Total Drama Chris
Chapter 37: Day 18: Part 1: Vote for Courtney!
Chris was standing on the Dock of Shame, standing next to Ezekiel, who looked a little lost. Chris was glaring at Ezekiel, irritated. "Why are you here?"
Ezekiel shrugged. "Izzy said she couldn't be here to interrupt your opening monolooge, so she told me to do it, eh."
Chris grumbled a bit, then put on his huge smile and started making grand gestures. "Last time on Total Drama Chris, the contestants, at least most of them, had to get their acts together for the second annual Camp Wawanakwa talent show! Some of them had good acts, such as Courtney's nice rendition of a classic video game theme on the violin, and… that's about it, I guess. Personally, I kind of liked when Tyler knocked out his idiot girlfriend with his basketball." Chris chuckled to himself. "It's funny seeing stupid people get hurt!"
"That seems kind of mean, eh?" Ezekiel asked, not particularly happy.
"So?" Chris asked, shrugging. "She's a girl. I would have thought that you, of all people, would have thought that making fun of a stupid girl would have been more than appropriate!"
"I didn't knoo!" Ezekiel shouted, angry. "My father told me--"
"Nya nya-nya nya nya," Chris said in an extremely mocking tone, moving his hand like a puppet's mouth. "Face it, you hate girls, and deep down, you love when I make comments like that!"
"No, I doon't!" Ezekiel yelled, clenching his fists.
"Aww, did I huwt the poow sexist's feewings?" Chris asked, in a baby voice. "Poow, poow Ezekwiew! Does Ezekwiew need a wowwypop?" Chris straightened out his shirt and continued on normally. "Gwen had the worst act of all, though, and deserved to be burned at the stake for such a hurtful, deliberately cruel talent she had. I can't believe that's even legal!"
"Painting?" Ezekiel asked, angry.
"Well, when it's not of me, then yeah," Chris said, irritated. "Because she's apparently psychotic, that Nicole person liked Gwen's act, though, as well as Courtney's, a bit more understandably, so they were safe, along with Lindsay, who, I might add, probably had the second worst act." Chris rubbed his forehead. "A very painful act."
"I liked it, eh," Ezekiel said, shrugging.
"Look, I know you're not used to how the world works, but I promise, getting balls thrown at someone's head is only funny when it happens to other people!" Chris shouted, then resumed his plastic demeanor. "Meanwhile, for reasons I don't really understand, Leshawna picked Heather to go to Aruba with. Their trip was short, however, as hottie hot hottie Emily interrupted their vacation shortly after arriving to bring them back. Did I mention Emily is a hottie hot hottie? Because she is! And she loves me!"
Ezekiel blinked in confusion. "Who's Emily?"
"None of your business!" Chris yelled, then quickly returned to his trademark smile. "That night, Courtney had organized to get Harold voted off, unaware that Heather was going to be coming back that night. So what seemed like a good idea may not have been after all, since the lame H's seemed to like each other. But to keep the balance, when one H arrives, the other H must leave. Or something. I don't know. But I do know that Harold was voted off, and Heather is here again to stir up some of that classic drama that Heather excels at." Chris tapped his chin nervously. "At least I hope." Chris turned to Ezekiel. "You have any idea how we can get that old Heather back?"
"I doon't think anyone really wants her back," Ezekiel said, shrugging.
"But it's good for ratings," Chris pleaded. "And what's good for ratings is good for me!"
"She's nice now, eh," Ezekiel said.
"Well poo on you!" Chris yelled, angry. "We have nine contestants remaining. By the end of the night, that number will be reduced by one. Will your favorite contestant be the one leaving us tonight, like the ever-popular Gwen and Bridgette? Will your least favorite contestant be the one leaving, like those Tyler and Katie losers who don't really have any fans? Or will it be one of those contestants that half of you love, and half of you hate, and you fight like cats and dogs over whether or not she's good or evil, or something really lame. Personally, I can't understand how anyone could possibly like Courtney. Or any of the other contestants, for that matter. Except maybe Justin or Owen, but other than that, I don't get it at all. I'm actually surprised so many girls swoon over Duncan, but not Justin. Justin's hot, and Duncan's, well, less hot."
"Whoot are you talking about?" Ezekiel asked, confused.
