Aoi's trip to Kyoto with Akira was pretty much what she expected it would be.

Akira had the best intentions: he wanted to take her away from Den City so that she could have the mental and physical spaces to breathe. However, when the siblings arrived at their hotel suite, the first the businessman did was boot his laptop up and work. If he wasn't preoccupied with his computer, he was on his phone, furiously texting. Aoi knew that this would happen. She wasn't angry. Actually, she was sort of relieved. With work keeping Akira busy, he wouldn't pry into her personal life much.

Knowing full well that she would have to spend the next hour (at least) entertaining herself, Aoi decided that she should kill some time exploring the hotel. She plucked a white dress from her suitcase, slipped it on quickly, and dashed out the door before Akira could protest. Not that he was going to, anyway. Rather, he was relieved that Aoi was taking the initiative to keep herself busy. He'd prefer that outcome over her cooping herself up in a room.

Was there anything special about the hotel?

Not really. Aoi held the opinion that it was just another lavish, five-star establishment. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate staying here, it was difficult for her to develop an affinity to a place that was strange to her. She didn't have any memories from here, nor was she setting out on a special liaison. This was just a spur-of-the-moment getaway so that she and Akira could get away from Den City. She wasn't going to find anything here. Essentially, she was in hiding.

It was soon clear, however, that Aoi could never run from her racing mind.

Having investigated the near-entirety of the hotel, she decided to relax by the pool. It was mostly empty, save for a few children splashing around in the pool. Aoi searched her surroundings for the parents, who she found sunbathing on straw lounge chairs. The husband observed the children intently as he held his sleeping wife's hand firmly in his own. Aoi couldn't help but smile at the beautifully mundane showcase of familial bonds. It was what she hoped for, and missed, about her own family.

When she lost her father, a gaping wound formed in her heart. Yes, her mother was good to her, but to have a father figure forcibly removed from her life was an event that Aoi never did get over. Her sadness was somewhat quelled when her mother remarried, and Aoi once more found herself in a proper family unit with her newfound stepfather and stepbrother. She felt normal again, although it was a different kind of normalcy. However, her mother was then ripped from her as well as her stepfather, leaving only Akira to take care of Aoi.

She, of course, never had the feeling that Akira was inadequate. Aoi loved her brother with all her heart. More so than that, she admired him. Furthermore, she was aware of the sacrifices he made for her sake, and for that, she would never be able to repay him. The more distant Akira became, the clearer Aoi was able to see just how much he did in the name of providing for her. Perhaps that was why she had developed a brother complex, placing Akira on an impossibly high pedestal and quite literally living to earn his approval.

Until she started living for herself - which inevitably meant that her goals would diverge from Akira's.

In the beginning, Aoi didn't think that she was being unreasonable. She wanted to be Blue Angel to gain her brother's recognition, yes, but she had also adopted that persona as a means of escaping the luxury prison he had crafted for her. Their apartment was suffocatingly silent, and because Akira was always at work, Aoi felt miserably alone. Then, she became Blue Girl: she wanted to fight for those who had fought for her, but she was also wiggling herself around all the fuss with the Ignises to find her place of importance in a virtual world that she was fond of.

In all the mess she rolled around in, she was finally able to understand who she was - no matter how ugly or raw the truth was.

Aoi wanted to love and be loved. She wanted nothing more than this reciprocal relationship she fantasized about in her head. Cliché, girlish dreams of being held and treasured by a man she genuinely loved. It was challenging to accept this secret wish of hers. After all, she liked to think of herself as a strong woman who didn't need a man to stand on her own two feet. Then again, she had been standing and stumbling on her own for a while now. Liking attention didn't take away from any of those accomplishments. In particular, liking attention from a man didn't take away from the fact that she could live alone with absolutely no problem.

