Before I continue on with this next chapter, I want to thank all of you for amazing, continuous support. I cannot believe that there are 500 reviews on this story. That's a huge deal to me. You all are so amazing, and I don't think that my words accurately portray just how thankful I am for each and every one of you. I started a new job today, and it's extremely taxing on my body. All that I wanted to do tonight was cry, but you guys put a smile on my face. Thank you.
Again, thank you UntilNeverDawns, AddictedFanfiction, Julia, Jessipage, lookitsria, AliceJericho, Guest, Khaaaaaaan, ChelleLew, IRENELOVE83, nattiebroskette, ph0biafied, Shield 316, Westie86, StormyCrown, xSamiliciousx, Rossi's Lil Devil, insky5967, MetalMayhem, and Alondra (your review just made my night, thank you so much).
Regarding the last chapter: The decision to write James off the way that I did was made before I even started writing this story. Hate crimes against gays have been and still are a huge problem. Another problem, justice not being served because of the race or financial status of the accused.
"Surprise!"
To say that I was not in the mood to put on a dress that rivaled a pair of ruby slippers, put on my make up, and go out to dinner was probably the understatement of the year. When Dean said that we had a dinner to go to, I thought he meant that he was going to take me out to some restaurant. However, we pulled up to a small, log cabin in the middle of the woods about twenty minutes out of town.
At first I thought he had rented the cabin and this was some sort of romantic gesture; but the two cars sitting in the driveway suggested otherwise. It wasn't until I stepped through the door and saw Violet and Kyle standing in the living room in front of a huge Christmas tree, that I knew what this was. Lining the mantle over the fireplace, were pictures of Alex and James together. Draped over the back of the sofa was a quilt James' grandmother had made for him when he was a baby. I knew it immediately, because he had had it his entire life.
"I can't cry," I said, trying my hardest to hold back the tears that were so ready to pour from my eyes. "I just put on my makeup." I forced a laugh and a smile, but it didn't help any.
Violet was the first to hug me. She looked beautiful in her red dress, her dark hair was curled to perfection. Kyle enveloped me in a huge bear hug, spinning me around as he did so. Alex was standing off to the side, leaning against the wall to the kitchen with a sad smile on his face. It was obvious that he wished James was here, I did too.
The house was filled with the smell of baked ham, which made my mouth water. I hadn't eaten properly in days. Displayed out on the table were all kinds of dishes. I saw Spanakopita tarts, Alex's mother's own recipe. Violet's apricot and almond stuffing, mashed potatoes, gingersnap sweet potatoes, and a beautiful stuffed crown roast of pork that sat in the middle of the table next to the giant ham.
We all sat around the table, eating and laughing. Well, three of us were laughing; Alex and I just sort of smiled and nodded along with whatever was being said.
"I didn't know you two lived together," I said to Alex, when I finally got a minute with him alone. Violet and Kyle were rummaging around the kitchen, putting the final touches on their desserts. Dean had stepped outside to call Roman and Seth and wish them happy holidays.
"We didn't," he said. "Well, this was my Grandfather's old hunting cabin. He gave it to me when he died and I moved in to be closer to James. He liked to decorate so he put the pictures up and well, I'm not going to take them down now. He was so excited for Christmas. He did all of this." Alex motioned towards all of the decorations in the room.
Dean came back in a plopped down on the couch next to me, ending the conversation with Alex. Violet and Kyle filed in the room next, excited to start opening gifts.
No amount of presents in the world would bring my best friend back, but I still tried to be as happy as I could fake for Dean's sake. He was the one who put this whole thing together, anyways. They all passed gifts around, even making sure that they had gotten something for Alex last minute. As we sat around the living room, Violet handed me a red envelope. On the front, scribbled in black Sharpie, was my name. I knew immediately that it's was Dean's handwriting. He gave me a smile when I looked up at him.
The inside of the card read, "Whenever you're ready" and underneath was the key to his apartment that I had thrown at him in one of our stupid fights. "It doesn't have to be now," he said to me. "As long as it's someday."
There was another envelope inside of the card, very obviously from Ticketmaster. "I swear to God, Dean Ambrose if these are tickets to WWE I'm going to punch you." I worked my nail under the flap and pulled out two tickets to a Guns N' Roses show in Vegas. "You're kidding!"
"I can see that Guns N' Roses is more important than our future," he joked. "That doesn't bother me at all."
"Shut up and kiss me, please?"
Dean draped his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into a sweet kiss. Violet responded with an 'aw' sound and Kyle told us to get a room. I thanked him and then handed him the present that I got for him. "I thought I told you not to get me anything," he said as he shook the box for a minute, trying to gauge what was inside.
"It's just a watch," I told him. "A waterproof watch, because you've gone through like three watches in the past six months because you forget to take them off before you get in the shower." His lips formed into a smile. "I didn't know what to get you, you're so simple."
"Just you would have been good enough." He placed his lips back on mine again. "But thank you, Darlin'."
