What happens when it fades?

Yay! Another chapter… I should be doing homework, but its not happening so I figured I'd give you all an update instead. :P

Chapter 37: Summer Fading

Hitomi woke feeling slightly blurry. She climbed slowly out of bed, stretching her muscles out like a cat. She stared at her alarm clock for a moment, realizing that she still had twenty minutes before it would go off. She shrugged, wandering down the hall to the bathroom instead.

The hot water poured over her skin, relaxing her tense shoulders and slowly waking her from her dreamy state. It was a Saturday, she realized with a start, meaning she didn't have to rush so Dilly could use the washroom to get ready for work. She smiled slightly, normally her showers were relatively rushed affairs, since she was up early, why not stretch it out a bit?

She left the bathroom, her body wrapped tight in a dark green towel, running a brush through her tangled hair as she walked down the hallway. Once in her bedroom she rifled through her closet and drawers, outfitting herself for her morning run. She'd been going for runs every morning lately; it felt wrong not to, when she had all this extra time. Perhaps she ought to look into getting a job, but school was starting up in another few weeks, and her training was occupying a simply huge amount of her time.

Eating a banana as she dug through the hallway closet for her windbreaker, she found her still sleepy mind concluding that even if she ran out of money, Dilly would look after her. Certainly he wouldn't let her starve. And she was well aware that she was already paying far less in rent than he was. She paused for a moment while pulling on her running shoes – why was it Dilandau took care of her this way? He couldn't possibly still feel like he owed her, could he? Or did it maybe have more to do with something along the lines of that dream…

Hitomi froze, remembering exactly how soft the kiss had been, barely a brushing of lips at first. Something about that kiss had awakened something in her, or it would have, she corrected herself, if it had been real. As it was, it had merely been a dream: a byproduct of her intoxicated state. Hitomi straightened her body out, opening the door quietly and slipping out of the building into the early dawn of a summer morning. It would be hot later in the day, but for the moment she was glad for her windbreaker. There was a chilly breeze in the air, just another sign of autumn's approach.

For a moment she found herself wondering what it would feel like to be in someone's arms at the moment, instead of torturing her straining muscles. She attempted to run slowly, warming her body up, but unwanted thoughts kept floating through her head; the least of which was, for some reason or another, what kissing Dilandau would be like in real life.

She shook her head and ran faster, attempting to clear her mind. What was she doing thinking about someone romantically so soon after having her heart wrecked on Gaea? Hitomi slowed instantly, dropping into a walk that disintegrated after a few steps into her standing stock still, staring into space ahead of her. She'd forgotten about Van. She hadn't thought about him at all until just now. Did this mean her heart was healing, or that she was just a terrible, unfeeling person? And thinking about Dilly that way?

A pigeon careened dangerously close to her head, jarring her from her reverie. Startled into movement, she stared after the winged fiend blankly, hopelessly confused by her own emotions.

Celena twitched slightly as the carriage pulled into the courtyard. She stifled the urge to roll her eyes as the door was worked open long before the horses had stopped moving. Of course, that certainly didn't stop the pink-haired female who had opened said door from leaping out; landing gracefully on all fours, tail twitching slightly. Her bright eyes settled on Celena and her shrill (though mellowed slightly by the intervening years) voice cut through the still morning air. "Where's Lord Van?" The cat-girl (near woman) demanded eagerly.

Celena bit her lip slightly. Of course, Van certainly needed every friend he could get right now, but Merle had the potential to drag things up that had finally settled down nicely. "In his bedchambers," she replied sweetly, "If you like you can wake him." Gods know I'm sick of doing it, she finished in her head.

Merle was growing up, anyone could see that. She'd grown in height, slimmed down, and taken to wearing more adult clothes, though her skirts were as short as Hitomi's had ever been. Celena waited until the girl's back was turned to shake her head. Merle's eighteenth birthday was coming up soon, and that coupled with the news of Van's engagement being called off had brought her back to Fanelia's capital.

Celena wondered if Merle would now surrender all her newfound freedoms and independence to once again hang off Van's side. She hoped not. For everyone's sake really. A rather masculine yell of consternation echoed faintly down the hallway. Celena smirked. At least she would be off "waking up the King" duty for as long as Merle stayed.

Van stared sheepishly at his childhood friend. Despite the fact that she now looked like an adult cat-person, that is, probably too sexy for her own good, she still acted like the kitten he'd always known. Apparently leaping onto his bed, landing on his chest and staring him innocently in the eyes was her idea of a decent wake up call. He stared helplessly, pinned to his own bed. He was immediately reminded of a thousand clingy moments. Briefly he wished he could have Celena pulling the blankets off the bed and cursing him just under her breathe instead.

"Lord Van!" Merle cried delightedly. She tilted her head slightly to the right. "You look older."

Van stared a little speechless. "You're… home."

Merle nodded sagely. "I came soon as I could once I heard about everything that's happened. But I had to finish up my lessons. I would have been here sooner if I could." Her ears drooped slightly. "It's not 'cause I didn't care, Lord Van." She lifted her bright wide eyes, tears brimming them just slightly. "If I'd had a choice I would have been here with you always!"

Van sighed, pulling himself into a sitting position. Awkwardly, he wrapped his arms around his childhood friend. "It's alright, Merle. It was something I needed to get through on my own. I think… I think in the end it was my fault anyway." He felt Merle stiffen in his arms.

"What do you mean?" She demanded, pulling herself out of his arms. "Hitomi left you! She obviously was insane! You're wonderful, Lord Van. I always knew she was going to hurt you!" She growled slightly, "If I could get my claws in her…"

Van stared sadly at Merle for a long moment. Hitomi's sad eyes flashed before him. The longing looks, the silent cries for help or attention or love, the crushed look she'd given him that night after the party. And he'd ignored them all. He shook his head. "No Merle." He held Merle hands gently, "It was me. I was the idiot. She deserved to be treated much better than how I treated her." He looked into Merle's eyes pleadingly. "If you'd been here, it would have been me you'd have your claws in."

