This one has nothing WHATSOEVER to do with Hunger Games. I just thought it was pretty funny. So skip it if you want, but meh. Do what you feel fit, worm babies.
That man from Nantucket
Who owned a bucket
And something or other about luck,
Screw you,
Nantucket man.
I have my own problems,
Delays in my plans.
I don't care,
Or even listen to your raves
About your buckets
And Nantucket
And whatever else rhymes with bucket.
And the stupid little girl
Who sold her goose with the golden eggs,
If I was you, brat,
I'd keep the beast.
It'd make heck of a dinner,
Broth for lunch
And omelets for breakfast,
Whatever.
And Jack the bean-stalk man
Whatever happened to
"don't go sticking your nose in other peoples' business"?
If I planted a bean,
That grew into a stalk,
I would go back home and say,
"I didn't even like beans anyways"
That is what I would do.
Don't even make me go on about Goldilocks.
It's at times like those
I bet the papa bear wished
He had gotten some home security system,
So the police would come and
Beat little blondie to a pulp for burglary
She went in their house,
Breaking and entering
She broke their chairs,
Vandalizing personal property
She ate their food,
Maybe they were poor and that
Would be their last meal for a week?
She slept in their beds
After jumping on them first,
Probably breaking some springs.
And she was surprised when the bears came home,
And ran screaming from the house.
Wouldn't you except something of the sort
When you break in?
No one's going to be all,
"Yeah, I'm fine with you stealing, breaking, and sleeping in my stuff.
Not to mention you BROKE IN."
Stupid Mother Goose,
Stupid nursery rhymes,
Now you'll know to chose better books,
When it comes to story time.
To the princess who stacked mattresses and slept on that poor little pea,
Second-degree murder that is
That pea had a family,
Little pea brothers
And little pea sisters
Except instead of finding a
Little pea love,
It got shoved under a princess
Who complained
And married the boy
And so on
And so forth
No one even stopped to consider
The pain that pea felt.
Shame on all of you.
To the ugly little duckling,
In your face.
You may have been a swan,
But you made a really ugly baby.
Face the facts:
A cygnet is ugly, whether you're growing into a swan or not.
It isn't fair to the others
To go crying and moping,
When you're just too chicken to face the truth.
The kid who kissed the frog,
And married a prince,
What the heck were you thinking?
You could have gotten
Salmonella or something!
If I was the prince,
Or frog or whatever,
I'd be a very poisonous one,
And beckon princesses to kiss me
But all they get is a mouthful of slime
And maybe end up dying.
That'll teach you not to believe
Anything amphibians say.
And look at that emperor,
Who stomped around town, naked
Too afraid to be a bad king to be decent
For your people.
If I was you,
The cheats wouldn't have been heard of again.
Shoved in a cellar,
The trunk of a car,
Locked away in my closet.
No one will miss them
If they "disappear"
Stupid Mother Goose,
Stupid nursery rhymes,
Now you'll know to chose better books,
When it comes to story time.