"The stupid contestants," Chris said. "You're one of them. It's like you don't really get anything I'm saying. Hello, earth to Ezekiel!" Chris knocked on Ezekiel's head, angering him. "See? Nothing! You're so stupid that I can do almost anything and you don't care! But then, Izzy's so stupid that she complains every time I say anything, so it all evens out.""Izzy is not stupid!" Ezekiel yelled.
"Sure she is! Not the same as Lindsay, exactly, but she's just some stupid girl who does stupid things to get stupid attention. Now what kind of--ack!" Ezekiel had punched Chris, and he fell into the water.
"Izzy is not stupid!" Ezekiel yelled, as Chris bobbed his head at the top of the water, angry. Ezekiel just looked at the camera confused. "Eh, I guess someone's going to be booted off tonight, so stay tuned for Total Drama Izzy, eh?""Chris!" Chris yelled. "Total Drama Chris! Total Drama Izzy is a completely different show that I do not endorse whatsoever!"
Ezekiel scratched his head, confused. "Um, what?"
"I still can't believe Leshawna picked you," Gwen said, smiling, as Heather was painting her nails black in their cabin. "I mean, you deserved it, but I--that just came out of nowhere!" Leshawna, Lindsay, and Katie were in their beds as well.
"I wanted to do something nice," Leshawna said, smiling. "And I have to say, I'm glad you don't hate me even more for bringing Heather back here. You and Heather… who would've ever guessed it?"
"Gwen was different," Heather said. "Never gave her a fair chance. All I knew was that different was bad, and it infuriated me to no end."
"Can't say I liked you at first, either," Gwen said, smiling. "Though really, I didn't like anyone at first."
"But then, you slowly but surely started warming up to everyone," Heather said, smiling. "Well, except for me, but I can't blame you for that one." Heather started tapping her chin. "I still wish you would let me fix your hair color."
"And I'm still not going to let you," Gwen said, smirking.
"One day, one day," Heather teased.
Confession Outhouse
Leshawna: I have to admit, seeing Gwen and Heather getting along, Courtney and Lindsay getting along… I swear everything's gone topsy-turvy this year!
Chris: (with his arms crossed over his chest) Gwen deserved to have her painting destroyed! Got that?!
"You want your nails done, Leshawna?" Heather asked, smiling as she turned to Leshawna.
"No," Gwen answered quickly. Leshawna nervously ducked down.
"Was that really necessary?" Heather asked Gwen, finishing up Gwen's final nail.
"You remember what she did to me?" Gwen asked, a bit irritated.
"Didn't I kind of do that to you last year too, though?" Heather asked, nervous.
"Yes, but I don't remember you pretending to be my friend, either," Gwen said, glaring death at Leshawna, who was looking nervous.
"As ridiculous as it sounds, I do believe she was trying to protect you," Heather stated.
"Please don't tell me you're taking her side," Gwen said, nervous.
"I don't know," Heather said, nervous as well. "I just think that maybe if you gave her another chance--"
"Not happening," Gwen stated coldly, then glared at Leshawna.
"Leshawna's not so bad, Greta," Lindsay cheerfully said from her bed, a little drowsy still.
Gwen shuddered. "It's Gwen. And how come you can remember her name but not mine?" Gwen pointed an accusing finger at Leshawna.
"I'm sorry Gre… I mean, Glen," Lindsay answered, smiling brightly. Gwen covered her face with her hand.
"You can't really blame Gwen," Katie said, a bit irritated. "What Leshawna did was, like, so wrong and unforgivable. If Sadie did that to me, I don't know what I'd do!"
"You'd dump her as a friend," Gwen stated. "That's what you'd do."
Heather gulped, nervous. "I really think you should--"
"Heather, stop that," Gwen said, irritated. "Are you on her side, or my side?"
"Well, your side," Heather answered, uncomfortable. "I mean, the girl who I tortured last year for no reason, versus the girl I tortured because she tortured me first."
Confession Outhouse
Heather: It's my fault that Gwen and Leshawna are enemies now--indirectly my fault, anyway--and it does bother me a bit that Gwen is essentially not allowing me to take up for them both, but how can I keep Gwen's trust if I betray her?
Gwen: As odd as it seems, I trust Heather not to go behind my back to deal with Leshawna. Maybe it's a little foolish, since we all remember what Heather was like last year, but I really do believe that she's changed.
Lindsay: What is her name? Greta? Gretchen? Gwen? Gaby? I wish someone would tell me. (Lindsay pauses for a moment to think.) Again. (Lindsay sighs.)
