A/N: Obligatory reminder that the fic has a blog at lionheartedfic dot tumblr dot com! Check it out for fanart, setting info, and updates on chapter progress.
the more bleak the day, the less i behave
as if everything black can wash away
..
the birthday massacre – in the dark
RWBY
After being really pretty cool in class but also kind of mean to you, Weiss just kinda leaves. You're not sure what her deal is! It's too hard to tell what she's thinking and it stresses you out and then you keep finding out the answer is something dumb or cruel or both, but it's not like you can just leave it alone and hope everything will turn out fine, especially when she's your own actual partner, doesn't that kinda make it your responsibility?
You catch up to her halfway to what will be the cafeteria if you read the directions right (which is not at all a sure thing).
"Weiss! What's wrong? Why did you just leave like that?"
She stops and whirls around dramatically; her ponytail kind of does an anime swish thing, which you hadn't actually realized was a thing real hair could do.
"What's wrong? What isn't wrong? This whole day is an absolute mess and most of that is entirely your fault!"Jeez, she's really angry, it reminds you of when you first met her. You hope it doesn't end in her trying to hit you this time. That was not great at all!
"What did I do? I don't get it!" You really don't, either, you've been having a pretty good day. Class was kinda boring but it wasn't hard, there are live Grimm in the school, you got to spend the morning hanging out with your team and decorating and stuff... it's been fun.
Hasn't it?
"Of course you don't, and that's half the problem. You behave as if this is all some sort of game. You've been dubiously appointed leader for all of one day and you're already bossing people around and wasting time on pointless and occasionally dangerous nonsense, and you act as if that's completely ordinary!"
"... Am I bossing everyone around? I didn't mean to. I was just – I was just excited."
You're not good with people. That's not exactly a new piece of information, you've always been bad with people. Half the time you have no idea what they're thinking or feeling, and then when you do feel like you can tell, you end up being wrong and making things awkward and dumb and sometimes even painful. The only person you can even sort of interpret is Jade, and that's because you grew up with a corgi for a best friend.
Even with that, though, you thought you could at least handle things well enough not to completely screw everything up here. Maybe it shouldn't be a surprise that you're doing that anyway. It's what's happened to every other friendship in your whole life.
"Yes, I've noticed, and frankly that's the only thing you are. All of your actions are taken on impulse instead of logic, you're loud and obnoxious, there seems to be very close to nothing going on inside your head – it's no wonder you can only get along with a dog, since you might as well be one for all the yapping and irritation."
Oh, not this again. Every time you're starting to feel bad for Weiss she turns around and says something completely horrible and then you're right back to wondering why you even bother trying to get through to her. You probably are terrible at being a leader but even if you weren't you think she would find some way to hate how you were doing things. The only thing she knows how to do is pick things apart and find all the flaws in them, like some kind of... flaw-finder.
"Don't call her that, she's a person!If you hate her so much then why did you protect her?" You should probably not bring this up when you're trying to make a situation less bad instead of throwing Dust on the flames, but you kind of feel like she sets you on fire, in the worst and most literal way.
The first thing just makes Weiss look like her eyes are going to explode or pop out of her head, and then when you say the other thing she sort of twitches. For a second you think it's an angry twitch – and maybe it is, you clearly don't know anything about what anything means – but you don't think that's actually it, it's something weirder.
"That has nothing to do with this conversation. Do you even have the slightest idea why I left class like that? Even the barest inkling?" Ugh, does she really have to keep flipping the subject around? It's hard to keep up with her and that's a super unfair way to have an argument! All it means is 'ooooh look at me, I'm Weiss Schnee and I'm too stuck-up to answer questions unless they're easy!'
"No, I don't, because you still haven't told me!" How are you supposed to know something like that? Does she think you're psychic? Or... are you really that much worse at being a person than everybody else is? What if it's actually obvious and you're just... that bad?
"I left because it was simpler to work with some flea-bitten thrift-shop dweller who speaks in puns than it has been to work with you!Do you know what a relief it was to team up with someone who doesn't make every situation five times more complicated than it has to be?"
You feel like screaming or breaking something. It's not actually easy to make you mad, you're used to being more shy and anxious around angry people, but this is just so stupid! Whether or not she has a point, it always keeps coming around to this stuff!
