Hi-ya!

LONG chapter today, (happy Lily? ^^) but I must warn you, the next chapter will probably be much, much, MUCH shorter.

Thank you to all of you ('specially Lou) for all the nice encouraging comments :-) Maybe this isn't so shitty after all lol.

Oh, and, of course, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! *kiss, kiss, kiss*

Now, let's go joyriding into my Matt's lovely mind.

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER DAY, LET'S DO THE THINGS WE NORMALLY DO (4/5) I just can't get you out of my head.

*MATT'S P.O.V.*

I pulled the door's handle behind me, but didn't even wait until the door was fully closed.

I just needed to get out of there.

I raced down the stairs and I was almost at the ground-floor level when I heard it finally shut with an echoey clack. My thoughts were swirling dangerously out of control and I forced myself to push away the images and feelings that kept assailing me.

I hummed to myself the whole way to the other flat. "Link it to the world...link it to yourself..."

When I was approaching the building, one of our neighbours had just opened the hall door and I sprinted to it in order to catch it before it closed. "...The love for what you hide..."

While I was climbing up the stairs I stumbled over one word and started repeating it over and over again.

"When you've seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen...seeeeeeen..."

'Oh shut the fuck up, Matt.'

My mouth obeyed my mind just when I turned the key in the lock. When I stepped into the apartment, I was greeted by Tom's roaring voice.

"NO! Why did you get up there? I'm outta the screen now! I'm gonna fucking die because of you!"

"Just hit A. It'll put you in a bubble," Chris calmly answered.

'Figures. Mario Bros. Again.'

"Why do you keep playing with him, Tom?" I said as plopped down on an armchair. "You know he's unbeatable..."

Tom didn't answer, the tip of his tongue was showing through his lips and he looked like he was intensely focusing. Chris, on the other hand, knew that level by heart. Just like every level really.

"Hey, Matt!" Chris said. "So, was the rest of the...morning good?"

'Terrible.'

"It was okay..." I mildly replied. "Where are Alex and Lise?" I asked, wanting to change topics.

Chris waved his hand, indicating the front door. "They went out earlier. Don't know where exactly, they were pretty vague about it..."

Meanwhile Tom had been shaking his wiimote harder than ever, trying to get out of his bubble.

"What do you think you're doing?" Chris wondered, chuckling at Tom's ardour.

"Well I'm trying to catch up with you! I wanna get out of the bubble."

Chris snorted. "Pfft! The hell you are! You stay in that bubble. I'm not bursting you out of it."

I had to suppress a laugh at the stupefied look that came over Tom's face. "WHAT? ! It was you who told me to press A!" he yelled on the verge of hysterics.

Chris grinned. "Perhaps. But I never said I was gonna get you out of it."

"YOU RAT!" Tom shrieked just when Chris' character reached the top of the flag, leaving Tom's one miserably floating around.

This time I couldn't help giggling. I watched them through the whole next level, while Tom tried to get back at Chris and of course failed.

But this was something I was used to, not unusual enough for me to keep focus, and soon my thoughts started to drift away again. The little 'chamber' that I was keeping safely closed in my mind was swelling and pounding, begging to release it's content in my head.

'Ouh. Not good. Gotta do something. A shower, that's why I came here in the first place.'

The guys were so engrossed in the game that they didn't even notice when I left the room. I took some clean clothes from my bedroom and then locked myself in the bathroom. For a couple of seconds I just stared at my reflection in the mirror. But that wasn't good either. Having a private conversation with myself was the last thing I needed right now.

So I turned on the shower and let the warm water run down my back...then finally decided to turn round and put my whole head under the stream of water. It was sort of stupid, since I would go to the hairdresser a few hours later but I didn't really care. I was bending forward, leaning against the white tiled wall with both arms, and I felt the flow travel from the back of my head to my face, going over my closed eyelids, gathering around my nose and mouth and dripping down onto the bathtub's floor with a steady rhythm, which was only unsettled when I was breathing out.

I tried to concentrate on these sensations, on the sounds around me, on every external stimulus, in order to overpower the internal ones. But I knew I was beginning to lose the fight when I had to start to try and memorize the ingredients on my shampoo bottle, just to have something else to think about. I needed to keep moving.

When I went into the living-room again, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, or at least...that's what I wanted the rest of the world to believe, Tom was sitting alone on the couch.

