Hello all! I know this is a week late and I am very sorry, but last week was completely insane for me. This chapter would be longer, but I also had a crazy night last night and didn't get as much writing done as I wanted to. Nevertheless, here is the next chapter. I hope you guys like it..everything is about to get crazy. Be sure to review! And just a reminder, I deleted the author's note a couple chapters back and I moved the introduction to the beginning of the first chapter, so the titles and numbers line up now.
Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent. I am not Veronica Roth and I do not own the quote "fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up." If I did, this story would be the real end to Allegiant.
Tris
I open my eyes but the world around me is dark. There's a throbbing pain in my head and I can barely sit up. The ground is cold beneath me and I can hear the roaring of the chasm waters nearby. Slowly, the blackness is replaced with blurry objects and body hovering over me. They speak, but I can't hear what they're saying over the ringing in my ears. I can't see their face, but their presence is a familiar one.
"Little Tris Prior," I finally hear in a condescending tone.
I know the voice. It's one that I've heard many times, but I can't place who it belongs to.
"It's a shame that big bad Four isn't here to save you," the person continues. "You shouldn't have done what you did."
I know that he's making vague statements so that I can't figure out who he is, but I try to make a list of my many mistakes anyway. The throbbing in my head makes it impossible to think.
"You're going to pay for it," they say.
I feel their hands on me. I can feel the button on my pants coming undone. The panic in my body overcomes the throbbing in my head and for a moment I can think clearly. Fear doesn't shut you down, it wakes you up. I bring my knee up and I feel myself make contact with something. The person grunts loudly and slaps me. Then they pick up an object, and right as it comes towards me, everything goes black.
When I open my eyes again, a bright light is shining in my eyes. I close them immediately, but something prods me to open them again. When I do, the light isn't as bright, but a strange man is standing over me. I start thrashing around and I can hear someone screaming, but the voice doesn't sound like my own. Hands are now holding me down. I try to bring my knee up again, but I'm being restricted by something; a blanket. When I look back up, Tobias is standing next to the strange man.
"Tris, it's okay," he soothes, though his voice is strained. "You're in the infirmary."
I look around and I recognize the room that I became well acquainted with during initiation.
"What happened?' I speak for the first time, my voice is hoarse and foreign-sounding.
"There was," he begins, but then he suddenly closes his mouth. "You were.."
"Tris, do you remember anything that happened before you woke up here?" The stranger asks.
"Who are you?" I snap.
"I'm your doctor," he says calmly. "I need to know if you remember anything."
"I had a really bad headache," I groan. "And, it was dark."
"That's good, Tris," the doctor smiles at me. "Do you remember where you were?"
"The ground was wet, and I could hear the chasm," I pause. "But that's all I remember."
"Are you in pain?" The doctor asks when I grunt.
"A lot," I close my eyes.
"What hurts?" I feel a hand on mine, and when I open my eyes I see that it's Tobias's.
"My head," I pause as a wave of pain rushes over me, "my back, um.." I hesitate.
"Are you having some pain here?" The doctor places his hand on my thigh through the blanket.
I jump when he touches me, partly out of pain, but the other part is something I can't explain. It's like one of my fears is back.
"I'm sorry," he moves his hand quickly. "Are you sure you don't remember anything else?"
"No, I don't remember!" I yell. "Tobias, what is going on!?"
"You were," he stops without saying anything else and shakes his head rapidly, his eyes shutting tightly.
"You were raped, Tris," the doctor says.
Raped.
"There has to some mistake," I protest, even though deep down I know it's true.
"I'm sorry," he shakes his head. "You may not remember it, but it happened."
I try to remember. I try to make sense of it all. I know that it happened, that what he's saying is true. I know that the squeezing feeling that's in my chest is the same feeling that plagued me before I officially lost my fear if intimacy. Except this time, it's not an irrational fear.
"You were hit in the head," the doctor continues. "You may have been unconcious during the rape. That doesn't mean, however, that you won't be affected by it. You're body and brain may still react to stressors."
"What does that mean?" Tobias scowls.
"The attack itself is an extremely traumatic experience. It will take time for her to recover from that. But rape is also a very traumatic experience. Even though she may have been unconcious, the body still recognizes trauma," he explains. "It's also very unlikely that she was unconcious for the entirety of the event. She may be suppressing the memory as a way to cope with the trauma."
"I'm still here," I hiss. "You don't need to talk about me like I'm not. Or like I'm a child. I can handle myself. Right now I just want to know when I can get out of here."
"We're still waiting on some test results," the doctor says. "Now that you're awake we also need to run a few tests to test the functionality of your brain. Head injuries pose potential threats that may not be recognized just by your behavior or speaking capabilities."
"I'm fine," I shake my head.
"You also may want to speak with a therapist," the doctor continues. "It can be very helpful at..."
"Excuse me," Tobias interrupts. "Could I have a minute alone with Tris?"
"Of course," the doctor grimaces slightly before leaving the room.
"Don't," I say as soon as the door closes.
"Just listen," Tobias sighs.
"I was attacked before, and I was fine. I've made it through bullet wounds and holes in my body. I'm fine."
"None of those were the same as this, Tris. This is a head injury. And this is an entirely different attack," Tobias shakes his head. "I can't just save you this time."
"Who brought me here to begin with?" I glare at him.
"I did," he rubs the back of his neck. "I found you by the chasm and instead of just taking you back to the apartment like I did last time, I brought you here. Because this is where you need to be. Last time, last time you got a little beat up. This time, you didn't see, the blood," he chokes.
"Okay," I sigh. "Okay."
I don't how long we wait in this room. But they poke and prod and touch me and by the end of it, I feel like there's nothing left of me. They insist on keeping me here overnight. Everytime I think about protesting, Tobias looks at me with these eyes that I can't disappoint. When I look at them, I see the child that's hiding in the curtains as his mother gets beat repeatedly and he waits for his turn.
The next morning, the doctor decides that there's no serious damage done and I can go home. As Tobias goes to get me some clothes from the apartment, I find myself standing in front of the mirror. I look at myself the same way I did the last time I was in this position, and I see some of the same things. I don't look like the same person.
When we go back to the apartment, I take a long, hot shower while Tobias goes to get some pain medication for me. And probably the anti-depressants that the doctor was trying to force on me. When I get out, he still isn't back, so I get in bed and curl up under the blanket. I hear the door open, and I know he's going to try to force me to take the medications, so I pretend to be asleep. A little while later, I hear Zeke come in. They're trying to talk quietly, but I can still hear what they're saying.
"Same dark, hooded figure that's on the rest of the tapes," Zeke says.
"You're telling me this guy never shows his face? Not a profile, not an eyebrow, an earlobe, nothing?"
"Nothing," Zeke sighs.
"So not only has this guy been following her around, breaking into her apartment, sending threatening notes, now he rapes and beats her and we've got nothing?"
"Unfortunately, yes."