DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me…they are all the creation of the wonderful Stephenie Meyer. All are human.
What Matters Most
Edward's POV
I looked over at Bella again, my heart aching at the thought of how very close I'd come to losing her. If we'd been late to the hospital, or if Dr. Johnson hadn't been watching so closely…I knew I needed to stop thinking that way, but I couldn't seem to figure out how. I kept waiting to get upset about the fact that we couldn't have any more children, but it never came. My only worry was keeping Bella healthy and at my side.
"I can't wait to see Charlie again," Bella said, breaking me from my thoughts.
"I'm sure he can't wait either, Love," I replied, lifting her hand and kissing the back of it.
The baby was home with my parents. I'd thought it best for me to bring Bella home alone, letting her be relaxed during the trip since I knew the house would be a flurry of noise and excitement as soon as we arrived. Everyone was there, waiting to welcome Bella home. I'd managed to get Alice to agree to just a banner and a few balloons instead of the all-out party she'd wanted. I understood my sister was trying to show her love, but neither Bella nor I could handle a party right now. I'd been without my wife for the last three days and I was not in a sharing mood. She'd stubbornly made me go home with our son while she stayed stuck in the hospital. The only reason I'd given in was because my mother had stayed with Bella, assuring me she would call if anything at all happened.
"Has he done anything new since we talked yesterday?" Bella asked.
"No," I chuckled. "He's a little young to be doing much of anything. The only change is the consistency of his poop. And the smell."
"How many diapers have you changed so far?"
"Plenty. I don't have an exact number."
"Does he still want to eat every four hours?"
"Bella, you haven't missed anything. I promise you," I told her. "So please relax."
"I am relaxed, but I'm also excited. I missed you so much, Edward."
"That's what you get for making me go home," I teased, smiling at her.
"Charlie needed you."
I didn't say anything more, not wanting to argue with her. In my opinion, he was the healthy one and Bella was the one who needed me. She was going to be on bed rest for the rest of this week, and only allowed limited activity for the next six to eight weeks while she healed. And I didn't care how stubborn she wanted to be, she was going to listen to those instructions even if I had to tie her to the bed.
I hadn't even turned the car off before our family came spilling out of the front door. "I think they're excited to have you home," I chuckled, as Bella sighed heavily. She was happy to see everyone, but she was not looking forward to the attention.
Emmett opened her door and carefully lifted her out of the car, carrying her into the house. I'd expected her to argue with him, but she didn't say a single word. Either she'd decided not to be stubborn or she wasn't being completely truthful about how much pain she was in this afternoon. I really hoped it was the first reason.
Jasper helped me get Bella's bags out of the trunk and we carried them into house, dropping them near the front door. "She's home, Edward. Try to relax a little," he whispered.
I just nodded, wondering how he'd feel if our positions were reversed and I was telling him that about Alice. I wondered if he'd be as close to snapping and yelling as I was. It was all too fresh for me to just forget about it. I was sure I would calm down with time, but I would never forget how close I'd come to losing my wife.
"Where's Charlie?" Bella asked as my mother hugged her.
"He's in Lily's crib in Emmett and Rosalie's room," Esme replied. "Edward and you will be staying in there until you're cleared to be going up and down the stairs."
"I was a little worried I'd come home and find a new wing to the house just to keep me on the ground floor," Bella said with a nervous laugh. She'd expressed that worry over the phone on more than one occasion in the past couple of days.
"I would never allow such a thing," Esme assured her. "You are temporarily in need of our help, but you will be back on your feet in no time, Bella."
"Is this enough pillows?" Alice asked, trying to fluff the exact one Bella was leaning against.
"It's fine," Bella laughed, pushing Alice's hands away.
"She needs a blanket over her legs. Emmett, get her a blanket," Alice ordered.
"There's one right here," Rose laughed, draping it over Bella's legs. "Relax yourself, Pixie. You're starting to stress me out."
