Please Note: Alternating points of view—Bella/Edward/Bella

37. Everything's coming up roses

The air was still and cool up on the mountain ledge, where I sat with my legs dangling over the side, looking out across the treetops and counting to one hundred, then one thousand, then one hundred thousand.

It had all gone pear-shaped back at Tanya's cabin. I'd nearly taken Alice's head off, and though I could have easily laid the blame at many a vampire's feet, the truth was we were pretty much all at fault, one way or another.

Shit happens. At least that's what my big brother keeps telling me.

We all say and do things against our better judgment. We all act or react to words and actions thrown our way, even when we know we shouldn't. And sometimes, we do absolutely nothing, but our very presence in another's life sets some wheels in motion, and around and around we all go until the day we die. Some of us don't even manage to do that properly.

It had been a tense family reunion full of platitudes and empty apologies. I'd kept my words to a minimum and maintained a less than friendly distance from Esme's outstretched arms and pleading eyes. Carlisle had looked at me with such open curiosity, I'd been hard pressed not to rush to a mirror to see if I'd grown long ears, whiskers and a fluffy tail.

I sat down on one of the ottomans and listened impatiently while Carlisle and Eleazar battled it out to be the one who understood my gift better than the other. I answered their questions and participated in their minor experiments, one of which involved holding hands with Kate—as if I would be stupid enough to let my guard down, even if I could.

And yet, neither one of them was able to come up with anything we didn't already know.

All the while, Jasper stood off to one side, picking at a loose thread on his belt loop and saying nothing to anyone. I wouldn't have put it past him to be influencing proceedings for his own amusement, but one thing was certain: he wasn't helping me.

Emmett sat next to my sister-in-law on the loveseat opposite me, watching my face intently. His brow was furrowed as if he were trying to solve a mathematical equation, and his hand was holding Rosalie's so tightly, she was wincing.

The large couch to my right was taken up by all three Denali sisters and Edward, who for a while was gripping his knee with one hand and pinching the bridge of his nose with the other. I'd not seen him do the latter since I was human.

Then, at the same time as I noticed Tanya's mouth curving up at the corners, Edward shifted both his hands to lay them over his groin and stared longingly out of the window. Tanya winked at me, and I enjoyed a brief second of levity. She must have been tempting him with her latest knitting pattern.

Alice sat all alone on a dining chair with her eyes closed and her mouth shut. She should have been the one on trial, not me.

Standing behind the couch to my left, and their seated husbands, Esme and Carmen chipped in with the occasional comment or suggestion, all of which were promptly dismissed by the two elder, supercilious males. Everyone else kept their thoughts to themselves, even when Carlisle suggested I attempt to let my feelings about Riley out of the box in my mind.

Hadn't I warned them all back at the house on the edge of the Willamette Forest? Had Edward not shared that little piece of information with his father?

Jasper understood well enough because the moment he heard the words leave Carlisle's mouth, a lazy grin crept up one side of his face, and he moved to grab hold of the front door handle.

…

As the scientist and the detective slowly wound up Bella, I became so tense I found myself pinching the bridge of my nose between my finger and thumb. When had I last done that?

With the exception of Alice, whose mind held a disturbingly dark void of nothingness, there were too many thoughts swirling around the great room in Tanya's cabin, and the only mind that would have been useful to read was silent.

One set of thoughts began to grow louder and louder until it overrode all the others. My dear, sexy Tanya was fully focussed on her own special brand of distraction technique, imagining me slowly removing her clothes, piece by piece, as we stood beneath the boughs of her favourite tree in the Denali forest.

She was resplendent in her emerald green, crocheted bra and panties. I'd have to make her another set, maybe in chocolate brown, but first I wanted to lick every inch of exposed skin with my tongue. If only the vision were real.

I had little choice but to cover my growing erection with both hands before anyone noticed. I wanted out of that room. The inevitable explosion couldn't come soon enough.

Carlisle and Eleazar were still putting two and two together and making five. My father knew Jasper and I had established that Bella's shield had far more complexity to it than just a mere mental ability because I had told him so. I had also told him verbatim what Bella had said when she'd buried her feelings for Riley after his death.

Had we been human, I'd have sworn Carlisle hadn't listened to a word I'd said on my arrival in Denali. But we weren't human. I knew from his thoughts at the time that he'd taken everything in, and there was no way he could forget even the most insignificant of details.

Sometimes, a scientist's thirst for knowledge overrules their common sense, but that shouldn't have been the case with Carlisle. What the hell was he playing at, and why was he keeping it hidden from me?

…

At first, I was crippled with grief as my feelings for Riley rose to the surface—my feelings for the boy I'd loved, marred by the pain of his mistakes and coupled with the guilt I felt for ultimately leading him to his death.

He had been a lonely individual and far too curious about the extraordinary and the unusual. He'd been preyed upon by a desperate vampire bent on revenge, and he had allowed himself to be manipulated and misguided. But deep down, he had been a kind, caring and loving boy. He had been the first boy I'd shared myself with, and he had made that experience everything I could have wished for. If only he'd been honest about what he knew at the right time, things might have taken a different turn.

Despite an overwhelming need to do so, I did not curl up on the rug in the centre of the room while everyone watched and pitied me. I stood tall with my eyes closed, letting myself feel every wave of emotion.

And as I gently laid each and every one of those memories and feelings to rest in my mind, other more bitter memories came to the fore. Although I couldn't see them for myself, I would have sworn that when I opened my eyes, they were black as pitch. I focussed them on Alice.

She was the one who had promised me eternal love with her brother and then left with her family, knowing my future was anything but rosy. She had manipulated all of us, and if I hadn't been blocking her, she would have been doing it still.

But in that moment, her worst crime was that she had murdered someone I loved. It didn't matter that she was wrestling with her own demons. It didn't matter that her visions were obliterated by my gift, or that I had been the very instrument that had brought her down.

I lunged for her, and of course, she never saw me coming.

Venom spewed from my mouth, figuratively and literally, as I held her in my arms, my teeth at her neck, poised to exact my revenge for all the hurt, pain and suffering she had caused.

But she didn't react as I'd expected. Was it because she couldn't see what I would do next? No. It was because an end was preferable to the darkness and pain that filled her mind.

"It's okay, Bella," she whispered. "Just do it. Anything would be better than this."

I didn't.

I couldn't.

There was every possibility that I had been slowly sending Alice mad since the moment we'd met. And although that wasn't my fault, it wasn't hers either.

So I dropped her and ran—right through the door that Jasper was conveniently holding open for me.