"Tyler, we're in trouble," Cody said, nervous, in his cabin.
"Why?" Tyler asked, confused. "You think Chris is up to something?"
"Well, yes, but that's not what I was talking about," Cody said, rubbing the back of his neck. "The girls are, well, slightly outnumbering us. And while I normally wouldn't complain about the high female-to-male ratio, I don't really like our odds."
"You should," Tyler said, smiling. "I mean, as long as you don't hit on Lindsay, you have, like, what, six other girls all to yourself? Though I guess some of them are taken, but--"
"I like those odds," Cody said, smirking, then turned more serious. "I don't like that they're picking us off one by one, though."
"You think they are?" Tyler asked, concerned.
"Well, yes," Cody said. "If we're going to survive, we need to find a way to even the playing field a bit."
"That sounds fair," Tyler said. "But we don't touch Lindsay."
"Wouldn't dream of it," Cody said. "She's not really masterminding any of the eliminations, anyway." Cody started to tap his chin. "At least I don't think."
Confession Outhouse
Lindsay: It was really smart of me to figure out that connection between Omar and Leshawna and voting off Isis and Heather!
"Courtney seems to be the one leading these eliminations," Cody said. She got Ezekiel off, she got Harold off, and somehow, she even got Trent off despite Leshawna getting more votes."
"Courtney's a little rough, but she's not that bad once you get to know her," Tyler said. "And besides, she's like Lindsay's new BF… L? BFR? BF… I don't know!" Tyler threw his hands in the air in frustration. "Do you know the term?"
"BFFs, usually," Cody said. "Sometimes even BFFL. Katie and Sadie are the only people I know who use BFFFL."
"Lindsay likes her, though."
"Well, Courtney isn't going to vote off Lindsay," Cody said. "At least not anytime soon, unless it comes down to her or Bridgette, and even then, I don't really know, but that's not the point. She is going to vote us off."
"I don't know," Tyler said, thinking. "She isn't that close to Gwen or Katie, is she? Maybe she'll target them instead."
Cody went wide-eyed and looked fearful before composing himself. "Dude, so not funny. Katie's really nice, and Gwen… well…" Cody was blushing, then composed himself again. "Really, those aren't very good options, either. We don't have a lot of choice," Cody said, concerned. "If we don't get rid of Courtney, she's going to get rid of us. She has the numbers to do it, too."
"But we're not touching Lindsay, right" Tyler asked, with his arms crossed over his chest.
"Of course not," Cody said. "You two are nice. I don't want to break you two up." Cody started to chuckle a bit. "I never really thought I'd ever be friends with a jock. I mean, I know I've claimed it before, that I know all the cool jocks, and I try to hang with them sometimes, but they don't really let me. I'm not one of the cool guys. I try to be, but I just don't fit in with them." Tyler sniffled a bit, then hugged Cody. "You don't have to do that, though."
"No, it's OK," Tyler said. "You're cool as far as I'm concerned."
"I mean, I'm a little uncomfortable being hugged by a guy," Cody said. Tyler quickly released him.
"Sorry about that," Tyler said, smiling uncomfortably, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm sort of accepted by the jocks."
"Sort of?" Cody asked, confused.
"Well, I'm kind of at the bottom of the pecking order, but they let me in," Tyler said, nervous. "You're not really missing much."
"Well, that's because you're at the bottom. It's different at the top."
"I guess," Tyler said, thinking. "I don't know. I take what I can get."
Cody shrugged. "I guess if you're happy, anyway."
Tyler sighed. "Not that much. I'm just not very good at sports. I wish I could find one, just one even, that I could really rock at! I'm not even any good at badmitton, and that's like the sport everyone who's bad at other sports is good at!"
"Batmitton's not even like a real sport," Cody said, smiling. "Everyone knows badmitton's one of those lame sports no one really likes."
Confession Outhouse
Chris: First of all, it's badminton! Badminton! Get the name right! Second, badminton is the greatest sport ever, and only the coolest and most talented people can make it, which means none of the losers at this camp. And third, Gwen deserved to have her artwork destroyed, and that's that!
"So…" Katie said, trailing off, smiling innocently, circling her pointer fingers around each other nervously, standing in the boys' side of the cabin, looking around, "what'cha doing?"
"Katie," Cody started, "we need you."
"Eeeiii!" Katie squeed as she glomped Cody. "I'm taken, but still, that's so sweet of you! Eeeiii!"
"Having… trouble… breathing!" Cody gasped out.
