Hi everyone!

So, things are doing better in the last few weeks. Stressful, but better. My mom and I have had to work on a lot of legal and financial stuff, and it was actually a good break for me to read through the chapters of the fic that I have written already. I've made some edits, changed some things, and I'm looking at a nice smooth run from here through to the summer after the boys' fifth year.

After that is what I'm struggling getting inspiration for...But it'll come. Eventually...

katiek121, thank you as always my dear ^^

Kam, thank you very much for your kind words. It always helps to know that someone understands what you're feeling. :)

That's all for now my dears. Thanks for hanging in there with me, and I'll see you again soon for another update. Love ya!

~SXS

FOR WARNINGS AND DISCLAIMER, SEE FIRST CHAPTER AN.

"It wasn't supposed to take this long," Sirius complained as he and Remus walked back to the Gryffindor Tower together. It was the day after the last full moon of the school year, the one which Sirius had been hoping his friend and forbidden fancy wouldn't have to spend by himself because they were supposed to be done with their Animagus transformations. Unfortunately, though they continually meditated, the force of their concentration wasn't enough to break the walls blocking off their chi. Sirius was getting annoyed and impatient.

It wasn't the only project that was taking longer than expected. Remus's borrowed memory of the spell from the Sorting Hat was not just a mental picture of a page of text. Rather it was a memory of the Founders themselves, performing the ritual. It was only their voices, and it was spoken in an old form of what Remus could only assume was Scottish. While the memory itself was a treasure, they were unable to use the spell until they could translate it. This wasn't a main concern while they were still working on their transformations, but it was another added source of frustration.

"It was never going to be a quick process, Pads," Remus said, though he was starting to wonder if their lack of results meant that it couldn't be done after all. Was it possible that some people were physically unable to unlock their chi?

"No, but it needs to be. We're coming up on the deadline!"

"That's not until sometime in July," Remus pointed out. "You'll have lots of free time to work at it once we're home for the summer."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah. My mother's screaming is definitely conducive to a peaceful meditation environment." Not that school was much better. They hadn't had a meditation session as close to success as they had on Valentine's Day. There were just too many distractions and interruptions being a student, not to mention that every time they tried, he felt like he was starting again from scratch. Most prospective Animagi would isolate themselves for days to get their meditation done.

Remus sighed. He didn't want to give up, because he knew that if they couldn't make this work that nothing would ever save him from himself during the full moons, but it had always been a long shot anyway. They were just kids, why did they think they could actually pull this off? "Siri…Look, it was a nice idea and you know I'll always be grateful that you tried so hard-"

"No. Don't even," Sirius cut him off, stopping in the middle of the corridor so that Remus turned to face him. "I will get it. I'm not letting you down."

"You wouldn't be," Remus assured him, even though he would always feel selfish disappointment if it didn't happen.

Sirius looked up at him sharply. "I would, don't you deny it." He grabbed Remus's shoulders, and his face softened. "Don't give up on me, Moony. I swear, I'm going to do this. Even if James and Peter can't, I will." He had the most motivation out of all of them, he was certain. It was just taking much longer than he'd thought.

The fierce determination and unwavering loyalty in Sirius's blue-gray eyes never failed to touch Remus. It would have been so easy to kiss him. Actually, he almost felt himself swaying forward against his better judgement to do just that, but a sudden scream stopped him. Both boys turned in the direction it came from and sprinted off to see what was going on.

Around a corner, they found the source of the sound was Mary, who was writhing on the floor in pain. Two older Slytherin boys, Mulciber and Avery, were standing there laughing, the former with his wand pointed at the Gryffindor girl. Peter was there as well, but had been Stupefied, frozen as he'd raised his wand.

Sirius's wand was out in a flash. "Expelliarmus!" He shot the spell at the pair and both their wands flew directly into his hand. Whatever curse Mulciber had been using on Mary ceased and she was left curled in on herself and crying in pain. Remus dropped to his knees next to her as Sirius took a protective stance in front of his Housemates. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he snapped, wand still aimed at the Slytherins.

