37. Cat and Mouse (Red Jumpsuit Apparatus)

A/N: Inspired by another Mai HiME amv. Please listen to the song on this one. It's depressing, but it makes the title a lot less confusing. Takes place post-chapter 95 of the manga. I also make a reference to chapter 32 of this collection. Nothing huge, but it's not a quote from the manga. Just know that.

"Free? No such thing, Roy-boy!" Madam Christmas had chided when Roy was younger and had wanted something—he couldn't even remember what—without paying for it. "No matter what, it'll cost you. Money, good feelings, whatever it is, you'll pay for it one way or another."

His want for a better life certainly had cost him, more than he'd ever dreamed. It had cost him his best friend, the luxury of having loyal subordinates, his peace of mind… any lesser man surely would have broken by now, and even then, Roy wasn't entirely sure that he hadn't.

They'd all said that they would die for him. One had, and two others nearly had. Roy himself had nearly perished at the hands of those he fought. By some fluke, he was alive.

He was careful of what he did, trying to avoid anything more costly than an information date. He thanked his lucky stars that none of the girls—or worse: Chris herself—had been suspected. They were family to him.

"I meant what I said," Riza murmured, bringing him back to reality. The sleeve of her shirt had been removed, and Roy was bandaging it carefully. "Every word."

"I know," Roy told her through gritted teeth. "I'm just angry at myself for forcing you to say such things."

"If I hadn't said them, you wouldn't be here. Don't deny it." Riza winced slightly as the bandage was tied off. "I had a choice. I always have. I've just chosen to stay with you and do whatever is necessary."

"You'd… die for each other. Just… please don't. Kid's too damn sharp," Roy muttered. "I don't want anyone to die for me, and I never have."

Riza looked like she might very well slap him silly. "Do not, I repeat, do not start that again. I know you're tired and frustrated, I know you're beating yourself up, and I know you wish you had been able to change things. You're just one man, Roy. You need help as much as any of the rest of us. Don't go forgetting that now, or this will all be for nothing. You'll become like them, and if that happens…" Riza trailed off, giving him a glare that rivaled his.

Roy really hated the truth sometimes. He hated reality more often. But that was why he was doing this. He wanted things to be better for those most in need, even if it eventually meant destroying himself.

"Oh no," Riza sighed, and Roy realized he'd been speaking allowed. "We only ever wanted to be happy—is that so wrong?"

"No," Roy said shortly. "It can't be. Despite everything, there have been moments along the way where it's been worth it. Even now, just being alive is worth it. It just takes a while to notice. Took me this long, after all, didn't it?"

"And here I was worried it would take you longer."

Roy almost couldn't tell if she was serious or not. He had to be sure. "Truce?"

"If you feel it's necessary," Riza compromised.

That was when Roy noticed that Riza looked very unsteady. How much blood had she lost? And all the adrenaline had probably worn off by now. It was amazing she'd stuck with it for this long.

Even though she was sitting on the ground, Riza lurched to one side. Ed whipped around, concerned. "Is she—?"

"I don't know," Roy answered. "But if I believed, I'd start praying right about now." He turned back to Riza. "Riza? Come on, is it just the adrenaline wearing off?"

"I hope so," she croaked, not opening her eyes.

"How much blood did you lose?"

This time, he just got a shrug.

Roy removed his jacket and made a quick pillow for Riza to lie back on. "Please make it."

Riza didn't open her eyes, but nodded, visibly clinging to whatever consciousness she had left. Sweat beaded on her forehead.

It's always darkest just before it goes pitch black, Roy thought. "You said you'd die for me."

"I don't intend to… just yet," was the reply.

It assured Roy, but at the same time, he could feel his heart slowly breaking, as if hoping wasn't worth it.

"I didn't give up on you…" Riza whispered as fiercely as she could. "Don't you dare give up on me now."

Roy shook his head, then remembered that Riza's eyes were closed. "Never."

But now, when Riza couldn't see him, Roy put his head in his hands and cried.

A/N: Poor Roy… this is just not his day. And yes, he is crying. This is because Riza knows that he's in a fragile state right now, and even though she's worse off than him physically, she's still telling him not to lose hope. How worthless would you feel if that were the case? Yeah, thought so. ;)

Riza's going to be fine, by the way. She's just running on empty. The woman needs to rest and recuperate.

Anyway, this particular chapter is a bit mood-swingy, but I tried to make it work, and I'm going to leave it as such unless some really spectacular change makes itself known to me.

I'll try to write some happier stuff for next time—things have gotten entirely too depressing here!

Please, drop me a review!