Katie dropped him to the ground. "Heh heh… sorry about that," Katie said, smiling nervously.
Cody dusted himself off as he picked himself off the floor. "We're friends, right Katie?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Katie exclaimed, bouncing up and down a bit. "I mean, after Sadie and Noah, and probably Bridgette too, yes! That's, like, number four!"
"Tyler and I need your help," Cody said, nervous, rubbing his arm.
"Oh, anything to help you!" Katie exclaimed, beaming, and holding her hands together excitedly.
"Well, we need your help to get rid of Courtney tonight," Cody stated, nervous.
"But Courtney and I made up," Katie said, unsure. "She's nice now."
"Everyone's nice though, right?" Cody said, chuckling nervously.
"What about Leshawna?" Katie asked, raising an eyebrow. "She's kinda' mean. Why not get rid of her?"
"Right now, Courtney's in the driver's seat," Cody said. "As much as I may despise Leshawna's guts, it'll be easy to get rid of her after her main defender is gone. Not to mention the person who's controlling all of the eliminations."
"Leshawna's been controlling the eliminations?" Katie asked, confused.
"Courtney," Cody said, a bit irritated. "Courtney's in control, and that's bad for me and Tyler, as well as you. She's not as close to you as she is to most of the other girls, and she isn't likely to keep you long after she gets rid of Tyler and me."
"You really think Courtney would get rid of me?" Tyler asked, worried.
"Well, yeah," Cody said, confused. "She may be nicer than she was last year, but she's still going to want to win this game at all costs. And she has a pretty tight-knit alliance, and they actually like her. If she wins, we lose."
"Well duh," Katie said, rolling her eyes. "Only one person can win. If I win, then she and you both lose, but if you win, then both she and I lose, and if Tyler wins--"
"I think you're missing the point," Cody said. "If we even want a chance at winning, we need to vote off Courtney.
"I understand now!" Katie exclaimed, smiling brightly. "Still, I just feel bad voting for Courtney. Ooh, maybe she'll win invincibility, and we won't be able to vote her off!"
"Well, we'll cross that bridge if we get to it," Cody said. "In the meantime--"
"What bridge?" Katie asked, confused. "We're crossing a bridge?"
Confession Outhouse
Tyler: Sometimes, Katie reminds me of Lindsay. I mean, Lindsay isn't stupid, but--no! Katie isn't stupid either! It's just-- (Tyler covers his face with his hand.) Never mind.
Chris: Sometimes, Bridgette reminds me of Lindsay, since they're both stupid, and they look almost identical except for Lindsay's better breasts. And sometimes Sadie and Leshawna remind me of each other, since they're both so fat that they make Owen look skinny by comparison, and Beth and Katie because-- (Chris shudders.) Don't even want to think about how frightening those two look. Oh, and it was still Gwen's fault!
"No," Gwen stated, standing in the middle of the boys' room, with her arms across her chest. "I'm not voting for Courtney. I'm voting for Leshawna."
Cody gulped. "We don't really like Leshawna much either--"
"I said no," Gwen stated coldly. "Courtney and I aren't best of friends, but she's still nice, even if I don't understand why she wanted to keep Leshawna around. I'm voting for Leshawna."
"We could always vote Leshawna off next time," Cody suggested, nervous. "It's important that we get rid of Courtney first, though, since--"
"Which part of 'no' did you not understand?" Gwen asked, angry. "I'm going to leave now and get some chow."
"Wait!" Cody shouted. "What if Leshawna wins invincibility?"
Gwen sighed. "Maybe. I'll need to think about it."
"We can discuss if later if that happens," Cody said, smiling. "We're patient."
"I'm not," Katie said, worried. "I don't want to have to wait to find out!"
"You'll survive," Cody stated.
Confession Outhouse
Gwen: Look, I made a mistake a few days ago, and I'm mature enough to admit when I make a mistake. It was wrong for me to try to get revenge on Courtney when she was only helping a friend, even if said friend is the scum of the earth. I'm not exactly too keen on voting off the girl I was wrongly tormenting just a few days ago.
Bridgette was sitting in the mess hall, poking at a plate of green glop with her fork, as Katie walked in. "Bridgette!" Katie exclaimed, glomping Bridgette, and accidentally knocking her plate to the floor. "Oops… sorry."
"That's OK," Bridgette said, smiling. "The floor might cover up some of the flavor."
