Chapter 36

"This is so weird, Harry. This is unhealthy."

Harry didn't lower the binoculars. "Hermione, it's my life."

"You can't choose your parents!"

"Um...apparently you can."

"Well, you shouldn't." Hermione shifted uncomfortably, zipped up her jacket against the October chill.

"All the stuff I saw of my dad...of James Potter...I used to idealise the hell out of him, but the truth is he wasn't a very nice guy. I guess he might've been a good dad, but there was only that first year. He didn't, like, teach me anything."

"And Severus Snape's taught you stuff? Snape's been a great dad? Harry, the man's been nothing but mean to you!"

Harry sighed. "Y'know that's not true. Shhh, they're about to leave."

As Harry watched, James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin left the house at Spinner's End. Harry watched James step around a pile of rubbish and turn up his nose in contempt. The three young men turned the corner, disappearing from sight. Harry ducked back into the alley and stuck a flesh-coloured string in his ear. "Is that what I think it is?" asked Hermione.

"Shhh, I want to hear."

Harry frowned, and then added, "My mum sounds angry."

"I thought the range of the Extendable ears was only a few meters or so."

"The Doctor did something to it with the sonic."

"And you hid it in Snape's house?"

"Mmm hmm."

She shook her head and wearily asked, "What are they saying?"

"Since you won't stop talking, you may as well listen. You'll make more sense of it than I can, anyway," he said, handing her the ear-string.

"Well, that was bloody awful," said Lily Evans.

There was the sound of running water and the quiet clinking of plates being washed. "Awful for whom, exactly?" came the eventual reply.

Hermione knew that the Severus Snape inside the house was only twenty, but his voice sounded years older. Hermione couldn't help but picture him as Potions master, in his thick black clothing, with his permanent scowl. "James was trying to be kind, and all you did was make things horrible," said Lily.

"He was not being kind. Every compliment was backhanded."

"Name one thing he said that was rude."

"He said the place looks so much better than it did last year."

"He just meant you've put a lot of work into it, and it shows."

"Not the point."

"What else?"

"He said he admires me for being content with a normal person's job. Because obviously we aren't all cut out to be hero Aurors who make life-and-death decisions every day...you know, decisions that matter. We don't all have the courage and the intellect and the strength."

The clinking of plates abruptly turned to clattering, as if a stack of plates had been dropped into the sink. Lily's voice was so soft, it was nearly drowned out by the sound of the rushing tap. "Please stop washing up for a second."

The water was promptly shut off. There was a long silence. "Sev, if it means anything, you are the bravest, smartest, strongest person I know. I think the Ministry made a mistake in rejecting you. James should know better than to rub it in your face. But what you do happens to matter a lot. Your potions mean the difference between life and death every day for patients at St. Mungo's, and a huge improvement in quality of life for people who suffer from lycanthropy and such. James has no idea how difficult it is to brew Wolfsbane. He doesn't know that only the best of the best can even hope to attempt it, let alone succeed. He's that ignorant, even with one of his closest friends drinking the stuff for a whole week out of every month. There's no point in letting his dumb comments get under your skin."

"He gives me a bad feeling...like he wants to see me suffer, still."

"Can't you let the past go? These are our friends...they're not trying to undermine us."

"I trust Remus and Sirius. I like them. Peter's alright, too. They don't look at you the way James does."

"And how's that?"

"Like you're something good to eat."

"No he doesn't! That's disgusting!"

"Just because you don't see it-"

"Could it be in your mind?"

"Don't-"

"I'm sorry. But is it possible you're imagining it?"

"Yes, it's possible. But I'm not."

"Okay, so what if he does still fancy me? You're worried he'll...seduce me or something?"

"No. I don't know. No."

"Sev-"

"He can give you things I can't."

"I don't want whatever he's got. I want you. That's why I'm with you."

"In this rubbish little corner of Cokeworth."

"Oi! I love this little corner."

"Nobody loves Spinner's End."

"I do."

"The screaming of foxes all night."

"Like a lullaby."

Severus laughed. The sound shocked Hermione. "Lily, you're a lovely, kind person for saying that...but really...we can do a bit better, don't you think? You can't want to live here forever."

"Well...I guess...someday it'd be nice to live somewhere less...urban. A cottage or something."

"Yeah, me too. I was thinking I'll switch to the night shift at Mungo's, take the Potions teaching job at Hogwarts to make some extra dosh, save up until you're done with University-"

"And when are you to sleep?"

"The Ministry is under the false impression that all their Time Turners are accounted for."

"Oh no. Did you lift it before or after they..."

"After."

"You shouldn't've done that."

"I know, but I can't very well just go hand it back, can I?"

Lily sighed. "If you work two full-time jobs, when am I to see you?"

"Weekends?"

"Don't like it."

"We could take mini time-travel holidays."

"Rowing down the Venetian canals, with you snoring in the gondola."

