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It was a slow morning.
Sans sluggishly poured himself a cup of coffee, shuffling into the living room where Chara sat on the edge of the sofa, watching the television. He quietly took a seat on the other end of the couch, taking a long drought from his hot drink. Papyrus and Toriel had already left minutes ago, leaving him as assigned babysitter for his doppelganger and Frisk's lookalike. They sat in relative silence for a while, neither of them speaking a single word.
"... So what's it like?" Sans asked eventually.
"What's what like?" Chara replied without looking at him.
"Being dead."
Chara blinked and glanced over at him, expression neutral.
"Wow. That kind of came out of left field."
"Sorry if I didn't butter it up for ya," he shrugged. "Just curious about it is all."
"So go die and find out," Chara responded sourly, crossing their arms and turning their attention back to the screen.
"Colder than a snowman's butt, you are," Sans frowned, taking a slow sip from his coffee.
"You honestly want to know?" they asked, face still blank. "It's boring. Really, really boring. It was kinda like when my Sans and me jumped for the first time, but you're all alone. It's incredibly dull," Chara concluded, refusing to meet his gaze.
"Only wanted to know," Sans shrugged again. He stared at the dim glow of the television, feeling chilly just watching the weatherman talk about the incoming cold front. "How come you watch this garbage, anyway?"
"What, the news?" Chara asked.
"Yeah. It's always either this or late night television shows," he frowned slightly. "Shouldn't you be watching, y'know, kid's stuff? Like cartoons or something?"
"I'm not a kid," Chara harrumphed. "I'm ten years old!"
"Of course," he hid a small grin behind his mug. "It's just kind of funny."
"There's nothing 'funny' about it."
"Just," he scratched the back of his head with his free hand. "Frisk – our Frisk – she's almost a year older than you are."
"How is that funny?"
"Just makes me curious..." Sans said quietly, stealing a glance at the snoring Sans in the recliner. "There must be some sort of time skip if you jumped from your own timeline directly into the void. A barrier of time to prevent realities from intervening with one another..."
He fell silent after a moment, hand in his chin.
"That does raise one question for me," Chara said eventually after a long period of silence which was only broken by the stuttering weatherman. "If your Frisk is a year older, then... is she still possessed by another version of me?"
"What?" Sans said suddenly. "What makes you say that?"
"Well, it happened the moment she landed in the Underground," Chara said as if it were obvious. "I was awakened by her human soul, her determination. I wonder if, in your timeline, there's another version of me that has yet to take over..."
"That's... actually kind of disturbing," Sans rubbed one arm awkwardly.
"You think that's disturbing," Chara scoffed. "Little man, I've seen things that would make your hair stand on end. If you had hair, that is."
"Hey, I rock the bald look," Sans shook his head. However, what they said still rang in his head. He wondered for a moment just what exactly went on in Frisk's head, and further wondered if he would even want to really know. But, there was that small part of him that ticked away, that rational and reasonable part of him that wanted to know absolutely everything about everything. That same part of him urged him to find out, and deep down, he knew that it would never be quiet until it was sated.
"... Come on, kid," Sans stood suddenly. "Can't sit around and chat all day. We've got things to do. Hey. Hey, Lumpy," he kicked the recliner, causing Void Sans to blearily raise his head. "Come on. Wake up. I've got a project that I need your help with."
"Yeah, sure," Void Sans yawned, rolling over. "Just... five more minutes."
Sans stood with his hand in his pocket, frowning. He eventually turned back to Chara and let out a sigh through his nose hole.
"You wanna lend a hand, kid?" Sans asked quietly.
"Depends," Chara said, meeting his gaze. "With what?"
"... You ever heard of a monster named 'Gaster'?"
0-0-0-0-0
"What – huff – do you even – hrrg – need all of this crap for?" Chara wailed as they dropped yet another cardboard box full of mechanical parts onto the basement floor. It had been a short drive to Alphys and Undyne's house, and although Chara was at first eager to meet up with Undyne, they were sorely disappointed by her absence. They had been relatively sullen the entire drive back, which Sans had been trying to assuage the entire time.