"Anyway, we had a great idea, and it would be great for you to get in on it!" Katie exclaimed, beaming..
"OK, what, what?" Bridgette asked, curious.
"Tonight, when we have to vote someone off, we should vote off Courtney!" Katie exclaimed, though her face fell almost immediately when she noticed Bridgette's face turn into a frown.
"Why would I do that?" Bridgette asked, not sounding happy. "She's one of my best friends here. I'm not voting her off."
"Aww," Katie said, looking down. "I thought we were best friends."
"I have more than one," Bridgette said, drumming her fingers on the table. "And I thought Sadie was your best friend."
"Oh yeah," Katie said, thinking about it for a moment. "But you're like my best friend who's still here! But we might be in danger if we don't vote Courtney off."
"Um, why?" Bridgette asked.
"Well, Courtney has a lot of power and influence here, and she's going to vote us all off if we don't vote her off first." Katie rubbed her shoe against the floor nervously.
"I don't think she's going to vote me off," Bridgette said, then sighed. "I'm guessing you're more worried about yourself, though."
"Well, yeah, and my other friends," Katie said, nervous, as she was hit by green glop from behind Chef's counter.
"I didn't feel like waitin' any more for you to get your butt over here to get your food!" Chef yelled. "I oughta' get a tip for bringin' it out to your table, lousy no good kids!"
"Yeah," Katie said, looking nervously to Chef, then took a taste of the glop on her, and turned green. "I need to go!" Katie yelled as she rushed out of the cafeteria.
Confession Outhouse
Katie: (vomiting into the toilet bowl, and trying to block the camera with her free hand not holding onto the toilet bowl.
Lindsay: (holding her nose) It smells like someone made the same mistake I did before in here.
"Hey, Lindsay," Tyler said, waving, as he saw Lindsay walking around the campground.
"Tyler!" Lindsay exclaimed, as she ran up to glomp him, and started kissing him passionately. "You're the best!"
"Thanks," Tyler said, blushing. "Look, I had to talk about something kind of important."
"OK," Lindsay said, beaming.
"We need you to vote Courtney off tonight," Tyler said, sweating a bit.
Lindsay blinked for a moment, then raised an eyebrow. "Courtney's the girl who was a VIP and perfect tanned skin and my best friend, right?"
"Uh, yes?" Tyler said, sweating some more.
"Goodbye Tyler," Lindsay said, a bit angry.
Confession Outhouse
Lindsay: (rolling her eyes) I can't believe Tyler wanted me to betray my best friend! I think he was confused when Heather betrayed me last year, and he thinks that's what best friends are supposed to do. Maybe it's just one of those things that only girls understand.
Tyler was looking around nervously. "Was that bad?"
Lindsay rolled her eyes. "You just asked me to betray my best friend!"
"So I take it that you're not going to vote off Courtney?"
"I'd vote myself off first!" Lindsay yelled.
"OK," Tyler said, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. "The rest of us can still vote for her, right?"
Lindsay shrugged. "I guess. She's not your best friend, so I guess it's OK. I'd like for you not to though, Tyler," Lindsay said sweetly, then kissed him on the cheek, and giggled. "You don't have to do what anyone else wants you to do!"
"Thanks," Tyler said, smiling.
Lindsay: You know, I used to wish to grow up to look like Patricia Anderson when I was little, and I think my wish came true, sort of. And she used to be a VIP, just like Courtney!
Chris: I was a big fan of that show, too. And it was still Gwen's fault, so don't blame me!
Tyler: When Lindsay said I didn't have to do what anyone told me to do, that also included Lindsay not wanting me to vote Courtney off, right? I think?
"Heather!" Gwen called out, as Heather was searching around near the forest. "I need to ask something of you."
"Have you seen Courtney around?" Heather asked, worried. "I was hoping to catch up with her for a while, but I can't find where she is. I even checked that stupid hole everyone seems to fall into, and she's not there, even."
"I haven't seen her," Gwen said. "I really need you to do me a bit of a favor tonight."
Heather looked nervous. "Dare I ask?"
"I would really like for you to vote for Leshawna to leave tonight," Gwen stated. "She really deserves to be kicked off after what she did to me and everyone else."
"She did bring me back here, though," Heather said, a bit hopeful.
"I tend to recall it being her fault you were kicked off in the first place," Gwen said, raising an eyebrow. "Anyway, I really need your help in getting her off tonight, OK."
Heather looked worried, then turned her head downward. "I can't do that."