He laughed again. Lily asked, "Do you still want to spend Hallowe'en at Godric's Hollow?"

"It would be rude not to. Lord of the Ancient and Noble House of Potter was kind enough to visit us commoners, after all."

She sighed. "What costumes shall we do?"

"We could play our Patronuses. A doe and...well...I guess I'd be a stag. Or is that daft?"

"No, I like it."

Hermione removed the ear-string. "What is it?" asked Harry.

"They're going to your dad's...to James Potter's...for Hallowe'en."

"So, they're not fighting?"

"Not really. Um...Harry?"

"Yeah? Why've you gone pink?"

Hermione turned a deeper shade. "It's just, well it's just, y'know, if you're still going to be born on July thirty-first of next year, well, Hallowe'en just happens to be nine months before, is all. But you already knew that."

Harry blinked. "Just one or two more stops, just to check, then we'll finally really go home to our time. Cool?"

"No," said the Doctor.

"But-"

"No. I mean it. If I'd known the extent to which you've been tampering with your own timeline I would've dropped you home sooner. If you peek too many times, you ruin the whole experiment."

"Experiment?"

"What else is this? I'm being serious. The more you look, the more fixed points you make. You're in real danger of causing a tangle. Time to stop."

"Harry, we've been gone for nearly two years," said Hermione. "I miss my family. I miss Ron. He's going to be furious."

Harry crossed his arms, then uncrossed them. "You're right...it's time. I've been delaying. I never really had to think about the future, beyond Voldemort. Guess I'm scared to face it."

"Everyone's scared," said Hermione. "That's why people need each other."

Harry rubbed the spot where his scar used to be, and smiled.

Godric's Hollow was glowing. On almost every doorstep sat a jack-o-lantern, flickering with candlelight. The waxing moon was bright and the stone houses were strung with decorations. Deliciously spicy smells wafted through the air.

It was way nicer than Spinner's End.

The door to James's house was slightly ajar, and sounds of merriment issued from within. As Lily and Severus approached, she felt his long, cool fingers brush against her palm. She immediately took his hand in a firm grip. He wasn't one for displaying affection publicly; she knew he was scared. Social gatherings were still a challenge for him, being around James Potter in particular wasn't easy, and even though he acknowledged that his fears were largely irrational, they were persistent. At least by now he'd accepted that he could lean on Lily for support sometimes, though it still filled him with a slightly queasy feeling of shame. He supposed that the bad feeling would never leave completely, but every time she held his hand instead of pushing it away or ignoring it, his heart did something impossible to articulate in words.

They stepped into the foyer and were greeted by the host. He was also wearing antlers. James and Severus stared at each other. Lily laughed and said, "Aww, look, we're a little herd!"

She pushed their gift of wine into James' hands, hugged him quickly, and pulled Severus over to a huge bowl of firewhisky-spiked cider. She poured two drinks, and then watched her boyfriend drain his glass within seconds. She wasn't about to scold him, not when alcohol could help him relax and enjoy himself. He refilled his glass and said, "Let's see if Remus and Sirius are around."

They found them in the living room, just the two of them dancing to a strange song. The music was spare and dark, with a driving, tense beat. "What is this?" Severus asked, captivated.

"Muggle band called Bauhaus," shouted Sirius over the record. "Do you like it?"

"Yes," he said, somewhat surprised by how much he meant it.

"Thought you would. After this I'll put on Joy Division."

Remus came over and hugged them each in turn. He was dressed as a sheep. "Get it?" he asked, giggling.

Severus asked, "Have you been taking your potion?"

"'Course I have."

"You didn't mix it with butterbeer, did you?"

"'Course not. C'mon, dance."

Just as he said that, the song ended. Sirius changed the record. He was wearing a dirty striped shirt with the word 'Azkaban' stenciled across the back. The four friends danced together until the room filled up with other guests, who began to whine for more party-friendly music. "I'm going to step outside and get some air," Severus said to Lily.

"Want company?"

"Nah, it's okay. Stay and dance."

She smiled knowingly. "Enjoy your cigarette."

"Just one, I promise."

"You don't have to make promises to me."

He didn't exactly try to hide his occasional smoking from her, but he knew it was a dirty habit, and hiding was his nature. She didn't exactly approve, but she knew he disapproved of himself more than she ever could, and she wasn't critical at heart.

He went outside. It was a beautiful night, and a few partygoers were smoking in the front yard, chatting and stargazing. Severus' cigarette was nearly finished when a voice beside him said, "Sorry about the costume thing."

James had managed to sneak up on him. He must've rounded the house from the back. "It's okay," said Severus. "It's your Animagus, after all."

"Is Lily having fun?"

Severus nodded, feeling suddenly tongue-tied as he noticed they were alone now. "Everything good, between you?" James asked.

The taller, lankier man nodded again. He really wished he wasn't wearing antlers, but taking them off right now would be a sign of weakness. He took one last drag on his cigarette and snuffed it on the stone walkway, then put the burnt out end in his pocket. "Excuse me," he said, and turned to go back into the house.