I wasn't sure if it was the pregnancy doing it, but Alice had taken Bella's…incident nearly as hard as me. I wrapped my arms around my sister and hugged her tightly. "Remember what we talked about," I whispered into her ear. "Be brave for Bella so that we don't upset her."
"Right," Alice whispered back. When she spoke up for the family, she sounded much more chipper. "Jasper set up the baby's playpen for you," she announced, pointing at it. "We know you can't move around much for awhile and I figured you'd want Charlie close."
"Thanks, Alice, but I won't be able to bend over for awhile," Bella replied, frowning a little.
"Oh, right," Alice pouted. And then she started smiling again. "Easy to fix! Emmett, go put the playpen up in the baby's room and bring down the bassinet out of Edward's room. It's just the right height for Bella to be sitting and get the baby without bending."
"Whatever you say, Pixie," Emmett said as he got to his feet.
"And be quiet on the stairs so you don't wake the baby," Rose warned him.
"Got it," he huffed, lifting the playpen up and heading for the stairs with it. "Trade the big thing for the tiny thing and do it without noise so I don't wake the really tiny thing."
"You know these pillows are great, but not quite what I want," Bella said, tugging at my hand. "Sit with me."
I gladly moved her pillows and sat behind her. Alice helped me to stack the pillows onto my lap and Bella laid against them, smiling up at me. With a big, goofy grin on my face, I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Welcome home, Love," I whispered.
"Now this is nice," she sighed happily.
"Bee-bee," Lily said, patting her aunt's arm lightly. "Baby?"
"Not in my tummy any more," Bella said with a laugh. "He's sleeping upstairs."
The baby monitor crackled and Charlie's soft whimpers came out of the speakers. "Not anymore," I chuckled, glancing at my watch. "He's pretty consistent with his waking and sleeping for now."
"I'll get him," Jasper offered. "I could use the practice."
"Wait until you see him with Charlie," Alice chirped. "It is so cute! I can't wait to see him with our own babies." Alice and Jasper had been staying here the past couple of days, helping me with the baby since my mother had been at the hospital with Bella. Jasper was already better with the diaper changes than I seemed to be; mostly because I was so scared of accidentally hurting Charlie. Not only did I have the cord to worry about, we'd had him circumcised and I had to be careful not to let the diaper rub against either area.
The monitor clicked on again and we could all hear Jasper's voice. "It's okay, little man. Uncle Jasper is here to get you. We'll just check your diaper and then bring you down to see someone very important."
"I think that means you," I said to Bella, getting her to smile.
Charlie started to cry in earnest and Bella looked so stricken. "It's okay," I said, trying to calm her. "Jasper's probably changing the baby's diaper. He doesn't like it when we take his blanket off of him," I explained.
Bella nodded, but she didn't seem to relax at all. I smiled at how protective she already seemed to be with the limited amount of time she'd had with our little boy.
"Let's have you sit up a little so that you can feed Charlie," I suggested, trying to take her mind off of his cries. I got up and Rose helped me move the pillows and Bella so that she was resting comfortably and could easily feed the baby.
"Here's his boppy pillow, too," Alice said, handing it to Bella. "Set him against it and then you just have to hold his bottle."
A few minutes later, Jasper came into the room with Charlie nestled in his arms. "Ready for your surprise, Charlie? She sure looks ready for you," he said, smiling as he held the baby for Bella to see him clearly.
"Did you miss me?" she cooed, kissing the baby's forehead. "Because I sure missed you."
"Without a doubt," Jasper assured her, setting the baby on the pillow and Bella's legs. "I hope his crying didn't worry you. He's really not fond of us taking his blanket off."
"That's what Edward said," Bella chuckled, fingering the corner of the baby's blue blanket.
"Here's his bottle," Rose said, passing it to Bella.
"And his spit-up cloth," Alice added as she draped the cloth over Bella's shoulder.
"It's a good thing Lily came first so we could have practice before this little man joined us," Bella chuckled as she slipped the tip of the bottle into Charlie's mouth.
