A/N: Well, who all went to see New Moon in the theatre!? I went to the midnight showing and it was fucking awesome. You should definitely go! I plan on going multiple times...my family thinks I'm a fruitcake. lol My beta is the great and all powerful, Jadiona. She rocks my world! Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight and I never will. But, I do own an unhealthy addition to it. :)
Chapter 37 – Anger
BPOV
My family, old and new members, sat around talking about the conversation Carlisle had with Aro. Everyone wanted to go. They argued saying they didn't want me to go by myself. I argued back saying I didn't want to put any of them in danger. I wasn't worth the problems the Volturi could cause for my family.
I asked them, "What would each of you do if you lost your partner?"
They all looked at me like I was insane and then I continued, "Because the Volturi would use each of us against each other, right Carlisle? Jasper, do you really want Aro to have such easy access to Alice with her abilities? What about you Emmett? Would you like for Aro to take Rose since she can make people do her will with just the flash of a smile? Carlisle, what if Esme has a power we don't even know about yet? Would you want them to take her? And also, for Rose, Alice and you Carlisle, do you not think that Aro would use your mate against you to make you stay with them? If I go alone, I will be the only one they can get to."
Carlisle huffed at me, "But Isabella, do you actually think that any of us want Aro to get his hands on you? You are a part of this family even if you aren't coupled up with one of us. Of course I don't want Esme to be taken in by Aro if she has an ability we don't know about, but I think it would be better if we all went together; there is strength in numbers."
I still argued, "What about Edward? We can't take him with us; he would be in too much danger. Are we just going to leave him here by himself? I think we should take a vote, for those that think we should all go together or for me to go by myself."
I looked around and I could tell a number of my family members were conflicted. "For all of those in favor of going together?" Emmett, Carlisle, and Alice raised their hands. "So, I guess I'm going by myself then." I had won the vote. Jasper, Rose, Esme and I were voting for me to go by myself. Esme looked at me sadly, "Bella, I just got my son back. I can't put my family in anymore danger."
"Esme, believe me I understand. I'm glad you voted on my side." I knew why Jasper and Rose voted with me; they didn't want to risk their mate. I didn't hold it against them for voting with me. I had wanted them to vote with me. I turned to leave the room, because there was nothing left to talk about. I needed to get my thoughts in order to figure out how I was going to get there and get out in one piece, but Carlisle stopped me.
"Isabella?" I turned around and raised my eyebrow curious as to what he could possibly say to try and change my mind. "What about Edward's vote?"
I couldn't help it I sneered at him. "What does Edward have to do with this? He can't go, there is no way."
"He may not be able to go, but I think he should get a say in whether or not you go by yourself. Wouldn't you want a vote for him if he had something this important happening?"
"Carlisle, I'm going and that's that. There is no way around it. I will NOT put any of you in danger. I just can't handle that. If I go by myself, I will be able to get out by myself. I have my shield or have you forgotten?" I pushed my shield out and pushed Carlisle off of the chair he was sitting in. "I don't know if my shield is strong enough to protect all of you. I will be able to concentrate more on getting out of there in one piece if I go alone! Please Carlisle just let me do this. I just want to keep you all safe."
As Carlisle got up off of the floor he walked quickly to my side and put his hands on my shoulders. "Bella, don't you think that Edward wants to have his say in this? You can't make his decision for him. You have to at least get his opinion." I nodded and tried to turn away, but he pulled me into a hug. I squeezed him back and left the room. Once in Edward's room, I lay down next to him on the bed and started stroking his face. His mouth turned up into a small smile. I loved him so much. I would not put him in any danger if I could help it. I still needed to think about my decision to change him, but we didn't have to worry about that right now. I didn't even know if I was going to be coming back from Italy. I would wait to make that decision then.
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The next day was Saturday so Edward and I had the whole day to ourselves. Carlisle had told me that I needed to talk to Edward about the Volturi situation, instead of him finding out from one of the others, so I decided I would take him to our meadow. It really was such a beautiful place. I carried Edward there. He hated that I made him get on my back, but carrying him was like carrying a very light backpack. It didn't affect me at all. We brought blankets and a picnic basket with food for him to eat.
We sat in the middle of the meadow and talked about school and the choir performance that was coming up next week. We talked about our family and how strange it was for us all to pair up the way we had. It was like it was meant to be for all of us; fate, destiny, whatever.