"Why are you like this? What's your problem with Faunus? I don't understand! How are they any different than us and why should you care even if they were? You keep going out of your way to bring it up, too, like you're proud of it! It's weird!What are you trying to prove?" You want an answer to this! It's confusing and it's gross and it makes you furious and all you can kinda think is god you are sort of lucky your team is four humans because if some poor Faunus had to be near her for more than two seconds it would be an actual tragedy.
"It's none of your business, and frankly my motives should go without saying! Your precious little puppy held me at gunpoint the first time I met her and that's pretty much in line with every other encounter with their kind I've had the displeasure of enduring. They are violent and unstable and -"
"You were violent first!I just – aagh!You're impossible!"
At this point, students are kind of parting around the both of you and giving you a lot of space. You're totally making a scene and you don't care at all because this is ridiculous and if it makes you both look ridiculous then good, it should.
"Well, if this conversation is beyond your capabilities, is that all, then? May I go on my way, leader?", she says, tone as icy-cold as everything else about her, and no, it's not! This is dumb and you are dumb for thinking it would just get better, and you're sick of just letting problems slide. You're tired of spending your life forcing yourself to be okay with things just because you don't think you can fix them.
No matter what Weiss says, her opinion is stupid and mean and coming from some weird place you can't even slightly imagine, and there are people who like you and actually bother treating you like an equal and not some weirdo to ignore, two whole people who believe in you, and you are going to prove her wrong, and she's going to regret being a jerk about all of this! You'll find a way to make this better! Not because you want to fix Weiss (you do) or because it hurts you (it does), but because you can make it better, and if you don't then you're just letting Jade and Yang down for believing and that's the worst thing you can imagine.
"No. That's not all. That's not even close to all." You feel weirdly focused all of a sudden, narrowed down like when you're lining up a long distance shot with Crescent Rose, when the whole world is just you and a problem you need to solve.
"Oh really," Weiss says, rolling her eyes.
"Yes really! I don't care about your stupid prejudice stuff and I don't care if you think I'm a bad leader or a bad partner, because you're wrong and I'm not and I'm not going to be. I'm going to get better, and keep getting better, and someday I'll be the greatest and smartest and best leader in the world, and I'll be the best partner in the world, and you won't even be able to look at me without admitting I was right about everything!"
At some point you got way up in her personal space; you don't actually remember doing that, but here you are. You hate this. Being aggressive, being angry, being harsh, it hurts and it feels wrong and it makes you feel like you're wrong. Maybe you're in the right but it makes you feel wrong as a human being, as a living person.
But what else are you supposed to do right now? How else can you deal with her? It's this or just backing down and letting her yell at you and trample over you and insult your best friend and be a heartless jerk, and you don't want to do that at all, you won't do it. You'd rather be bad than let her be terrible.
Weiss looks... shocked more than anything? You expected her to get angrier, or hit you, or change the subject again, but she doesn't. She just stares at you super intensely with a strange twist to her face that you can't figure out.
"Well then."You've heard voices described as sharp before but she honestly sounds like she could cut with a word. "Go ahead and prove me wrong if you can. I'll just amuse myself watching you fail."
Now she leaves, stalking off through the crowd, leaving you standing in the middle of a river of students, all fired up and disoriented and lost, not knowing if you should take a deep breath and try to calm down or even if you can calm down, and you're not even sure that you're angry exactly, you don't know what you are but you're getting in a lot of people's way now and you're hungry and sad and just completely overwhelmed.
All of that stress and arguing, and you came out of it with nothing but frustration and five less minutes for lunch.
... You want a hug.
NJKA
Clawlright, so human schools have some kind of mantadated attendance for a communal devouring sector, which sounds like it could tern ugly reel fast. Don't people efur fight over the food? If these were trawls there'd be a body count every day, which wouldn't be weird or anyfin, but definitely isn't how aliens seem to operate.
... You keep furgetting what Aradia reelized, though: that obviously pack mammals behave like pack mammals. Even you have less fishues being around all of these people than you otter. It sort of makes you want to pick a catfight just to keep things from getting awkward.
The sector is flooded with humans and the weird smells of human cooking. There are some Faunus, too, but naut many, same as purrobably most places in this city that aren't ghettoes. All the nasty looks and comments almost make you fish you weren'ta tr – a Faunus, just to get them to clam the shell up, but you'd hiss your tail a lot, plus just the tidea of changing to be more conchvenient for other people gives you a haddock.