Though disarmed, the duo didn't look the least bit intimidated. "Well, well, well. If it isn't the little blood traitor," Mulciber drawled. "Here to protect his Mudblood pets."

Sirius's knuckles were white with how hard he was clenching his hands. He might have snapped all their wands in half if they weren't so well-made. "Call them that again and you'll see that loyalty has no effect on strength or skill. And might I add that you're now the only ones here without wands."

"What did you do to her?" Remus demanded, becoming more furious by the second after examining Mary's condition.

"Hopefully taught her that she has no right to use what doesn't belong to her." Mulciber produced another wand from his robes, which Remus recognized to be Mary's. In an instant, the werewolf was on his feet, his own wand now pointing at the purebloods.

"And who gave you the right to decide who should and shouldn't practice magic?" Remus said. "You're the ones using it to hurt and intimidate people."

"Watch your mouth," Avery spat. Then he looked Remus up and down and realization dawned on his face, as well as a smirk. He elbowed Mulciber in the ribs. "This is the one Snape talks about, isn't it? I told you he was making it all up. Just look at him; he's a scrawny little nothing." Remus's blood ran cold. What had Severus been saying to them?

Sirius, on the other hand, felt like he was on fire. He moved to guard Remus, as if his body could create a barrier between his friend and their words. Before anything more could be said or done, however, another voice joined the fray. "Hey, what's going on over here?" It was one of the Hufflepuff Prefects who had just come around the corner. He stopped dead as he surveyed the situation. "Wands down. Now."

The three boys glared at each other, but reluctantly lowered their wands. The Prefect approached slowly. "I don't know what's going on here, but it stops now." He shot a quick countercurse at Peter, who collapsed to his hands and knees. The blonde boy took a second to collect himself after regaining the movement of his body and then moved to Mary, checking on her worriedly.

"He took our wands," Avery said, pointing at Sirius.

"Only after you took hers," he retorted hotly. "And attacked our friends for no reason!"

"That's enough!" The Hufflepuff moved between them. "You can explain yourselves to the Headmaster after I give him a report on this. In the meantime, I want everyone's wands back in their correct hands." Sirius and Mulciber made a grudging exchange. "Now move along. This girl needs to see Madam Pomfrey."

The Prefect immediately disappeared, presumably going to Dumbledore's office to tell him what had happened, and trusting that the incident had been properly resolved. Mulciber gave his retreating back a sneer before looking back at Sirius, who was still standing protectively in front of his friends. "Take this as a warning," the Slytherin hissed. "Mudbloods and all those who support them will soon be eradicated. Purebloods are no exception."

"Then I guess I'll see you in hell," Sirius said, tone dangerously low.

"Sirius," Remus murmured to him, grabbing his shoulder. He knew how easily this could escalate into another confrontation. "Let's go. Mary needs to get to the hospital wing." The dark-haired Gryffindor allowed himself to be turned and led away. Though he was still on edge, he forced himself to calm down and focus on helping Remus carry Mary to the third floor. Peter trailed behind them, still a little off-kilter from being frozen for so long.

Within ten minutes, they were sitting around a bed in the hospital wing, Mary sleeping soundly between them. Madam Pomfrey had checked her over and found nothing to be wrong with her physically except extreme fatigue. She was going to keep her overnight just in case, and speak to her about anything else when she woke up.
"Those bastards are lucky that Prefect showed up," Sirius said. "They were two seconds away from being hexed into next year."

"We're lucky that you two showed up," Peter said, emphatically. "I don't know what spell Mulciber was using on Mary, but I don't think she could have taken much more of it." His murky blue eyes were full of concern as he stared at the sleeping blonde.

"What happened, anyway? Why did they come after you two?" Sirius asked.

