**A/N: Brace yourselves. That is all.
Chapter 36-Sharper Than A Knife
"I can see your eyes staring into mine, but it's a battlefield and you're on the other side. You can throw your words sharper than a knife, and leave me cold in another house on fire. I lay low, lay low and watch the bridges burn. I lay low, lay low. What more could I have done?"
~Black Roses, Clare Bowen
Bethany poked her head around the corner, seeing the 'open' sign glowing through the eerily dark streets. "Okay," she said to the man next to her. "You coming in?"
He shook his head, and with the blue and red light from the sign, she could see him a lot better now. Dark rims around his eyes, not war paint but bags from lack of sleep, a dirty and full beard, skin a sickly shade of white. He looked unhealthy and in need of a good night of sleep. And food. Lots of food. The man in front of her was a hint of the Bucky she used to know, but his soul was crushed into a million little pieces.
"Okay, I'll be right back," Bethany assured before walking into the pawn shop and unhooking the clasps of her diamond bracelet. It was worth a fortune, an old gift from Howard, but she never wore it for fear it would get lost. Yes, she wore her earrings every single day, but the chances of those slipping out of her ears were slim. Over 70 years, it hadn't happened once. In the eight times she wore the bracelet, it happened three times. The numbers didn't lie. And while she felt bad selling something that Howard gave her, her husband's best friend needed money and this was the only way she could do it without Steve noticing.
Bucky had barely said a word. He hadn't asked for anything either, Bethany taking the lead as soon as she saw him. She could tell he didn't want her charity, but at the same time was in no position to refuse it. "What can I do for you?" The man behind the desk asked, looking up from his magnifying glass.
"You could take this," she said, dropping the bracelet on the counter. "And give me some money in exchange. It's real."
"Oh, I don't doubt that," the man agreed, taking one look at Bethany and knowing that she hadn't pawned it off someone. Not with her attire. He vaguely thought that she looked familiar, but pushed that aside. "Why so eager to get rid of it?"
"Not eager at all," Bethany said with a sigh. "Someone needs the money more than I do. Listen, I don't feel like bargaining for a price, so just give me what you think it is worth. It better be enough to get someone off the streets though."
The man opened his safety deposit box and started pulling out some money. "You sure this person won't use it on drugs?"
"I'm positive," Bethany said, frowning. "You know, you shouldn't keep this much money in a safety deposit box.
"I'm armed," the man replied smartly, but Bethany just rolled her eyes. She knew that if she was planning on robbing this guy, it would be all too easy. Even in her third trimester, in a dress. "Here. You gonna come back for the bracelet?"
Bethany looked at the circle of diamonds before shaking her head, taking the cash and leaving. The bell to the door sounded as Bethany pushed the door open, handing the wads of cash to Bucky. "I don't-"
"Take it," Bethany insisted. "Buy an apartment. Get yourself cleaned up. This won't help you. Getting your life together, finding out what you like, what you dislike, that will help you decide who you want to be."
"Thank you," He said hoarsely, pocketing the money.
Bethany gave him a small smile and a nod. "If you need anything else, you know you can ask. Steve… Steve's been looking for you. Just in case you were wondering. He pretends he hasn't been because he knows it makes me frustrated, but that's only because I know that you aren't ready."
"He… expects too much from me," Bucky whispered. "I don't know anything about myself."
"That's not true," Bethany disagreed. "You know you don't want to let him down. That's a start, whether you want to believe it or not. I should get back. They'll notice that I'm gone, but listen; once you get an apartment, I want to know."
Bucky said nothing, just watched her silently before nodding. Bethany wasn't even sure if she could call him Bucky. It was just a hollow shell, carved out and left dark and dim. They parted ways, Bethany rubbing her arms as a wind howled around her. Goosebumps moved all over her body, Bethany wishing she had a shawl or a coat with her. The party wasn't too far off, but it was really uncomfortable.
Her feet padded against the pavement, as a hard cramp racked her body. She stopped in her place, hand on her stomach, teeth clenched. Putting one hand on the pole of a lamp post to steady herself, Bethany waited for it to go away, but it seemed like it wouldn't. She tried breathing like all the women in the movies, but all she wanted to do was scream.
Opening her mouth just a tad, she felt a hand cover it. A moment of panic flooded through her as her captor started to pull her flush against him. She quickly regained her wits, despite pain taking over so many of her senses, devising a plan of attack. Bethany didn't get the chance though as the captor was ripped off of her. Bethany leaned back up against the lamp pole, watching as Steve started to pound at the man's face.
"Steve," Bethany panted. Jealousy and protectiveness was not a good colour on him. His darkest side always seemed to emerge when Bethany was in danger and it terrified her. "Stop."