It's... tough to blame Blake for hiding her ears, though. You hake seeing her have to be fur-tive about who she is, it makes you bristle, makes you want to claw the eyes out of everybody who ever made her feel bad about anything. Moby someday she can be more conchfident, or even just stick it in their stupid faces on purrpose like you sort of do.
Maybe you canhelp her with that, if she'll let you.
Well, waterever happens there, you've gotta focus on this devouring sector thing fur now. You have no idea how you're manta interact with this place. Some students are lining up places, some are floundering around others randomly, there are wooden tables everywhere, it's a mess.
"Jade, you're weird, so you know how this works, right?" She gives you a hissy Look and then shrugs.
"I kind of grew up on an island in the middle of the ocean? I have no idea. I've seen cafeterias on TV and in movies, so I can... sort of guess? Who knows if it's different here, though? I think you keep forgetting this isn't actually my planet either."
"Moby a little bit," you grumble. It's not your fault! She used to be a human and there are humans packed into this planet like sardines. Off course you expect her to know things.
"I really don't care about proper protocol," Kanaya says, glaring at random strangers. "I'd like to secure something to eat, avoid being killed, and then get out of this place. All these humans would be bad enough even if they didn't unconditionally despise us." Yeah, she's got you there. This would dolphinately suck a lot less if you weren't all the lowest of lowbloods by these bottomfeeders' standards.
"Let's just... go line up," Jade says. She sounds rudderly exhausted already, and she keeps looking at you weird, like you did something to hiss her off, but you have no idea what that cod even be. Kanaya's the one who's been picking on her, right?
"Is that what all those humans are doing?" A-ray-dia raises her brow. "Where do you go to draw lots?"
"I mean... I think so," Jade says, suddenly a lot more unshore. "Wait, why would anybody be drawing lots?" You don't purrsonally have an answer for that. There wasn't much Altfurnian media aboat this kind of thing that interested you.
"To determine who is actually given food," Kanaya says, looking at her like she's reely dumb, which is probubbly fair. "I would assume about half of us receive rations, and are then expected to defend them from others; the unlucky will have to fight for it, though naturally attempting to take food from a notably higher-blooded student would be an offense punishable by death."
"Okay, no, guys, I'm ninety percent sure everyone is supposed to get food and no one's going to be brawling over it." Jade sighs and rubs her temples; you're not the only one getting a haddock, then. "I just – I think you line up, and then... something happens that doesn't involve extreme violence."
"Aww," Aradia says. "That's a letdown."
You are already board with this, so you just take a spot in line; some human buoy tries to steal it, you flick a set of claws loose, and he goes on his way.
"What's this rope fur, though," you mutter, picking at the fuzzy stuff dangling in between little bronze pylons. It sways enticingly and you have to tear yourself away from a deep-sea-ted need to poke it some more.
"Leave that alone! It might set off explosives or dart traps or -" Kanaya snaps at you and then Jade cuts her off.
"I do not know but I really doubt it is going to kill anyone,"she hisses, ears flicking back angrily. "I just – why? Why would it be like that? Is this seriously what it was like for you? Everything is a second away from blowing up or impaling someone?"
Kanaya, Aradia, and you all kinda shrug and nod.
"Look, just... there are some trays and plates and stuff here, take some, that's probably how it works, who even cares," she mutters, grabbing hershellf some objects. The rest of you try to imitate her; at least she has theories.
"So does someone give you food, or do you take it? Ooh, is that a human grub leg?" Aradia's staring hungrily at some kind of roe-sted haunch.
"No! What? No! Nobody is going to eat any babies here! That's not how humans do things!" You think Jade only needs a couple more hooks in her before she snaps. She sure looks that way, at least.
"It's true," Kanaya says dejectedly. "Humans never eat their young. I learned this the hard way years ago." Some random member of the pacific species in question turns their head to stare, like somemoby just said somefin un-cat-tural.
"Well that's just wasteful," Aradia says. She's not wrong! "What do they do with the ones who aren't fit to survive on their own?"