Peter glanced up at him and Remus where they were sitting on the other side of the bed, and then into his lap guiltily. "They found us…" He swallowed. "Kissing. They said that Mudbloods like us shouldn't be able to continue tainting magical blood by having kids, and then they attacked."

Disgusted as Sirius was with Mulciber and Avery's ideas of who should be able to procreate, he was more shocked by the revelation of Peter and Mary's snogging. "You and Mary? Since when?"

Again Peter swallowed. "Since Valentine's Day. I found her crying in the common room and we went to Hogsmeade together. That's why I was late getting back that night. And ever since then we've been kind of secretly going out." Peter was flushing now and he looked up at Remus fearfully, as if he expected him to be upset.

The tawny-haired boy was hardly listening, however, still thinking about what Avery had said. Severus was spreading rumors about him to the other Slytherins, and while they might not believe him, that didn't make him feel any safer about being exposed.

Peter took Remus's silence as a bad sign. "I'm really sorry we didn't tell you, Moony," he said. "I know it's not right to go out with your best mate's ex-girlfriend, but…we really like each other."

When Remus still didn't respond, Sirius nudged his knee gently, which brought him back to reality. He blinked and looked across at Peter, who was awaiting his reaction. He'd never had a reason to be upset over his dating Mary, and at the moment it was even less of a concern, but he managed to give the shortest Marauder a soft smile. "It's fine, Peter. You don't need my permission to date Mary. I broke up with her, remember?"

"Yeah but…I mean, you don't have any feelings for her anymore? You won't see us together and be jealous?" Remus could hear the words that Peter didn't vocalize: you won't steal her away from me.

"Not at all," he promised, giving him his pinky. Peter visibly relaxed, and he took it gratefully with his own before taking Mary's hand, unafraid with his secret now in the open.

"You alright, Moons?" Sirius asked, having taken notice of the distressed look on Remus's face during his silence.

Remus turned to Sirius, and then looked at Mary, to be certain that she was asleep. She was breathing too evenly to be faking. "Didn't you hear what Avery said? Snape is telling people about me. He figured out my secret." He should have realized that he knew the truth when he'd taunted him the year before in detention.

"But it sounded like they didn't believe him," Peter said. "So that's good, right?"

"They might not, but that doesn't mean that someone else won't come along who does," Remus fretted.

"Even if they do, they don't have any proof," Sirius said. "They can assume whatever they want about different signs, but there's no physical proof unless they see it themselves or you come out and say it." He slipped his hand into Remus's, giving it a squeeze. "And you know you always have us to defend you, and Dumbledore." Actually, Sirius was planning to take an offensive position. As soon as he found James he would recruit him for a severe Severus punishment.

Remus didn't feel comforted, however. He'd attempted numerous times to defend Severus or at least get his friends to ease up on him, and yet the boy still had it out for him. Well, he was done standing up for him, certainly, and was going to be extra careful from now on not to let any him see or hear anything that could give him the proof he needed to expose him. As long as Severus sounded like he was making up crazy theories, his secret would be safe.

.:~I~S~S~:.

"Poor Mary. She still looks so worn out." Lily was watching her friend as she and the Marauders chose a spot of grass under a tree out on the grounds one afternoon. The blonde girl looked pale and tired, though she smiled as Peter wrapped an arm around her shoulders once they'd sat.

Severus sniffed and continued reading. He was just glad that the Gryffindor boys seemed too occupied with their own studies to bother him today. Especially after the hexing he'd received from James and Sirius the other day, completely unprovoked.

"I still can't believe that you live with pricks like Mulciber and Avery. They should have been expelled for what they did," Lily continued, with sudden ferocity.

This had Severus turning to her. "That seems like somewhat of an extreme punishment for a joke."

Lily balked. For a split second she was absolutely certain that she hadn't heard him correctly, but Severus just stared at her. "A joke?" she repeated incredulously. "They attacked her, and Peter, just because they're Muggle-borns."

