I was slamming my hands desperately against Deidaras door. He took his time before he opened. I had decided not to be all that mad at him anymore. Still he hadn't figured that screwing girls next door had upset me. Only reason I was slightly mad at him. "Wow, you look all mad." He stated. "My pants! They don't fucking fit!" Deidara looked like a drunken mess, it was only a week until school started again. I had signed up and was going to be there as much as I could. I still might be able to pass unless something big happened. They were really nice at school. Deidara squished his eyes shut. He had too much spare time now that I wasn't with him all the time. He spends most days over at Itachi. "Yeah, you're getting fat."
He was getting so insensitive. He had surely been spending too much time with guys. I saw it as my right to slap him. He rubbed his cheek and turned around. "Deidara! You fucking alcoholic bear!" I demanded that he borrowed me one of his pants and drove me to the mall to buy new ones. He didn't seem interested. "Deidara!" I pleaded him. I didn't like the idea of only being able to wear sweat pants. I still had style. We went over the kitchen. Me still talking to him. His place seemed to be a total mess. "What have you been up to the last weeks?" I asked him. He just gave a shrug and lighted a cigarette not caring if I stood right in front of him. "Fuck you Deidara!" I screamed in his face before I stormed out. Now I had to get to the mall on my own.
Sitting on the bus I was sure that this old lady saw looking at my stomach every third second. God, she was getting on my nerves. She couldn't know, could she? No, that was silly. To her I was some lazy, fat teenager in sweat pants. That still bothered me. I was handling the weight gain good, but what if it was just me getting fat. What if it had nothing to do with the pregnancy? No, Doctor Creep had said that the baby was alarming huge. Anorexics used to get smaller babies than healthier mothers. It was just strange, I was glad that I was changing doctors. He could only take care of me up to week 15. After him asking me to undress I wasn't all that sad. Should have filed a report on him, but eh... I had kicked him right in the balls. I had gone to her after I had been bought my pants. Turned out that it wasn't a huge baby at all.
I came home with some pairs of new pants. The girl behind the counter had been eying me up and down. Something I should get used to. When I walked in I decided to celebrate the new pants with a nap, but first I went to the kitchen to get something to drink. Hearing someone hem behind me made me drop the glass to the floor breaking it. "Sorry about this morning." It was Deidara. "I had a killer headache, and all this pregnancy shit isn't my deal." Hoping that my voice wouldn't tell on the tears building up I spoke. "You told me you would be there, you always would." Now I started crying. Deidara seemed to be affected by that, but didn't want to show it.
"I'm sick of all this hurting!" He was breaking down because of my tears. "Not only me! I've seen you come home at night. Beaten up thinking no one ever sees you, but I do! It hurts! Every time you tell me that you love me more than anyone else at night! How you always want to give me something back for being nice to you! I don't want your body as payment! I want your love, but I'm never going to get that so I moved on. I break every single time I see that he's been hurting you, and you always go back to him. You don't even seem to notice how much I love you! How much you're hurting me."
He was right. I would always go back to Sasuke. Ignoring the man who indeed loved me, more than anything. I would hurt him with my words. I had been taking him for granted. Thinking I could do whatever I wanted to do to him. I sat down on him lap hugging him. His body shaking of sobs. He was so right, I've treated both of us as shit. "I've broken things off with him, for good this time I promise. I walked in on him and Sakura. He doesn't love her." It took some times for my words sunk in and Deidara realized. It was her he had taken to bed in his parents' home. "And maybe you can help me clear out my feelings. I've been confused and mistaken for so long. Maybe you could even make me The Girl." I kissed him. I've been blind long enough. Things where starting to get heavy when I stopped kissing him forming and o. He looked confused. I took his hand and placed them on my stomach. "They're kicking."