The Akatsuki Stories

Disclaimer: Naruto ain't anybodies cept some Japanese dude.

Chapter XXXIII

Akatsuki Go To Target!

Part V: Dogs Are Goood!

" London broil, pork chops, T-bone..."

Zetsu was scanning the choices as he walked through the sun-filled slaughterhouse, as happy as a kid with Christmas presents.

" Get the rotten carcass." said his dark side, " I like it after a few days of rotting.."

" You're sick, you know that?" said the white side, picking out a fresh piece of pork chop.

Zetsu chowed down on the rotten and fresh peices of meat, satisfying himself with every bite.

" Well, looky here..." said the dark half, " A morsel, fresh the way I like it..."

" I thought you liked it rotten." said the white side, a piece of meat dangling from his plant trap thing.

" Shut up!" said the dark side, " Just look at the food!"

Zetsu looked down to see a tiny dog who had wandered away from his master.

" LET'S EAT!" yelled the dark half, making Zetsu charge after the dog.

" NO!" The white side punched himself in the stomach, making him bend over in pain, " He probably belongs to someone else!"

The two sides argued at each other like an old couple fighting over the last cup of tapioca pudding.

" HEY!" Zetsu turned around to see a boy with a hooded gray jacket with black things on the edges of the hood and sleeves, " Give back Akamaru!"

" Akamaru?" Zetsu picked up the scared puppy and looked at a name tag saying AKAMARU.

" Why should I give this dog to a mere mortal?" asked Zetsu's black half, " I found it!"

" But I own him!" said Kiba, approachimg Zetsu, " So give him!"

" We better give him back." said Zetsu's white half, giving the dog to Kiba.

" NO!" yelled the black half, yanking away Akamaru just before Kiba could take him, " This is MY lunch, and there's nothing you could do about it!!"

" RAAAH!!!!" Kiba started charging at him, causing Zetsu to run away.

" RUN AWAY!" yelled both sides, charging for the door inside Target.

The two ran inside, the shoppers astounded at the sight of a walking plant running away from an insane little boy.

" GIVE ME MY DOG!!" yelled Kiba, speeding up.

" NEVER!" yelled the black half.

Zetsu ran into the Furniture section, throwing down large chairs and tables to block Kiba's way.

" Kurenai-sensei, why is Kiba chasing that plant?" asked Hinata, only one aisle away.

" Just look away, Hinata." said Kurenai, " Kiba just didn't take his medication today."

" GIVE ME MY DOG!!!!!"

" NEVER, DOUCHEBAG!"

The two then started running through every aisle, causing destruction as they went.

" SAYONARA, FLEA-MAGNET!" yelled the black half, ramming into a wall into the parking lot.

Zetsu got into the Akatsuki Mobile and drove towards home.

" Huh? Who's there?"

Zetsu turned around to see Leader with many red bumps and a sleeping Blue.

" What happened to YOU?" asked the white half.

" Allergies."

" Maybe it came from yo momma."

" QUIT IT!"

Zetsu drove only to see Kiba had hijacked a bus filled with Ninja Academy students.

" What's going on?" asked Konohamaru, tied up to his seat with the rest of his classmates.

" Maybe that guy is kidnapping us." said Udon, looking over at the driver's seat to see Kiba's head poking over the top.

The bus drove in front of the Akatsuki Mobile, causing it to halt to a screeching stop.

SCREEEEEEEEECH!!!

" What do YOU want?" asked Zetsu, hlding Akamaru in his free hand.

" My dog." said Kiba, " Or the kids get it."

He pulled out a pistol with the word Ivory on it and pointed it at the head of a kid from the first episode.

" Whatever." said Zetsu, sniffing the dog a bit, " Needs more salt. I could probably dip him in chipotle sauce for flavor."

" Fine then." said Kiba, cocking the gun.

BAM!

The gun fired and killed all the kids in the seat, the one bullet whizzing into their skulls and going through the window.

" I think he's serious." whispered Moegi to her friends.

" OF COURSE HE'S SERIOUS! HE'S GOT A GUN THAT'S LOADED AND HE JUST KILLED OFF THREE PEOPLE WHO'S STORIES WERE ABOUT TO BE REVEALED TWO YEARS FROM NOW!" screeched Konohamaru at the top of his lungs.

" QUIET KID!" yelled Kiba, " Or you go next."

Konohamaru gulped at the sight of the gun at his head.

" Fine, I don't care." said Zetsu camly.

" Fine." whispered Kiba, pushing down on the trigger, when suddenly, BANG!

Kiba's gun was fired out of his hand by... DANTE?

" TELL THE AUTHOR OF THIS STORY TO STOP STEALING MY GUNS!" he yelled, pulling out his sword and slicing through the bus' windshield.

" RUN!" yelled Kiba, getting out of the car and going towards Target again.

" Might as well burn down the bus." sighed Dante throwing a lit ciggarete under the hood.

" Oh (beep)." went Konohamaru as the bus exploded, the blast sending the Akatsuki Mobile flying back into the Target parking lot- on top of Kiba.

" That was anti-climatic." said Zetsu.

So the three Akatsuki rested in the car while Itachi met his brother again...

To Be Continued...