Chapter 36:

A/N: Thank you Casismyfavorite, AssbuttInTheImpala, bearberry915, Supernatural Lover D.S.W, and Midnight Blue Angel 24 for the reviews. I needed some excitement in this chapter so I added an argument between two of the characters. Hope you like it.

I sleep on the couch at Elijah's apartment even though I know he's not in his bed. I can't go and sleep in his bed without his permission, it just doesn't seem right to me. So instead I go to the linen closet and grab a blanket and a spare pillow to use on the couch.

I don't fall asleep until a hour later from the time I went to go to sleep. Every time I closed my eyes there was John's face and it would startle me awake so much that I would lie there on alert for five minutes before I would calm. Then my eyes would droop and the pattern just continued until finally my body gave in to the tiredness.

I wake to a knock at the door and I'm frightened. I don't like being here alone and I feel vulnerable. It's weird to me. Back at the psychiatric hospital I was fine but I also had people around me twenty-four seven. Now, in this brightly lit apartment, I'm completely alone.

I get up quickly. Did I lock the door? I look at it from a distance and see that yes, I did lock it. I sigh a breath of relief and try to calm my racing heart. I wait ten minutes before I approach the door and open it slowly. No one is there. Of course, no one is there. Who would wait ten minutes for you to open the door?

There's a package set by the foot of the door and I almost don't see it. I pick it up and look at it, reading to see who it's from. The label says it was forwarded from the psychiatric hospital. Curious, I step back inside, making sure to bolt lock the door. I walk slowly to the couch as I read the original place it came from and as soon as I sit down I find it. It's from my mother.

I sit there for what seems like an hour when really it's five minutes just staring at the box, not knowing what to do. I can't imagine what it is and I'm not sure I want to know.

Something clanks in the kitchen and I jump. I look and notice there's dishes there still and I figure that they were just shifting and settling. I look back to the package and begin to meticulously peel away the tape that is holding the box closed.

When I finally get all the tape off I open the box and dip my hand into the Styrofoam peanut packaging. My hand reaches something cold and smooth and now my curiosity is at its peak, but I'm still cautious. I pull the object out slowly and when it reaches the surface I'm shocked.

It's the glass angel that Gabriel gave me on my birthday. I would have thought mom threw the thing away by now but instead she kept it all these years. Looking at it now, two emotions flutter to the surface. The first one is joy at having it back; the next is anger at my mother for keeping it so long. Why couldn't she have given it to me sooner? The apartment is dead silent and I'm hyperaware of it. Goose bumps start to form on my skin.

There's another knock on the door and I jump half a foot, standing on my feet and staring at the door while clutching the glass angel for dear life. The knock sounds again I force myself to relax, shaking my head and thinking how stupid I am for getting so scared. I place the angel down and go to the door with as much confidence as an animal has when it's drowning. I'm shaking minutely when I open the door.

Dean is there, red roses in hand and a smile on his face. "Hey Cas." He leans in and kisses my cheek and I relax greatly.

"Hey Dean." I step aside to allow him in. "Are those for me or Elijah?"

Dean chuckles and turns around to face me as I shut the door and not locking it. "You silly."

I take them and smell them. "Thank you Dean." I kiss him on the lips. "You know, I just barely woke up so I haven't had any time to get ready." I set the roses down on the counter to put them in water later.

"It's fine, I'll wait." Dean says as he goes to the couch. I panic as he sees the box. "Who's this from?" He reads it before I can answer and I take refuge in the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I turn the water on so Dean won't yell through the door.

When the temperature seems to be right I strip and get in, pretending that I'm washing away my fears and worries. I stay in there for a long time but I know I can't stay in forever. I get out and pull a towel around my waist and then tiptoe to Elijah's bedroom and shutting the door behind me. I quickly get dress and take a deep breath before going back to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

Dean is sitting on the couch looking at the glass angel when I return to the living room. "I didn't know she was going to send me that." Dean stays quiet and the silence makes my skin crawl. "Dean."

"I wish she would leave you alone." He says with a low voice and I go and sit next to him to hear him better.

"It's sweet of her to send that to me though, isn't it?" I ask and Dean looks at me.

He studies my face. "Yeah it is but why the hell did she keep it so long?" He accuses. "She knew how much this meant to you and she kept it away from you for four damn years."

"Better late than never." Dean shakes his head.

"I can't believe you." He stands, still holding the angel and for a second I think he's going to break it. But he's holding it with a gentle touch and carefully sets it down on the coffee table where it won't fall off. "Do you really want her back in your life?"

I stand, not being able to sit any longer. My skin is still crawling with unease. I look around the kitchen and notice Dean put the roses in some water. It must have taken him awhile to find the vase. "I don't know Dean."

I walk to the flowers and I can feel Dean's gaze on me. "Aren't you angry she kept it so long? Don't you want to know why she decides now to send it to you?"