"I thought she would've realised when you failed the Auror evaluation."

Severus stopped. "Realised what?"

"She shouldn't be with someone who's unstable."

"That isn't what it means to fail the psychological evaluation."

"That's just what they tell the crazies."

"It was two years ago and we're still together, so I guess she doesn't care."

"Well, I care. I know you're wrong for her. You've always been wrong."

Severus turned to face James.

It was during a pause between songs that the people inside heard the screaming. They poured out onto the lawn and looked on in shock at Severus leaning over James, who was writhing on the ground, bleeding from deep cuts across his face and chest.

Lily pushed through the crowd, but Sirius held her back and told Remus to call the Auror Office.

"No! S-stop! Get away from me!" shouted James as Severus pointed his wand at the wounds and began to mutter a spell.

"Sev, put your wand down," said Lily, trying to twist out of Sirius's grip.

"I can't. He could bleed out."

Two Aurors Apparated onto the scene within a minute. Snape was still working on the cuts. "Easy, now," said one of the Aurors.

"He needs to be healed," said Severus.

"Put the wand on the ground and we'll get him to a healer."

He obeyed, moving very slowly, then lay face-down on the grass with his hands behind his head.

The light in the interrogation room was harsh. It was designed that way, to make you feel there was nowhere to hide your secrets, nowhere the light of truth couldn't penetrate. Severus couldn't help but sweat. He was in trouble. "Let's try this again," said the Auror. "Did you attack James Potter?"

"I don't remember doing so."

"Your wand remembers."

"He must've used a memory charm on me."

"We've examined Mr Potter's wand. No Obliviate."

"Then there's another wand."

"James Potter is an Auror. Aurors are only allowed to own one wand."

"He did something to me."

"What it looks like is you did something to him. He's in bad shape right now. They're working on him at St. Mungo's, but the cuts aren't healing like normal cuts."

"I was trying to fix it, but he wouldn't lie still."

"You admit to attacking him?"

"No! No...when I saw the cuts I just...tried to heal him."

"Using the specific counter-spell to...what was it called?"

Severus swallowed. "Sectumsempra."

"That's one we've never heard of. And we've seen a lot. Where'd you learn it?"

"I created it."

"Were you and James Potter arguing, just before the incident?"

"He made some rude comments."

"What did he say?"

"That I was insane, and Lily deserved better."

"Did that make you angry?"

"James and I have never gotten along, but I didn't think he'd take it this far."

"Please answer the question. Were you angry?"

"Yes, but not enough to attack him. Why would I attack him at his own party? Why now, after all this time? It doesn't make sense. And I can't remember doing it. Please, use Veritaserum on me, get a Legilimens to search my mind, whatever it takes."

"Good suggestions, but unfortunately they won't work."

"Why not?"

"It's noted in your Auror Academy file that you are an Occlumens. A perfect Occlumens, no less."

Severus felt his heart sink. "Then search his mind."

"Legilimency can be unreliable. We prefer to look at the evidence. Let's go through it again, from the top. How much did you have to drink tonight?"

"A few firewhiskys."

"A few?"

"Two."

"And were these two drinks spread out over the evening?"

"We arrived, I drank two right away."

"Did you make the drinks yourself?"

"No, there was a bowl."

"So, you don't know how much alcohol you actually drank."

"I guess not."

"Your bloodwork says you had the equivalent of four shots. Do you drink that much in one go, regularly?"

"No."

"How long after drinking did you go outside to smoke?"

"About a half hour."

"Would you say you felt drunk at that point?"

"I felt...good...relaxed, not seeing double or anything like that. Not blacking out and forgetting I attacked someone, if that's the implication."

"You were somewhat drunk, James Potter made comments you didn't like, and you don't remember what happened next, but the next thing you knew he was badly hurt. You recognised the spell you invented, and you were attempting to do the counter-spell when we arrived. That about it?"

"Yes."

The Auror flipped through Snape's file and frowned. "Your record at the Academy was outstanding. All except the psych eval. Did you ever follow up on why you failed?"

Severus shook his head. "I figured if I'm not cut out to be an Auror there's nothing I can do about it."

"It says 'delusions of persecution' here."

Snape blinked. He couldn't quite recall what he had he talked about during his psych interview. Could it be true that it really was all in his mind? That he'd finally snapped and attacked James, perhaps with intent to kill, based on a paranoid fixation and years of buried rage? Was there another personality inside of him that was fully aware of what he'd done? He knew he had a violent side. It had been there since childhood and had grown up with him. It was something he thought he'd learned to control.

Then again, James had taken great pleasure in cruelty, and it wasn't inconceivable that this was all part of a long-term plan to destroy him. Yet, how could Snape hope to prove that? He rested his head in his hands. "Are they delusions, if he's finally won?"