"Oh my god can we please not talk about this in public," Jade groans. Aradia barrel rolls her eyes. You guess Jade has a point, though. People are starting to give you quay weirder looks than befur, if that's even pawsible. "... Is that guy just taking food? Is that how this works?"
"Why are you asking me?" Kanaya glares at her. "I'm still working through my disappointment at finding out I won't even be able to earn my meal properly by annihilating the unworthy."
"Just... please. Take some food and put it on your plate. What's the worst that could happen?" Jade mast realize she doesn't want the answer to that, and continues. "Whatever you are about to say I can tell you this much: it's not execution."
"Well I still think that looks like grub meat," Aradia says, plopping some down on her nutrition circle. "So I am just going to pretend that it is and have a much better time that way!"
"That's what I always do," Kanaya says, and Jade hides her face in her paws.
You all mako it through the ordeal mostly unscathed, except for Jade's sanity taking a dive. Finding somewhere to sit is a bit of a fishue; it's obvious none of the humans want any animals in their space. Eventshoally you manage to find a spot in the corner, which is naut taken for some reason even though it's pawbviously the most defensible position.
Aradia and Kanaya waste no time devouring their catches. You're aboat to do the same when you notice Jade staring at you all weird again.
"Okay, what is your purroblem?" The schooner she answers, the sooner you can start eating with minimal anxiety.
"Do you actually know anything about Weiss Schnee? The girl in white you were fighting with this morning?" ... All right, that's... not anyfin you expected.
"No? Shoald I?" Did you miss somefin? You're not shore why you would know anything about this random human.
"Yes! She is awful and she hates me," Jade says. "She tried to hit my – she tried to hit Ruby just for getting in her way, she's horrible to Faunus for some reason, and..." She trawls off.
"And what?" You would reely appreciate her getting to the point already.
"I don't know! Why did you just click with her right away when she's terrible, after spending a whole day being mean to me when I was trying to get along with you?"
"... Beclaws she's better at hunting than you are?" It's hard to fathom why she even had to ask when it's so obvious. Jade looks sort of gutted.
"I'm trying," she says quietly. "I didn't spend my whole life murdering things like you, I just... did some hunting as a kid and then played the game, mostly. And I'm used to being able to teleport, and shrink things, and fly, and I'm trying to – I'm trying to adjust to this, so... can you please be less of a jerk to me?"
Whale, that's... super uncomfurtably direct. At least she wants to suck less, you guess? It's not great dragging her through everything like an anchor, but... maybe you have been a tuna bit hard on her. She was useful near the end of the hunt against the cervidae monsters, and it's not like you can get rid of her anywaves.
"... Let's mako a deal. If you tail me and watch me hunting propellorly sometimes and try to learn how to be less useless, I'll be a little more furgiving. Is that good enough?"
It had betta be, beclaws it's all she's going to get.
"Okay," Jade says. She looks both so sad and so reel-ieved that you almast feel gillty, but there's no point in cod-ling her when it'll just get everyone krilled. "... Thank you."
"Is it really necessary to do this in front of me?", Kanaya cuts in. "This reconciliation of yours ought to be a private affair. Some of us have better things to do with our attention."
"Is it really necessary for you to be the worst?!" Jade growls. Actually growls, low and angry. It's a good look on her. "You don't get to crap all over everyone just because you're jealous that we're actually starting to get along!"
There's a short silence befur Kanaya gets up and just... walks away.
"I'll see you all in class," she says coldly over her shoalder, and then she's gone. Moby someone should go after her so she doesn't do anyfin stupid, but you're not about to make her your purroblem.
Apparently nobody else is, either.
PRNA
A third of the way through lunch, and you're already beginning to feel twitchy. It's such an absurd thing, to feel overwhelmed by the presence of too many people of all things, but then, you were never really cut out to be famous in the first place, were you? Clearly not, given that a cafeteria's worth of stares is enough to put you so on edge.
Your new teammates aren't bothered, or if they are you certainly can't tell. Nora seems to feed on ambient energy and is in the middle of rambling to Jaune about comic books as if she hasn't a care in the world; Ren is eating slowly with the same eerie serenity that suffuses everything he does. Jaune does seem distracted, actually, but not by the crowd; he keeps glancing awkwardly at NJKA's table in the corner.
