A/N: Due to some recent comments I wanted to remind you guys that this story is meant to be light and funny. Since starting this story both my writing style and I have changed but I still wanted to maintain a weird quirky funny style to this story that in no way takes itself seriously. Also, I know some of you guys (even me too sometimes) hate my grammar cuz it sounds off. I read these stories to my editor before I post them so if you try reading them aloud in sometimes a sarcastic tone, it makes a lot more sense. Ok so story now.
The second half of the ballet was marvelously marvelous. I admit I might have drooled at Odette's arches cuz damn her feet were just so pretty. Again I had no cognition of anyone that was nearby. I was either enraptured or oblivious. Probably both. By the time bows came I had to remind Dani not to be so obvious about how cool it was.
"Do a slow clap and nod your head once."
She slowly nodded and clapped once. "I feel like an asshole."
"…I could make a biology joke but I don't think I will."
"It is the weekend, I forbid you to think," she said with her perfect poker face. Herp derp done.
We decided to try to get out at the same time as the crowd so the paparazzi wouldn't see us. Unfortunately we happened to discover the door to our box was locked. "…Dani, this may just be me pushing on a door when I should be pulling it but I'm pretty sure we are locked in here…"
Dani scoffed, totally in character. "Of all things, opening a door should be perfectly simple."
"No seriously, the door is stuck."
"Oh shit, really?" She gently pushed on the door. It was as immobile as a cucumber on roller skates without any external force. Meaning it wasn't going anywhere. "So…what now?"
"A PROPER QUESTION THAT IS," A voice said, reverberating from the ceiling.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh fuck…"
Dani's eyes were wide. "Is it the Phantom?"
"No, it's just Tamaki." She looked disappointed. Um…the Phantom committed murder, WHY ARE YOU SAD ABOUT THIS?!
"My beloved patrons of the box seats, you may have noticed that you are locked inside." I looked around and what do you know? The populace are indeed victims of the Host Club's most recent shenanigan. "Not to worry, there is an emergency exit. If you will walk to your balcony and please pull the red tab, your emergency slides will inflate and allow you to exit from the orchestra seats."
"Ah, I would have expected no less," I said.
Dani blanched. "We have to slide down THERE?!"
"Unless you want to see how well gravity works for you."
Dani leaned closer to me, with her arms folded, posing like a jerk. "Kotone?"
"Yeah."
"I have a confession."
"What?"
"I'm afraid of heights."
"Dani?"
"Yeah?"
"I have a confession too."
"What?"
"I'm not wearing any pants." She gave me an incredulous look and I grinned. She'll never know. "And now it's time for some mandatory Disney jokes before we go down this shit." I held my hand out to her and said, "Do you trust me?"
"I suppose I'll have to," she said, losing her façade and looking worried.
"Okay. Do you have your exit buddy?" She grabbed my hand. Tightly. Like Nagini on steroids vs. Harry Potter tightly.
"In case of emergency, the exits are-"
"I know where the exits are," she said. She was pale now. Distraction time. "Hey Dani, did you ever watch Zaboomafoo when you were little?"
"Yes…"
"Do you remember the 'Closet' theme from that show?"
"Hah! Oh yeah! We're going to the closet, we're going on a trip! We're going to the closet, to get our stuff and HOLY SHIT!"
On 'split' I pulled her with me down the slide. Admittedly it was a bit terrifying, but it was over in a second so it wasn't too bad. Damn, pity they didn't take pictures as we were going down the slide, that would have been priceless to see our faces.
I got up and dusted myself off. "You okay Danikins?"
She was breathing hard but accepted my hand to stand up. "Don't do that!"
"Sorry, but we need to get out of here before the parental units try to look for us. Well, my parental unit, your father probably isn't looking for you so much as a way to escape from my momster."
She nodded in agreement and pretended to reluctantly give me her arm. I glanced at her, we both looked around and burst into song. "WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT'S IN STORE! WE'RE HEADING FROM THE CLOSET AND WE'RE GOING OUT THE DOOR!"
We opened the doors to the lobby and turns out we were right about the adventure bit. First thing I see is Tamaki dressed as Armind screaming, "THE TITANS ARE COMING, THE TITANS ARE COMING!" I just…I don't know how he hasn't been committed to an institution yet. And then I saw Mori. He was dressed as Death the Kid. Now THAT I would have accepted if he wasn't hunched over on the floor scrubbing it with a toothbrush.
I nudged Dani and pretended to roll my eyes. "Oh my gosh stop staring at his ass."
She fake gasped. "I wasn't staring at his butt…well at least not the whole time." I snorted. I highly doubt that, but whatever.
I was about to retort something clever when the twins popped up. "Oh shit…" They were Deadpool and Spiderman. That's it! Party's over. They broke my brain. And the internet. And maybe Disney. "So you guys are internet trolls?"