"Every bolt and screw is important," Sans said quietly as he carefully placed a couple of his own boxes onto the metal coated floor. "Everything has its place, and we would be ill prepared not to know that."
"Still," Chara groaned, leaning against a tower of boxes. "It all seems like junk to me."
"That's because it hasn't been reassembled yet," Sans said with a small grin as he opened up one of the last boxes. "Now comes the hard part..."
"Great," Chara scowled. "Let me guess... we have to play the 'which tab into which slot' game?"
"That reminds me," Sans clicked his fingers. "Under absolutely no circumstances are you to tell Tori what I'm building down here. That could end very, very poorly. For both of us. Capiche?"
"Yeah, yeah," Chara said distractedly, pulling a long metal tube connected with multiple multicolored wires out of one of the boxes. "If you say so."
Sans grunted at the barely satisfactory answer, his mind already abuzz with the work ahead of him.
"Do we have to do it right now though?" Chara asked, barely masking their irritation. "I'm really hungry."
"Called it," Sans shook his head. "Yeah, I guess that's enough of a workout for now. I can reorganize the scrap when we get back."
"Get back?"
"Yeah," Sans slowly ascended the stairs. "When we get back. For now, we're goin' to Grillby's."
"Why Grillby's?"
"Because I already cooked breakfast once and I'm too lazy to do it again," Sans held the basement door open for them. "Now chop chop, kiddo, or no breakfast for you."
Chara grumbled intelligibly and Sans followed them through the house. Sans paused for a moment as Chara stood in front of the door, staring at him.
"... Now what?" they frowned.
"Gimme a minute," he shook his head. "Gotta check on the kid first."
Sans trudged up the stairs in his slippers, hands in his pockets. Maybe today wasn't going to be so bad after all. He was going to see Grillby, get the phase distorter back in action, and rescue Gaster. All in all, it was going to be a busy day, but Sans could sense no foreseeable downsides.
Then he opened the door to Frisk and Asriel's room, and everything went wrong.
"... Kid?" he breathed, staring at the open window. Sans dashed to the windowsill, poking his head out. There was a trail of tied bed sheets as a makeshift rope leading all the way down to the ground, and Sans felt his blood run cold.
"... Oh, shit."
"'Oh shit', what?" Chara asked, standing in the doorway.
"Right," Sans turned to them. "First of all, don't swear. Secondly, oh my god she's gone!"
"What do you mean, 'gone'?" Chara stared at him.
"As in, gone," he pointed at the rope of bed sheets, which were currently tied to the post of Frisk's bed. "She must have snuck out!"
"Is that all you're worried about?" Chara asked with a yawn. "Can we at least get breakfast first?"
"You don't quite seem to understand the ramifications here," Sans stated. "Tori asked me to keep a close watch on Frisk, she's going to kill me!"
"That sounds more like your problem rather than mine," Chara said expressionlessly. "Seriously though, let's go get breakfast first."
"Where could she have gone, though...?" Sans mused aloud, holding the bed sheet in one hand.
"... I'm pretty sure I have a good idea."
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Frisk sat on the edge of the cliff, watching the sun rise from the side of Mount Ebott. The early morning birdsong from the nearby forest easily reached her ears, and she sat there with her legs dangling off the edge of the cliff for what felt like hours. There was a light fog crawling over the distant city, almost reaching out like long white fingers from the forest and yawning over the entire area. Humongous, roiling alabaster clouds rolled above, promising of soon to be rain. Frisk simply stayed there for the longest time, watching the clouds float by. It was the spot that she and all of her friends had watched their first sunrise since leaving the underground, and no matter how many times her mind begged her to return home she simply could not bring herself to leave the place.
"... Hey."
Frisk's head snapped in the direction of the noise, and she held a hand to her chest.
"U-Uncle Sans?" she asked, her voice still stuffy from the illness. "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same question," the skeleton stuck his hands in his pockets. Chara stood a little ways away from him, leaning against a tree and trying to look disinterested.
"I-I'm sorry," her face went pink. "I-I-I j-just..."