"Alright, stop hovering and go back to what you were doing," my mother demanded, clapping her hands softly so she wouldn't startle the baby.
"Baby," Lily yelled happily.
"I'm going to take her outback to play and get rid of some of her energy," Rose said, lifting her daughter up into her arms. "Want to go swing, Lily?"
"Yeah," Lily laughed, clapping her little hands.
"Let's go make use of the swing set Grandpa Carlisle got you. Alice, care to join us?" Rose asked.
"Would love too," Alice chuckled.
"Come on, Emmett," Jasper said. "We can toss the ball around while I keep an eye on my wife."
My dad stayed in the living room, reading his paper—he'd promised me he would stay close by to monitor Bella for me. I sat down on the end of the sofa, putting Bella's feet across my lap. She smiled at me quickly before turning her full attention back to our little boy.
"Would either of you like anything to eat?" my mother asked, her hands on my shoulders.
"Not just yet," I replied, patting her hand.
"Let me know when you change your mind," she said, kissing my cheek.
"This is really nice," Bella said, looking around the living room. "I was really worried the house would be too busy and everyone would be making a big deal of things."
"I was too," I told her, smiling at her. "He's almost done already," I chuckled, looking at Charlie's bottle.
"Does he have a particular way he likes to be burped?"
"Not that I've noticed. I just lean back so that he's resting comfortably against my shoulder and then I pat the middle of his back lightly until he burps two or three times."
"Then that's how I'll do it too," she replied with a big smile. She yawned and laughed at herself. "And then I think I'm going to have to take a nap."
"Then we'll get you upstairs and you can nap in the room with Charlie. My mom brought our pillows and blankets down for you to make sure you'd be comfortable."
"I just got home, though, and I really don't want to leave you just yet."
"So I'll just take a nap with you then."
"Hear that, Charlie," Bella cooed, lifting him up to her shoulder. "Those are sweet words from your daddy. He does that a lot for Mommy and it's one of the many reasons I love him so much," she said as she patted his back. He whimpered a little before finally burping for her. "That's my sweet boy," she whispered, setting him against her chest. She rested her head against her pillows, checking out each of Charlie's tiny little fingers; I couldn't stop smiling as I watched her with him.
In a matter of minutes, the two most important people in my life were sound asleep, both of them looking completely content.
"I slept that way with both Alice and you when you were that tiny," my mother whispered, sitting on the arm of the sofa.
"Is she comfortable like that?" I asked, a little worried.
"More than you can know," my mother replied. "I know it's hard for you, but try not to worry too much, son."
"Can I trouble you for a sandwich?" I asked. "I don't want to leave them."
"I understand," she said, smiling at me. "And I've got something a lot more filling than a sandwich. Rose made chicken stew and I'll fix you a big bowl. Would you like tea with it?"
I grinned at her. "Could you make some coffee instead?"
"Sure," she chuckled. "I'll be right back."
"Jasper, you suck," Emmett bellowed as he came back in through the front door.
"Em!" I hissed at him.
"Oh, sorry," he said as softly as he could manage. "She okay?"
"Just sleeping," I assured him.
Emmett grinned happily as he leaned over the back of the sofa, looking down at Bella and Charlie. "I never imagined I'd see my little sister with her very own baby. She looks happy, Eddie."
"Yeah, she does," I agreed. And I planned to do all I could to keep it that way.
The rest of the day remained fairly calm as Bella laughed and chatted with our family. I couldn't begin to describe how happy it made me to have her here and safe, which made me also equally unable to understand why I felt so upset at the same time.
"Edward, let's go refresh Bella's drink and see if we can find her something to snack on," my father said, gripping my shoulder.
"Oh, a snack sounds great," Bella said with a big smile. "Something chocolate would be heavenly."
"We'll see what we can do," my dad chuckled as we headed for the kitchen.
He had me walk in first and then he closed the door behind me. I'd almost forgotten it even had a door to close since it hadn't been used in so long.