Wanting attention and love are genderless desires. Those wants weren't indicative of a pathetic person. They were natural, human cravings. There were other people who liked being alone. That was fine too. Neither positions towards romance gave an individual more or less of a pedigree. If Aoi wanted a lover, she wasn't going to fault herself for it. Denying herself the inconvenient truth about herself was just going to hurt her in the long run.

Like the protagonist in her favourite picture book, she only cried whenever she pretended that she liked being alone.

In her pursuit of a smile, she made poor decisions. She fell in love with her dream man: strong, sexy, and cool-headed Yusaku. She didn't know him personally very well, but she knew enough about him that paved the way for an emotional attachment. He was Playmaker. He was a hero, an icon, and an irresistibly perfect candidate for the picture perfect image in her head. Aoi fell in love with the idea of him, but in her selfish naivety, she couldn't differentiate the man in her head from the man in front of her. Yet when she was finally able to, she had given so much of herself to him that she couldn't help but want him anyway.

And so marked the start of the end.

Because she was blindly led by her desire, Aoi pardoned every abusive flick. Well, it went without saying that Yusaku wasn't the most respectful towards her. However, Aoi wasn't innocent in their toxic relationship either. Yusaku wasn't a monster at all - Aoi was the one who promoted his monstrous behaviour by trying to force him to be someone that he wasn't. Yusaku didn't want her? That didn't matter. Aoi tried and tried, chasing him until he had nowhere to run. Cornered, Yusaku instinctively bit back in an effort to defend whatever darkness he felt should never be unleashed.

Yusaku didn't want her around after messing around? Aoi made it seem like she was fine with it until she lashed out at him later.

Yusaku didn't love her? Aoi kept pushing notions of love onto him anyway.

Yusaku didn't want their baby? Aoi shut him out completely, guilting him into at least pretending that he was fine with a mass of cells growing inside her.

She never wanted him to be involved, not really. Aoi wanted what she wanted, and Yusaku was supposed to just tag along for the ride. The whole situation should have been nipped from the bud if it wasn't for her persistence. Yusaku warned her that he didn't want to be in a serious relationship. Why didn't she listen?

Tears glided down her cheeks and crashed into a thousand particles on top of her hands. Thinking about Yusaku brought up so much emotion in her that her heart felt like it could burst from sentimentality. What they had been through felt surreal. To fall in love with someone who didn't love her back, then to carry his child and lose it... She couldn't believe that it was actually, at one point, her life; whether she wanted to admit it or not, her romantic stint with Yusaku and her subsequent pregnancy was always going to affect her. Some days might hurt less than others, and she might even delude herself into forgetting about it! But it would always come back to her in fragments because those shards were still lodged inside of her.

Her hatred for Yusaku was dissolving quickly. She was bitter towards him for not being around for her when she needed him most, but he had warned her many times before the incident that he was emotionally unavailable. So really, she couldn't pin her anger on him. He had given her ample time to back out. The way Aoi saw it, she could only blame herself. She made the decision to go after him.

She was responsible. It was her life dictated by her choices. If she wasn't happy with the outcome, then it was also up to her to climb out of her self-manufactured rut. While she felt shame, she was also comforted by this fact. It meant that she had the power to change her future.

'Aoi.'

Upon hearing her stepbrother's voice from behind her, Aoi quickly wiped her eyes and stood up. 'Onii-sama.' she returned as she swivelled around to greet him. 'Are you finished with your call?'

'Yes.' he nodded. 'Sorry about that. I couldn't-'

'It's fine. You don't need to explain yourself.'

'But-'

'We don't have to be together twenty-four-seven.' she smiled. 'Really. I'm just happy we're spending time together.'

Akira had no choice but to take Aoi's word for it. He suggested that they go for dinner, to which Aoi agreed. The older step sibling tried to then talk to his junior, but when it was clear that Aoi only wanted to be left alone to her thoughts, Akira sighed and said he would go to the room to do work. He didn't take it personally. It was evident that Aoi needed time not only away from Den City, but to be with herself. Akira was frustrated that she wasn't opening up to him, but he knew very well that his lack of emotional involvement in her earlier years was to blame. Why should Aoi talk to him about being in love? Losing a baby? Being heartbroken?

