Chapter 37
Daryl groaned loudly as he felt the ground shaking underneath him. His stomach rolled and his head felt like it was splitting itself in half.
'Do I have a concussion? Damn, must have gotten hit!' he thought when he started to feel like he had to throw up.
"Jar,... earthquake... doorjamb..." he croaked. He found that he just wasn't able to open his eyes. He was sure if he did, he would die from the pain it would cause in his head should it be light outside already. Wait? Did his girl just giggle? Why the hell would she giggle when the building was about to come crashing down on them?
"Earthquake, what the hell? Are you still drunk?" Jarah giggled. She had merely gotten out of bed, but the mattress moving seemed to have been enough to make an apparently VERY hungover Daryl think, that there was an earthquake.
"I think I have a concussion!" he moaned, his hands going to his head slowly to check for injuries.
"Nah, you're just hungover. Do you have to throw up?"
"Yeah, think so!"
"Come here, I got ya!" She knelt on the floor next to his side of the bed and lifted a bucket towards his face. She had filled it with a bit of water and placed it next to him during the night after he had fallen asleep, especially for this occasion.
She gently put her hand on his neck and pulled him closer to the bucket, so he wouldn't miss. Just in time as it turned out. He was barely in position when he started emptying the contents of his stomach into the bucket. Jarah gently stroked her thumb over the skin of his neck while she held him, trying to give him some comfort. When he was done she handed him a bottle of water.
"Here, rinse and spit!"
Daryl did as he was told, he rinsed his mouth with water three times and spit in the bucket before he plopped back down on the bed on his stomach. Jarah went to the bathroom to clean out the bucket and came back with a cool, wet washcloth. She sat next to him on the bed and moved his long hair in the back out of the way to place it on his neck.
"Mmmmmm, fuck that feels good." Daryl moaned appreciatively. "Man I'm sick like a dog!"
"Yeah, obviously. Happens when you get so drunk you can barely stand up straight. Remember what happened?" Jarah was absentmindedly stroking her fingers through his hair while she tried to find out how much he remembered.
"Guess I had a couple of Welcome Back drinks with Merle. Think we killed like two bottles of whiskey, not sure. When did I come to bed?"
"About 2am, I think." she turned the washcloth on his neck over, knowing it helped in keeping the cooling sensation up.
"Not that late,... don't even know how I got here. Didn't have that much to drink in forever. Last thing I remember is Merle going on and on about us and the group and everything."
"Hm, yeah... guess you just had to blend that out somehow. Southern Comfort seemed to have helped with that." Jarah sighed, debating whether she should tell him exactly how he had gotten into bed. She decided against it for now, he was feeling shitty enough already. She had learned her lesson the previous day about dumping even more stuff on him when he was already feeling like crap. Instead she just played with his hair for a while, making him sleepy. She turned the washcloth over one last time and kissed his cheek.
"Go back to sleep. You'll feel better later!"
She pulled the covers higher to keep him warm and then quietly dressed herself before getting Jamie out of his bed. He was already awake but quietly playing and cuddling with his stuffed animals like most mornings. She got clothes and diapers and took him with her to change him in the meeting room, so they wouldn't wake Daryl.
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"He better not piss on me or on my bed or I'll whip both your asses!" Merle grunted as he watched Jarah change Jamie's diaper on the couch. She just took a deep breath, trying to rid herself of the murderous thoughts she was thinking every time she heard Merle's voice.
Jamie on the other hand seemed to like that voice. He started giggling and reaching for Merle.
"Don't you touch me, boy! You just had that hand on your wiener! Don't need your piss on my hand!"
"For God's sakes, Merle! He is a baby, he doesn't know! Stop taking your shit out on him, he's not to blame for anything!"
"Uuuhh Mama Bear roars! Fine, I ain't gonna take shit out on him! You're way better for that. After all you're to blame for the fuck up my brother has become. Pussy-whipped, weak little mess he is!"
"Yeah, right? Selflessly risks his life to find a little girl that got lost in the woods, trying day after day to bring her back safely to her momma, even though he was hurting like hell after having an arrow in his side and a bullet graze his head. What a pussy! And then he had the audacity to look for safe shelter in order to keep his people safe, should anything happen to the farm. Helping out, wherever he can, stepping up and raising a little boy with me, accepting him as if he was his own, LOVING him as if he was his own, sharing all duties and responsibilities without even mentioning it or bragging about it to anybody. Yeah, what a weak little mess he is, indeed Merle."
Merle for once didn't know what to respond. He just huffed and kept scowling at Jarah while she finished dressing Jamie and brushed his hair before they took their seats at the table.