We were lying on the blanket next to each other with my head on his shoulder, his arm around me holding hands. He was tracing my scar on my arm from James' attack. I took a deep breath, and turned on my side to face him. "Edward, I have something I need to tell you about."
He turned to me with a confused look on his face. "What is it, Bella?"
I placed my hand on his chest. "I have to go back to Italy."
He sat up and grabbed my hand. "What? No! Why do you need to go back to Italy? Isn't that where you were when you were kidnapped? Why would you want to go back there?"
I looked at our joined hands and knew that this would be another trial for our relationship. Why couldn't we just have a normal, happy relationship? Oh right, because we weren't normal… well I wasn't anyway.
"A member of the Volturi called Carlisle last night. They found his number in my cell phone when I left it there. They want to see our whole family. Carlisle used to be a member of the Volturi; I don't know if I told you that?"
He shook his head no, but stayed silent. "They want… me. Well, they don't want me, they want my ability. I would be very valuable to them… for their defense in case they ever face an attack. Carlisle wants us all to go, but… I've decided to go by myself."
Edward's grip on my hand tightened and he said softly, "No… no Bella, you can't. You can't leave. I… I don't want you to go to Italy. It would be too dangerous, right?"
I nodded, "But, Edward, I have to go. I can't let my family or yours endanger themselves by going with me. If they went with me, then the Volturi would use them against me. I can't let that happen."
"Bella, you can't go by yourself. You have to take someone with you to help get you out of there. I'll go with you."
I laughed sadly, "Edward, you obviously can't go with me. They would kill you. You wouldn't last one minute in Volterra. You can not go." I said with finality. "I can take care of myself. You always forget about my shield. It will protect me."
"Oh! Like it protected you against James? Is that how it works? You think you are invincible, but in reality you aren't! If James had gotten a hold of you like Jasper did to him, then you wouldn't be sitting here with me right now, would you? You act like you can't die, but you can!"
"That was… that was a minor miscalculation. I lost concentration for a minute with James. It won't happen in Volterra. I won't let my guard down while I'm there. Please, don't make this harder than it has to be. I HAVE to go! If I don't then they will just come here… then the whole population of Forks would be in danger. I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen," then I said under my breath, "I knew you would side with them."
"Wait… what? What do you mean; you knew I would side with them? Who's them?"
SHIT! I didn't think he would hear me when I said that. "Um… well, we had a vote…"
"You had a vote, but didn't include me in on it. Is it because I'm not a vampire? I'm not a vampire, so my vote doesn't count? Is that it?!" Edward jumped up off of the ground and started stalking around the meadow.
I got up and walked to him and stood in front of him. "Edward, it's not like that. That isn't why we didn't include you… you were sleeping. You can place your vote now, but it doesn't matter. I'm still going by myself."
He laughed meanly, and turned around, "Now I just don't matter. That's just great Bella. Thanks, it makes me feel so much better."
"NO! Damn it! That's not what I meant either. Edward, listen to me. It does matter what you think. It matters to me. I just have to do this alone. Can't you see? I can't put any of our family in danger. Not because of me. I'm not worth it!!" I yelled.
He spun back around and grabbed me by the arm roughly. It would have bruised anyone except for a vampire. He growled and said lowly, "Don't. I don't ever want to hear you say that shit, again. You are worth it. What's going to happen to me if you leave and don't come back? Bella, you have to change me. If you change me, then I can go with you. If they make you stay, I can stay with you, or I can help you get out."
"No… no Edward, I won't change you because of this. If they do take me, they might not want you. You may not even have a special ability; they normally don't take vampires without abilities. It could end up being pointless to change you." I wanted to change him… eventually. He didn't know that I had come to realize that I couldn't continue existing without him for eternity, but I didn't want to change him because of this. I didn't want this to be forced. If I changed him now and he did go to Volterra with me, they could still hold him against me to make me stay. They could still end up killing him. I couldn't handle that. I don't know when I plan on changing him, or what will make me want to change him at a specific moment, but I knew I would do it one day.
"Bella, you can't go by yourself, and that's that. I don't care who you take with you, as long as you are not alone. Find another vampire that you trust that isn't in your family that you could care less about dying, that way they can't hold them against you. But you have to take someone. Please? I can't lose you."
