So… it's been several years since I touched this fic. Oops. In that time I moved across the country (twice), completed a Master's program, got engaged, and finished my first manuscript, which I'm now beginning the grueling process of publishing.
In the wait time while people beta my novel, I have nothing to do. So I decided to come back to this fic. And because I was so cruel to you all, I decided to post all of the rest of the chapters of this fic all at once so there's no way you ever have to wait on it again.
Seriously, sorry for the wait, folks. Hope it's worth it.
Once Arthur told his men to prepare for battle, things seemed to fall into place of their own accord. He'd been worried he'd been too lax with them, but once the time came, they all sprang into action. People rarely came to him to ask him any questions or confirm anything—they knew exactly what to do.
Arthur and his most trusted guard members were all together in the manor's conference room, looking at a map of the greater Camelot region and looking for an area that a fight could occur without too many casualties.
Leon and Gwaine were having a heated debate on what area would be best while Lance watched silently, a thoughtful crease between his brows. Elyan was talking to Gwen quietly in the corner, and Percy and Morgana were in the opposite corner, making fun of Leon and Gwaine's row.
Merlin and Arthur were in the next room over, watching it all happen through the open doors.
"I'll need to leave for a few hours tonight," Merlin told Arthur. "You probably won't even notice, as you'll be asleep, but I thought I should warn you in case you woke up and saw I was missing."
"Where are you going so late at night?"
"I have to drive to the battle site so I can teleport there when I'm finished with Lady Morgana." Arthur nodded. "You already have a place in mind, I reckon?" Merlin added quietly a moment later.
"Yes. There's only one viable option."
"To the south, near the coast?"
Arthur really didn't give Merlin enough credit sometimes—though he usually avoided admitting that aloud, because he knew exactly what face Merlin would make in response. Arthur only nodded once, as not to stroke Merlin's ego too hard.
Merlin nodded. "Why are you letting them fight over it then?"
Arthur shrugged. "Because it's funny and we've got nothing else to do anyway."
"It's torturing you to have nobody you need to boss around, isn't it?"
"Mildly."
Merlin grinned, and Arthur could see the strain there—even though Merlin was desperately trying to hide it, he was scared out of his mind. Arthur and his men were ready, there was no question about that, but Merlin was not. At least he didn't think he was.
"The poison? How is it?" Arthur asked.
"It's coming along," Merlin said.
"But not quickly enough," Arthur guessed.
Merlin was quiet for a moment. "I can't really know for sure. Nobody has ever done this before. Things have been more or less like the journal up until now, but now everything's different." He was silent again as he picked at his hoodie before saying, "I feel like I've had this cheat sheet all this time, so I haven't actually learned everything I was meant to learn, and now the cheat sheet is gone and I don't know what to do anymore."
"Merlin," Arthur said, taking his hand. "You can do this. I know you can."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because I can't imagine a world in which you let me die."
Merlin sighed. "I mean, I did it before."
"No, he did it before. He isn't you."
"I mean, isn't he?"
"No. I don't think so. King Arthur and I certainly aren't the same. There are a lot of things I've done that he'd never have dared."
"That's true," Merlin agreed tentatively.
"And you, Merlin, have learned a great deal in the time I've known you, even if you don't see it. You're incredibly wise, for an idiot. You'll do what's right in the end."
Merlin smiled a little again before saying, "Gwaine's going to start throwing punches soon if you don't intervene."
Arthur looked over to see that the row had certainly intensified.
"Actually, peasants, you're both wrong," Arthur said as he walked over to them—he didn't usually get in on the royalty jokes, but he might be dying tomorrow, so it seemed like an okay time to start.
He approached the map on the table and pointed to the area he'd already decided on.
Leon and Gwaine stared at it silently for a full ten seconds before Gwaine said with a grin, "Well, what do you know, that'll do just fine."
Leon looked a little more annoyed at first, but after a moment he shoved it down and said, "You're right, Arthur. That's the only place that we can't be outflanked."
"Tell the rest of the Guard," Arthur said. "Then send them all home to get a good night's rest. We march tomorrow at dawn."
"Right away," Leon said, half running out of the room. Most of the rest followed, which left Gwen, who was now muttering to Merlin in the other room, and Morgana.
Morgana approached Arthur. "You nervous?" she asked.
"No," Arthur lied.
