Chapter 33: We'll take on whatever this world will throw our way

"Good morning, babe." Henry kissed Elizabeth as she came down the stairs in the morning. He could see the effects of her lack of sleep. "Coffee is in the pot."

He couldn't help but drink in the sight of her. Seeing her at his door the previous night, a towel clutched to her bleeding arm, had shocked him a little. Of course, he had seen her cuts before. He helped her bandage her cuts every night. But seeing her in his bedroom when he wasn't expecting it, when he was still half asleep… that had certainly woken him up in more ways than one.

Henry knew his girlfriend was a cutter. He knew her habit was dangerous. But sometimes it was easy to forget that the cutting could turn really dangerous. The cutting could happen in the middle of the night when he had no idea. If something upset Elizabeth, something big…. She really might go too far.

He knew he couldn't stop her, and he trusted her to come to him. At least, he hoped he had reminded her that he did really want to be there for her. Even knowing that her cutting was mostly low-lethality and didn't pose any significant risk to her life, he still felt a very real pain that she was still cutting. Someone he loved was in pain – was actually endangering herself – and of course that hurt him.

If he tried to voice any of that, he knew it wouldn't go well. He didn't want to guilt Elizabeth into stopping. That wouldn't work. And they had already figured out that they couldn't get so tied up in the other's issues that they couldn't take care of themselves. If Henry defined his personal success by whether or not Elizabeth cut, he would burn himself out, and then Elizabeth would have to help him pick up the pieces. …Like she had before. She had covered for him at work when he had been in the hospital…

No. He wasn't going to become too codependent again. But it still hurt that Elizabeth was cutting. It was still very unsettling. It occurred to him that he should probably meet up with Isabelle again, if only to have someone to talk to about it. He didn't want to betray Elizabeth's confidence, but he needed someone to help him understand everything. Going to Elizabeth was out of the question. There was no way he could tell her how much she was hurting him because she wasn't hurting him. The cutting was hurting them both.

"Thanks. Is that bacon?" She leaned over Henry's shoulder to peer into the frying pan.

"There's bacon, French toast, and fruit. You want a plate?"

"Please." She sat down at the table. "Have I told you recently that I love you?"

"Just eat up and I'll get the message." He kissed her temple as he placed a plate full of breakfast in front of her. Henry took a lot of pride in being able to feed his beautiful girlfriend. It was so simple, but she was always grateful for the attention, and he loved seeing her face when she was really enjoying something he made.

After a few bites, Elizabeth felt more human, and she asked, "What do you have on your agenda for this morning?"

"Not much. Just briefing Congress... you know."

Elizabeth laughed, trying to swallow her bite of strawberry. "Well, just don't throw a table at the members... Did you hear about that?"

"Oh, the crazy woman throwing office furniture at Congress? I saw that. I feel like that woman and I have a lot in common..." He winked and sprinkled a little sugar on top of Elizabeth's fruit.

Elizabeth blushed slightly, realizing that Henry had been watching her close enough to notice that her fruit was a little tart. It was a heady feeling, having Henry's undivided attention. "Well just don't get caught..."

Henry settled in with his own plate of eggs, bacon, and fruit. "Speaking of... Can I ask a question?"

"Yeah, what is it?" She looked up, noticing Henry shift to a more serious tone of voice.

Not wanting to meet her eyes, Henry stayed focused on his breakfast. "How did you adjust to having protection? I mean, how much did it get in your way?" How much did they watch you?

Seeing Henry's tension, and finally understanding some of Henry's reticence, Elizabeth tried to reassure him. "It didn't really interfere with anything. Except for the weekly sweeps of the house, but we got on a schedule so they do it when I'm not home. Aside from that... It was really convenient to always have a driver. Sure, it feels extreme, but they do a good job of staying out of the way."