"Alright! Enough mushy stuff!" Violet interrupted. "It's getting late, I think it's time to start packing up and let Alex have his house back."
I helped Violet box up all the food and wash the dishes. She and Kyle said their goodbyes and headed back to the hotel they were staying at, letting us know that they would be attending the funeral tomorrow. Dean and I lingered behind for a little bit, making sure Alex would be okay and letting him know if there was anything he needed, he shouldn't hesitate to call.
It was late when Dean and I got back to that dingy motel. There still was no TV, one of the lights in the bathroom had begun to flicker. I stood by the dresser, watching as Dean moved to turn on the heat and grab an extra blanket out of the closet. I slipped off my heels, wiggling my toes, and sighed. All that I wanted was to go to sleep.
"Will you help me?" I asked Dean, motioning toward the zipper of the dress.
He stood behind me and slowly unzipped the dress. "I meant to tell you how amazing you looked tonight." His fingers grazed my now exposed skin, sending a cold chill throughout my body. He placed a kiss on my shoulder, and trailed upwards to the skin behind my ear.
"Thank you," I replied softly.
"You don't need to thank me." He took me by the hand and led me over to the bed.
"No," I said as I straddled his hips as he sat on the edge. "I do." He moved his hand up to move my bangs from my face. "I'll move in with you." I was more sure now than ever as I stared into his crystal eyes.
"Callie, you don't have to. I don't want you to feel rushed or pressured."
"I know, and I'm not." I told him, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. "I want to, as soon as we get home."
Dean pressed our foreheads together and captured my lips with his. He fell back, moving underneath the blankets, inviting me in to the space beside him. He made the hard, stale mattress feel like a cloud as he held me tightly to him. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.
When the alarm went off the next morning, I groaned, slapping it with my fist.
This was it.
This was the day that I would bury my best friend.
No words were spoken between Dean and I as we got dressed. He asked me if I was going to be okay, but I didn't answer him. Violet had brought me a black dress from my closet, and a coat, along with a pair of tights and gloves. Light flurries were still falling from the sky, making for a dreary yet beautiful December day.
I was surprised to see as many people as there were at the funeral. A mass of black clad men and women, and children, and of course Joyce was there. All of them stared wide eyed as Dean and I walked hand and hand to our seats at the front of the group. I ignored them. These people did not know subtlety. Even Jared stood off towards the back, following me with his eyes. Frank Miller was there, and Stephen, Mr. Cooke and his new wife.
Father Lucas began his speech about how tragic this all was. He was right. There was twenty-four year old young man in that casket, who had his whole life ahead of him. A beautiful, fulfilling life that would have brought so much joy to others. I stared at the white carnations and baby's breath that adjourned James' casket. That was a tragedy in itself. But of course Joyce wouldn't know that James loved Calla Lilies and red roses. She wouldn't know that he wanted to be cremated, and his ashes spread among the Redwoods of California.
When the pastor asked if anyone would like to say a few words, he looked directly at me. I shook my head slightly, not wanting to take the stand, because if I did, I'd end up saying what was really on my mind. Today was about James, not me. Even though he would hate this entire ceremony, I wasn't going to take it away from him.
Afterwards, when the group began to separate, and everyone was shaking each other's hands and giving their condolences, Alex and I stood at the casket. I held his hand, giving it a tight squeeze when I heard him sniffling. "He would have hated this," he said to my surprised as he wiped a tear from his cheek.
I let out a laugh. A few people turned their heads to give me a strange look. "He really would have."
Violet, Kyle, and Dean were all waiting at the car as Alex and I walked along the other gravestones, leaving footprints in the snow behind us. "Look, before you go, there's something you should have." He said as we stood by his car. He opened the door and reach in, grabbing a wrapped gift that was sitting in the passenger's seat. "After you told James about your pregnancy, he started working on this. He finished a few weeks ago and was going to give it to you himself, but-"
"Thank you," I replied, throwing my arms around his neck. "Please don't be a stranger, okay?"
"I won't. I'm glad we actually got to meet." He said.
Saying goodbye to Alex felt like saying goodbye to James all over again. I climbed in the front seat of the rental and waved goodbye to him one more time. I looked at the gift in my hands, deciding whether or not to open it yet. This was the last thing that I had connecting me to James other than memories. I tore off the wrapping paper to reveal a leather-bound journal. I hope he's not planning on me taking up his writing, because that's not going to happen.
On the first page was a letter, "Dear little one," It began. I couldn't read past those first three words without feeling like I was going to cry. I closed the book and held it to my chest as I smiled out the window. Dean began driving away. It was straight to the airport from here. I watched as my hometown, my parents, my best friend, everything disappeared behind me on last time. There were no tears. I had a ticket to Vegas, this time, but let go of everything else.
It was time to go home.
The next chapter is the last one. I can't believe it!
Had to get this done before I went to work. You're welcome.
1. Merry Christmas, Baby - Brighten
2. Skinny Love - Birdy
3. Coming Home - Skylar Grey
Reviews are appreciated and encouraged and I love you so much.