"... 's alright, kid," he pulled her into a quick hug. "Just... warn me the next time you wanna take a hike, okay? Toriel would kill me if something happened to you on my watch."
"I'm sorry," she hung her head. "I just... I needed to come back here."
"What, this ol' place?" Sans asked.
"I just... needed some space to think."
"About what?"
Frisk did not answer.
"... I gotcha," he said as he helped her to her feet. "Come on, kiddo. Let's get you home, okay?"
The walk back down the side of Mt. Ebott was uneventful and mercifully quiet. It did not take them long to find one of the many paths leading down the side of the mountain. There was an ominous rumble of thunder overhead, and Frisk sneezed.
"God, I forgot how much it rained here," Chara scowled, wrapping their arms tightly around their body as they gazed up at the sky. "I swear, it's like it never ends."
"Aww, it's not that bad," Sans shrugged, leading Frisk along by the hand as they walked down the mountain trail. "Nice cool, fresh air, some plant-watering, and before you know it you're... right as rain."
"That was a terrible pun," Chara met his gaze as they walked opposite him. "Honestly, if that's what you consider a proper joke-"
"Oh, come on. My jokes aren't that bad."
"If your jokes were any worse they could literally kill the unprepared."
"Um... U-Uncle Sans?"
"Hmm?" he blinked, glancing down to Frisk.
"You-you aren't gonna tell Mom, are-are you?"
"That depends," he pretended to think on it. "You aren't gonna sneak out again, are you?"
"N-no," she hung her head. "I promise."
"Then I probably won't tell Tori," he shrugged. "Come on, bucko. We're almost there."
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Frisk sneezed for the hundredth time, and Sans slowly shook his head.
"That's what you get," he said with a wry grin as he kindly passed her the steaming bowl of soup, and she weakly curled up her legs in her bed as she sat up to eat it. "Going out in cold weather without a coat, you'll catch your death out there. Or at the very least a near death experience."
"I feel terrible," Frisk sniffled.
"I'm not surprised," Sans shook his head slowly. "Just make sure to rest up for realsies this time, kiddo. Alright?"
"Okay, Uncle Sans."
He quietly closed her bedroom door behind him as he left, slowly shaking his head.
"... Well?"
"Couldn't get a word out of her," Sans said quietly to Chara as they descended the stairs. "All she'd say is that she needed space to think."
"And I suppose I'm not to say anything to Mom about this, either?"
"It would be much appreciated," Sans said with a nod. "If you don't mind, I'd prefer it if we kept this little jaunt just between us."
"And why is that?"
"Because if Tori finds out I let Frisk climb out of the second story window she will literally kill me, now if you still want breakfast hush your face hole and get moving," he motioned for them to move down the stairs ahead of him. "In case you'd forgotten, we've still got a broken phase distorter that needs work."
"I'm sorry, 'we'?" Chara frowned.
"Well," Sans shrugged as they reached the bottom of the stairs. "You can either sit upstairs and watch reruns and television programs all day while listening to Lumpy snore, or you can learn some neat-o science facts from your dear ol' Dunkle Sans while we break the laws of space and time. What's it gonna be?"
Chara's face became blank as they analyzed the situation, staring levelly at the living room where Void Sans still lay dormant.
"... I wanna help you with the phase distorter."
"Whuzzat?" Sans cupped the side of his head.
"I said I wanna help you with the phase distorter," Chara scowled, crossing their arms.
"Awesome," he grinned triumphantly. "We're gonna need some industrial strength superglue, duct tape, and a whole lot of elbow grease."
"What's elbow grease?"
"You'll find out in about ten minutes."
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"I don't wanna do this," Sans moaned, facedown into the sofa.
"Mom said you have to," Chara reminded him with their arms crossed.
"But I can't," he wailed into the cushion. "It's literally worse than death."
"A PTA meeting is probably not going to kill you, Sans!"
"That's not a risk I'm willing to take!"
"Just do it already," Void Sans said from his position in the recliner, an open bottle in one hand. "Y'know. Like a bandage. One, two, done. Easy as that."
