The Saddest Song

Author's Note: So, I know I keep messing with Lucas and Peyton, but I gotta do it. I also have a question for everyone reading: I know a lot of you started this story out wanting a happy ending for the two of them, but I'm wondering, 37 chaptersin do you want a happy ending still or would you rather it be bittersweet where things just don't get figured out? I can't promise your answers will totally affect the outcome, but it will give me some insight, though ultimately I guess I'm the deciding factor. Most likely, the opinions I will take into consideration the most are the readers who review a lot and take the time to let me know what they think. I know they've been with me the whole time, so they're the people I want to see happy with the ending. Anyway, enough of that, the ending's not for quite a few chapters still, but please answer the question and help me out.

Chapter 37: Quitting

- 'I gave up coffee and cigarettes, I hate to say it hasn't helped me yet. I thought my problems would just dissipate and all my pain would be in yesterday' -

Wearily, she brought her hands up to her temples, rubbing them a few times for good measure. She collected her thoughts before rolling over to find his blue eyes staring at her, a smile plastered on his face. He didn't look cocky, the way she expected, he looked genuinely happy to be near her again.

"What were we thinking, Luke?" her question referenced multiple moments of their rocky relationship, and for a second she lost track of what moment she was talking about.

"When?"

"When we were seventeen. How stupid were we? Not to use protection…not to think of the consequences…how did we get here? This isn't where we're supposed to be at twenty, we should all be in school, having fun and still being kids, we're still so young. You and I should still be together, we should be considering a possibly engagement or what our future might be like…not this…"

"Peyton, just because this isn't where most kids our age are doesn't mean we made a mistake. Maybe we're exactly where we're supposed to be, I wouldn't take any of it back…that night gave us Kylie, and I would give my life for her. The only thing I regret in these past three years was leaving you," he met her eyes watching her close herself off and pull away from him again.

"No…no. Don't do that, don't bring that all back up again. This is the way it is…it's too late for all those what ifs."

"It's never too late, Peyton," and with a deep breath, he uttered two words that made her want to cry and throw-up at the same time, "Marry me…"

Her eyes bulged out of her head as she looked at him like he had two heads. He cocked his head to the side, wondering why his suggestion was worthy of the look she was giving him.

"Lucas…"

"I'm serious, we can still be together, we can figure things out. I'll leave Stef…I don't love her, I never have. I love you, I always have…you know that," he watched her pull the blankets up over her chest, squirming away from him on the floor.

"I can't, Luke. I gave you last night, why can't that be enough?" she pleaded with him.

"Alright, Peyt," the defeat was apparent in his eyes, "if that's what you want."

"What?" she was stunned at his sudden surrender, watching him stand in only his boxers, searching for his jeans.

"I can't fight for this, for us anymore. I'm not getting anywhere, so I'll give you what you want. I'll go, we won't talk anymore…I'll let you go. If that makes you happy, I'll let you go," he pulled his gray sweatshirt over his t-shirt, watching as she stood with the blanket wrapped tightly around her.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way," and she meant that.

"Don't be, it's my fault," he inhaled her scent, closing his eyes tightly, "God, I'm gonna miss you," he placed a tender kiss on her forehead, giving her a wink and heading towards the door. "I'm gonna go say goodbye to Kylie…I'll be in touch with one of the girls for her."

"Wait…" he looked to her as she spoke. "Do you care if I come down to Brooke and Jake's with you, I'd have to get her anyway," he shook his head, as she ran off down the hallway to retrieve some clothes.

She couldn't put her finger on why she was going to torture herself anymore. Why she wanted to watch the tearful goodbye between her little girl and her ex…lover? But she knew…she was soaking up as much time with him as she could before she ended his chapter in her life – for good this time.

- 'I poured my boos all down the kitchen drain, and watched my bad habits get flushed away. I thought that, that would keep my head on straight, and all my pain would be in yesterday' –

They walked side by side to Jake and Brooke's in silence, neither knew if there were any words to express how sorry they both were for all that had gone wrong between them. She wanted to tell him, wanted to let him know that she needed him to stay, to hold her when she was lonely and upset. But being alone seemed a lot better than possibly reliving the pain after she got attached and he left again. And she had no guarantees that he would leave…but no guarantees that he would stay was enough to push him away.

After two knocks a very somber Brooke answered the door…seeing the brunette's face, Peyton knew something was wrong. And the blonde knew, from her own defeated spirit that Brooke understood what was happening.

"Hey, do you are if we come in? Lucas wants to see Kylie…" she chose not to directly tell Brooke he was leaving, it was painfully obvious anyway. There was no need to rub it in either of their faces that this was it.

"No, c'mon in. Jake…ran to the store so you probably won't be seeing him, but I'll leave you guys alone, Jen's in the bath anyway."

Brooke made herself busy in the bathroom with the little girl as Lucas approached his daughter who sat contentedly on the couch, cartoons keeping her occupied.

"Look, Daddy, he's counting!" she giggled and it was that moment that he realized how much he'd miss her and how much he enjoyed waking up to make her breakfast, reading to her at night. He liked being a father, and here he was walking away again.

