Chapter 34

It was another 4 weeks before the hospital would let me go home, by then everything was ready for me, the bedroom was decorated and, the bathroom was finished, I didn't have to worry about anything, Charlie had got some of the officers at the station to help and a plumber to finish installing the bathroom.

I had to use crutches for a few weeks longer, but apart from that I was ok in myself considering everything I had been through.

Charlie was really agitated in case she did anything wrong, I had to tell her not to worry, everything was going to be just fine. Charlie wasn't sure whether I wanted her to share the bedroom or not so she didn't assume anything, she just thought it might be better if she slept in our old room until I was ready, we would have dinner, watch tv together then Charlie would kiss me goodnight and go off to bed herself, I could tell she didn't like leaving me on my own, but didn't want to push me too much in case I told her I didn't want us to be together anymore.

After a few days, I realised Charlie wasn't actually going to bed, she was sleeping on the sofa in the living room, so when she had checked on me for like the 10 time in one night I asked her to get in the bed beside me, when I asked her why she was sleeping on the sofa, she told me she couldn't sleep in bed knowing I was downstairs on my own, so it was easier to sleep on the sofa so that if I needed anything she would be there to get it for me, I kissed her telling her she should have just told me, had I known she was sleeping on the sofa before now, I would have told her to come in with me sooner, Charlie said she didn't want to put any pressure on me because she knew she couldn't expect everything to just go like it was before, but she just needed to be near me, I kissed her again and, said I thought it was time we talked, Charlie agreed.

I let her go first, she said she knew she had messed everything up by telling me she didn't love me anymore, she did still love me, she never stopped, but she had been working so much that she thought she was driving me away anyway, so she thought I would get bored and end up leaving her, which is why she said that, but then I did leave her In the end, but she knew that was only because I wanted to make things easier for her and, meeting Daniel was a mistake, he was just there I had left and for a stupid moment she thought that maybe being with me wasn't what she wanted after all, but when they were together all she could think about was me, she also said that I had been right when I asked if she was looking at me in the shower when I asked her, whilst we were at the gym, because she was and made her realise what she was missing.

Charlie said the first row with Daniel had been about me, because when he was making love to her, she cringed when she was telling me that, but I never reacted I just let her carry on talking, she said that she had called my name, which made Daniel go mad when he realised we had been together as a couple and was the reason he hit her, then everything just esculated from there,

When I came back to work at the station, she made my life hell, because she felt guilty at the way she treated me and, I was so nice about everything, which made it worse, she knew she couldn't stay with Daniel but was stuck in a situation that she wasn't sure she could get out of, until I was investigating him for murder.

Charlie said she always screwed up relationships one way or another, that although it may not have seemed like that to me, but I was truly the best thing that happened to her and, she hoped I was willing to give her a chance to prove she meant it, she said she loved me and was really sorry for everything she put me through.

It was then my turn to talk I told her I was never bored and wanted so much to sort things out, but she had pushed me away telling me I was selfish, all I wanted was for us to be together, that meant doing things together like going to the movies, or the pub or anywhere as long as we were together, not like it was Charlie always working and not seeing each other except in bed but even then I would be asleep by the time Charlie actually got in, or I never saw her at all because she ever came home. I knew we worked at the same police station together, but I told her that was not the same.

I told Charlie I had loved her the first time that we kissed when she came round that night I found out Blanche had died, I hadn't intended on falling in love when I came to Australia, but I did and I was really happy, especially when Charlie had asked me to stay permanently and although I loved Mel when we was together my love for Charlie was much deeper than that, I had feelings I have never had before and no matter what she did I couldn't just switch them off, I also said Charlie was the best thing to happen to me too, that as much as I was a bit disappointed at the way things turned out, I still loved her and wanted so much for us to get past all this and be happy together, but it was going to take time for me to trust her and, she had to give me that time.

I agreed with Charlie about destroying her relationships, because she had tried to do that to us and almost succeeded and I told her about how I had thought about going back to the UK when we first split up, Charlie looked at me worriedly and, said she was glad I didn't, I took her hand and smiled saying I was glad too.

I also made a point of telling Charlie that she didn't have to worry that if we had a row or disagreement I wouldn't throw all this back in her face, because I wasn't like that, but I couldn't say the same for Ruby because she was the one who was most upset about all that had happened between us, that I had talked to her and hopefully wouldn't be too bad.

Charlie said she could cope with Ruby being hard on her because it was nothing new, Ruby had been doing that since she found out Charlie wasn't her sister, but her mother, but she wouldn't be able to cope if it was me even if she knew she would deserve it. I told her she didn't have to worry about me because I would never do that.