I looked around for Chris but he was nowhere to be seen. "Where is he?" I asked Tom.

"Having a piss," he rushed, not taking his eyes away from the screen. When I paid attention to what Tom was actually doing, I realised that, if Chris had probably paused the game, Tom had resumed playing. He'd put Chris' character in a bubble and was trying to finish the level as fast as he could, behind Chris' back.

I smiled and shook my head. Chris' reaction would really be something, but I didn't have enough time to wait. "I'm going out," I informed Tom, not bothering to give him any details since I knew he probably wasn't listening to me anyway.

*-X-*-X-*-X-*

I got into the bus and cast a glance around while I was buying my ticket. There were only three people in here. A young woman just behind the driver and an old couple at the far end of the bus. It was odd, for a Saturday in London, but I liked it better this way. I hated jam-packed buses.

Once I was done with the driver, and when the bus took off again, I slumped down on the nearest seat with a drawn out sigh. I stretched my legs in front of me and rested the side of my head against the window.

And then I knew I wouldn't be able to hold it any longer, so I just gave up the fight.

The 'chamber' exploded open in my head. I frowned a fraction and my breathing became uneven for a few seconds, whilst my mind suffered the invasion of a million bittersweet flavours and colours that all shared the same name: Jade.

It was ridiculous, really. Being that obsessed with someone. Especially someone I couldn't have. In fact it probably was because I couldn't have her that I was that besotted.

Her perfect face was tauntingly dancing before my eyes and I remembered her voice so clearly that I could almost have sworn she was next to me right now, talking to me.

Her scent and touch were more diffused memories, and I cherished them even more. I'd never forgotten the fragrance of her hair nor the delicacy of her skin.

Taste was the only sense that still remained unsatisfied.

I snorted and inwardly laughed at myself. 'Still. As if you're ever gonna get that one. Stop dreaming, Matt.'

I tried to think about something else again but it was too late and I got sucked up into my little fantasies. Into my sweet inner world where I could be with her the way I really wanted to be. I closed my eyes and soon my mouth began to water.

I opened my eyes just a crack again and stroked the back my index finger along the bottom of the window frame. "Since I've been loving you, I'm about to lose my worried mind..." I quietly hummed.

Acting like I was, talking to myself, seeming all stoned and getting physical with the window...I probably looked like a creepy crackhead right now. I glanced at the woman...or girl in fact, since she wasn't more than seventeen or eighteen maybe, who was sitting perpendicularly to me, just on the other side of the bus. She was staring at me.

I cleared my throat, left the window alone, and sat up straight. The girl's eyes darted away quickly but she kept casting glances at me for a little while. Glances at...my crotch? I was positive that that part of my body hadn't let any emotion show through... My eyebrows slowly rose up and I felt my lips break into an incredulous smile. I mean, I knew I had some sex appeal but...really?

When she noticed that I was staring at her now, and when her eyes met mine, her cheeks turned crimson red and she shifted her entire body, so that she wouldn't be facing me any more. I chuckled under my breath.

'No need to get all self-conscious, young lady...'

It reminded me of the girl from the previous night, er...God, I couldn't even remember her name...well, just the 'girl', and the way Jade had thrown her out.

...

Great. I had finally been able to think about something else...and now she was all over my mind again. Just brilliant. "Fucking idiot..." I whispered, kicking myself inside.

But soon I was smiling again, while the whole little scene from earlier was replaying in my head. I'd known that Jade would never have admitted that it was jealousy. But it had been so obvious. Just like the night before...

This time my smile faded when I thought of the previous evening. I pictured again the look in her eyes... I'd hit her where it hurt. And part of me, the selfish, sick part, was glad she'd felt that way. For two reasons. First reason: because it meant that no matter how good a show she was putting for everyone else, she still felt something for me. Second reason, and that was the most sadistic one, because I wanted her to know how I was feeling almost 24/7.

But the other part of me hated to be the cause of grief to someone I liked so.

'Damn... Am I thinking in lyrics now? I really need a break...'

I shook my head to get rid of that weird thought.

I hated hurting her. She was such a delicate, precious soul, that shouldn't even know what pain was. And the worst, ill-fated thing in the story was that I wasn't even doing it in order to hurt her in the first place. I just wanted to break free...

"Fucking stop with the lyrics, Matt!" I said out loud. I knew the girl in the bus had just cast a glance at me again, but I really didn't give a damn.