"It really wasn't a big adjustment?" Henry finally met her eyes. He hadn't wanted to ask Elizabeth all these questions because he didn't want her to think he was sneaking around behind her back, doing things without her knowledge. That wasn't it at all. They spent most of their time together, anyway. But having protection meant a loss of freedom. Henry had been fighting for his personal freedom as long as he could remember. The idea of someone looking over his shoulder, knowing exactly when he went to work and when he came home... When he went to the store and what he bought... Exactly how often he went to the gym or didn't... He had liked living alone because he didn't have to justify himself to anyone. He had this feeling that if anyone knew exactly what he did, they wouldn't approve. They would always think he wasn't good enough.

"You have to remember... I only went to work, the grocery store, and home... It wasn't like I had a lot going on..."

"Oh, right." Henry had forgotten how reclusive Elizabeth had been when he first met her. "I'm glad you get out and do more stuff now."

"Me, too."

They shared a grateful smile. Before they met, Henry had gone running some, but most of his time had been occupied with work or drinking. They had helped each other get out more. That was definitely an improvement.

"But they won't tell anyone what you do, and they don't judge. They're just there doing their jobs. The job is to keep you safe, not to keep you from living."

Henry wasn't entirely convinced, but he didn't want to appear nervous. .

On the table, Elizabeth's phone buzzed. "Oh, that's Conrad. He wants to huddle in the Oval this morning. I need to run."

"Love you, babe. You want me to get you a cup of coffee for the road?"

"I got it. Thanks." Elizabeth landed a kiss on Henry as she took her plate to the sink and grabbed a travel mug from the cabinet. She nearly dropped the coffee pot when she went to pour the heavenly substance into her cup.

"You okay, babe?" Henry came through to the kitchen with his empty plate, having heard a clatter.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just having a fight with the coffee pot," she groused.

"Who's winning?" He held a hand to the small of her back, kissing her cheek.

She switched the coffee pot to the other hand. "After an early loss, I'd say I came back to win in the end." She triumphantly held up her full mug to Henry to prove it.

"I never doubted you for a minute." Henry winked. "Call me if you need anything. I'll fix tortellini tonight for dinner. Do you want pesto or alfredo?"

"Pesto." Elizabeth pecked him quickly. "Love you. See you tonight."

A week later, Henry was sitting in his office, sinking himself into a spreadsheet full of numbers. He had just had lunch with Isabelle, and on some level, he felt better for having gotten some of his feelings off his chest. Isabelle understood that it hurt him that Elizabeth was cutting. She sympathized that there was really no way for him to truly understand cutting. Isabelle had told him that she didn't think anyone who hadn't cut themselves could truly understand how it helped.

They still didn't have a solution. There was no simple solution, and that was frustrating.

So he was throwing himself into a large dataset to help give some sort of order to his thoughts. It helped. He knew Elizabeth wasn't in danger of grievous injury on a daily basis. It would take something really overwhelming to make her lose control that much.

Henry thought she had had a pretty good week. She had, if anything, been cutting a little bit less. She spent a fair amount of time curled up in his lap every evening, but he thought that was a bonus. Snuggling with her calmed him, too.

He checked his clock. It was nearly time to head over to meet Elizabeth at the State Department. They had to meet with Director Fitzwallace again to go over the results of the threat assessment. When he left his office at the Pentagon, an unmarked car would carry him and his bodyguard, Gary, to meet Elizabeth. He'd ride home with Elizabeth and her detail.

Having Gary with him all week hadn't been that bad. They weren't even together that much. Mostly just getting him to and from work. It took a little extra planning if he wanted to get out for lunch or go running, but he didn't do that much, anyway. Gary didn't follow him around work, and once he and Elizabeth were home, the security stayed outside. It was easier to manage than he'd thought. Gary certainly didn't look down on him, and Elizabeth didn't, either. No one else really knew about the arrangement. Certainly no one at work needed to know.

Elizabeth had been really great about it, too. She had given him plenty of opportunities to talk and complain about it, but she hadn't made it a big deal. He appreciated her tact, though she was a professional diplomat.

He glanced at the clock again. It was time to meet Gary and figure out whether their arrangement would be permanent.

"Good to see you again, Director Fitzwallace." Henry held out his hand for the man to shake.

