She rolled over, her body felt better now; she had lost almost eighteen pounds since Stephanie was born three weeks ago. Her doctor said that was normal, she should expect it to go down but still fluctuate; still she had gained almost forty five pounds with the pregnancy. She was elated to have some of it off.
Stephanie's sob split the quiet in the room and she stretched, her baby probably wanted to eat again. All in all Stephanie was a good baby, she only cried if she wanted something, or if Lou was holding her and Catherine was available; she was doing better about that though. Catherine liked watching Lou care for her, his big hands were so gentle and cautious, every time he looked at the child there was pure adoration in his eyes.
Picking her up she opened her blouse and offered up the requested meal. Holding the girl steady she moved back to the bed and manoeuvred along on her stomach back to where her lap top was open. Laying Stephanie down she rested one hand under the girl's head to give her the angle to feed and went back to reading her article.
She had yet to broach the subject to Lou but had a feeling he would support her. Her research, though little, had proven that there was a great need for the understanding and acceptance of death. Even in palliative care centres nurses and doctors seemed to learn by experience, grief counselling seemed to brush over the topic and hospitals it seemed skewed. She knew that her research only provided an over view, she knew one woman could only do so much; but could start something. In a way she felt it was meant to be her.
Time and fire had proven to her she could handle it. Her research proved that the few who did venture beyond the unseen barrier left their marks in the lives of people; but their hands reached not far beyond those in their direct path. From what she knew she had felt herself and from what she had read a big part of it was the mindset.
It was about remembering people as individuals, not patients, cases or diagnosis's. But by name, by personality and by their family; the ones who carried on the memories and were touched by the life lived. It was a change in how society thought, how people lived as if life was infinite and choices could be bad but had little consequence. It was about accepting death and valuing new life, it was how her baby got the name Stephanie and maybe her first real lesson in mortality.
There were some events in her life that she would never forget, some were happy and some sad; some were personal but others shared. A part of her had began to sort and compartmentalize them a long time ago; the good ones had become the fuel that kept her going. The painful ones the reason she did not give up.
Stephanie fussed, Catherine switched her to the other side, adjusting her blouse accordingly. A moment later she felt Lou, his hands were on her hips as he slid up her body; she felt his weight pressing down. " I have Stephanie."
" I know, she's eating again isn't she. I just wanted to feel my wife under me again and damn its good." She heard the teasing in his voice, privately she agreed; he felt good. She squirmed as he played with her hair and nibbled her neck; this was the flirtation they had always had in bed.
Stephanie made a face as Catherine accidentally shifted the nipple away from the nursing baby. " I think some one could get bossy one day."
"Mhm, like her mommy can be?" Lou asked sweetly, she turned to give him a look but found his mouth on hers instantly.
"Real funny, I'm going to tell her to blame her daddy for that." She mumbled against his lips before clamping hers closed. "Uh I need you to get off I can't lay like this anymore; I think she is pretty much done anyways.
Lou rolled off her and she sat up pulling herself back off Stephanie who immediately reached up for her. Lou reached over to entertain Stephanie as she buttoned her shirt. "Somebody needs to be burped and then we can go play."
"Do you want to take her to the park? Its nice and warm out and you haven't been out of the house except for doctor's appointments. It would be a nice walk there and back." Lou asked sitting up beside her and snagging her laptop.
"Okay but she needs a jacket and hat. She is still pretty susceptible to any germs or the cold." Catherine stood, and brought Stephanie to her chest, heading to the nursery.
She did like the way Lou had decorated the nursery but Stephanie had barely spent any time in here; she felt a little bad. At least the decorating would last, as long as Stephanie was a little tom girl, if she was like Lindsay they would be repainting it some vibrant pink or purple in a couple years.
Laying the little girl on the change table she hunted for a sleeper she had got Sara to get for her without telling Lou; it was perfect. Changing her and settling her into the fuzzy jacket and matching hat she slipped the baby bouncer onto her shoulders and tightened the strap around her stomach so it was in the 'cuddle me position' then lifted Stephanie in and tightened it around her. She turned to find Lou watching from the door way, he was smiling.
" You two ready?" He offered her his hand and lead the way down the stairs to the front door, grabbing the diaper bag on the way.
It was a beautiful day out, but late enough in the afternoon that most people weren't off work yet and kids were in side or at their baby sitters still; they only passed two people the whole walk there. She smiled as she caught her husband, still holding her hand, watching their daughter's big green eyes take in everything.
Lou dropped the diaper bag by the edge of the sand pit and pulled her in to the swings, she looked around to see that the only kids seemed to be at the other end on the climbers. He dropped down onto one and pulled her in, once she was close enough she felt his free hand grab her hip. "C'mon Catherine, lets see if Stephanie likes the swing. She'll be safe between us."
Grinning like an idiot she found herself straddling Lou, his hands bringing her hips as close to his as possible before his arms locked around the chains on the swing and clasped behind her back. Stephanie was snuggled between them gurgling, she had a feeling it was that her daddy was suddenly blocking her narrow view of this big new world. Lou kicked off and they swung slowly back and forth, Stephanie gurgled some more and Catherine nuzzled her face down to her daughter's cheek, allowing the girl to get little fistfuls of hair. Pulling her hair seemed to be one of the child's favourite games. She was so precious, and funny by times.