Akira knew his place. He hadn't yet earned his place by Aoi's side. He would always be her caretaker and brother - nothing could take those titles away from him. However, it was unreasonable to demand her to open up to him when his actions warranted nothing less than being shut out.

Truthfully, most of the Zaizens' vacation was spent with the siblings apart.

They spent breakfast and dinner together every single day, just like they did at home. But Akira was busy with work, and Aoi was content to just wander around by herself. The moments when Akira was free and tried to connect with Aoi were futile. He tried his best to initiate contact, but Aoi rebuffed all his efforts. Left with no choice, Akira went back to his work duties over the phone and Aoi was lost in her thoughts.

Yusaku.

Their lost baby.

Her forever-changed body.

Aoi thought about these three things in an endless loop in her head.

She thought about them until she had come to peace with her heartaches.

Takeru Homura called her frequently. Every other day, maybe. He'd send her texts too, asking if she was alive and well. She would reply a curt yes but would never expand further.

Aoi appreciated Takeru, but his connection to Yusaku made her wary of getting involved.

But when her bitterness towards Yusaku faded away, she decided to give Takeru a call. Aoi was generally a nervous person, but when she called him, she felt no anxiety whatsoever. Takeru picked up and they made small talk, until Aoi asked about Yusaku.

'Takeru-kun, how's Yusaku.'

'He's fine.' he laughed. 'Just peachy. Always scowling, as usual, but he's fine.'

'I see...'

'Why are you asking?'

'Because I think about him a lot.' she admitted softly. 'I think about how badly we both messed up, and how miserable we made each other.'

Takeru swallowed a hard lump in his throat. His feelings for Aoi haven't really left, and it was difficult for him to hear the girl he liked talking about another man, let alone his closest friend. Even so, Takeru prided himself on being a good friend. Now was a great opportunity to begin the healing between Yusaku and Aoi. Takeru would be damned if he let this chance pass. 'He misses you too.'

'I never said I missed him.' Aoi corrected sharply. 'I don't miss feeling like shit every day.'

'Ha... Well-'

'I don't miss seeing his sad eyes.'

Takeru sighed. 'You know how he is. It's not personal. He's just...'

'I know. Don't explain.' she tried her best to sound conciliatory. 'It's just... I want him to be happy. I really, truly, want that for him.'

There was a long pause on Takeru's end of the line. He took a deep breath in before answering, 'You can make him happy.'

'No. Only he can do that for himself. Just like I have to do it for myself.'

Today, Den City High School was ringing in a new academic year.

It was safe to assume that most of the student body grudgingly dragged their feet to campus that morning. One of these unwilling students was Yusaku, who had actually enjoyed his summer vacation. It was mostly spent alone with Ai or together with Takeru, but he valued those irreplaceable moments with his friends. Hence, despite his reclusive nature, Yusaku had a decent summer. However, it was by no means the perfect summer, considering that a looming incompletion nipped at his conscience.

He missed Aoi a lot.

That much was impossible to hide.

In a way, he was glad that classes were finally starting. According to Takeru, Aoi was going to continue attending the same high school. Therefore, if they were both hovering around the same campus, Yusaku and Aoi were likely to bump into each other. Yusaku shouldn't have been too excited about this prospect, but he couldn't contain the bubbling thrill lifting him off his feet as he sauntered along the walkway to the main building. He was also frightened by the notion of crossing paths with her again, but at this point, he just wanted to see her again.

How was she doing?

Was she well?

He needed to know.

And he didn't have to wait long, considering that Aoi was right behind him. The poor girl had been trailing behind him for a couple of minutes, wondering if she should overtake him or not. With her newfound outlook on their relationship, she wasn't confident to be seen by him just yet. Moreover, she wasn't confident that she would necessarily be able to handle it. If she walked right by Yusaku and he greeted her, she didn't think that she could sustain a conversation with him. Now, if he ignored her, then the weight of their dead bond would threaten to crush and she knew for sure that she would have to run to the bathroom to have a good cry.