Steve let go of the man, before standing back up and looking at his wife. "Are you okay?"
"Not everyone can run that fast!" Tony's voice came, him jogging up next to them. "Shit, did you do that?" Tony asked, looking at the unconscious man.
Bethany leaned down next to the man, fingers on his neck. "He's alive at least."
"Beth?" Steve asked, leaning next to her. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Bethany said with a shake of her head, wincing slightly as the last of her cramps died out.
"Did he pull you away from the party?" Steve asked, carefully pulling her up to stand and wrapping his arms around her.
"Hmm?" Bethany asked as her face was pressed up against his shirt. "Yeah," she lied, knowing that she couldn't tell him about Bucky and this was a perfect alibi.
"Umm, guys?" Tony spoke up, leaning next to the attacker. They both looked down as Tony held up his phone. "Looks like this wasn't some random attack."
Steve took the phone, looking at the e-mails the page was open to. "HYDRA," Steve spat. "We need to get you out of here. Tony call the police."
Tony took the phone back, dialling the correct numbers. "If it was HYDRA, why was he alone?" Bethany asked as Steve tried to pull her away.
"This is proof," Steve stressed. "Come on. We need to get you back to the Tower."
"Yeah, but this makes no sense," Bethany said before hissing again, another cramp attacking her.
Steve stopped, eyes filled with worry. "Should we go to the hospital?"
"No," Bethany said shaking her head. "I just need to sit. Everything… it's just been a lot." Steve watched as she shivered and quickly took off his coat and wrapped it around her before picking her up bridal style. "Steve, you don't-"
"Let me take care of you," Steve said strictly in such a manner that Bethany couldn't refuse. Instead, she smiled slightly, despite the pain, despite the night, that she had gotten away with so much. And the only reason she could live with lying to Steve is because she knew it was for the right reasons.
They didn't actually get back to the Tower until the early morning. So many people wanted statements and the story about Bethany's almost disappearance. Steve had bitched and demanded that Bethany needed rest, and she played the part perfectly. A hormonal pregnant woman was what they were selling and Bethany was only happy to play the part. She didn't even have to lie, just cry and moan. The evidence against the man was high enough that Bethany's jumble of words weren't even necessary and they eventually let her go home.
Sitting in bed now, wrapped in huge plaid pjs, Bethany watched as Steve changed into his pajamas. She was exhausted, but the cramping had stopped, and she had felt little movements from the baby, so she knew that he was okay. She also knew that Steve was going to personally put her on bed rest or at least house arrest, despite Dr. Hollis' own prescription. Bethany only had little objections towards that.
"You sure you're alright?" Steve asked once again.
"I thought we agreed long ago that you wouldn't ask me that so much," Bethany said with a small smile, pulling the comforter closer to her body.
"Beth, something bad could've happened," Steve said with a sigh.
"I'm fine," Bethany responded. "We're fine."
"I can't help but worry," Steve mumbled, crawling in next to her. "I thought we were safe."
"Steve, I don't think he was following HYDRA's orders," Bethany expressed, curling next to him.
"You saw his phone," Steve reminded her.
Bethany sighed. "I guess. It just… not their style."
"They have a style?" Steve asked, trying to stay serious but unable to keep a hint of a smile off his face at her words.
"Well, they did work for SHIELD. They wouldn't send one person in for such a big mission," Bethany said with a shrug.
"Maybe to lay low?" Steve offered. "He didn't say anything?"
"Nothing," Bethany said truthfully before yawning. "Stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" Steve asked, confused.
"Like I'm going to disappear at any moment. I'm fine," Bethany said once again, closing her eyes.
Steve just let out a breath of air. "I wish you would've let the paramedic look over you."
"He didn't do anything to me," Bethany assured him, her last word being swallowed by another yawn.
"Go to bed," Steve chuckled, reaching to turn off the light.
Steve stood in the kitchen close to lunch time making pancakes. Bethany was still asleep, but Steve knew she had a rough night. She spent the majority of her sleep tossing and turning, mumbling. Nothing serious enough for Steve to wake her up, but he could tell she was getting restless sleep. He hoped that when she woke up, the pancakes would help in brightening her day.
A firm buzz filled the room, Steve sighing and moving to the door. He unlocked it, the door sliding open to reveal Tony. "Do I ever have something for you," the man said pushing into the room.
"What?" Steve asked, following Tony deeper into the apartment before the man held out his phone.
"I found this on the HYDRA guy's phone," Tony said, pointing at some photos. "Made sure I sent them to myself before I handed the phone over."
Steve frowned, zooming in on the photo. It was Bethany, walking stride in stride with a man all in black. As he swiped the photos from side to side, he finally got a close up of the man's face. "Bucky," he said quietly, his fist clenching as the phone easily became nothing in his hand.