This 'ghost' thing is starting to... not irritate you, exactly, but it's trying your patience a little at this point. As bizarre as a Semblance like hers is, it's a far more reasonable explanation for what happened than anything else is.
"Jaune," you say, trying to keep your voice level, "I think you can safely accept that there are no undead at this school."
"Wait, what?" He seems confused. Did you... misunderstand something? "No, I know, I get that already. I just... Haven't you noticed everybody, y'know, avoiding them all?" You hadn't noticed that, actually; you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself. "It's just kind of sad, you know? I don't get what the big deal is."
"Where did you grow up, Jaune?" Ren, breaking his trademark silence. Jaune's as surprised by this as you are.
"Uh, nowhere special, really? Just... a small village on Anima. Kind of in the middle of nowhere, I guess." Hm. That's interesting. For some reason it didn't occur to you that he might have come from somewhere similar to you.
"Wait, where exactly on Anima?" Nora is suddenly very interested in the conversation; her eyes have brightened up significantly, which is surprising considering they were already all but emitting light.
"I don't really have a map on me, but... the closest village was Shion? That's still kind of in the middle of nowhere, though."
"I've been there! So has Ren! That's crazy, you were like, a hundred miles away from us!"
Apparently your whole team is from the same side of Anima. That feels oddly significant to you, though it's hard to put your finger on why. Ren doesn't surprise you, considering his attire, but the others could have hailed from nearly anywhere.
"We can discuss that later," Ren says. You're not sure you've actually seen him smile before, and this... hardly qualifies, but you're starting to suspect that any visible expression on his face at all is significant. "Were there any Faunus in your village at all?"
"I... don't think so," Jaune says, face screwed up in concentration. "If there were I didn't know about them."
"There you have it. If you didn't have any reason to see that kind of prejudice in person, it's natural that it would seem excessive to you, but this is relatively standard for most locations with a population that contains but is not predominantly Faunus." As soon as he's done, Ren goes back to gracefully consuming the quarter of his lunch that Nora didn't eat while he was busy talking.
You hadn't thought of Ren as someone who spent time considering issues like this. Then again, he comes across as a person constantly lost in his own thoughts. Who really knows what goes on in his mind? Nora, perhaps, since they seem to go back, but it wouldn't surprise you if the list stops there.
More importantly, you continue seeing evidence to support your choice partnering with Jaune Arc, who remains the weakest link on your team by far in terms of utility in combat, but never seems to stop worrying about other people. He can be inconsiderate, but typically only by accident. It's... heartening to know you've found someone like him.
"Heyyyy there, friend!"
You jerk back and almost slide your chair away from the table to go for your weapons; gods, you really are on edge today. Jaune chokes on something; Ren and Nora seem completely unperturbed.
Speaking of the girl who literally haunted your partner's dreams, she's appeared out of almost nowhere and is now leaning over your table, eyes and creepy grin wide. You... okay, you can sort of see how Jaune might actually be concerned about her, given the rest of the nonsense that went on there. It's difficult to accept that expressions like that belong on real faces.
She quickly notices him still coughing around some chunk of food, and whacks him on the back with the flat of her hand; he ejects whatever it was out into his hand and discards it in a wad of napkin.
"Th-thanks," he says, sputtering and wiping off his face. "Uh, what's – what's up, Aradia?"
"Oh, my teammates are being dumb about stuff and I got bored of Kanaya being all 'bluhh, my girlfriend dumped me and I'm totally adrift in an uncaring universe, somebody allow me the sweet release of death,' but then she left and I realized losing some of the drama made things even more boring, so I thought I'd go bother you guys!"
"That seems a bit harsh," you say. You're... not sure how much you like Aradia. It's nice that Jaune has a 'friend' who isn't part of his team, you suppose, but she doesn't seem to have much empathy at - wait, did she say 'girlfriend?'
"She'll be fine, she's got a tougher dermis than she gives herself credit for. I've seen her bounce back from worse than this! Well, maybe not, I guess I was dead at the time, but it happened." What... how do you process that? "Anyway, she gets mad if anyone's nice to her lately, so it's better to just not take any of her nonsense. So how are you pupas doin' today?"
"Pupas? What, like... bugs?" Nora quirks her head to the side almost comically far as Aradia pulls herself a chair without actually asking if anyone minds, facing it the wrong way and resting her arms atop its back. You suppose that no one does mind, but it's still a bit presumptuous.