Since Merle made no move to come over, Carol brought him a bowl of raspberry oatmeal and a coffee.
"Already forgot what I told you, I see! I meant it, Merle! Leave them alone! If you really love your brother, don't try to take away the best thing that has ever happened to him!"
Once again Merle just grunted in response, already digging into his breakfast. Carol watched him for a moment. She knew eventually she would get through to him. She sure as hell wouldn't give up trying.
"Carol?" Rick stood in the doorway to the meeting room, motioning for her to come with him. They both had witnessed what had happened between Daryl and Jarah last night. Rick had been on his way to his room when he'd heard the commotion outside of the room that the younger Dixon and Jarah shared and had watched from the shadows. Not even Carol had noticed that he had been there.
After she had gone back to her room Rick had gone over to the bathroom door and had waited in listened in case Daryl would have gotten even more out of hand. When she seemed to have everything under control he had gone back to his room. He didn't want to stick his nose into their business, but when Jarah entered the meeting room this morning and he saw the marks Daryl had left on her when he had tried to shove and push her away, he felt the need to talk some sense into the hunter. He had talked to Carol and told her that he'd witnessed the incident too and together they decided to confront Daryl as soon as Jarah was busy having breakfast with Jamie.
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"Get up!" Rick kicked the bed hard, making Daryl startle awake.
"What? The fuck is going on?" Daryl groaned, trying to hide back under the blankets.
"Get up, get dressed and then get your ass in Carol's room! Now Daryl, don't make me say it again!"
Rick and Carol left to go to her room and wait for Daryl. He showed up five minutes later, dressed but barely awake. His head was still killing him.
"What's wrong? Something happen?"
"You happened, last night! Remember?" Rick leaned against the windowsill and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Just remember drinking with Merle and waking up this morning. Why?"
"I don't exactly know what happened, you'll have to ask Jarah, but I woke up because she had to drag you to the bathroom and you were fighting her and yelling at her Daryl." Carol explained what she had seen.
Daryl's brow furrowed, trying to remember. It was all black, but he remembered this morning. His girl had taken care of him, like nothing had happened.
"Nah, can't be right. Jar didn't say anything this morning. She didn't act any different, even took care of me." Daryl shook his head, trying to convince the other two that they had to be mistaken. Jarah would have said something if he had been an ass.
"Trust me Daryl, it IS right. You called her a stupid bitch and you called Jamie a little brat, you pushed her around when she tried to help you... you fucked up last night! I don't know why she hasn't mentioned anything to you, but it happened. Carol and I both heard and saw it."
Daryl swallowed hard and looked back and forth between Rick and Carol, searching their faces, trying to find out if they were lying, but they weren't.
"Fuck... I can't... I wouldn't..." Daryl stuttered, his face paling even more.
"Sweetie, you did. She has bruises on her arms and bite marks on her neck to prove it. You were very very drunk and you let your brother get to you. He is not good for you, you can't let him do that to you Daryl." Carol rubbed his arm gently. She was a little disappointed in him, but still she also felt for him. She knew Merle was able to get under people's skin like nobody else and that he just kept talking until he would wear you down and made you listen and actually believe in what he was saying.
"Which is why you will keep your distance from him for now. You have to Daryl or you'll lose your family. You need to take care of them, let us take care of Merle in the meantime. Whenever he taunts you, just don't react. Ignore him, don't listen. He'll get bored soon enough and hopefully start turning things around by then." Rick told him the plan he had come up with. It's how he would treat a child with a temper tantrum and in his mind that is exactly what Merle was, just on a larger scale.
"Easier said than done! He just keeps going and going, he never gets tired!" Daryl sighed. This whole discussion wasn't helping in making his headache any better at all. He felt like shit, but still he felt like he wanted to get on his knees in front of Jarah and beg and grovel for forgiveness. He couldn't believe that she had still cared for him after what he had said to her.
"I know, but we'll help. You just stick with your family, make Merle see what is truly important to you and that you are doing just fine without him. Just don't give in. We'll help. Do we have a deal?" Rick stretched his hand out toward Daryl.
The hunter shook it and nodded. "Yeah, deal."
"Good! One more thing. Don't manhandle your partner like that again or you will be VERY sorry!" Rick said with his serious voice, looking Daryl in the eyes, showing him that he meant it.
"Never again!" Daryl promised only to blush hard when Carol spoke up with a little laugh to lighten the mood again.
"Unless she asks you to, of course!"
Daryl blushed hard and cleared his throat. "I'm gonna get going. We done?" Daryl scratched the back of his head and slowly got up, looking at the floor to hide his red cheeks.
