"Why can't you want me like the other boys do?"
Every breath is a performance. Ty Lee inhales, hidden behind the curtains, knowing the crowd is waiting for her. She can hear their cheers and applause before she walks out onstage, where the bright lights will blind her and she will dance, dance like the spirits have taken temporary control of her body. Her hands shake and she tries to steady them by sipping water, but it only sloshes around in her stomach, anxiety rippling through her.
Get a grip, she thinks to herself, inwardly shouts at her shaking knees. She can do this. She was born to do this. It was her calling, wasn't it? That's what she had told everyone else, what she kept trying to tell herself.
"I'm dropping out of the Academy," Ty Lee announced as she stood at the center of the tiny bedroom. It was crammed together with six other beds, her sisters circling around her as she broke the news to them.
"What? Why?" one of them asked, laying her hand on Ty Lee's shoulder, soft and concerned. "Are you doing okay in your classes?"
"Are you in trouble?" asked another. "Who do we need to beat up?"
Ty Lee shook her head. "No, it's not like that. It's… I just don't think it's my thing."
"But Ty Lee, the Academy gave you special permission to enroll. None of us got in. Are you really going to throw an opportunity away like that?"
"I have to," Ty Lee replied with a heavy sigh. "Because I… I'm going to join the circus. It's my calling."
Ty Lee jumped in surprise as a platypus-bear and its handler were coaxed offstage next to her. She caught a glimpse of the silhouetted crowd between the curtains, and her heart leapt up to her throat. The awful reality sank in, and she couldn't do this, not again. She hated it every time, but the ring master smiled and beckoned at her, calling her name over the microphone, his voice booming even though she couldn't understand a single word he said.
"Ty Lee…"
If she closed her eyes, she could imagine that it was someone else's voice calling her to the stage. Wishing that this was true, Ty Lee made her entrance, golden headdress shining like a beacon in the bright lights, her clothes tight and revealing, eager to appeal to the many eyes watching. The music for her performance began and her body seemed to move on its own, marionette-like, as fluid in the motions as an experienced firebender in a kata.
It was true; Ty Lee was a natural performer in every way, her execution flawless and beautiful. The crowd was rapt as she bent her spine over backwards, tucked her head between her legs, or split them in two without a single wince. She could hear them gasp when she placed both feet behind her head and climb a rope suspended twenty feet into the air. All of the attention was on her.
If Ty Lee tried hard enough, she could bore a hole into the back of Azula's head. Her heart was pounding and she wondered if the Princess could hear it at the desk in front of her. Her fists clenched and her palms were sticky with nervous sweat, and the most she could ask for was a slight glance, a simple word, anything for the girl to acknowledge her existence.
After class, Mai could only shake her head and cluck her tongue. "She's never going to notice you, Ty Lee. Not like that, anyways. To her, you're just another admirer."
And so, Ty Lee would experiment, letting her body give in to the desires beyond the flesh. She would bend, she would flex, she would contort, and she would let the crowd think what they did of her, if it meant that Azula's eyes could be upon her. She would cross that tightrope with her head held high and her arms thrust out beside her like angel wings. If she believed, she could fly, falling with grace but not touching the net, her feet instead catching the dangling trapeze suspended from the ceiling, flipping and spiraling through the air, completely weightless.
Ty Lee flipped and landed on her feet in the recess yard with a grin. A light sweat coated her brow and her breathing was slightly heavier than normal, but she took it all in stride. She glanced over her shoulder at the girl with her back to the maple trees, her hard eyes zeroed in on the tiny words of her tedious school scroll.
"Nothing!" Ty Lee exclaimed in exasperation. "I've been practicing this routine for weeks, and still, she doesn't blink!"
Flying through the air, there was always a moment of doubt. A moment where Ty Lee could fall to her death. The net below could snap, her skull could smash into the concrete floor, and any dreams she had would vanish from existence. Her hands snatching the powdered handle of the trapeze, she knew that the crowd would scream with fright and panic. They, at least, would react to what she did. Especially the boys, always the boys. They seemed to take extra delight in watching her skirt fly and developing breasts bounce beneath her shirt as she soared through the air.
The act was still not over as she touched down to the ground once again. She raised both hands and bowed her head.
Mai crossed her arms, sighing and shaking her head as she often did. "Ty Lee, if you want Princess Azula to notice you at all, I think you would have to be dripping in gold."
And that's just what she did. Liquid gold poured from twin clay jars over her head, soaking her braid and trickling down the tip of her nose, following the crease of her breasts, tracing rivulets down her stomach, and creating shimmering splotches on the wooden stage. The crowd oohed and ahhed at this action, and she tilted her head back to reveal her supple neck for them to see, her hands reaching up to the pole behind her, ankles pulling her upward like an invisible spindle. Here was her swan song of the night, the absolute conclusion, and though it was on stage for the world to see, it was truly only for one member of the audience.
Amongst the widened eyes and open mouths, Ty Lee had seen them. A pair of golden eyes, as attracted to the gold soaking into her skin and dripping down her body as they were in color, direct and hungry. Ty Lee craved their attention, their entire focus, dancing on her body and lost in her mind. They starved for her as much as she yearned for them to be upon her. If she could imagine hard enough, Ty Lee could convince herself they were Princess Azula's.
Years later, when the performance is long over and the circus is prepared to move again, Ty Lee recites her performance in the open grassland. The dream of wanting the Princess' unyielding attention has vanished into a flickering memory, and Ty Lee throws herself into technical obsession, wondering if her leg is being held too high over her head or if her arm should bend further than she wants it to, when a pair of scarlet boots with golden tips enters her upside-down view.
"Ty Lee, could that possibly be you?"