I walk to the flowers and begin to pick at them. "Yeah but…"

"But?" Dean is looking at my hand that is playing with the flowers.

I pluck a petal off. "I guess we can go talk to her."

"Why can't you call her?" Another petal falls to the floor when I pull it off the stem.

"I don't remember the number and she always has her number unlisted." I explain and Dean walks up to me.

He grabs my hand just as I peel off the last petal on one flower. "Would you stop that?" I don't know if he means taking the petals off the flower or being willing to forgive people so easily. I think it's both. "Come on, I'll drive." I follow him out and get into the passenger side of the Impala. He starts her up and begins to drive. "I hope she lives in the same house."

I look out the passenger side window and watch all the trees fly by. "I'm sure she is, the place has sentimental value to her."

Dean snorts and I know he's thinking about the beatings. "Yeah and she's a psycho bitch." I roll my eyes but don't say anything. The rest of the ride is spent in silence except for the music Dean has playing. Soon, we are pulling to the house. Dean parks on the side of the road and the house is on the left. I'll have to cross the road to get to the house. "Well, here we are. Want me to come with you?"

I shake my head. "No, I better do this myself."

"Hey," Dean calls me back and I lean down to look through the open door. "Make this quick, I need to pick up Sammy from a friend's house and don't forget to tell her to stop contacting you."

"Okay Dean." I shut the door and round the car, looking both ways down the street before crossing. I swallow down the nerves before I knock on the door and wait for my mother to answer. It doesn't take her long. "Hey mom."

"Castiel." She looks at me in disbelief. She goes in to give me a hug but I pull back and she stops short. "I'm sorry."

"I just came by to ask you something… and tell you something." I tell her and she looks behind me.

"Is that Dean Winchester?" She asks as she looks back at me.

"Yes." I answer.

"Well, why isn't he over here?" She goes to wave at him but I stop her.

"He doesn't want to intrude." I explain. "Since this is really between you and me."

"Oh… well then you better come in." She looks old as she turns around and leads the way to the living room. Nothing in the house has changed except the smell of alcohol is gone and is replaced with a smell of orange wood polisher. "So, what's this about?"

She takes her normal spot in the red, worn out chair and I sit on the couch. "Why'd you decide now to send the glass angel to me?"

She looks at me as if she wasn't expecting such a question, though I can't blame her. "It's yours; your brother gave it to you. Don't you remember?"

"Of course I do, but why did you keep it to yourself so long instead of giving it to me four years ago?" I ask.

"Because back then I was messed up." She begins. "I was drinking, miserable, wasting my life away. I pushed you away; I pushed all my friends away. I'm sobering up as I told you and sending that to you seemed like the right thing to do." She waits for me to say something but I don't. She then gets up and comes and sits next to me on the couch, still facing me. "I think I kept it because that way I still had a part of you." She smiles slightly but it quickly disappears. "Listen Castiel, sending the angel to you is not me trying to buy my forgiveness or your love, that's the last thing I'm trying to do. I just wanted you to have it."

"Well then." I stand. "Thank you for returning it to me." She stands then too. "But… I want you stay out of my life now."

My heart aches. "What? Why?"

"Why?" I ask, trying to conjure Dean into my personality. "Because you beat the crap out of me and then you give me up."

I start to walk away but before I can go she calls me back. "Wait, can I show you something before you go?" I turn to her and look her up and down. I nod and follow her up to stairs, memories of all the times I cut myself playing in my head. I notice the bathroom door is shut. "I haven't been in that bathroom since you tried to…" She doesn't finish and I don't think she ever will. We make our way to my old bedroom and I'm confused. Surely she has remodeled it by now. She opens the door. "Go ahead in."

I step in and am immediately shocked to the core. Nothing has changed. Everything is still the same from the day I left, nothing out of place except I know my glass angel isn't under my bed anymore. "Mom…" There's still the books I left on my desk that I meant to organize, the clothes still neatly stacked on my bed that I was going to put away that day, hell, there's still a damn CD in the player. "Why didn't you…"

I feel my mom walk beside me, her presence close. "I couldn't bring myself to come in here until recently. That's how I found the angel and I remember Gabriel giving it to you." I haven't heard her say that name in a long time. "When I found the angel I kept it for about two weeks before I finally sent it to you." I walk to the bed and pick up the clothes, moving to my dresser and carefully putting them away beside the rest in the drawers. "I came in here and I started bawling. Just sat on your bed and cried." I go to the books and place them on the bookshelf in their appropriate section according to alphabetical order. "I can't change this room unless I died or I move." I take the CD out of the player. "That's why I came in here in the first place Castiel," I put the CD in the case and scan the other CD's to put this, too, in alphabetical order. "I'm moving out of Kansas." I drop the case.

I turn to her. "What?"

