Chapter 35

"Spencer," she called his name softly.

He didn't respond, continuing to stare ahead. Reid closed his eyes when he felt her hand press against his cheek. He fought against the tears he felt pricking behind his eyelids, even as he felt her move next to him.

"Lover... Open your eyes and look at me," she told him, angling herself against him. She brushed his hair back, gently stroking his face until he complied to her request.

Reid looked into her sea green eyes, saw them fill with tears and felt his heart stammer in his chest.

"Don't ever make the mistake of thinking yourself weak, Spencer Reid," she told him huskily. "Every day that you choose not to use, you prove that you're strong. So don't ever tell yourself that your fear makes you weak. Facing that fear every day, proving over and over that you can go against it and still not use... baby, that just shows your strength."

Spencer watched her eyes, unable to look away. He felt her breath fan his face as she leaned nearer, pressing her lips lightly across his own. The flash of heat from her touch hit his blood like quicksilver and he felt his body tremor next to hers. He didn't move, didn't even blink, as he watched her watching him. She continued to stroke his cheek and jaw, gently drawing him closer until their faces were side by side on the pillow. When she closed her eyes, her lashes brushed against his cheek and he kissed her eyelids lightly. He cleared his throat, moving his head slightly to kiss her forehead.

"I don't feel strong, Scarlett," he told her softly, trying to hold himself from trembling. "I felt so weak... I never felt so helpless... I didn't know what..." he stuttered, thinking back to the moment he'd heard the doctor's calling her code. "I just..." he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block the memory as it slammed into him, tearing into his heart as an unimaginable pain.

"Shh, Spence... don't..." she told him, pulling him closer. He touched her face, running his thumbs along her cheeks.

"God, Scarlett..." Reid breathed out, the reality of what had happened catching him off-guard as the drug was beginning to wear off in his system.

"I thought I lost you..." his voice hitching. "They said your heart stopped... Scarlett, I heard them..." he felt as if his throat closing up and struggled to drag in air. Panic began to claw his way through his chest.

"Reid!" Scarlett pressed her hands to his face. "Reid!" she moved closer so her body was pressing along his. "I'm right here, baby. Look at me, Spence. Now..."

"You weren't... you were gone... you left me! Scarlett..." he shuddered. Scarlett could see perspiration beading on his forehead.

"I didn't go, baby. I stayed... I'm right here!" she told him adamantly. She held his face firmly, forcing him to look at her. "I. Am. Right. Here."

He sucked in a ragged breath, still panicking. Scarlett felt his body twitch under hers.

"No. Spencer, stop. Listen to me, please, Spence, please..." she kissed him, effectively stopping him from rambling out another word. She felt him stiffen, as if unsure how he was supposed to react.

"I'm right here farm boy. I didn't leave... I stayed," she told him, kissing his lips as he froze. "Spencer, feel me, right here..." she spoke softly, placing his hand on her cheek. "See?" she asked, peering into his face. "Can you see I'm right here?"

Scarlett waited, watching his eyes. His breathing was still erratic, so she leaned in and kissed him again, trying to make him catch his breath.

"What if I wake up from this... and you're gone? What if this is the dream?" he choked out.

"Spencer... focus. Feel me? I am here," she whispered against his lips, letting her breathing slow. She drew in another deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly, letting her own breath out into his mouth.

After a few times, he began to follow the pattern. She smiled slightly as she watched him close his eyes, trying to find the calm. He leaned in, touching his lips to hers, barely, as he opened his mouth slightly, inhaling her breath.

Scarlett felt his lips moving against hers as if drawing strength from her. She could feel his body still trembling at times, but his shallow breathing was beginning to regulate.

Spencer drew in another shaky breath through his nose, taking in Scarlett's scent as he released it slowly into her mouth. She brushed her lips against his again and he repeated the cycle again, realizing she was stopping him from hyperventilating.

"Sorry," he said softly, breathing the word into her mouth.

"Shh..." she breathed back with a chuckle. Reid felt a chill to run up his spine at the sound. He pulled back just enough so he could focus in on her face.

"Scarlett..." he whispered her name, taking in her breath again, watching her eyes.

"It's alright now, Spencer..." she told him, reaching her hand to his cheek. "It's okay..."

"I can't think straight..." he mumbled.

"I know, baby. That will pass..." she said gently. Scarlett could see his eyes go unfocused for a moment as the drugs still ran in his system.

"I don't like this... I don't like feeling like this, Katy," he told her, his voice cracking slightly. Reid shifted, looking her over.

"You shouldn't be taking care of me..." he complained. "I should be taking care of you..."

Scarlett smiled and kissed him again, letting him pull her closer as he leaned into the kiss. She felt his lips move over hers, softly at first, then steadily changing. A desperation began to work itself into it, as if he were afraid she were going to disappear. His hands shook as he touched her face and when she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch, she felt him nip at her lip.

"Open your eyes, beautiful..." he whispered. She obliged, opening them to meet his own. He sighed and kissed her again.

"You wouldn't open your eyes for me..." he told her. "I couldn't get you to open your eyes for me," Spencer repeated with a quick hitch in his breath.

Scarlett locked her gaze to his, nudging her nose against his cheek. "They are open now, Spence. I'm still right here," she reminded him. He nodded and took another stuttering breath.

"I'm going to have withdrawals," he told her, his face heating in embarrassment.

"And we'll deal with it, lover," she told him. "Together... we'll take care of each other, sweetheart." Scarlett pressed her hands to his cheeks.

Spencer kissed her, moving against her to hold her tight.