"Have a seat, son," he said, nodding toward the table. Once we were both sitting, he gripped my arm and smiled at me. "Keep in mind that I'm speaking from experience and I understand the distinction between saying and doing. But, son, you have to let this fear go. Yes, Bella came very close to dying, but she didn't. She's here and getting healthier every minute. Sitting there and wondering what might have happened is just causing yourself more pain. You need to throw yourself into being a great husband and father, and let everything else go."
"I keep trying to do that," I told him. "But I just don't know how."
"You have to figure it out, and quickly. Your mother and Bella are very similar and I'm pretty sure she'll go through the same things your mother did."
"What's that mean for us?"
"Well, Bella is going to be very emotional in the next couple of months. First, she's going to be annoyed at how little she'll be allowed to help with the baby. Then as she finally is able to be a mother to her son, she'll start to think about how this is the only time she'll ever get to enjoy these moments since she can no longer have children. She'll be angry about that and then she'll feel guilty for being angry when she has so much to be thankful for. And when she gets past all of that, she'll find her happiness again and share that with you."
"Any suggestions for me?"
"Try to include her as much as you can in caring for the baby. Even if all you do is lay Charlie on her lap while you change his diaper. Every little bit will help her feel included and useful. Talk to her as often as you can, try to draw out how she's feeling without pushing too hard."
"Thank you. And if you could…"
He smiled, knowing just what I wanted to say. "I'll pull you aside, just like I did tonight and we'll chat again. We'll talk as often as you need it, Edward. Now, let's find a snack for your wife and rejoin our family. I figure you have about a half hour with us before Charlie wakes again. Might I suggest you take Bella upstairs and call it an early night?"
"That sounds really good," I agreed, managing to smile a little.
Later that night as I fed Charlie and watched Bella sleep, I thought about my father's suggestions and how I could move forward. And then I wondered if maybe I was over-thinking, remembering that day in the attic with my mother. If I was busy living a life with Bella, then I wouldn't have time to worry about anything else.
"What do you think, little man?" I whispered to Charlie as I burped him. "You think that might work for your worry-wart father?" He gave out a rather loud burp in response and I chuckled as I wiped at his mouth.
Now that he was dry and full, his little brown eyes started to droop. I hummed Bella's lullaby as I held him close, sending him off to sleep without any trouble. I carefully laid him in his crib, just as my mother had shown me, and stood near him for a few minutes just to make sure he was deeply asleep.
I crawled back into bed and laid next to Bella, missing the feel of her in my arms. It would be a few weeks before that would be possible again since her stomach was so tender right now. So I contented myself with holding her hand as I closed my eyes and tried to get some rest.
Over the next couple of days, Bella and I started to create our own routine with Charlie. Her pain medication made it easy for her not to wake in the night with the baby and be rested in the morning, so as soon as my mother was up, I would get to nap while she kept an eye on the baby and Bella. I would get up around lunchtime and my mother would go out to do her errands while I spent time with my wife and son.
On this particular day, we were giving Charlie a bath together. After thinking about it for awhile, I'd decided the best way to let Bella be apart of this was to use the kitchen sink. That way, she could stand and easily reach the baby without hurting herself. Plus, that little sprayer attachment would be a handy tool.
"Your first bath," Bella cooed, holding Charlie as I set the water temperature. I didn't want to correct her assumption and hurt her feelings. This would actually be his second bath. The first has been a necessity since I hadn't quite got his diaper on correctly and it had leaked all over his little body on his first day home. "Edward, do you have the camera down here?" she asked.
"Yes, Love. It's that silver object to the right of you," I chuckled.
"Daddy thinks he's funny, Charlie. Mommy doesn't," she said, grinning at me.
"So why are you smiling?"
Her smile widened as she looked up at me. "Because I'm the luckiest woman in the world with my two perfect men."
"Someone is in a very good mood this afternoon."
"It's the first day that my legs aren't feeling like jelly when I walk around. Not that I can go far or anything, but it still feels nice."