"It's never that easy," Sans pried his face up from the sofa. "Have you tried Helen's lemon squares? I hear the last guy is still in the hospital!"
"Hey, what do I know," Void Sans shrugged, crossing his legs. "Go on ahead, man. I'll take care of everything here."
"Se-seriously?" Sans blinked, glancing up at his doppelganger.
"What's with that look?" he shrugged. "I'm not completely irresponsible y'know."
"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that... I don't believe you."
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Sans yawned as he dropped into one of the wooden chairs around the large rectangular table set up for parents and teachers, and he propped his chin up with one hand with his elbow on the table. He repeated his mantra to himself several times to stay awake, though it didn't seem to be doing much good.
Eyes open. Nod every few minutes. Pretend to pay attention.
"Have you even listened to a word I said?"
So much for that.
"Yeah, of course," Sans replied instantly, blearily prying his eyes open to stare at his next door neighbor. "Freedom of speech, second amendment, give the children guns, I heard ya."
"You can't say that!" Helen barked at him. "That's not what I said!"
"Freedom of speech," he held up a bony finger. "Not that this isn't super interesting, but I've kind of got things planned, can we wrap this up?"
"You literally just got here two minutes ago," she snapped, hands slamming down on the table. "I'm sorry, are we interrupting your soap operas or something?"
"Soap operas are for people with soap for brains," he shrugged, earning a stifled snicker from the woman next to him.
"Excuse me, I watch soap operas!" Helen's face went a violent shade of pink.
"I stand by my previous statement."
"What would you even know about brains?" she scoffed, standing up. "You're a skeleton, you don't even have a brain!"
"Wow, firstly, that was super racist, even for you, Helen," Sans said in a monotone voice. "And secondly, I know more about neurosurgery than you know about asinine bullshit. I literally have nine doctorates. I dare you to argue the case. Bring it."
It fell dead silent in the meeting room for a moment. It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless.
"... Back to the task at hand," Helen fumed quietly, reclaiming her seat.
"Which would be...?" Sans asked politely.
"You would know if you listened," the woman at the opposite end of the table glowered vehemently at him. "The state is insisting that we begin teaching... sex ed."
Quiet fell over the group once again. Granted, only for a moment, but it was nice to Sans to have a moment's reprieve from Helen's voice.
"... And?" Sans motioned for her to continue.
"What do you mean, and?" she scoffed. "We can't let the school teach sex ed, these children are at a very impressionable age!"
"Oh my god," Sans pinched the spot between his eyes, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to fight the tide of irritation. "For Christ'ssake, Helen. You can't be serious."
"As serious as heart attack," her steely gaze met his.
"Actually, no, I'm with Sans on this one," a mousy haired woman in the middle of the table held up a hand nervously.
"Yes thank you very much for the input Janet," Helen said in one breath.
"Yeah, I'm sure that preventing children from learning about STDs is just so dangerous to their mental health," Sans deadpanned.
"It's shameful!"
"... How?" Sans balked at Helen. "Woman, how do you function?"
"Well?!" she threw up her arms. "And what would you suggest?"
"Easy," he gave her a level stare. "Actually teach the children."
"What about my son?" Helen crossed her arms. "How am I supposed to let a teacher explain sex to him?"
"That one's just as easy," Sans frowned. "Just let the teachers do their jobs. Or, y'know. Actually show initiative and talk to your kid yourself."
"My son is too young to understand... that!"
"Your son also eats paste when he thinks nobody is looking," Sans retorted, earning another stifled snicker from the mousy haired woman. "A prime example of people not allowing for survival of the fittest."
"Oh, don't start quoting Darwin!" Helen scoffed at him. "You know full well that evolution is just a theory!"
"Yeah, just like gravity is just a theory. In that it continues existing regardless of your ignorance of its capacity."
The parent teacher meeting 'mysteriously' fell apart shortly afterwards.
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A/N
Hey all! Thanks for reading, I really hope you've enjoyed the story thus far. If you liked it, please let me know how I'm doing in the comments. See you in the next chapter! :D