I just wanted to...feel free again. I had once thought that I would give up Jade for a thousand other girls. Well...to be perfectly honest, I'd thought the contrary. That I would give up a thousand girls for her. But I was hoping it could work the other way around.

And so far, for the last year and a half, and because I was twisted enough to actually count them, I had slept with 102 girls.

'A lot' you may think.

A lot? ! If I kept going like that it would take more than a decade to reach a thousand!

But it wasn't doing me any good anyway. I probably would have benefited more from a steady relationship with someone, than I was now with all those one-night dates. The problem was that the only one I wanted to go steady with was her!

I whacked my head against the headrest of my seat. This was so damn frustrating!

I was just stuck in the worst situation ever. I wouldn't cross her out of my life, just because I didn't want to, and I couldn't try and win her over, because I had promised her I wouldn't!

And it wasn't as if it would have been easy anyway. Winning her over, I mean. 'Cause really...

Twenty-three minutes.

That was the longest time she and I had been left alone in a room for the past nineteen months. Twenty-three fucking minutes.
What the hell was I supposed to do in twenty-three minutes? !

It had been two months ago (67 days ago to be precise), and we had barely talked to each other the whole time. The tension between us had just begun to loosen a bit when Dom had come into the room like a bull in a china shop. And when it wasn't Dom, it was Charlenne. When it wasn't Charlenne, it was Alex. And, worst of all...when it wasn't Alex, it was Jack.

Jack, Jade and I, alone in the same room. Sickening.

'OOOOooooh Jack this and OOOooh Jack that...' that had been Charlenne's reaction right after Jade had introduced him to us. Emily's reaction as well. And Lise too... In fact I think every female's reaction in the group.

'Cause, yeah, he was 'soooooo' handsome and 'soooooo' charming and 'soooooo' pleasant and 'soooooo' romantic and 'soooooo' FUCKING BORING!

Had the soooooo handsome Jack a 3 octaves vocal range? Had the soooooo charming Jack ever played in front of a thousand crazy fans begging for more of him? Could the soooooo pleasant Jack perform La Campanella, Etude n. 3? Or Etude-Tableau in E-flat minor? Did he only know what these pieces sounded like? Yeah, didn't think so.

...But you know what was really killing me?

It was that it wasn't even true. He wasn't boring. He was...interesting. He was a hard worker, he was cultivated... If Jade hadn't been in the equation...I probably would've liked him. Maybe. Possibly...in another life.

But anyway, I was the rockstar. I was supposed to have all the girls I wanted! And I wasn't so demanding, I just wanted one girl, not millions! Though let's be honest...asking for Jade was pretty much asking for the moon.

'There you go. Thinking about her again...'

I sighed. Well for once, it was for the better. 'I'd rather think of her than him' I decided as I looked out of the window again.

While I'd been busy trying to sort out my feelings for the umpteenth time and losing myself in that tortuous mind of mine, the bus had travelled quite a good way. We were already downtown.

Two or three stations before the one I was waiting for, the girl pushed the red button indicating that she wanted to get off on the next one. She rose to her feet and came to stand just in front of the door and, at the same time, in front of me. She was purposely staring straight ahead. I, on the other hand, admired her legs as my head canted to one side. She was wearing a nice, short dress and she wasn't badly fit at all.

When the bus came to a stop at the station, and when the driver opened the automatic door, I was almost expecting her to rush out without a second glance. But instead, before getting off, she suddenly leaned toward me and brought her lips to my ear. I felt quite surprised and froze, waiting to hear what she had to say.

Perhaps she was a Muse fan. Perhaps she had recognized me and she was about to say she found me even more attractive than what I already looked like on a screen. Or perhaps she was just going to murmur her phone number, for me to memorize...

But the only thing she actually whispered was:

"Hey cracker...your fly's open."

I'm pretty cruel with Matt in that chapter...maybe that's not the best birthday present ^^. But, mind you, I had a loooot of fun writing about him in the shower :DDD

title: 'Let's Do The Things We Normally Do' - Dido + 'Can't Get You Out Of My Head' - Kylie Minogue

"Since I've been loving you, I'm about to lose my worried mind" comes from 'Since I've Been Loving You' by Led Zeppelin.

"I know there's something that you're dying to tell me"

FEEDBACK ;-)

"don't keep it to yourself"

This chapter has been proofread and edited by Cranberriez.