"Hey!" Tony objected, watching as his phone was destroyed, but Steve had nothing of it, striding straight into the bedroom. Bethany was just crawling out of bed, a bright smile on her face.
"'Morning," She greeted Steve. "What's left of it anyway. Think you can get me an advil? I still have that headache from last night."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Steve asked quietly. "Why did you lie?"
Bethany frowned, sitting back down on the bed. "Lie about what? Steve, what are you talking about?"
"Bucky," Steve said, trying to hold back his emotions. "You're in contact with him? You saw him last night? That guy didn't kidnap you, you willingly went with Buc-Why would you lie, Beth? Why would you keep this from me?"
Bethany put a hand to her forehead, closing her eyes. "Steve… I-"
"What?" Steve questioned. "How can you even justify all this?"
"Because he doesn't want your help!" Bethany shouted, dropping her hand next to her, looking up at Steve's hurt face. "He came to me for help, because I understand! You expect him to be Bucky when he's not. He doesn't know who he is, or even if he wants to remember. But he came to me, because he knows I'll understand."
"How long?" Steve asked, anger still clear in his voice.
Bethany sighed looking at her hands. "Since the fall of SHIELD. He came to the hospital."
"He-" She looked up, watching as his mouth tried to form words, but none came out, almost like he didn't even know how to process everything.
"He needed to know you were alright," Bethany whispered. "Which is a good sign, but Steve… he's not Bucky. Not anymore. And probably never again. Just like I will never be that girl you met back in 1943. We've been through hell and back, been used as weapons and brainwashed-"
"But you're right here," Steve interrupted. "You're having my kid, we're married! We picked right back up-"
"No we did not," Bethany said, determination clear in her voice. "You may think that, but it was hard Steve. Hard for both of us to move past everything. It may not seem that way, but it was."
Steve was silent, his hard face staring a hole into Bethany's. "I thought… I could trust you. You're wrong. You're still that girl."
"Steve," Bethany said breathless, his words cutting into her sharper than a knife.
"I can't… I can't even look at you right now," Steve whispered, looking away from her. Bethany could feel tears welling up in her eyes, her throat becoming dry. Her biggest fear in life was being that girl again and the man that meant more to her than anything, a man who found it against his nature to lie saying this about her, was more painful than any bullet or knife could ever be.
Steve started walking out the room, Bethany quickly following him. "Where are you going?" She panted, tears freely falling from her face now. They had long ago promised the other never to leave while in a fight, leaving the one at home terrified the other wouldn't return.
"To find Bucky," Steve said, grabbing his coat from the front hall's hook before leaving. Bethany stood there, her mouth open slightly, trying not to mumble incoherently. Her breath was laboured and suddenly breathing was a very difficult task. It was almost like it was stuck in her throat.
A hand went to her throat, as if it would ease her struggle, but it continue to catch, tears running down her face and down her neck. "Hey, hey, relax," she could faintly hear Tony say, his hands on her shoulders. "He'll be back. Okay? C'mon let's… uh, lie down?"
"H-he h-h-hat-ates m-me," Bethany struggled to get out as Tony led her back to her room and into her bed.
He looked at her panicked, not sure what to do. "Nah… he's just… overwhelmed." Bethany shook her head as her body continued to convulse, ugly tears streaming from her eyes.
"What's going on?" Tony heard from the doorframe.
"Oh thank god!" Tony exclaimed with a sigh when Pepper and Kiley stood there, taking in what was in front of them. "I can't-I can't handle this. Please, handle this."
Each 'this' was met with a circular gesture to Bethany who just continued to sob, either unaware or uncaring towards Tony's words. "Okay," Pepper said, coming into the room and putting a hand on Tony's shoulder. "We'll handle this. Where's Steve?"
Bethany's sob got louder at the mention of her husband's name, everyone wincing slightly. "That's why she's crying," Tony mouthed. "He left."
"What?!" Both Pepper and Kiley shouted, unbelieving.
"He h-h-hates meeeeee," Bethany whined through her tears. "I-I-I can-can't br-breath."
Kiley moved next to Bethany a hand circling her back. "Okay, just deep breaths okay? Someone get a bag."
Tony looked around the room frantically before finding a plastic bag and emptying the contents. Pepper took it, placing it under Bethany's mouth, the three of them waiting until the sobbing woman seemed to recover enough. "See? There you go," Kiley assured her. "Everything is going to be okay."
"No, it's not," Bethany said, her eyes red, swollen and heavy, but no new tears falling, as if she had no more to shed. "He hates me."
"No he doesn't," Pepper assured her, a hand on her knee. "He loves you."
Bethany shook her head slowly. "I lied to him. Again. I gave him reason not to trust me. I worked so hard to gain that trust for nothing."