"Want to talk to me about it while we give this little man his bath?" I asked, helping her to unsnap the baby's outfit.
"You start snapping pictures and I'll talk," she said.
"Deal." I grabbed the camera and took a picture of her easing the outfit over Charlie's little head.
Bella gave out a little sigh before she started talking. "It feels really odd to be so weak for so long. It's a little scary too. I mean, I know I'm going to get better and get to do for myself again, but it doesn't really feel that way right now. And I'm sad that I can't do much for Charlie right now. I just…I had this image in my head of what it would be like after he was born and…well, it's not possible."
"Not right now, but it will be soon, Bella. It's just going to take a little time and then we'll make sure you get to do everything you planned on with this wonderful little boy of ours."
"So what's the best way to do this?" she asked as I tossed the baby's diaper into the trash.
"Well, I was thinking I could hold him in his little tub while you do the actual washing. My dad said we have to be really careful around his belly button and wee-wee."
"Wee-wee?" Bella snorted. "Really, Edward! What are we? Four?"
"It's my mother's word," I said, rolling my eyes at her.
"Sure it is," she replied, not looking for a second like she believed me.
"Let's just get him bathed." I kept my hand under Charlie's head as I set him into the seat.
Bella pulled out the sprayer and started at Charlie's feet, slowly moving up so that his skin was nice and wet. I grabbed the camera with my free hand and took a picture of Bella holding the sprayer and then one of Charlie's face as the water touched his stomach.
"He seems to like it," she mentioned, smoothing the water over his chest. "He's not crying so far."
"He's hardly cried since he was born. The most he's done is that little whimper thing."
She nodded as she kept going and when she got to his face, I put down the camera and placed my hand over his eyes and nose so he wouldn't get squirted. Bella wet the little bit of hair he had, filled the bottom of his tub, and then turned off the water. "No tears formula," she said as she squirted the soap into her hands. "It better be no tears. I'll sue them if my little man cries."
"I think I'd like to see you try," I chuckled.
"Do you doubt my desire to protect this perfect little man?" Bella cooed, rubbing her nose against Charlie's.
"I think you better hurry with the washing," I said as the baby started to whimper.
"It's okay, little man," Bella said softly, soaping up his foot. "Look at this perfect little foot of yours. Five little toes and that cute little arch, just like your daddy's foot. When does he laugh, Edward? I can't wait to see if he's as ticklish as you are."
"I think my book said it would happen around three or four months."
"So far away?" she asked with a pout.
"It's not that far," I chuckled.
"Move to the side just a little so I can get his arms easier," Bella instructed.
I did as she said, smiling as she bathed our little boy with such tenderness and care. She seemed to really be enjoying herself.
By the time we had Charlie all rinsed off and wrapped in a towel, Bella was looking exhausted. "Why don't we take him into the living room so you can sit down while we get him dressed?" I suggested.
"Yeah, I'd like that," she said, trying to smile.
I held Charlie against me with one arm and helped Bella into the living room with my other. Once she was stretched out across the sofa, I laid the baby on her chest and she leaned her head forward, pressing her lips to his head.
I smiled as I started to dry him off. "Now we've got you both resting comfortably."
"Yeah, this is better," she yawned, holding one of Charlie's hands in her own.
By the time I had him dried and dressed, they were both out cold. For whatever reason, Charlie seemed to sleep best when he was on Bella's chest this way. I kissed and covered them both, and then just watched them for a bit, enjoying the sight of my healthy and safe family. Loving and providing for these two was what mattered most in my life, and that was all I needed to focus on. It was just a lot easier said than done so far. But I would manage it because I had no choice—I'd promised Bella a wonderful life and I kept all of my promises to her.
We're only going to have one chapter this weekend, but I hope you found at as sweet as I did! I hope to have two again next week, so I'll be writing like mad to get it done! I'm going to attempt to have Alice tell us about the birth of her twins in her own words, so we'll see how that goes! Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Thanks to George for her beta help!