don't owe me an explanation; I know that you're trying to get him to get his head out of his ass and realize that there's more to being the senior field agent than being your second in command."
The team leader grinned at Tony's accurate assessment. "I know this because I vividly remember having to go through a bunch of cold cases right before Kate joined us."
"Good memory, DiNozzo."
"Thanks, Boss." Tony took another drink of water; he had another question he needed to ask but he wasn't sure that he wanted to hear the answer. "Have you talked to Director Shepard? I was wondering if she said anything about this job that she says is waiting for me; I can't imagine doing anything else besides being an agent but I guess I'm going to have to be willing to look at my options."
"Yeah, I've spoken with her."
"And?"
"And she's on her way here to see you."
"You're not going to give me a hint?" he pressed. Sometimes getting information out of Gibbs was like pulling teeth; of course it was good to know that some things would never change.
"Let's just say that you're going to have to make a decision."
"A decision?"
"Yep."
Tony felt the knot in his stomach tighten; in his experience, most offers from the Director usually meant trouble. She was a woman who didn't mind wielding her power nor did she mind using people to achieve her goals; the one thing he knew for certain is that people usually ended up getting hurt because of her personal vendettas.
"It'll be okay," Gibbs promised. "I have a feeling that you'll find her offer…interesting."
"The last time I had an interesting offer, I ended up turning it down."
"I know. Just hear her out."
"All right. But what if…"
He didn't get to finish his sentence before the door opened and Director Shepard entered the room; her graceful and purposeful stride exuded confidence and determination. "You haven't said anything, have you, Jethro?"
Gibbs shook his head. "Nope."
Tony greeted the Director, a smile tentatively danced on his lips. "Director."
"How are you, Tony?" she wanted to know.
"Fine, Director. I'm doing better every day."
"I know; I've been keeping tabs on you."
"So, Gibbs said you were coming to talk to me about some kind of job that you had in mind."
"Yes. May I sit down?"
Tony motioned for her to sit down in the chair opposite of him. Why was he so nervous? He and the Director had talked many times, even about personal matters that he couldn't talk to Gibbs about; now, he was wary of her and in his opinion, he had good reason to be.
"I've been talking with SecNav," she began. "He doesn't want to lose you as an agent; I don't want to lose you either."
"Is that why you gave McGee my job?"
He couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth. Tony gave himself a mental head slap and then proceeded to apologize. "I uh…didn't mean that the way it sounded. I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I deserved that," the Director admitted. "Anyway, I'm prepared to offer you something that I don't think you can turn down."
"And that would be?"
Tony was waiting for her to offer him something where he would be behind a desk for the rest of his life; a place where his knowledge and instincts would be wasted on cold cases and files that needed to be reviewed by an agent. He had stopped pitying himself; now he was going to have to constantly fight against other people's misperceptions of his disability and that wasn't something he was looking forward to. Tony didn't want a job created for him out of pity or guilt; he wouldn't accept anything that sounded like charity or an attempt to force him into something where he wouldn't be an embarrassment to NCIS and he was more than prepared to make that abundantly clear to Director Jenny Shepard.
Happy New Year! I hope everyone had a blessed Christmas and wonderful New Year! I'm looking forward to another year of writing and I've got some, what I think to be, cool stories in the works. I'm almost finished with this story; I'm proofing the last two chapters and hope to have them up soon!
Again, thank you all for your patience over the holidays and I hope that the posts have been worth the wait. I'm looking forward to hearing from you all; you guys are the most awesome readers an author could ever have!