"Yeah, we're done. Go get some breakfast." Rick dismissed him.
"I'll join them, run interference if I have to!" Carol squeezed Rick's arm and went to follow Daryl.
"Okay, thanks Carol. I'll be in my room for a while."
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Daryl dreaded going into the meeting room. He was deeply ashamed for what he did. The worst part was, that he didn't even remember what he did. He had completely blacked out. He felt like he was getting off easy. No memories to plague him and Jarah didn't even seem to be mad at all.
Still he couldn't look her in the eye, when he went to join her. Couldn't even acknowledge Jamie happily starting to throw a party in his highchair when he spied his beloved Daddy. He didn't deserve that after last night.
"Hey, didn't expect you to join us this early! You feeling better?" Jarah rubbed her hand over his back once, while she poured some coffee into his mug.
Before Daryl was able to answer, Merle made his presence known again.
"What's that baby brother? Can't even say good morning to me anymore? What are you doing sitting over there? Come here, have breakfast with me!"
"Good Lord, just shut up, Merle!" Daryl groaned, pressing the heel of his hand into his eye again in an attempt to get rid of the sharp stabs of pain in his head.
"We still have a place set for you here at the table, Merle. You are welcome to join us, if you'd like!" Carol smiled over at him.
"Nah, pass. I'm good over here. Don't need the little bastard to pierce my eardrums by sitting next right to all that fucking squealing."
Jarah and Daryl both tensed up and Jarah was ready to give Merle a piece of her mind again, but Carol shook her head. "Ignore him, he wants you to react. Just don't."
Jarah nodded and looked over at Daryl. He was sipping his coffee with closed eyes. She knew he deserved the headache, but she hated to see him suffer.
"I'll be right back!" She got up to go to their room. Merle was snickering from the couch.
"Oooh already leavin', Princess? Hope it's nothing I said!"
'Ignore him, he's not worth it! Ignore him, he's not worth it! Ignore him, he's not worth it!' she kept repeating the mantra over and over in her head, when all she really wanted to do was yell at him and hurt him as much as she could.
Two minutes later she was back and gently put her hand on Daryl's arm.
"Baby? Here, take these, they will help with the headache. Try to eat something, yeah? It will make you feel better."
He took the pills and gulped them down with coffee, before he halfheartedly shoved his spoon into his bowl of raspberry oatmeal. He hated raspberries, but he wouldn't ever complain. It was food and he considered it a mild punishment for his behavior.
"Think you might be up for a walk, after breakfast? The fresh air might be good for you?" Jarah was keeping her voice so quiet and soft, she was so gentle because she knew he was hurting and it made him start to hate himself in earnest.
"Yeah, probably a good idea!" Daryl nodded his consent, regretting the move instantly as a new wave of pain shot through his temples. He swore to himself in that moment that he would never ever get drunk like that again.
Thankfully about half an hour later the pain started to subside a little and he felt a bit better. Merle piped up here and there, but nobody paid him any attention, it was like an unspoken agreement amongst the group. That or Rick told everybody to ignore him, Daryl wasn't sure, but it seemed to be working. Merle eventually gave up and went to sulk in the corner of the room, looking out the window.
"Wanna take watch?" Rick approached Merle after a couple of minutes, while the women cleared the table. "You can do it from here. As you can see, we got a great view from up here."
"Yeah why not? Guess I gotta start pulling my weight around here sooner or later!" Merle acquiesced.
"Good, it helps. Thanks Merle." Rick sent him a grateful nod and left. He hoped that their way of treating Merle would eventually work in getting him to mellow out. The silent treatment seemed to have been efficient this morning.
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Daryl and Jarah left Jamie in the capable hands of Beth. They needed a bit of time alone together to sort things out. They went to their room to get their jackets and when Jarah took off her cozy cardigan to put on a warm sweater underneath her leather jacket, Daryl's breath hitched in his throat. There it was, the evidence of what he'd done. His hand prints on her arms. When she lifted her hair to pull it out from under her jacket, he also saw the bite marks he had left on her neck. He felt like throwing up again.
When she turned to look at him, he quickly looked away in shame and left the room first. As soon as they arrived outside, Daryl took a deep breath of fresh, cool air. Jarah had been right, it was exactly what he needed. Jarah watched him for a couple of minutes while they walked along the fence, but eventually she wasn't able to take his silence anymore.
"Tell me, what did I do? You haven't looked at me once, today!"
He didn't answer, just shrugged and kept walking. Jarah kept wrecking her mind, trying to think of what she could have done wrong to make him mad at her. All she could come up with was Merle and what thoughts he had planted in Daryl's head. She had already given up on Daryl answering her, when he finally had mercy on her.