Gwen groaned. "Why not?"
"She brought me back into this competition," Heather stated. "We're on shaky ground as it is. Do I really want to give Leshawna reason not to trust me?"
"Does it really matter?" Gwen asked, a bit irritated. "It's Leshawna. She doesn't care about us. She only cares about Leshawna."
"I don't really believe that," Heather said, worried. "If she weren't feeling guilty, she would not have brought me back to compete. I think she does know that she was wrong, and she's trying to make up for it."
"I see," Gwen said, not particularly happy. "She's using you to get ahead in the game."
Confession Outhouse
Leshawna: (crying a little, wiping a tear) I don't even really want to win. I don't deserve it. I just want to stay on long enough to try to get Gwen to forgive me.
Chris: Gwen sucks!
"You two used to be really close," Heather said. "I know she deserves a bit of revenge, but you got your revenge already with the hot box, right?"
"I guess," Gwen said, shrugging.
"I think it would be good for you two to talk," Heather said. "I could be there with you two if you like, if that would help."
Gwen looked up to the sky. "Maybe."
Confession Outhouse
Heather: I've been in Leshawna's position before. Having done some really horrible things, realizing what you've done, and trying desperately to get forgiveness. I'm not in a position to judge her.
Gwen: I really don't understand how Heather can be so forgiving. It's a little freaky, really. Heather? Forgiving? It's like she's a whole 'nother person from last year. Still, I'm a bit concerned about her loyalty to Leshawna, who tormented her relentlessly not only last year, but this year too. Something isn't right about that.
Chris: I hate you, Gwen!
Eight of the nine contestants, all except for Courtney, were standing before Chris, who was standing in front of the cabin, and started singing badly. "Sunny days, sweeping the clouds away--"
"That's worse than Cody!" Gwen yelled, covering her ears, as were the other contestants as well.
"Well, you--you stink!" Chris yelled back. "Anyway, you all are going to participate in what I like to call Sesame Camp. You are each going to play out the part of the Muppet that I have chosen for each of you. Do the best job, and you win invincibility!"
"Is Nancy judging?" Lindsay asked, worried. "You're a little too biflex, and I know you'll just pick whoever you like to win."
Chris scratched his head. "Nancy?"
"She means Nicole," Heather said, smiling.
"Oh, her," Chris said, irritated. "I didn't much care for her. What with her obvious bias toward Gwen, even though no one saw the painting, just stupidly assuming it was good."
"I'll kill you!" Gwen screamed, lunging at Chris, though Heather and Bridgette quickly came to get Gwen off.
"We all want to do that," Bridgette said. "Not a good idea, though."
"Thank you," Chris said, rolling his eyes. "The moronic blonde finally says something logical."
Bridgette glared, but Heather turned Bridgette away. "You have the high ground. Keep it."
Chris stood up and dusted himself off. "Thank you for ruining my perfect hair."
"Welcome!" Gwen exclaimed, smirking.
Chris grumbled, then continued on, and pointed to behind the cabin. "I would like for you all to meet the lovely Candice. Candice will be judging this competition." Chris waited, and started to look irritated after a few seconds. "You can come out now." A tall, tanned girl walked out from behind the cabin. She had dark brown eyes and waist-length dirty blonde hair. She was wearing pink flip flops, jean shorts, and a bright green bikini for a top which showed off her huge breasts. Chris was smirking. "I kind of forget why I didn't invite this one the first time. So much more beauti--I mean, more unbiased than that Nicole person.
"Hey!" Candice said, waving to the contestants, smiling. Cody and Tyler were drooling. Most of the girls looked disgusted, though Lindsay went over to Tyler and slapped him.
"Cut that out!" Lindsay yelled. "If you want to drool, look at me instead!"
Confession Outhouse
Gwen: How about asking Tyler not to drool at you, either? If Trent started drooling over me, I'd make sure it didn't happen a second time.
"I'm sorry we don't have many guys left to appreciate your presence here," Chris stated. "You are doing a fine job, though." Chris winked at Candice, who rolled her eyes.
"Aren't you, like, forty?" Candice asked, smirking.
"Twenty-six!" Chris yelled in frustration. "I'm only twenty-six!"
Confession Outhouse
Chris: Admittedly, I'm not too fond of Candice's personality, but honestly, I don't give a damn! I mean, just look at her! Who cares if she happens to be a bitch? She's like a cookie: that's good enough for me!