"Yeah, you know, older than larvae, younger than adults? What do you people call that – kids, right, yeah!" ... Who is this girl? You're at a loss for words, though that does happen to you fairly often.
"Why are you describing people with insect terminology?" Ren, appearing genuinely curious.
"That's just how we did things back home," Aradia says, rocking her chair back and forth dangerously far. "The question stands, though!"
"I – I guess I'm okay," Jaune mumbles.
"Doin' just fine!" Nora says, giving her a thumbs-up.
Ren nods and shrugs, riding the coattails of Nora's answer.
"I... actually, I think I'm going to go get some air," you say, because between the crowd and the addition of one more high-energy person to your table, you're having a very slight bit of difficulty breathing. "I'll be back before lunch is over."
You leave before anyone can really question you about it. There's no simple or comfortable way to say that if you have to be around any more people you're going to either hyperventilate or start accidentally warping silverware without touching it.
There's a stairwell across the room that seems promising. You get there as quickly as you can without making more of a scene than your mere presence already does and proceed to ascend. An invisible weight lifts from your chest the instant you're out of view of other students.
Up one floor, the stairs open out onto a low rooftop overlooking part of the school grounds; the Spring breeze is cool and clear. You're immediately confident that this was the right decision.
Abruptly you realize you are very much not alone up here, and your confidence wavers.
It's her; Kanaya, if memory serves, the Faunus girl who thoroughly rebuffed your attempted friendliness yesterday. She's sitting on the very edge of the roof, legs hanging off, staring out into the distance. You should... probably just leave before she notices you.
Her ears twitch backward. Ah. Right. Clearly she's healed enough to have surpassed your own senses. In that case, perhaps you should... oh, she's inclined her head vaguely in your direction. She shrugs and goes back to ignoring you. You suppose you'll take that as tacit approval; your presence doesn't mean you actually have to speak with her.
You cross with no small amount of trepidation and settle yourself in a similar position, ten or so feet removed. In the periphery of your vision you see her turn her head in your direction again, just for a moment, before continuing the silence. It's... probably for the best.
It's nice out here; perhaps it's too nice. The thought of returning to school is not particularly pleasant. Your first class wasn't nearly as bad as lunch was, but being cooped up with lots of people who won't stop watching you and talking about you behind your back is just... not what you wanted, when you came here.
... Now that you think about it, you suspect it isn't why she came here either, and as much as blind admiration lacks the pleasantness that many people seem to envision, it must still be better than how the typical human responds to a Faunus. Sometimes the world likes to remind you how ugly it can be. You really wish it would stop doing that.
... Is this awkward environment really the best way to become a hero? Not for the first time you find yourself wondering if the Huntsman from all those years ago went to one of the academies; his skill was so overwhelming that you can't imagine anything less, but somehow he didn't seem the type to care for traditional institutions. For all you know he wasn't even licensed, not that it would change much.
You wonder also whether you'll ever see him again, whether he's still alive. What in the world you'd say to him if you met you honestly don't know, but you'd like to at least have the opportunity to thank him. He taught you more about being a Huntress in a single conversation than you'd learned from your entire life up to that moment.
Unfortunately, it's been several years already. As much as you despise the thought, a span of time like that is more than enough to erase even the most skilled Huntsman from the world. It wouldn't surprise you at all to find that he's gone and forgotten.
You exhale slowly and perhaps loudly; you wouldn't say that you sigh, but that wouldn't be too far off the mark, either.
Something moves in the corner of your eye again, and suddenly you remember the other person who's airing out her melancholy in the area. She's watching you oddly intently, and this may be the first time you've seen her that she wasn't glaring outright.
If there's any applicable social protocol for this circumstance, you're unsure what it is; you shrug slightly, manage a half-smile. Nothing changes about her demeanor, but that's at least better than having earned her ire. After another few debatably tense seconds, her shoulders slacken just the slightest bit. She sighs herself, and returns to studying the middle distance.
You pass a few minutes in this way, just sort of existing in the same space in a silence that you'd like to think could be described as companionable, though that may be giving yourself too much credit.
It's a shame you'll be inside again in five minutes, plunged back into layers of background chatter and prying eyes.
This is actually rather nice.