He watched Merle stare it him in silent shock. "But Lord Van…" He shook his head, pulling himself out from under her. He headed for the bathroom, leaving a very confused cat sitting on his bed.

Dilandau flipped the crepe sitting in the frying pan with practiced ease. He gazed around the kitchen, content with his work. At some point, Dilandau Albatou had not only learned to cook, he'd come to enjoy it. Several times he'd started to consider if it was some sort of weakness. Of course, then he'd watch Hitomi eat, and hear her praise for the food, and that would undo all those thoughts. Quite honestly, if anyone wanted to think him weak for cooking and baking, they were welcome to; so long as Hitomi kept enjoying it he had no intentions of stopping.

He slid the crepe onto the plate, piling it high with fresh sliced fruit and just a dab of fresh whipping cream. His lips twitched slightly, maybe one day she'd even figure out why he did so many things for her. And maybe, if he played his cards right, she'd wake up one day and realize she loved him. And perhaps the day after he'd wake up with her in his arms.

He paused. And then of course there were the plans for world corporate domination. It was essential that they remained intact and achievable. Otherwise he'd come across as just another hopeless romantic. And if there was anything Dilandau Albatou would never be labeled, it was hopeless romantic.

He set the plates down on the table just as the front door creaked open, and a slightly sweaty, out of breathe Hitomi dragged herself into the room. He raised his eyebrow at her. "So you used all the hot water, and now you need another shower?"

He was rewarded with a dark glare. "We don't pay for the hot water." Hitomi replied flippantly.

"Uh huh. Right. Aren't you Miss We-Shouldn't-Waste-Water?" Dilandau egged her on slightly, knowing he'd be forgiven once she sat down to eat.

Another dark glare. "What business is it of yours anyway?"

Dilandau shrugged. "It's not really. I just like having hot water as much as the next person." He smirked at her, "Breakfast is getting cold you know."

Hitomi sighed and turned to sit at the table. Dilandau savoured the slight drop of her jaw, and her attempt at nonchalance. "Coffee; just what I need." He shook his head. All the thanks he needed was there watching her eat, savouring the food on her tongue when she didn't think he was looking.

Mornings are probably his favourite.

Hitomi lay back across her bed, deep in contemplation. She'd worked hard today, and she had a suspicion she'd beat her 12 second time on her last lap, even though there had been no one to time that one. Her thoughts from that morning had haunted her all day though. No matter what she couldn't seem to shake them. She'd spent the first hour of her day wondering and daydreaming about how it would feel to touch and taste the lips of her best friend.How did one explain that?

She shook her head. On the other hand, how did one explain all the little things Dilly did for her? She pulled herself up off her bed. For a moment her gaze was caught by a flash of white. She reached up to her shelf and pulled down a long white feather. She ran her fingers down the spine of it, absorbed in the sense of touch. She lifted the feather and ran it gently down the side of her cheek. She savoured the softness; she knew it was for the last time.

A look of determination set onto her face, she strode purposefully from her room. She didn't stop when Dilandau stared at her, simply walking out the apartment door. She wasn't really thinking at this point, there was just a poetic moment written in her veins and she needed to go through with it, to let herself be free.

She paused at the top of the stairs. Taking a deep breathe, she pushed on the door that lead to the roof. There was a garden up here, she'd realized a while back. But it was closed after dusk. At the moment it was nearly midnight, but that wasn't going to stop her. She was on a mission now.

Carefully making sure the door was propped open and wouldn't shut behind her, Hitomi ventured out onto the roof, taking in the dark night sky. On Gaea, stars would have filled the heavens from horizon to horizon. Here, only the very brightest shone through, a scattered handful of fireflies. She took a deep breathe as she neared the edge of the building.

There was a wall around the edge. She was momentarily thankful that there was no way for her to fall, after all, there was no one who could save her from falling now. She took a deep breathe and raised the feather in her hands. She stroked it one last time. "Goodbye Van," she heard herself whisper, her voice cracking as a single tear traced its way down her cheek. The breeze picked up just as she offered her open hands into the air. The pale feather was picked up by the wind. Hitomi watched the feather drift into the night until darkness swallowed it up.

She took a ragged breathe. It was done then. The pink pendant was tucked away into a box inside a small bag, in the corner of her jewellery box. The feather was gone – swallowed into the darkness like the love it had represented. Gaea was a memory now, nothing more than that. She wiped the tear from her cheek, sniffling just once before regaining her composure. She turned just a moment too late to notice the darkened figure behind her slip back down the stairwell.

Dilandau rushed back to the apartment, settling himself on the couch just minutes before Hitomi re-entered the apartment, heading straight to her room. He wanted to say something. To tell her anything – any of the million things his heart had screamed, watching her release that feather into the night. Hearing her whispered goodbye. Seeing the wind whip her honey locks into tangles.

He felt like he could die with wanting to wrap his arms around her. To make her smile. To take the pain from her voice. But somehow he knew that what she'd just done had been her way of putting it all the past. In some ways it had been horrible of him to watch her do it. It had been a private moment – anyone could have seen that.

But he was a horrible person. No amount of being in love or baking was going to change that fact. He sighed softly, rubbing his eyes. He had a feeling that this was going to be another of those long sleepless nights where he would try to justify being worthy of Hitomi's love – should she ever give it. He shook his head, why did he do this? He wasn't going to change just to be more worthy of her was he? He groaned softly to himself. One of these days he was going to have to admit to being just as much of a sap as he feared he was.

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