Stephen Fitzwallace shook Henry's hand and the three once again seated themselves around Elizabeth's desk. "Please, it's Stephen. I'm not into all the titles. My dad went by Fitz. He always said if a man needed a name to be respected, he wasn't worth the respect."

Henry nodded. "Your dad was a very respectable and wise man."

"Thank you." There was a momentary pause and then Stephen spoke again. "Now, about your threat assessment. I wish I had something more conclusive for you, but it came back right on the border of where I'd say security is necessary. There is a threat, but not an overwhelming one. When we see any traffic about you, it's when you're appearing together with Madam Secretary," Stephen nodded to his boss, "and since you've already got security when you're together, that doesn't concern me much."

"But there is a threat?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes, ma'am. Mostly because of his position at DIA and the White House. Anyone seen coming in and out of the White House is at increased risk. And anyone working with assets and sources like Henry does at DIA can make security more volatile."

"But you're not prepared to say that I need a detail?" Henry clarified.

"No, sir. It's really up to you. Whatever will make both of you feel more comfortable. I've got enough cause to justify a security detail, but not enough to say one is required."

Henry and Elizabeth shared a look. Henry needed to make sure that Elizabeth wasn't too anxious. She seemed to be okay, so he turned back to Stephen.

"Would your numbers look different if I had some additional training in self-defense? Or if I started carrying a weapon?"

Stephen thought about it and nodded. "Yeah, that would change the numbers a fair amount. If you're willing to take the time to train like we do, there's really not much reason to assign you a personal detail. Most of the time, you're in secure buildings or with the Secretary."

"Elizabeth, what do you think about that?" Henry asked.

Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth nodded slowly. "I think that could work. But this training - I want it to be an ongoing thing. I don't want a two-hour workshop. I need to be able to trust that you're really prepared."

"That works for me," Henry confirmed. He met Elizabeth's eyes, once again checking that she was okay.

"Henry, how about I put you in for our agents' workout twice a week and then eventually, we can probably move that to once a week and let you work out on your own the rest of the time."

"Sounds good."

Elizabeth began gathering her things. "Stephen, thanks for meeting with us again."

"It's my pleasure Madam Secretary. Have a good evening."

Elizabeth slid her arm into Henry's as they made their way outside to the car waiting for them. "Do we really get to go home before six pm?"

"I think so. What do you want to do?"

"I'll stick the laundry in if you make that popcorn..."

"Deal." He sealed it with a kiss.

Elizabeth stretched at the end of the movie. "You're right. I much prefer this one to the original."

"I mean, it's not like the original one was that awful... the music was always good."

Elizabeth nuzzled back into Henry's chest. "Yeah, but the original one... the beast was like 8 when he was cursed. And it seemed a lot less hostage-y in this one. The first one, she totally had Stockholm syndrome..."

"Why is this one any different? He still held her prisoner," Henry reasoned.

"Yeah, but he did do nice things, too. At least he tried. We saw that he just didn't know how to communicate. And when he let her go, he acknowledged that she had changed him, and he would always be better for it. It wasn't a big sacrificial act to let her go."

"I get that. He was almost triumphant when she left."

"Right. Because she wasn't the prize. The prize was their relationship and how it had helped him."

"As it should be." Henry kissed her forehead. She was still curled up in his arms, where she had been for the past couple hours, watching Beauty and the Beast.

Elizabeth sighed contentedly. "This was fun. What did you think of LeFou?"

"Totally tokenized. But before we get into all the details, can I change the subject for a minute?"

"Yeah, sure." Elizabeth tucked her head into Henry's neck, breathing him in.

"Are you going to be okay with me carrying a gun?"

Elizabeth peppered kisses along his jawline. "I mean... As long as you know how to accomplish the mission, I don't care what you're packing."

Henry growled, very reminiscent of the beast, and tickled her side, rubbing their cheeks together. He playfully nipped her earlobe and whispered, "I know you demanded the ongoing training because you like me all muscle-bound."

Blushing furiously, Elizabeth hid her face against Henry's chest. When she had herself under control, she looked up at him, the very image of confidence and flirtation. "Maybe I do... You wanna give me a demonstration of your muscles so I can make sure you're up to snuff?"