"No, we're superheroes," they said together. Meh, same thing.
I looked around trying to find the other Hosts but instead I found America (the Hetalia character, not the country) with an icy aura writing profits and eating a cheeseburger on the Going Merry (how did that even fit and I WANT IT SO BAD), Usa-chan dressed as Pikachu, a tardis, Haruhi as Bill Nye offering people drinks out of chemistry beakers, a full-scale T-Rex model, an R2D2 trashcan, Hunny-senpai as Jeoffrey Baratheon watching Sherlock and sharpening Gimley's ax, and there were Pokeballs hanging from the fancy chandeliers. Funny enough, most of the ballet goers were either participating in this madness or otherwise ignoring it.
"I think a fandom exploded."
"I think I agree. Your mom's gonna freak."
"I can see her internally combusting from here," I responded, noticing the twins had gone off to bother my mother by attempting to involve her in a battle of epic proportions. "If that's silly string they're using, I think she might attempt to use her 'momma face of doom' to stop them." She did. It didn't work. Dani's dad was off communicating with R2D2.
"So, shall we proceed through this awful madness," Dani said, stiffly offering her arm. She was totally not even looking at me, her eyes were glued anywhere but and speaking of butts…
"Hi." Mori had come up behind her and made her jump.
"Salutations Mori-senpai," I said. He didn't even look at me. Oh…I see how it is. I took the hint and backed away slowly, making my way over to Hunny-senpai, who was also watching them. I sat beside him. "Is this the part where he asks her out," I asked him.
"Yup. He's got a plan." From under a dishrag Mori had been using to clean the marble floor, he produced a red rose. Slick move, son. Dani had blushed…again…this girl blushes so much, I could play a drinking game with how many times she turns red. Except I'd drink milk. Or water. Hunny-senpai tapped my shoulder and offered me a bag of gummy worms. Geez I flipping love this kid. Instead I settled for taking one and proclaiming, "Mitskuni, you are the bestest best most awesome coolest friend ever." It fucking killed me to say friend, but that's all we were right?
"No I'm not." Okay nevermind, I guess he's not.
"Umm…Mitskuni?"
"What if I told you…I wanted to mean more to you?"
What.
He finally looked me in the eyes and I wasn't looking at Host Club Hunny, I was looking at eighteen-year-old Mitskuni. He still looked the same but his eyes were serious and he looked determined. Without looking away from me, he slowly reached down and took my hand that was in my lap. He brought my hand to his lips and kissed it like he always had…except this felt different. It felt lingering, I could feel the outline of his lips even after he pulled away. I knew I was blushing and a cardiac surgeon would have flipped if he knew how much my heart rate sped up. Hunny's thumb now rubbed against my knuckles and I was now in danger of resembling a tomato.
"Mitsukuni…"
"We'll discuss this later, Kotone…after your date." His eyes flickered right and I glanced over. My mom was close by. I looked back at him and quickly nodded, getting back up to look for Dani. Oh boy do I have girly things to share with her. I literally zoomed (that's totally a verb) back over to her. She was staring at the rose and had a blush on her face. Oh goody…
"So, did he ask you out?" She nodded. "Did you say yes?" Another nod. "Did he kiss you?" She flushed and then nodded again. "Did you like it?" A more vigorous nod. "Will you invite me to your wedding and have adorable baby Moris and Danis?" Again a nod. Then her head snapped up. Damnit, she's onto me.
"Wha-?"
"Don't worry about it, we should get outta here, mom looks pissed and I have girly shit to tell you."
She nodded and handed me her arm. We swept outside where the paparazzi was trying to figure out where the multitude of pink balloons had come from. (No seriously, what the hell? And was that Renge who was stealing their cameras to take selfies? Why was she in a shark suit? Shark week is in August!) Dani and I waded through the balloons and down to our awaiting limo.
"Joey, take us to the closest place that sells big-ass ice cream sundaes."
"How big-ass are we talking?"
"'Relationship crisis' big-ass! And play my theme song!"
"You don't have a theme song."
"Then just play the last song you were listening to."
"Talk dirty to me!" Sexy saxophone was coming through the speakers. You know, I can't even be mad at his song choice cuz I'm just so damn impressed with that saxophone. I turned to Dani. "Epic shit just went down in there and I need words with you."
"I'll say, I got his number…" She smiled shyly.
"Focus woman! We need to discuss our plan. Now…chocolate or vanilla?"
"Cookie dough."
"Well said!" We had just arrived at the big-ass sundae stand and I'm guessing Dani knew what I was talking about. "Joey, what do you want?"
"World peace."
"And?"
"A Hello Kitty toaster."
"The ice cream flavor Joey."
"Oh. Uhhhh…chocolate." We exited the limo and Joey turned up the music and began doing some sort of wiggling dance in the driver's seat. I paid for all our big-ass sundaes and we got back in the car.
