'If You Only Knew'
Tami's POV
"Are we going to talk about this?"
"Talk about what?"
"Tami"
"There's nothing to talk about"
"Yes there is, you're avoiding me"
"I'm not avoiding you"
"Tami!"
"What?" I snapped, putting my book down and glaring at Ricky.
"What's wrong with you these days? You seem ready to bite everyone's head off"
"There's nothing wrong with me. I just don't feel like talking"
"Not even to me?"
Especially not to you.
"You lied to me"
"I know I lied to you, but I can explain -"
"I'd rather not hear about what you've been hiding from me. What is it; another girl?"
Ricky stared at me, shocked. Then he collected himself and I watched as his eyes hardened.
"I can't believe you'd say that" he replied. "Your birthday's coming up. I just wanted to surprise you"
He threw a wrapped box into my lap. He got up and left before I could even move.
I picked up the box and looked at it closely. It was obviously a jewelry box; I shook it and heard something shift easily. I slipped the ribbon off and opened the box.
xxx
"Oh my god, it's so beautiful" Lily exclaimed, looking at the locket around my neck. "Is this the gift Ricky got you?"
Startled, I looked at Lily. "You knew he was going to get me a gift?"
"Yes, but before you get mad at me, he made me promise not to tell you about it"
"But you should have anyway! I - I exploded in his face! I called him a cheater -"
"You accused him of cheating?"
"Yes" I said, guiltily. "But I'm the one who deserves to be shouted at"
"Why? You made a mistake. Just apologize to him and I'm sure everything will be fine"
I didn't answer, but let Lily get up from my bed. Before she could go into the bathroom to change, I called her back.
"I did something bad, Lily"
"What do you mean?"
"I kissed Sirius" I blurted. I waited for her to scold me, to tell me how bad I was and how I didn't deserve to have someone like Ricky.
"Is that a joke?"
"No" I replied, keeping my head down.
"You - wait - Sirius?"
I nodded.
"Tami!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry -"
"You shouldn't be apologizing to me!" Lily said, sitting on my bed again.
"I can't tell Ricky, and you can't either. You have to promise!"
"Well, it was only once right?"
"No…"
"More than once?"
"There's something about him -"
"Sirius doesn't commit, Tami. He won't care about you longer than a week, maybe a month tops"
"I don't think it's like that this time"
"It's always like that. Do you realize who you're talking about?"
I shook my head, but didn't argue any further. "It doesn't matter anyway; how can I leave Ricky now? Just don't tell him about this! Do you promise?"
"I promise, but just remember - Sirius is a waste of time"
Sirius' POV
I didn't see Tami for the rest of the day. It almost seemed like she was avoiding me, but that seemed ridiculous. Why would she avoid me? I hadn't done anything to deserve that…
…right?
"Sirius, it's your move"
I woke up from my thinking and tried to concentrate on the game board in front of me. I was the king at wizard's chess, and I wasn't about to let James beat me.
"Sirius, I need to talk to you"
I looked up from the game, to see Lily Evans standing a few feet away. She was pointedly ignoring James and the stupid grin he got whenever she was around.
"Hey, Evans"
"Leave me alone, Potter"
"What is it?" I asked.
"I need to talk to you, alone"
"What's the big secret, Evans? You can say whatever you want to say in front of my mates" I said, turning back to the game. Anything Lily said wasn't really meant to be taken seriously. She probably just wanted to lecture me on something or the other.
"It's private, Sirius. It's about Tami"
"We know all about Tami" James said. "Are you going to tell Sirius to back off?"
"That's none of your business, so can you keep your mouth shut, Potter?"
"I know you just pretend to hate me to hide your true feelings. Why can't you just accept the fact that you're in love with me?"
"Because I'm not! Sirius?"
"Oh god, all right" I stood up and followed Lily to a corner. "What do you want?"
"I know about what happened between you and Tami. It has to stop, Sirius. She's with Ricky"
"Ricky doesn't care about her -"
"Yes, he does. So stop trying to ruin them"
"She doesn't belong with Ricky, and you'll realize that eventually. He's all wrong for her"
"He's a good influence on her, unlike you"
"Just because she's a goody-two-shoes now, like you? Did it ever occur to you that that could be another name for boring?"
Lily crossed her arms and glared at me.
"I'm not kidding, Sirius. Stay away from Tami. You're just going to mess her up. We all know you can't like a girl for more than a week, so why do you want to ruin her? I thought you cared for her as a friend, at least -"
"This is different, Evans. She does matter to me - and as more than a friend. Nothing you do or say will make me forget her, so don't waste your time"
"I'm sure you say that to yourself all the time, but isn't it always the same? You can't commit Sirius, all because of one girl, one incident -"
"Don't you dare -"
"All because of Alice"
I glared at Lily until I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't look at her face after what she said. How could she bring up Alice? Didn't she know how much I hated that girl?
Of course she did. And that's exactly why she wanted to mention her.
"Are you just trying to make me angry, Evans?"
"Tami's not going to be played like a game, Sirius. That's all I'm saying"
I watched until Lily disappeared up the dormitory staircase, then I went back to James and the others.
"What was all that about?"
"She wants me to back off"
"I knew it!" James exclaimed, slapping his fist on the table, causing the chess pieces to fly off everywhere.
"She's right, Sirius. You should back off…you're just going to end up hurting a lot of people, including Tami and yourself"
"I can't just back off, Remus. I can't stay away from her; it's too hard now"
"You've done it before"
"I didn't realize it then…"
"Realize what?"
"Just…things"
Just that I loved her.