She sits on my bed but I stay stock still. "I can't live here anymore Castiel. There are too many painful memories. You understand that, don't you?" I only nod slightly. "I need a fresh start, somewhere new. Where people don't know me as the drunken psycho bitch." I think back to what Dean said. "Your stuff are the last things I need to go through." She looks around the room mournfully. "I was eventually going to tell you so don't start thinking I was going to leave without saying goodbye."

"But this place has sentimental value." I defend.

She snorts like Dean did. "Like what, me beating you?"

"No before that." I say, going over to her, making sure to step over the CD case I dropped. I sit beside her.

"This house is too big for one person Castiel." She says. "I just can't do it anymore." She stands and walks over to the CD, picking it up and placing it in the correct spot on the shelf. "I need to go somewhere where I can stop looking in the mirror and absolutely hate what I see." She turns to me. "I'm packing all this up," She gestures around us. "soon, so if you want to keep anything you can come and get it. I'm assuming you'll want your books and CD's." I nod. "Okay, just… stop by whenever to pick them up. I won't be going anywhere."

"When are you leaving?" I ask.

"In a month." She answers. We sit and stand there in silence for a little while, everything sinking in and making me numb. "You better go; Dean is outside waiting for you." I nod and stand and we both make our way to the front door. She opens it for me and I step out but before I go she calls me back again. "Castiel, I would really love to give our relationship another go. I meant it when I said I was sorry."

I look back behind my shoulder to see Dean starring. "I don't know mom."

"Can you at least sleep on it, please?" She asks and I can hear the desperation in her voice.

She's scared. "Yeah, okay mom, I'll sleep on it." I then walk away and I hear the click of the door.

I quickly make my way back to Dean and when I get in and he starts driving away, he speaks. "So, what did she have to say?" I explain to him about what she said. "And how'd she take you not wanting her in your life?"

"I told her I'd sleep on it." I say, looking out the window.

We pull up to Sam's friend's house. "Sleep on what?"

"My decision to cut her out of my life." I confess.

"You what?" The back door opens and Sam gets in behind me. "What do you mean you'll sleep on it?"

"Sleep on what?" Sam asks and Dean shushes him.

"Dean," I start. "She's moving out of Kansas, this could be my last chance to try to fix things between each other."

"No." He says, putting his Baby in drive and peeling off. "Do you not remember what she did to you?" I roll my eyes. "You didn't see me giving my father a second chance."

"She didn't try to kill me." I snap back, looking at the side of his face as he watches the road.

"Guys… who are we talking about?" Sam asks.

"My mother." I say.

"You're mom? You haven't seen her in ages." Sam sounds confused.

"No, our little angel here saw her today because she had the nerve to send him something." Dean is angry but he's trying to stay in control.

I too, am getting angry. "It was the glass angel Gabriel gave me. I'm glad she sent it to me."

Dean groans in annoyance. "I never said it was a bad thing to give it to you. I meant that she needs to stay out of our lives."

"Well it didn't sound like that." I complain. "For crying out loud Dean, you sound like you're jealous because I may have a shot with my mother when you didn't with your father."

Dean's jaw tenses. "Okay guys, that's enough." Sam warns. "Why is it that you two always seem to argue? That's what broke you two up in the first place."

I huff. "No, what broke us up in the first place was Dean not being able to keep it in his pants."

"Oh like you're some saint." Dean retorts back.

"I'm not saying that I am, trust me I know I'm not, but that's not what made my trust for you go out the window." I argue. "Hell, you still have Sarah's number." It's silent after that, Dean not coming up with a comeback and me not having the energy to argue anymore. I can tell Sam is uncomfortable and after about ten minutes of silence, I quietly say, "I'm sorry about John, Sam."

I hear shuffling as if someone just sat back in their seat. He must have been leaning forward. "It's okay Cas, thanks." I'm not sure if Dean told Sam that I killed him but I don't bring it up.

"Are we going to see Elijah?" I ask.

"If you want." Dean says simply and I look out the window again.

"Maybe later, I'm tired." I claim and Dean drives me back to Elijah's apartment. "Bye Sam, bye Dean."

"Bye Cas." Sam says back but Dean doesn't say anything. He just looks out the windshield. I internally sigh and kiss his cheek then I get out and make my way inside the apartment.

When I get in it smells like roses. I first put the glass angel on a shelf where it'll be safe. I then pick up the box and the Styrofoam peanut packaging, placing them by the door for taking care of later. I walk to the flowers and take the stem that I peeled all the petals off of and throw it in the trash. The rest of the flowers look like they are starting to wilt so I fish around and finally find some fertilizer to add to the water. I add it and sit there the rest of the day, willing the flowers to straighten.

A/N: So how was it? Good, bad, okay? Let me know and I'll try to improve with the next chapter though with this being almost done, the chapters are more for tying up loose ends. Thanks for reading. :)