"Listen, baby, Daddy needs to talk to you real quick," the small girl turned to her father giving him her undivided attention. "I've got to go back to my house, I've gotta go back to work, so I gotta leave you and Mommy again," he watched the tears fill her eyes, regretting every word leaving his mouth.

"I fought you were staying?" her question broke his heart into a million tiny pieces.

"I can't, I've got work to go back to. But Mommy's gonna be here with you and everyone, it's only me going. But we're still gonna talk all the time, I'll call you at Aunt Haley's or Aunt Brooke's. And we're still gonna see each other, I'm just not gonna be here all the time like I've been. That's all, you're still my little girl," he explained it to her the best way he knew she might be able to understand it.

"But I don't want you to go," she begged her father, not fully comprehending why he had to leave her. Being only three, he hadn't really expected her to.

"I know, babe. I don't wanna go, but I've got work that needs to be done," he saw her mouth form a frown as the tears began to roll down her small cheeks. "C'mere," he opened his arms welcoming the small girl into a hug. He felt his own tears burn, but held them tightly in his eyes.

As the tiny blonde looked up at him with her own big blue eyes she asked him the question that made them both hurt inside.

"Don't you wuv Mommy?" he closhed his eyes trying to formulate the right answer for her. Peyton heard the three year old's question, her heart constricting. She hated having to do this, to make him go away, but in the long run she felt it might cause them both a lot less pain.

"Very much, but there's just some things I have to do. But I love you, so much, Kylie, you know that?" she nodded proudly at him.

"I wuv you too."

He stood, his heart aching from the overwhelming pain. He met Peyton by the door as they stepped outside, leaving the door ajar, just in case Kylie needed one of them.

- 'But it's true, I'm still blue. But I finally know what to do, I must quit, I must quit…you' –

"I can't believe I'm here…doing this again," Peyton spoke more to herself than the boy in front of her.

"Why can't we try, Peyton? There are a lot of couples who have kids when they're young that make it –"

"They're boyfriends also don't desert them a month into the pregnancy," she hissed, her voice was as cold as ice. He winced under her tone trying to make amends.

"I'm not leaving again, I wouldn't –"

"How can I believe that! You weren't supposed to leave in the first place, you shouldn't be making promises three years later, Lucas. I can't keep doing this to me and her, she's my top priority here, and you saw how much it hurt her to see you leave after a week, I refuse to do that to her after six months when you decide it's just too much for your twenty year old self! If you loved me so much you would not have left me when I needed you the most, Lucas!"

"I was scared, I was seventeen…I didn't know –"

"And you think I wasn't! It's been three fucking years and you still don't get how terrified I was, especially after you left, I was alone, so don't you dare tell me you were scared! You have no clue, no clue…you should leave," she turned away from him, hoping to make it easier on herself.

"I don't want to end it like this, you and me, we've been almost five years off and on, but it's always been there and I can't end it this way. I can't leave you so angry with me. Please, Peyton."

- 'I thought that if I didn't go and play, the sadness would get bored and go away. I thought that if I didn't go astray, that all my pain would be in yesterday' -

"Do you even remember what it was like?" she asked him softly, turning to look at him, not angry anymore, just hurt.

"Remember what?"

"When we were happy…"

"Yeah, I do, of course I do. I remember being at the beach, dancing with you as the sun went down, I remember whispering the last song of prom in your ear and knowing that I had never felt that way about anyone in my whole life. I remember being sixteen…and I remember everything about loving you more clearly than I can remember any other memory or feeling. And I'll always love you, no matter how much time we're apart or if you get married and have more kids. I love you, and Kylie will always be a reminder of that. Can you just answer one question for me before I go?" her eyes were full of tears from his words, but she nodded to him.

"Did you love me, back in high school or was I just…I thought it was real, maybe it wasn't, but did you?" she stayed silent unable to open her mouth, fearing if she did she wouldn't be able to stop crying.

"Okay, that's enough of an answer, thank you," he opened his arms, holding her tightly against him. She ran her fingers through the hair that fell at the nape of his neck, wanting never to forget the feeling she had at that moment. "I'm sorry…for all of this," he whispered as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, a few hot tears hitting his skin.

"Luke…" she said his name softly, not moving from where she was tucked safely against him, "I never stopped."

- 'But it's true, I'm still blue. But I finally know what to do, I must quit, I must quit…you' -

Instantly he understood. He pulled away, his eyes sparkling with a few tears of his own.

"This is it, huh?" she nodded again, knowing if she tried to speak to him she'd lose all control. "Bye, Peyt." She saw the symbols, no "I'll be seeing you" this time, because it was over.

He walked away from her for the last time, which hurt them both immensely, Kylie ran out to the landing where Peyton stood, shivering from the wind.

"Bye Daddy!" she shouted. Peyton saw his shoulders tense as her little voice carried out to him.

"Bye, baby girl," he shouted back, unable to turn to see her waving with all her might to him, it would just be too much.

Okay, little depressing, this was gonna be a lot longer but I thought maybe it had to be cut down some, I was gonna add some other scenes with Peyton and the girls and stuff, but that will be next chapter. Um, so there's definitely more Jake and Brooke next chapter, be looking for that, we're gonna shake things up with them. Anywho, REVIEW AND ANSWER THE QUESTION FROM UP TOP FOR ME!