"You don't seem to think Black and Potter should be expelled when they attack me," Severus retorted, spitting the names. "You saw what they did on Tuesday."

It was a struggle for Lily not to smile when she remembered what James and Sirius had done to Severus in their latest prank. The pair had found multiple charms that changed the shape, size, and other properties of one's nose, and used them continually throughout the day when the Slytherin boy least expected it. At one point his nose was long enough to poke Professor Slughorn's shoulder from the back of the classroom. Ordinarily Lily wasn't impressed with the pureblood pairs' childish antics, but this one was particularly amusing for some reason.

But remembering what they were talking about pushed the giddiness from the redhead immediately. "That was a harmless prank. They weren't trying to hurt or kill you." She lowered her voice as she continued. "From what Mary described to me, it sounds like Mulciber was using the Cruciatus Curse. An Unforgivable, Sev!"

Severus scoffed. "She must be exaggerating. Mulciber and Avery wouldn't be foolish enough to risk the consequences of being caught casting Unforgivables." He went back to his book. "They insisted it was only a joke. They just took it too far."

Lily's emerald gaze bore a hole into Severus's temple, but he refused to look back at her. "Well, they certainly have rotten senses of humor." Her friend only let out a hum, pretending to be distracted by his reading.

The Gryffindor sighed. She had hoped, expected really, that Severus would be more outraged by the actions of his Housemates, but he didn't seem to think there was a problem. It was the latest in comments and attitudes that were beginning to worry her, including his recent company and his dismissal of current events. On the other hand, he wasn't exactly sticking up for the perpetrators either. Maybe he'd just been spending too much time surrounded by those poisonous beliefs. Over the summer she could try to get him to go back to the way he used to be.

.:~I~S~S~:.

Sirius's eyes flew open and he clawed at his face as he groaned in frustration. "I don't get it! We're doing everything right, why isn't this working?!" It was the last day of term, the last opportunity the boys had to meditate together and one of the first times in a while that there was nothing else hanging over their heads. But after hours of trying, they were still coming up short.

James opened his eyes as well and he scrubbed at them. "I don't know, mate. I don't know what more we could possibly do."

"I almost feel like it's getting harder," Peter said, frowning. "Can you block your chi up more than it was?"

"I don't think so," James said. He leaned back, resting his head on the footboard of the nearest bed, and sighed. "Maybe we just don't have what it takes."

"Of course we do," Sirius said fiercely. "We just need to keep trying. Let's go again." He closed his eyes, starting to even out his breathing, but his friends didn't join him. James reached out and touched his shoulder.

"Sirius," he said gently. "We've been at it for a while now. You should go to sleep."

Sirius slapped the hand away. "No!" he snapped, eyes opening again and shining like molten silver. "We have to keep trying." Though the one-year cutoff was still a month away, there was an unspoken unanimous feeling that tonight was the critical point.

James met his gaze. "I know you want to do this for Moony-"

"Don't you?" Sirius demanded.

"Of course," he said without hesitation.

"Then how can you give up?!"

"Because I know my limits." James tried to remain calm, but it was hard when Sirius was getting so worked up. "We've tried and tried, but we've always known that it could fail. That's why underage wizards don't do this! We're not skilled enough, not practiced enough." He watched Sirius swallow hard, clinging desperately to a last bit of hope. "We came really close," he said, softer now. "We'll just have to look for another way to help Moony."

Sirius wanted to slap James for being like this. He looked to Peter, who had more than once convinced their messy-haired friend to be optimistic, but even he was looking doubtful now. How could they let it end like this?

"There is no other way," he said, spinning on his backside so he was facing away. "Go ahead and sleep if you want. I'm not through yet." Deep down he knew that he wasn't in the right mind to make progress. He was hurt that James and Peter were willing to let all their hard work go to waste, angry with himself for failing, and guilty for having gotten Remus's hopes up only to let him down. But he wasn't ready to admit defeat. Remus deserved him trying just one more time. He closed his eyes and slowed his breathing. There was silence behind him before he heard soft shuffling, James and Peter going to bed.