"Anyway," Chris stated, regaining his composure, "I have selected the character parts for each of you. Bridgette, come forward please." Bridgette nervously walked up to Chris, as he pulled out a couple of hair bows and a ballerina outfit.
"I'm not very good at ballet," Bridgette said, nervous.
"Well then it sucks to be you, since you're Zoe," Chris said, sticking out his tongue.
Bridgette looked confused. "Which one was Zoe?"
"Go away!" Chris complained. "We want Tyler to come up here now."
"Yeah!" Tyler exclaimed. "I know Sesame Street like I know sports!"
Confession Outhouse
Gwen: Translation: not much at all.
Candice: Personally, Zoe was my favorite when I was a kid.
(Chris opens the door and throws Candice out.)
Chris: Contestants only! And Gwen still sucks!
"All right, I got Grover!" Tyler exclaimed pumping his fist, holding a blue shirt. "I get to try to help people a lot!"
"Yeah," Chris said, stepping away slowly. "Lindsay, would you come up here, please?"
Lindsay nodded, then made her way up to Chris. "You're really girly and stuff, and make me want to vomit, so you get to be Abby Cadabby." Chris handed Lindsay a pastel blue dress and fake magic wand.
"I love Abby Cadabby!" Lindsay exclaimed, jumping in excitement. "I like all of them, though, since Sesame Street helps learn me." Lindsay just continued smiling brightly.
"You can go away now," Chris said, irritated, as he led Lindsay away. "Cody, you're the man," Chris said, smiling. "Come on up!" Cody walked up to the stage and Chris handed him a blue and red striped shirt. "Ernie."
"So who's Bert?" Cody asked.
"Look," Chris said, putting his hand on Cody's shoulder. "I know it'll be hard to play Ernie without a Bert, but I planned these parts way in advance. Bert's been voted off already, so you'll have to do your best without him."
"You're making me uncomfortable," Cody said, nervous.
"I thought you liked when guys touched you," Chris said, smirking. "I mean, you are Ernie, right?"
Confession Outhouse
Cody: I have a pretty good feeling who Bert was going to be. (Cody shudders.)
"Leshawna," Chris said, then chuckled, making Leshawna nervous. "Everyone loves a good villain. Too bad you were a pretty lame one. Justin was a whole lot better."
"Say that again," Leshawna said, pulling Chris' shirt collar closer to her, putting his face right in hers.
"Calm down!" Chris yelled. "Geez, PMS much?"
Heather quickly rushed up to Leshawna before she punched Chris' lights out, who was crouching down, shivering.
Confession Outhouse
Gwen: I have to admit, that was pretty cool, when Leshawna was about to knock out Chris. (Gwen smirks.)
Chris: OK, I'll admit I did make a little change, since Leshawna was becoming such a villain.
Chris handed Leshawna a trenchcoat and fedora. "You're Lefty. And don't worry, the trenchcoat is extra large."
"What you say about me?!" Leshawna yelled, and Heather kept holding Leshawna back.
"Really not worth it," Heather said. "Really best to control that anger." Leshawna sighed, then walked back, glaring at Chris.
Confession Outhouse
Leshawna: I'm still mad at you for the cracks about my weight now, girl.
Heather I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to better myself, I promise. (Heather smiles innocently.)
Leshawna: (smiling) We'll work on it.
Lindsay: Who's Lefty?
"Heather, since you're here, you're next," Chris said, irritated, handing Heather a green collar. "You're Kermit, the frog."
"Why am I a male?" Heather asked, irritated.
"Because there aren't that many female Muppets," Chris said, irritated. "And you think you're better than all of the morons surrounding you, so yeah. You're Kermit."
Heather grumbled as she walked away. "At least people like Kermit, and know who Kermit is," Leshawna said reassuringly.
"Katie, you worthless pile of crap, you're next," Chris said, angry. Katie walked up and spit at Chris. "That's just wrong. But this is also wrong: you're the two-headed monster!" Chris handed Katie a very large purple shirt with two holes for two people's heads to go through. "We had that custom-made."
"But don't I need, like, two heads for this?" Katie asked, contorting her face.
Chris sighed. "How many times do I need to remind you guys that I had a character sheet for all twenty-two of you, and some of the parts have already been eliminated?"
"Um, so I have to do this by myself?" Katie asked. "A two-headed monster with only one head?"