"Joey, would you mind tuning out for like 20 minutes?"
"Sure thing." He turned off the music and plugged his iPod in. He was even nice enough to roll up the separator thingy so he couldn't see us or hear us.
"So my darling dearest Danica (alliterations FTW) dare to deceive me with your darkish um…antics?"
She patted my arm. "And you started so well." She took a scoop from her ice cream. "I'm assuming you saw up to the part where he gave me a rose?" I nodded. "Well he said that he found me to have a very attractive personality and he would like to formally pursue me if I was okay with that."
"He actually said that?"
"Yup!"
"Hot damn he's poetic."
"Yeah…he also called me his beautiful rose and kissed my cheek."
"Hold up, you're getting all fluffy like this because he kissed your cheek?!"
"Yeah."
"Stop it, you guys are fucking adorable."
"So what was your big thing that required this much ice cream?"
"Hunny-senpai…I think he wants to date."
"NO WAY."
"YES. He kissed my hand and said he wanted to be more and that we'd talk after our date and…my feels are feeling too much right now and this is why I need a shit ton of ice cream to cope!"
"I feel you."
"Or chicken, I could have gone for chicken too." I eat more chicken than Onew, it's my comfort food. "I just never thought he would have liked me like that."
"I would. He was insanely jealous of you and I when we told him we had to go on a date. That's why he broke stuff."
"Is breaking shit some kind of weird therapy?"
"I'm sure you can try it, I think it would actually be a hell of a lot more fun than achieving inner peace or whatever."
"Yeah…but it's Hunny-senpai…he's so…I didn't picture him as the kind of guy to ask out a girl."
"I didn't think Mori would be romantic, but now both of us were wrong."
I nodded. "They seriously must have genes from the gods to be so good looking AND romantic. They're gonna be more popular than Tamaki…"
"I doubt that."
"Why?"
Dani held the spoon in her mouth a second before answering. "I've been thinking that they're more…private in their affection. While Tamaki likes the fancy words and big displays, I feel like Mori and Hunny-senpai only show off their romantic side to someone special…or that's my guess," she said, her ears turning pink.
"That makes sense…if that's the case, they would make sweet lovers." We were both silent as we finished our ice cream (or in my case, inhaled). We all threw out our trash and we left for the house. Dani and I began planning our break up on the way there.
We had just pulled up to the front of the house when the front doors opened and Dani's dad and my mom appeared. My mom looked pissed and Dani's dad was examining our shrubbery. "Ready Dani?" She nodded. "Operation Break Up is now in full effect."
I prepped my tear ducts for the 'Niagra Falls' setting and exited the limo.
My mom started immediately. "KOTONE WHERE THE HELL-" I drowned her out with my bawling. Dani exited the car looking completely and utterly bored. Joey drove quickly to flee the scene.
"B-but Dani, the date went so well! I thought we were getting along nicely!"
"Exactly. You thought. My company was quite lacking in my opinion." I bawled even harder and poor Dani's dad looked sorry for me.
"What did I do? Just tell me and I'll work harder, I promise I will!"
"Don't you get it?! You are not my type," Dani yelled.
"I can chan-"
"I'M GAY!" The silence was deafening. I allowed three seconds, as promised. 2…1…
SMACK!
I hit Dani. I did a 'girly' slap that would be acceptable to my mom and it didn't hurt Dani at all. "I never want to see you again!" I ran into the house and began climbing the stairs, my hands over my face dramatically.
"Kotone-" It was mom.
"LEAVE ME BE, I DO NOT WISH TO SEE HIM EVER AGAIN!" This is some real fucking Jane Eyre shit here.
I burst into my room and made sure to slam the door extra hard. I leaned against the back of the door and exhaled deeply. Running and crying and pretending to be in emotional distress takes a lot out of you. I kicked off my shoes and flipped on the lights.
"HOLY SH-" I had no words. Hunny senpai was in my room. Just standing there, cool as a cucumber in the middle of my room. HOW THE HELL DID HE GET IN?!
"How the hell did you get in?!"
"I climbed." Yeah right! He was in black slacks, black dress shoes, and a white dress shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. There was no way he climbed up to my window and was now standing here looking this perfect.
I breathed deeply, trying to still my erratic, freaked out, slightly nervous heart. "Uh…the break-up went well, so I don't think we need to worry about my mom planning another blind date with me EVER. By the way, we were both right. Dani got a kiss from Mori AND his number, so I'll bring you cake on Monday and some sweet bread for the twins and-"
"Kotone."
"Yeah?"
"We need to talk."
A/N: HAHA! Cliffhanger! So yeah, I know I haven't posted in a while, but it's seriously cuz of school. Stressful stuff people. So I don't own anything and I'll see you next chapter! Please check out Dani in Principessa Dell'Opera's fic 'Gratia Plena'. Shameless promoting FTW.