"You want muscles, huh?" Henry stood up with a fluid grace, holding her securely. Hearing Elizabeth's giggle, he took her upstairs and deposited her on her bed with the utmost care. "Tell me, dear queen, do my muscles meet the standards of her majesty?"

Elizabeth couldn't stop smiling. She loved Henry when he was being silly. "I don't know... Her majesty might need evidence of the finesse of those muscles. And she might also have a knot in her shoulder." She turned over, presenting her back to Henry.

"I'm happy to demonstrate my skills for such a fine lady." He began massaging her shoulders, indeed finding several knots. After a couple minutes, he tapped her lightly to get her attention.

"Hey, babe? Could I take your shirt off so I can use some oil on you?"

Elizabeth nodded and sat up, removing her shirt herself. Her arms were still bandaged, but her stomach was free of cuts. There were a lot of scars, but nothing recent.

Henry held a hand at the base of her neck and traced his other finger along the scars on her stomach. "These are looking much better. I'm so proud of you. I know it was hard, but this is some pretty clear improvement."

"You think so?" Elizabeth was serious now, vulnerable.

"Of course. You're so much more in control of your cutting than you were a few months ago." He gently stroked her face with the backs of his fingers.

"Thanks," Elizabeth said, blushing slightly. She wasn't sure she entirely believed Henry, but he seemed completely earnest.

"Can we take this off, too?" Henry gestured to the ...was it a bra...? that she was wearing. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen one that looked like it. Maybe it was some type of sports bra. It looked like a cross between a tube top and an Ace bandage. He made a mental note to Google what kind of bra it was later. Not on his work computer.

"Oh, yeah." Elizabeth began unhooking the hooks and eyes that ran down the side of her minimizer. She felt like she could finally breathe properly. She finished her task and released a sigh as the garment fell away from her.

Henry opened the drawer on her bedside table to retrieve the bottle of lavender massage oil that he kept there for this purpose. "Alright, babe. Lie down for me. You want me to put on some music?"

"Maybe something quiet..."

"No problem." Henry tapped his phone and got it to play some quiet piano songs.

Elizabeth melted into his touch, loving how it felt to have his hands on her.

"Pressure alright?" Henry asked.

"It's perfect," Elizabeth said, breathily.

"Let me know if anything hurts or is too tender. You do have a lot of knots back here." Henry wondered if her weird bra had anything to do with the knots she had. Back massages were becoming pretty regular for them, but usually, Elizabeth took off her shirt in the bathroom, and he never saw her bra.

Elizabeth whimpered in pleasure. Henry was just perfect. Or at least his hands were perfect. The carnal pleasure of it was overwhelming in the best possible way. "You think the newspapers would call this immoral?" she joked.

"If this is immoral, I'm happy being immoral."

"Me, too."

Elizabeth really didn't care what anyone else thought about her relationship with Henry. He was so gentle. The way he focused on her and truly cared what she needed made her feel safe. She could relax because he would take care of her. She knew he wouldn't do anything against her will. She knew him better than anyone else, and that felt like an incredible privilege. He was dedicated, thoughtful, and smarter than anyone she knew.

Elizabeth knew Henry was strong, but she also knew he wouldn't hurt her. In fact, his physical strength was really kind of a turn on. Him being tough and badass felt exciting. She arched her body against his hands, getting a little worked up just thinking about it. And he'd be going through more physical training soon. She almost shuddered with the anticipation. Not that he didn't look amazing already.

"Hey there, tigress. You're enjoying this way too much. This is supposed to be relaxing."

Elizabeth felt her cheeks heat. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, babe. But it's getting late, and I want you to be able to sleep."

The thought crossed Elizabeth's mind that she didn't really want Henry to leave her when it came time to sleep. Tonight wasn't the night, but soon... Soon. She would be ready. She wanted him to stay, but she needed time to make sure she was truly comfortable with the idea. It used to be a little intimidating that Henry was so strong, but now that she thought about it, she really liked it. Really liked it. It still scared her to be alone with a man who could overpower her, but when it was Henry... she knew him well enough that she felt safer with him there. Not just because of his physical strength, but also because she knew his character was strong enough to take care of her. She could go to him and he would help – no matter if it was that she wanted to cut or that she needed him to get her tampons.