By now, he was familiar with the stages of meditation, descending through them easily as if he was climbing down the many stairs of the castle. He moved past the initial relaxation of his muscles, continued on through letting go of his worldly woes, going deeper until he was floating in the waves of magic centered in his core. He was getting better at pushing them out as well, using his exhales to stretch them to the boundaries. It actually went more quickly than he'd thought, considering his emotional turmoil. Rather than hindering him, his negative thoughts about his chances for success were actually pushing him forward, driving him to make them wrong. He'd never felt so focused, so powerful. Something had changed.

He was so close now, he knew it. He could almost see the walls at his wrists and ankles in his mind's eye, the indents and cracks that had been eroded as he'd done his best to try to knock them down. They were weak, and he was strong. Just one last push. Just one last collision at just the right angle. The cracks lengthened. Bits of light passed through, shining on his face and-

All at once he felt free. It was as if blood was rushing back to an area of his body that had fallen asleep. The pure, raw energy, coursing through his veins, burning inside him like a personal bonfire. His eyes popped open in surprise and he was back in reality, but the feeling didn't fade. "I…I think I did it." He looked around but the room was dark, his roommates all asleep. "Moony. Prongs, Wormtail! I think I did it!" He jumped up, turning on the lights and then hopping into Remus's bed to shake him awake. "Remus, I did it! I did it!"

The werewolf squirmed, flipping onto his back under Sirius and staring up at him with wide, red-rimmed eyes. That made Sirius's heart clench, but only for a second, because he was positively glowing with the knowledge that he'd done it! "Pads…"

James and Peter were roused by now, and the news had them alert immediately. They scrambled out of bed. "Did you try to transform?" the former asked.

"Not yet." Sirius hadn't actually thought about how he might go about doing that once he had his chi unlocked, but he supposed the best method was just to go for it. The free-flowing magic was almost sparking at his fingertips, desperate to be used, and so he closed his eyes and pictured the reflection he'd seen in his vision, when he'd discovered his inner animal. The shaggy black fur, the long muzzle, sharp teeth. All he had to do was change his shape to match. It was just like regular Transfiguration; he was just performing it on himself instead of another object. He concentrated on applying the same principles he'd learned in class, and started to feel…itchy.

His eyes opened once again and he looked down at himself. His nose had transformed into a long, dark snout, he could feel fangs sticking out from between his lips. But the most peculiar feature was the fact that every pore of his skin had sprouted fur. It wasn't long enough to make for a thick coat like his true dog form would have, but he would take just about anything he could get at this point.

His semi-transformation, however, had his friends roaring with laughter. "O-Oh Merlin, you h-have to let me get a p-picture!" James spluttered out through giggles, trying to gather himself enough to grab his camera.

Sirius turned his nose up, though he was grinning ear to ear. "Laugh all you want," he said, scrunching his face a little at the strange sensation of speaking with the recent cosmetic developments. "I'm the one who finally managed to make this work! All I need is a little practice with shaping myself." James had gotten the camera at this point and snapped a picture. Almost as if cued by the flash, Sirius's extra hair, nose length, and teeth sharpness faded away, leaving him back to normal.

Remus was crying again, though this time it was out of elation and from laughing so hard. He wiped at his eyes with a bright smile. "You lot are amazing, do you know that?" he said, suddenly feeling sentimental. "I know this might make me sound like a pouf but I love you."

Sirius beamed, chest bursting. "We love you too, Moony. That's why we'd never let you down." He shot quick looks at James and Peter.

"Exactly," James agreed quickly. Seeing that Sirius had actually managed to complete their task gave him renewed hope that they did have the ability after all. "Peter and I can get right back to it in the morning. You'll have to tell us how you did it, Padfoot."

"Gladly," Sirius obliged, feeling just the faintest bit smug, but most of all he was relieved.