"Rick and Carol told me what I did last night." he admitted quietly. His voice still hoarse from not having been used all that much that morning.
"Oh." Jarah didn't know what else to say.
"Why didn't you say anything this morning? Why were you even still there, taking care of me? If I were you I would have kicked my ass out of the building."
"I think I just learned my lesson I guess. You were already feeling like crap. Telling you what happened probably would have only made you mad. You didn't remember, you might not have believed me. Rick saw, too?"
"Yeah, told me I called you a bitch and Jamie a brat and that I shoved you around. That true?"
"Yeah. Well not quite. I stopped you before you were able to finish saying the word brat. You were really out of it, Daryl."
"Tell me what happened. What did I do to your neck?"
"Nah, let's just forget about it!"
"No! I wanna know! I can't remember anything and don't know exactly what other things I have to regret doing, so just fucking tell me!" he didn't want her to protect him from his own guilt by not telling him.
"Fine!" She sighed and shook her head. "Don't know how this is going to help you, but okay. I woke up last night and you were on top of me. You wanted sex and I refused, told you we could do it tomorrow when you were sober. You pushed my hand against your dick and told me you didn't wanna wait, you were horny now and you were in the mood for rough. You started biting on me, I pushed you away and dragged you to the shower to sober you up. That's when you started yelling and fighting, telling me that Merle was right, that I really don't want you and all that shit he keeps telling you over and over. I pushed you into the shower, turned on the water and made you stand there. You fought me for a while, that's how I got the bruises, but eventually you gave up. You broke down, cried, asked me if I was gonna leave you and if I still loved you."
"What did you say?" Daryl still didn't dare look at her, he couldn't believe that he had gotten that out of control and she was still there and even tried to make him feel better.
"I told you that I was never going to leave you and that I will always love you. Helped you get out of the wet clothes and into dry ones and got you into bed. You fell asleep while your head was still on its way to your pillow."
"I don't deserve you. A major asskicking is what I deserve. Sleeping in the stairwell for a week is what I deserve. Why are you even still with me? I treat you like crap and you nurse me through my hangover."
"You mean too much to me to give up on you this quickly. Don't get me wrong, what happened last night hurt me, in more ways than one, but what good would it do to shut you out now? It would make us both feel miserable and Merle would win. You were lost yesterday, Merle coming back threw you, but you have to come back from that. Jamie and I need you. Last night was the one fuck up you get, Daryl. I won't be able to take much more of that AND deal with Merle himself. This is your second chance to show me what you really want. Okay?"
"Okay. No more fuck ups. I promise!" he chewed the inside of his lip nervously and looked around the lot, at the same time his hand reached for hers, almost timidly.
Jarah almost had to laugh at how shy he was acting. He was really scared that he had fucked up so much that she no longer wanted him to touch her. She intertwined their fingers and squeezed his hand.
"You know, I promised you last night to let you fuck me hard and have you come on my tits. If you wanna do that today, you might have to start looking at me again." she giggled, getting a kick out of his groan and the deep blush that was spreading on his cheeks.
"Good Lord, please tell me I didn't really say that!"
"You didn't! I think you actually said you wanted to come on my FUCKING tits! Aw come on, we've said worse things to one another, lighten up."
Daryl tried to fight it, but he couldn't help the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth.
"Guess you're right." He finally looked at her and pulled her into his arms, trapping her hands behind her back as he looked down at her. "We really good?"
"Yes, we are! As long as it doesn't happen again, all is forgiven. Now shut up and kiss me!" she grinned and leaned up on her toes to get closer to his mouth. Daryl closed the distance and breathed a sigh of relief, he hadn't even known he'd been holding all morning. The kiss quickly deepened. Daryl plundered the depths of her mouth urgently for a little while, squeezing her hard in his arms, working the tension out of his body. Once it was out of his system he relaxed, their kissing getting slow and sloppy, lips barely pressing against each other, tongues tangling and gliding languidly. They both took comfort in being close.
They got interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps. They looked up and Jarah laughed as she saw Jamie dashing towards them with Beth in tow, who was already apologizing.
"I'm sorry, he didn't want to be away from you guys! He kept looking all over for you!"
"It's okay, Beth, really. Thank you for watching him!" Jarah sent her a smile and watched Daryl crouch down, catching Jamie who was launching himself into his arms.
"Dadada! DADADA!" Jamie was getting louder and his voice more forceful and grumpier towards the end, clearly unhappy with his father. Jarah was snorting with laughter.
"Is he chewing you out? Oh my God, that's the greatest thing ever! Guess he missed having your undivided attention."