She rolled her eyes, but didn't call his bluff. "I think I'll be sitting out tomorrow," she said to him.
He was surprised to hear it. She wasn't the type to run from a fight—he was pretty immediately suspicious.
"What aren't you telling me?"
"Oh, it's interesting that everything in the world is your business."
Morgana really wasn't a good liar because she got really defensive whenever she was hiding something.
Arthur didn't really care what motive she was concealing, because he preferred it this way. He already thought he'd lost Morgana for good—spent five years thinking it—and wasn't keen on losing her again.
"Fine, your business is your business," Arthur agreed. "It's fine if you say behind. Whatever you think is best."
"Don't act so thrilled."
"I'm not," Arthur said, putting up his hands in surrender. "Blimey, Morgana, wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"
"No, you're just an idiot."
And at that she stomped away.
Occasionally, Morgana reminded you that she spent most of her formative years in a coma when she threw meaningless, unwarranted tantrums.
Things wound down quickly as the Guard members headed home one by one. Merlin and Arthur walked up to his room together before they'd all left.
On the way, Arthur peeked into his father's office, where he was sitting and staring at the wall.
Arthur ducked into the room. "Father?" he asked tentatively.
Father said nothing—in fact, he had no reaction whatsoever, like maybe he didn't even know Arthur was there.
"Arthur, he needs time," Merlin said, hand on his shoulder. "Let him process."
Arthur knew full well that Uther Pendragon wasn't a kind man. He wasn't fit to run the company, and he made unwise business decisions on a near daily business.
But he was also Arthur's only parent, and seeing him like this and knowing it was his doing made him feel nauseated.
He let Merlin drag him away after a moment and lead him to the bed, where they lay down facing one another.
"Merlin?" Arthur said after it had been silent for too long.
"Yes?"
Arthur licked his lips before saying, "If I do… you know, not make it—"
"Arthur, don't do this," Merlin said. The words were a plea, but he didn't seem to have the energy to actually sound like he was begging.
Arthur ignored him. "—just know I want you to be happy," Arthur said over all Merlin's protests. "I don't want you to pine for me forever. I know I'm fairly glorious and all, but… I just can't bear the thought of anyone else being unhappy because of me. I've caused enough of that in my lifetime."
"If you're talking about Uther—"
"I'm talking about a lot of things! I'm talking about the innocent sorcerers I killed blindly for my father, for learning you save my hide with magic three times a day and kicking you out of my house for it… I'm a right prat sometimes, and I don't know how you live with it day in and day out."
Merlin's smile was the sunrise, bright and expectant. After all the heavy attempts at mirth all day, Merlin was finally able to pull out the smile that Arthur fell for.
"Arthur, living with your prattiness day in and day out is the greatest honor I've ever received." Arthur smiled, and Merlin added, "And no matter how happy you want me to be… I don't think I could love anyone like I love you."
Arthur really couldn't help it. "What about Lance?" he asked after a moment.
"What, him? No, I like big muscly blokes. I think I'll go for Percy when you croak."
Arthur socked Merlin in the arm playfully, who muttered to himself and rubbed it before Arthur pulled him into his chest, resting his nose in his hair. Merlin had always had this earthy sort of smell that he now associated with magic.
"Tell me I can do this," Arthur said.
"You can," Merlin immediately said into his chest. "You were born to do this. You were given a second chance a century later just to do this. You can't possibly fail."
Arthur grinned before pressing a kiss to Merlin's head. "Alright, I better sleep," he finally told Merlin. "You'll be here in the morning?"
"Yes. I'll be leaving around the same time as you. I believe Morgana will be back at her castle during the fight, because she needs to keep Aithusa safe in order to stay immortal. If I kill her and then use both Aithusa and Kilgharrah to subdue her soldiers, we win."
Arthur nodded. "Good a plan as any, I suppose."
"So long as the poison is right."
"Right."
It was quiet for a long time, at which time the birds and insects of the night could be heard waking up outside the window, and the crescent moon shown brightly enough in the window that he could see every detail of Merlin's face even with the lights off.
"For the record, I don't think I could love anyone but you either."
Merlin smiled into Arthur's chest. "What about Gwen?"
"She'd make an okay beard, I suppose," Arthur mused.
"Go to sleep, dollophead."
Arthur didn't even bother with a tart reply, instead relaxing into Merlin and falling quickly to sleep.