We kissed and Charlie tried deepening the kiss further and proceeded to put her hand inside my nightshirt, but I pulled away saying we needed to get some sleep, I could see how disappointed Charlie was but I wasn't ready for that just yet, I needed time, I couldn't help thinking of her and Daniel together wondering if she would compare us, I know she was seeing Brax before we got together but this was different I was in love with Charlie and, I felt like she had betrayed me, which despite her telling me that she never stopped thinking about me, I had this notion in my mind that she may have enjoyed being intimate with Daniel and it was something I needed to know, which I had the opportunity to ask her but decided not to, which was wrong especially as I had told Charlie she needed to talk to me about how she was feeling.

It played on my mind and, it stopped me from sleeping, Charlie was awake too and asked me what was wrong I lied and said nothing, but she didn't buy it and demanded I told her what was wrong, that I had gone on at her about being honest with me and telling me what she was feeling, now it was my turn to be honest with her.

I really struggled asking her if she enjoyed being with Daniel, she was not surprised I was asking or being worried about it, because she said she would have felt the same if it was the other way round, she asked if I wanted to know if she had an orgasm with Daniel, I nodded in reply, she said no because all she could think about was me, that the night they argued and Daniel hit her she did feel turned on and thought she would orgasm because she was imagining it was me making love to her, not Daniel, which is why she called out my name and made Daniel very angry.

Charlie asked if I had lost my confidence to make love to her again, I said that I had a bit yeah, because I didn't want to do anything wrong, she said I never did anything wrong before and, she was confident I wouldn't now either, that I should stop worrying about it and, just be myself, not worry that she might be comparing me with Daniel or Brax for that matter, because she had never done that, although she admitted that she had compared Daniel to me and could honestly say there was no contest, that I was far better than Daniel and Brax, but she couldn't explain why she went there in the first place.

I asked Charlie what would happen if she felt like we were drifting apart again, would she dump me then go off with another bloke, Charlie was a bit annoyed I asked her that, she said our relationship had no guarantees for the future, but all she could do was tell me now that she loved me and wanted to be with me, no one else that, she made a mistake but couldn't I at least try and believe that she wouldn't do it again, I said I would but Charlie could read my face that was saying I still wasn't sure, I think she thought I was getting a dig at her after saying that I wouldn't, but it wasn't like that I just needed to know where I stood if things went wrong again I couldn't go through all of this again. She had tears in her eyes when she said she should go back to our room until I was obviously ready, with that she got out of the bed and left the room, I called after her not to go and, said I was sorry, but she just carried on out the door, I heard her then run up the stairs and the door slam shut.

I felt terrible she did look genuinely sorry and I just blew it, I couldn't just leave it there I had to reassure her that I did believe her when she said she loved me and wouldn't hurt me again, some would say I shouldn't have felt bad about asking Charlie questions like that, but that was me, I wouldn't genuinely hurt someone no matter what they did to me.

I had to tell her that straight away that I was sorry for hurting her feelings, so I got out of bed and hobbled on crutches to the stairs, I was half way up stairs when I stumbled and fell backwards, Charlie heard and came running to see me lying at the bottom of the stairs, she ran down to help me get up and helped me sit on the sofa, she asked what I thought I was doing, I told her I had to sort things out with her, she told me I was stupid for trying to get up the stairs on crutches, I told her I had to tell her that I did believe her, I was just being insecure, that I was sorry, Charlie said no it was her who should be sorry, it was after all her who messed everything up not me, she put her arm round me and asked if I had hurt myself and, did I need to go back to the hospital, I told her no I was fine, although I had actually lied I had hurt my ankle again but it wasn't that painful like last time, so I thought it was probably just a sprain, luckily I didn't hurt my back either which was a relief, because I had been told I needed to be very careful of my back from now on.

I told Charlie I didn't want us sleeping on our own I wanted her with me, I said that I wasn't sure I could sleep in our room again knowing Daniel had been in there, but I would like it if she moved all of her stuff to the downstairs bedroom with me, Charlie asked if I was sure, I told her I was and that I wanted us to hold each other like we used to, Charlie said she wanted that too and kissed me.

We finally went back to bed together at around 4am, I told Charlie that I loved her, she told me she loved me too, Charlie said it was just going to take a bit of time to get over everything that had happened I agreed, but said it wouldn't take too long I promised it wouldn't, we kissed again, then fell asleep In each others arms.