I pullt he covers over my head when hearing Kankri knock on my door.

"Karkat.."

I'm not moving.

"Open up."

Nope.

"I'm coming in regardless."

Fine.

He walks in and sighs, probably from seeing me covered up. "Karkat we need to talk."

"No we don't."

"Yes. We do. You haven't been talking to me much at all and I'm worried... Karkat we can't do this alone. It's been long enough."

"No it hasn't."

"Yes it has!" The silence that follows that kills me. When I finally look at him I can see how it kills him too.

"...It's been almost 2 months Karkat... We have to take care of ourselves."

"And what do you expect me to do?"

"To at least go back to school. To talk to your friends, for gods sake Karkat Nepeta has called several times to ask for you and I don't know what to tell her. Several other of your friends have done the same as well. You need to talk to them. Maybe they can help you get back to normal-"

"Normal? Normal was shit. I don't want normal."

"Well you have to be something! Something other than this! It's horrible seeing you this way without being able to help! I'm working, I hardly attend school anymore and when I'm actually home I see you locked away in here! I need help Karkat." The look he gives me while saying that could break someone into tears. It might break me right now. I don't know if I want to hit him, scream, or burst into tears. "You need help?! I'm sorry I don't want to get up or talk to people, sorry I'm more happy having nightmares and sleepless nights than being "normal", I want to be alone I want you to go the fuck away I want the fucking world to go the fuck away!" As soon as I say that his expression changes. But you know what fine. He can hate me to. "I'm fucking sick of everyone and of trying and of fucking LIFE. Maybe I need help, fine! Fucking fine! I'm sick of feeling like trash but I do so deal with it!" I snarl as I finish yelling.

"If you are SO SICK of feeling bad then get up and start trying to fix yourself and stop feeling that way! Don't complain about things are you aren't going to change yourself because NO ONE can fix it for you and no one can change how you feel! You have to do it if you want it done! I understand you feel bad but you aren't the only one who lost him! I feel horrible for not doing something and for not being able to help you but no one can make things better, we have to work on ourselves to make this work. I can't do this by myself. You shouldn't have to grow up yet but you do because there isn't much of a choice anymore."

…...

I don't care if he's right. I don't... I mean.. FUCK. I know he's right, I get it. "I know I'm being selfish! and I do care but what am I supposed to do?!"

"Get up and go do something! Anything, just please get up. It wont be fixed overnight but you have to start somewhere. Everyone is worried."

"Fine, then I'm going for a walk." I don't wait for his reply, I just walk right out.

I barely even notice how dark it's getting. It all looks so plain now. Like it doesn't matter at all. Nothing does. I don't care how the wind feels like ice, it doesn't bother me unlike normal.

I feel so trapped as I continue walking. Yeah walks are great for thinking and clearing your head. Except when thinking is the last thing I want to do. The weight of everything that I've been going over all this time, it's not going one at a time. Everything and I mean everything is slamming onto my head at once. I did it. I yelled. I pushed him away. Maybe if I didn't he could have gotten better. Maybe I was completely wrong.. Who am I kidding. Of course I was. I was a horrible son to him. I should have been there. I shouldn't have been so mad all the time. I shouldn't have yelled at him. If I didn't then he would still be here. If I didn't then I would still be close with my friends, I feel like I've just about lost them. And Nepeta... She probably hates me. I would. I do.. I feel ready to just colapse.

It's my fault. I pushed them away. I yelled. I treated most people like shit. I can't do this. I can't go back to everything knowing that I ruined it all. I can't pretend I'm ok. I can't lie anymore. I can't do it. I can't do anything. I feel like if someone just looks at me wrong I'll snap. It's like being in a glass box that no one can open. And I can't get out. I can see everything going on around me, I can see the sunlight, I can look at them all and wish I was out with them. Wish that I was strong enough to break the glass. But no matter what I try, I will always be in this box. I can't break it. No one else seems to either. Not without cutting themselves when they try until they give up. No light can shine into it.

I'm trapped in the glass box. All I can do is scream, tell them not to bother trying, maybe throw something, if I have anything to throw.

But right now is slightly different. I don't have anyone tapping the glass right now. I don't want anyone to try. I want the world to go away. I want to make my hand bleed trying to break my way out. I want to get out on my own. I want. To break. Something. Anything. Anything other than me.

The rock on the ground is good to throw right? I pick it up and throw it as hard as I can, not knowing where it will go. But I find out pretty fast when hearing glass shatter. That box is metaphorical, what the fuck was that? I lift my head and look around a little before noticing. A car. I broke the windshield of a parked cat. Yyyyyyyikes. Fucking hell I'm in trouble now. I walk over to get the a better look anyway. Looking at every cracked line, the points of the shards. I'm actually pretty proud of that. It felt good. I put my hand on the glass and push until more breaks under it.

…...

I slam my fist on the passenger side window, smashing right through it. This is just the start isn't it?

I continue smashing the windows until there isn't much glass left. But I just can't stop. I grab another rock and smash the headlights. Then I start kicking the front bumper until it looks dented to shit.

By the time I get to the back of the car, all the glass on it has been destroyed and the hood it dented in as much as I can get it. But now I hear a voice. No really, some guy is yelling at me. Shit. I take off running down the street in a dead on sprint. He doesn't even chase me. But I need to get home.

I stop and catch my breath with my back against a tree. When I look down I see that my hands are bleeding. When I get a better look I see that it's pretty fucking bad and theres a piece of glass logged under my skin. Great.

I'm careful walking home. Now that my head is slowing down I realize how much my feet hurt from denting. And my hands start to sting. Oh god Kankri is going to give me an earful for this. But... I don't think things are so heavy now. I feel better for once.

((OK here's the deal! I now have a schedule for fics, this one will be updating every Friday (yes I know it's Sunday right now but to bad). If I'm late then blame it on the other fics I have to do. I have enough projects that if you ignore the oneshots and things off of schedule then I still have to update almost every day and some days have 2 fics. I'm homeschooled so that helps but y'know.))