Later, when she was alone, she'd have to think about what it meant that his strength was such a turn on. Elizabeth knew she wasn't really ready to confront all that that implied... why a man capable of overpowering her made her shiver in anticipation.

With Henry's gentle hands soothing the muscles of her back, though, she couldn't bring herself to care about much of anything but how good she felt.

"To answer your question..." she began, continuing their previous conversation.

"What question?"

"About carrying a gun."

"Oh, right..."

Elizabeth took a deep breath and exhaled, enjoying the release she could feel in her muscles as she let out her breath. "It doesn't bother me. I trust you. It gets disassembled and locked up when you get home."

"Of course." That was something Henry had already planned on doing.

"And I want you tested with it every year. I never want it taken from you and used against you."

"That's standard for anyone carrying a gun in a professional capacity." Henry rubbed her shoulder reassuringly. He was a bit surprised she was taking it so well.

"I trust you." She rolled over, revealing her bare breasts to him. She pulled on his arm to get him to lean over and kiss her.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

A/N: As always, I can't tell you how much your reviews mean to me! Really!

Personal note: Thank you so much for the positive thoughts! I interviewed yesterday to keep my same job for another four months. I feel pretty good about it. I'd probably get moved to work on a different report, but it would be my same job title. If I don't get that job, I've got a good shot at another four month extension to work with another unit within the same agency. That would be doing more secretarial stuff, but I'd get to work in the legal office, which would be great since I want to go to law school... after I finish my MA...

It may be awhile before I can update again. I don't have any more written up beyond chapter summaries. Finals are nearly upon us, and I need to finish all my projects at work before my last day. Even if I get the extension, I still need to close out all my current responsibilities. There will likely be about three weeks before the next temporary position would start, so that'll hopefully give me time to actually prepare for my finals. And I've still got my weekend job.

That's all to say it may take me a while... because then I'll need to onboard onto a new job, and I still may decide to take a summer class.

But I won't abandon the story! I maintain that A) I am determined to finish the damn story and B) if I do abandon the story, I will post all my chapter outlines. And my chapter outlines are about two pages each, so it'll tell you exactly what happened.

Review responses:

The mention of Sarah and that summer internship... She didn't officially find an internship, but I thought up a plotline for that. So stay tuned. I haven't worked it into my outline, but I'll fit it in! It'll actually help me provide some context to an existing future plotline with Sarah.

I heard you on the retirement fluff, so I'll go with retirement fluff for the epilogue for the most part. Let me know if there are any fluffy things you want. I can confirm a dog will be involved. I'm basing the character of the dog off that story from a few months back about the police dog that flunked out because it liked hugs too much. And having a guide dog, I have plenty of ideas for wacky dog hijinks. Like the times my dog takes me to the store and made me buy her flowers. She likes flowers, and sometimes on our way home from the metro, she makes a detour to buy flowers and noses a bouquet until I pick it up, and then she takes me to the register. For the people who think service dogs aren't allowed to have personality... Exhibit A.

I'm not going to do any sort of afterlife thing, but I will have some resolution between Elizabeth and her parents. For the record, I'm an atheist. I flunked out of church, but fun fact - my first major in college was church music. I wanted to be ordained. And then I realized I couldn't keep quiet about being queer af. You know. So I ended up double majoring in Homeland Security and Gender/Sexuality. With a minor in History because I'm extra.

Iran! Yes! I will talk about Iran! For some reason, every time I read your previous questions about when Iran will be discussed, I replaced it in my head with Iraq. Iran is in chapter 39 right now. I'll probably actually need to add more discussion of Iran into my outline. I realized I really kinda glossed over it. So please let me know if there's anything you want to see about the storyline. I know as a fandom, we've kinda beat Iran to death, but if you've got a favorite thing to see, I'm happy to oblige. Or if there's something you don't think has been addressed before... Let me know. What's your favorite Iran trope?