" I think she is starting to fall asleep again." Catherine whispered at the little fists released her hair and tiny eyes began to drift closed; the rocking of the swing was probably responsible.
" She is going to have to learn to sleep more than three hours each nap if she is going to see much of the world. Should we head back?" Lou asked, when she nodded he used a firm grip on her hips to lift both of them up and off the swing; she was careful to get her feet under her immediately so she didn't need to lean into him for balance.
He immediately reached for her hand and she let herself get caught up in the moment of walking down the street with her husband; it made her feel like a teenager again. She walked with him for a while until they stopped at a corner and a police car drove by; the deputy waved at Lou. She wondered if he noticed the baby strapped to her chest, or if word had spread. " Lou, when are we going to take her to the lab?"
" I was actually wondering about whether we should or not. PD and the lab are both places I don't really want her to see right away. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have a barbeque and have everybody to the house, we could work it so that Lindsay could be there too. Honestly I think word has gotten around that you've had her; I had to tell Ecklie when he called last week." His expression said that was the reason she hadn't heard about his call; her boss probably wanted to confirm her medical leave had ended and her maternity leave started.
"Lindsay was planning to be home Saturday, what if we had it that evening, if we made it earlier people could come whether they had to work or not." She put in, Lindsay had called yesterday and spent some time cooing at Stephanie over the phone; the baby hadn't known what to do about the weird voice.
"That sounds good, you want to tell Sara to pass it around and I'll get Brass to tell some people from PD?" He suggested as he unlocked the front door while she took the last few steps; her body was still out of shape.
"Sure, Sara is going to lecture me, I'm pretty sure the only reason I've been left alone so long is that she knows I was due and doesn't want to intrude."Catherine grinned, heading for the stairs to settle Stephanie in to sleep a bit longer before she woke wanting to be changed and maybe eat again.
Once Stephanie was settled she snagged the monitor and headed back down the hall to the office Lou had made out of the indoor balcony above the living room; across from Lindsay's old room. He had made his way up there, he was still working, in their own ways they both were, she still hadn't told him that her mind was almost made up.
Leaning down on his shoulders she read the title of the page, it was personal evaluations he had to do. He held up the phone and she nodded, leaving him to his work she called Sara to arrange for Saturday and get her ear blown off for not letting her know Stephanie had arrived.
She had chatted with her colleague for almost and hour Thursday, getting in trouble for not calling the day after her baby was born and hearing the latest news on cases; then getting the girl to invite everyone from the lab. Although Lou had put in to forget about Hodges, apparently not trusting the strange lab tech around his daughter; there had been a little bit of sincerity in his voice when he stole the phone.
Yet Friday had flown by as she tried to get the house cleaned up a bit, they had been leaving baby things everywhere as they tried to keep their daughter content. Lou had been out cleaning the grill earlier today while she sat with Lindsay and Stephanie watching the sisters get to know each other, a part of her wished Lindsay could be home more although she knew that would just make life crazier.
Still as everyone arrive she found her eyes following Lindsay as she goofed around with Greg and Stephanie who was passed from person to person.
Wendy sidled up to her with a grin, she was the only person who Stephanie hadn't fussed at when she got passed. " How are you doing?"
" Good, a lot better since you last saw me." She teased, that was very true.
" You look good and that little one is beautiful; she looks much better now that she has had a bath." Wendy joked.
" Yes, please tell me you just threw those clothes out? Lou just chucked the bedding and stuff. I'm so sorry you got covered in that. Uhg." She shivered, if it wasn't Wendy and she wasn't laughing she would have been embarrassed.
" Yes, I did. But if I ever decide I'm having a baby at home and you aren't my boss, heck even if you are; you get to be there." Wendy grinned, and squeezed her shoulder.
" Fair enough. Did anyone figure it out?" Catherine eased her way to the stairs and sat, Wendy taking the other side; every other seat seemed to be covered.
"I don't think so, there were lots of rumours but the lab has been fifty times worse for that since Ray was arrested." Wendy shrugged as Detective O'Riley came over and offered her Stephanie who was fussing unhappily.
The big man handed her the tiny baby and retreated back to a group of guys. Pulling Stephanie into her she cooed softly until the baby settled to watch her quietly. "Good. Lou said he had to tell Ecklie, I'm glad he didn't decide to come."
"Doubt Sara extended an invitation." Wendy smiled guiltily, the tech didn't want him here either.
"Oh well, I think there are more people here than Stephanie can handle anyways." She glanced down at the baby pushing at her breast, the little one just wanted attention; it was to soon for her to be hungry again.
o0o
in coming chapters there may be some scenes that some may not like, nothing overly graphic or that I think needs to be moved up to M but consider this warning.
p.s. sorry i didn't update yesterday but wor got out of hand and i didn't get home when i expected. you get a extra tonight.