"Yeah, I'm sorry little dude, I'll be better. Promise."
"I think I better get his stroller, don't feel comfortable having him running around so close to the fences."
"Nah, don't. I got him. I'll carry him!" He lifted Jamie up in the air and put him on his shoulders, holding his hands so he wouldn't let himself fall backwards. "There you go, now we got the best seats in the house to watch your momma take out the fence walkers."
"Ha, how very smart of you! Now I gotta do the work all by myself?"
"Don't get huffy, you like doing the work all by yourself! Took a long time to turn you into a team player!"
They scowled at each other for a moment, but they were both wearing amused smirks while doing it. Jarah finally poked his ribs and got the cane from the fence.
"Unbelievable! Ass!"
"Thanks, yours not that bad either!" he smirked and quickly dodged the cane she was swinging at him. Jamie thought it was a hoot and was giggling like crazy at his parents antics.
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Merle couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was on watch and had kept his eyes trained on the road and the fences, but as soon as Jarah and Daryl stepped into his view, he hadn't been able to keep his eyes off of them. A million feelings rushed through him as he watched them together. Even to someone like Merle, who didn't care much about these things, it was obvious that they were very much in love. He was even more stunned, when he saw Daryl smile, like truly smile, showing teeth and all, when he interacted with the kid. He tried to remember if he had ever seen Daryl smile like that before, but he didn't think he had. It made him, angry, sad, jealous, but also a little happy at the same time.
"It's like the apocalypse never happened when you watch them. It makes you feel like you're out on the streets and are watching a regular family have a fun afternoon, doesn't it? At least that's what it's like for the rest of us." Carol had sneaked up on him and was watching Merle and the rest of the Dixons. That's what the group secretly called them, when they were referring to them.
Nobody called them that to their faces. They all knew how uncomfortable it would make them, but to Carol especially, the tattoo she had helped him with, had been a zombie-apocalypse-style marriage proposal and Jarah wanting to get one as well, meant that she had accepted. What they had was as real as it got, they were a union and they didn't need the state of Georgia or some minister to make it official.
"Guess it's true what they say, you always meet twice." Merle grunted, keeping his eyes on his baby brother. "Is it true what he says? She came to the farm? He didn't go look for her?"
"Yes it's true. Glenn and Maggie found her. I think she and Daryl hadn't seen each other for a long time before that. As far as I know he had forgotten about her and looking for her didn't even cross his mind. Guess it was just fate that they met again. That's your beef with Jarah, isn't it? You think Daryl neglected you to go and find her? Trust me, your brother looked for you, but you were long gone."
"Who knows, he is good at keeping secrets!
"Well it is no secret that he cares about you a great deal. He never made a secret out of that. He wants his brother back, but you're not making it easy on him. He is very loyal. To Jarah, to this group and to you. He is torn, Merle. Don't do that to him. If you don't like Jarah and Jamie, fine, you don't have to, keep your distance, but don't judge your brother for loving them. Don't start in on him every single time he does something nice. He loves you, but look at him, if you do try to make him choose, you won't walk away a winner this time."
"There's no place for me in that family! Why bother making nice?"
"Because you are wrong. There is a place for you, but the job description for that position clearly states that you can't be a judgmental jerk every chance you get and make life harder for them. Jarah is willing to make an effort to make Daryl happy. Don't you think you owe your brother at least that as well? A try at fitting in, instead of trying to destroy all the good he has?"
Merle looked at Carol and studied her closely. "You have certainly changed. You barely got a word out without you voice shaking back at the quarry!"
"Things change. People change. Losing Sophia changed me. Opened my eyes. "
"Yeah. I'm sorry about your girl. Daryl told me."
"It's important to have something good in this world to hang on to. Or we would just lose hope altogether. Who knows, maybe you'll be able to find something good for yourself around here. You'll just have to let it in!"
Carol smiled at him before she turned to get the laundry basket from the table, where she had put it earlier when she had noticed him stare at Daryl and Jarah. Merle stared after her, the slightest of smiles on his lips. So far the people around here had been nice to him. He knew if he kept being an ass they would eventually kick him out. Being angry was just who he was. It was his way of life, his protection, his safety blanket. He taught the same to Daryl when they grew up, but his brother had changed. He had found a way to be happy. If Daryl was able to do that, maybe so was he.
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Thank you for reading everybody. A happy Walking Dead Sunday to everyone.
I can't access the review section for whatever reason right now, that's why there won't be personalized thank you's today, but to all my relentless reviewers, thank you for your interest and your kind words. Thanks so much, it means the world.