Aoi no longer wanted to pursue anything with him, but her feelings for him were still heavy.

Woman up, she scolded herself, Stop avoiding the new reality.

Inhaling a sharp gust of air, Aoi steeled herself and walked right ahead of Yusaku.

From his peripheral, Yusaku caught sight of his former lover the second she was by him. He watched her spear forward, so he knew that he shouldn't call her attention. It couldn't be clearer that Aoi didn't want to speak to him. Besides, she had told him that she wanted to be left alone. Nevertheless, he truly wondered how she was doing. Surely, a simple question wasn't overstepping the boundaries she had set up?

He didn't have to hold her or carry a conversation. Yusaku just wanted to see if she was well.

But they were her boundaries and he wasn't going to disrespect her again.

This was their new reality.

'Zaizen-san!'

Aoi looked to her left, in the direction of the voice that had called out to her. Hazel eyes widened and she grinned. The person who greeted her was none other than Takeru Homura: a person she had actually missed terribly. He was also kind to her, and for that, she would never be able fully express her gratitude. Despite not knowing the details of her relationship with Yusaku, he had served as a lamp for her during dark times.

'Takeru-kun. How was your summer?'

'Great!' he beamed. 'I spent most of it in the city with Yusaku! You should have been here with us!' he added the last bit cheekily, hoping that Aoi would catch the line and be more open to seeing Yusaku again. Takeru wanted both of his friends to be happy together, and he had no shame in pursuing this goal.

'I'm glad you had fun.' Aoi replied tightly with a deceptively sweet smile on her face. 'Well then, I better get to class.'

'Right. I should too.'

'Mhmm...'

'Zaizen-san?'

'Yes?'

'I think you and Yusaku would be a good couple.' he blurted. 'I don't know what happened between you two, but... It's obvious that you guys still have feelings for each other. I just don't get why it's so hard to be together.'

'We were a horrible couple.' Aoi laughed wholeheartedly. 'Terrible. The worst.'

'The worst?'

'The worst.' she emphasised. 'And the feelings I have for him aren't the same as the feelings he has for me.'

'What do you mean?'

'It doesn't matter. Because those feelings will fade in time, and everyone will move on. Actually, I feel like we've both moved on already.'

Yusaku hasn't! Takeru wanted to say, but he held his tongue. He had already been too crass in his approach anyway. At this point, he was just embarrassed. Both Yusaku and Aoi had shown less enthusiasm than he had during this entire ordeal. Takeru was starting to question the point of all of this. Maybe it really was hopeless. Perhaps Yusaku and Aoi weren't meant to be together. Takeru didn't understand it, but he really didn't have to. He wasn't involved, and if both parties had to come to an agreement to stay away from each other, then what could he do about it?

'Don't worry, Takeru-kun. We're still friends.'

'Yeah, but...' he shook his head. 'You and Yusaku aren't.'

'Maybe we're not meant to be.' Aoi paused. 'And maybe that's better for both him and me.'

Thanks to all those supporting this story! After publishing last chapter, a lot of worries have left me regarding this story. I wasn't confident about my characterisation of Yusaku, but I'm glad that the reception didn't underline any disappointment so far in his portrayal.

Not a lot happened in this chapter plot-wise, but I wanted to set up the characters for their new journey. Last chapter focused on Yusaku's feelings, so I wanted to have this chapter delve into Aoi's thought processes. I promise that next chapter will have a lot of character interaction. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter regardless!

If you have an account, I have responded to you privately. Otherwise, I do so below!

To all the Guests who read and review this story, thank you!

Yujo0147, thank you for your continued encouragement! I hope this chapter has shed some light on Aoi's state.

Aniki, thank you for the continued support! That will most definitely happen and I hope that you enjoy the future chapters!