"Well, yeah," Chris said, rubbing the back of his neck. "I could've planned this better, OK? Now scram! And speaking of scramming, get up here Gwen!" Gwen started walking up to Chris nervously as he brought out a garbage can. "You're really mean and grouchy all the time. So I could think of no better part for you than Oscar the Grouch."
"And I have to go in the garbage can," Gwen said, rolling her eyes.
"What? We took out enough garbage for you to fit!" Chris whined. "Just get in there!"
"I'm not getting in that thing," Gwen said, crossing her arms.
"If you don't participate, then you're getting kicked off right now, no voting ceremony, just instant kick you off, you ungrateful spoiled bitch!" Leshawna and Heather immediately rushed up, ready for Gwen to attack Chris, but Gwen simply collapsed and started crying. "OK, I'll give her a short break."
"You're horrible," Leshawna said, glaring at Chris.
"You're one to talk," Chris said, smirking. "I tend to recall both of you humiliating Gwen, and enjoying it."
Heather and Leshawna looked guilty as they walked Gwen away, while Chris was shaking his head, then he continued. "Courtney, come on up!" Chris exclaimed, then started looking around and become irritated. "OK, where's Courtney?"
"I don't know," Lindsay said, worried. "I haven't seen her all day. Maybe she's in that hole that everyone keeps falling into this season?"
Chris pulled out a walkie talkie and yelled into it. "Worthless interns! Find Courtney! We need Courtney, so get off your lazy butts and get her now!" Chris put the walkie talkie in his pocket and put his face in the palm of his hand. "Just can't find good help these days, I swear."
"You can't, anyway," Katie said, smirking.
Chris grumbled, then put on his trademark plastic smile. "You should all get into costume and practice whatever skits you guys want to do, because I'll be expecting you in a few hours. And I'll need to get Gwen to quit being such a baby and get into costume. But who will win the Sesame Camp challenge? And who will be leaving in our most dramatic campfire ceremony yet? Find out when we return with more of Total Drama Chris!"
"That be a stupid egotistical name for the show," Candice said, rolling her eyes.
"I didn't bring you here for your wisdom, thank you," Chris said, irritated.
Confession Outhouse
Chris: Courtney thinks she's pretty smart, trying to avoid the challenge to be voted off, since that's obviously the only reason she wouldn't be here. She apparently forgot about the sub-sub-fine-print-paragraph that specifically stated that it doesn't count if they willingly skip the challenge, so ha ha, Courtney! I out-lawyered you, you greedy little succubus!
"I'm sorry, Gwen," Heather said, crying a little, as she hugged Gwen, who was crying a lot inside their cabin.
"I'm sorry too, girl," Leshawna said sympathetically.
"What are you even doing here?" Gwen asked, angry. "Heather, can you make Leshawna leave?"
"She really wants to help you," Heather said, smiling.
"She can help by leaving me alone," Gwen stated coldly. Leshawna looked down, then headed out the cabin, and waited right outside.
"She really does care about you," Heather said, concerned. "I know she had a strange way of caring with the diary, but she really feels bad about that."
Gwen shook her head. "I can't believe you, of all people, are falling for her act."
Heather sighed. "I've got some great shampoos and soap that'll get you clean after the challenge. I don't want you to go home."
Gwen smiled and laughed a little. "If you could take a couple of vomit-filled baths, I guess I can get a little dirty, too."
"I'll be right back," Heather said, smiling, and crept out of the door, and saw Leshawna leaning against the side of the cabin. "I had a feeling you were still here."
Leshawna sighed. "I really don't know what I can do."
"You're doing the best you can," Heather said, smiling. "Just keep showing Gwen how loyal you are, and that it was just a stupid mistake, and she'll come over. And you can both celebrate your bad hair together." Heather smirked.
"And we can still make fun of your bald head," Leshawna said, chuckling a bit.
Confession Outhouse
Heather: Maybe Gwen just doesn't like that shirt.
Leshawna: Maybe she has a thing for skinny pale girls.
Heather: I'll have you know I can tan.
Leshawna: Spray tans don't count, girl.
Heather: Well… still, that's a ridiculous shirt! (Heather thinks for a moment.) I wonder where Courtney is, anyway.
Leshawna: Beats me, girl. She's been like my main defender here.
Heather: She was my first friend when I came back here, too. I hope she's all right.
Leshawna: (patting Heather on the back) Me too, girl. Me too.
Chris: Just kiss each other already! And Gwen's painting was still ultra mega lame!