He put his hands on my cheeks and looked deeply into my eyes. There were tears shimmering in his. I placed my hands on his cheeks and said, "Edward, if I took anyone else with me, someone I didn't care about, they wouldn't help me. The Volturi will know that I don't trust them. If I go by myself, they will think I trust them enough to come alone. It is the best way. I can make it out and I will make it back to you. Please, trust me."
EPOV
I wanted to trust her. I did trust her, but I didn't trust them. If they killed her… I couldn't even comprehend a life without her. Even if she wasn't willing to change me, I could still see her… spend time with her. I didn't want her to go at all; with or without the family. I wanted her here… with me… safe.
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We went back to house soon after our conversation and everyone was waiting in the living room for us. Apparently Alice had seen part of our discussion. Carlisle stood up and said, "Well?"
Bella turned and motioned for me to go ahead, so I said, "I don't think she should go by herself."
Carlisle clapped me on the back and smiled at me, "I knew you'd be on our side, son." I was taken back by that. I never had a father figure to ever call me 'son'. Esme wasn't one for relationships, she always put us first. Of course she had been in some throughout the years, but they never got close to Emmett, Alice or I.
Bella broke me out of my thoughts when she said, "But I'm still going by myself."
I turned to her and glared at her. Had she not heard anything I said to her? I realize I can't tell her what to do, but still. She could have at least acted like she cared about what I thought.
"Bella! You CAN'T! If that's the case then none of us will go. I'll call Aro and tell him we had something come up and we will come later. Time is different to the Volturi compared to humans. A year to a human would be like a week to the Volturi. I will just postpone it for as long as we can," Carlisle said.
Everyone nodded. Bella looked skeptical though and said, "But, they were specific about us coming soon. Are you sure you can postpone them?"
Carlisle just smiled, "Isabella, you must have forgotten that I was very close to Aro a long time ago. He will understand. I just have to come up with a good excuse."
I figured I couldn't come up with anything to help with this conversation so I went up stairs to listen to some music to try and relax. Bella followed me up. When we were in my room I turned on my IHome and put it on some Nickelback for background noise. I walked over to the bed and flopped down. Bella walked over and sat down next to me. "What's wrong?" she asked?
I could only laugh. "What's wrong? You seriously have to ask me that? You basically told Carlisle and our whole family that it didn't matter what I thought. You told them that you were still going by yourself even though I voted with them."
"Edward, we might not have to worry about that."
I cut her off, "BELLA! That's not the fucking point! You don't care what I think! You didn't even listen to me in the meadow. I gave you plenty of reasons to not go by yourself, and yet you still want to go. Do I really mean that little to you!?"
She stopped and started shaking, "Aren't you the fucking pot calling the kettle black?" she said maliciously, "Really Edward? Are you fucking kidding me?! You know that I fucking care about you. You know I fucking love you. Do you not remember about a week or so ago when I gave my opinion about Tonya? When you blatantly went to talk to her after I fucking told her to stay away from you? Does that mean you don't fucking care about me? You aren't so fucking righteous that you do no wrong. Of course I heard what you said in the meadow, I understand why you feel the way you do about it, but you would try to do the same thing if you were in my position. Would you want Esme and Alice hurt if you could help it? Wouldn't you want to keep them out of danger? Don't you dare fucking tell me that I didn't listen to you. You made it perfectly clear that I couldn't tell you what to do, and now you know you can't tell me what to do." She said heatedly. She had been pacing around the room. I had never seen her that upset before.
I was such an ass. I was trying to do to her what she had tried to do to me. Wow… that was complicated even thinking that. I didn't want her to go to Italy because I was scared for her. I guess she didn't want me talking to Tonya, because she was afraid I would get hurt again. I didn't see it that way before. I only thought that Bella was jealous. What a stupid, stupid fucking idiot I was. "Bella, I'm sorry. Please… sit down." She turned to me with an angry look still on her face, and her eyes were black. I don't think I'd ever seen them that color. They were like obsidian stones.
"Actually, Edward, I think I'm going to go on a hunt. I'll be back later." She ran to my window, threw it open and jumped out.
EN: Ohhh...Bella's pissed at Edward. What do ya think about that!? Please let me know. I hope you enjoyed it...review, review, review! Thanks! Til next time!