"Not for nothing," Kiley promised. "I know it seems bad now, but he'll forgive you."
"I'm not so sure," Bethany whispered. The glaze over her eyes said it all. She was barely there, half living in the memories of the fight.
"Is there anything we can do?" Pepper asked softly.
Bethany shook her head. "I'd like to be alone."
Kiley, Pepper and Tony all shared the same look; none of them wanted to leave her alone. But at the same time, none of them wanted to go against her wishes. Bethany shimmied deeper down into the bed, pulling Steve's pillow to her and holding onto it.
"You sure?" Pepper asked carefully.
Bethany nodded, closing her eyes. "I'm a little nauseous. I'd just like to rest."
Slowly, the trio meandered out, closing the door behind them. "Are we sure this is such a great idea?" Kiley asked, crossing her arms.
"Well, she doesn't have a good record of sanity when Steve isn't around," Tony spoke while moving over to the island and sitting on the stool. "JARVIS? Keep an eye on her?"
"Sir, all cameras in Mrs. Rogers' room have been disconnected," JARVIS informed them.
"Doesn't surprise me," Tony grumbled. "They like their privacy. Alright, well can you just keep an ear out? Or whatev- Just let us know if there's anything concerning."
"As you wish," JARVIS granted.
"What happened?" Pepper asked, leaning against the island.
"It's all my fault," Tony allowed. "I fucked up. I just thought… Thought he needed to know. Looking back, I should've protected my own, but I thought that maybe he would start to trust me."
"Still lost," Kiley informed Tony. "What did you tell him?"
"I showed him photos from the HYDRA guy's phone. Of Bethany and Bucky taking a walk before she was attacked last night."
"Wait, she… she was in contact?" Pepper asked, completely surprised.
Tony nodded slowly. "Wow," Kiley spoke softly. "Lying to Steve is like the ultimate betrayal. And what? He just left?"
"He said he was going to find Bucky," Tony shared.
"Should we find him?" Pepper asked.
Kiley shook her head. "Maybe a little separation will help? I personally don't know, but if Steve needs to blow off some steam, doing it away from her might be beneficial. But, he'll come back. Won't he?"
Pepper let out a soft breath of air. "Despite what she says, he loves her. I mean, did he clearly say he hated her?"
"I mean, I was on the other side of the door," Tony tried, earning pointed looks from both women. "Okay, I was eavesdropping. But they didn't make it hard! But no, he didn't say those specific words."
"He'll come back then," Pepper nodded confidently. "Until then, we should stay here. Just so she can't get into anymore trouble."
The three agreed before Tony picked up the landline phone and ordered a pizza.
He counted the bills in his hands for the fourth time. It was only a fraction of what Bethany had given him, but he was making sure it was enough so the landlord couldn't turn him away. He tried to clean up as best as he could, but he knew his appearance was still sketchy. But, until he had a place of his own, he couldn't do anything about bettering his outside or inside.
He felt bad that the woman had sacrificed the beautiful bracelet, but he could tell that it meant just as much to her as it did to him. A loan, he decided, handing the landlord the money. She'll get it all back.
"How'd you come across this money?" The landlord asked critically.
"A friend," Bucky said under his breath.
The landlord stopped counting for a split second, giving him a critical look before finishing and putting the money down. "Fill this form out. No ID is needed at this time."
He was grateful for that. He had nothing besides the clothes on his back and the money in his pockets. Looking down at the forms however, his heart fell a little. They needed his name. His date of birth. Contact information. Next-of-kin. Job. All things he either didn't have or didn't know.
"Is all this necessary?" He asked, still looking at the paper.
"Listen, if you're running from the law, I won't deal with any of that-"
"It's fine," he said quickly. In a way, he was running from the law, but not in the way the man thought. And while he may pose a threat, a place of his own was the first step. Slowly, he wrote James Barnes, the words flowing easily from the pen to the paper, his hand used to writing it apparently. But it still didn't seem to fit who he was. Bethany hadn't called him 'James' or 'Bucky' and he was grateful. It felt like pushing an identity into a puzzle spot that wasn't right.
He looked around the room slowly, finding a calendar upon the wall. 2014, he noted, then started counting back from there. He assumed he was nearing his 30's, thus ended on the year 1984. As for the date, he decided that it was a new beginning, a new start and that he'd adopted the day as his birthday. June 11th, 1984.
"I don't have any contact information," Bucky told the man. "Or next-of-kin."
"You a runaway Amish then?" The landlord jested. "Leave 'em blank for now. You have a job though, right? You're not just going to live off your friend?"
He hadn't really thought about a job. He knew he wasn't in the right place now, but the man was right. He couldn't live off Bethany forever. "I'm a soldier," he found himself saying automatically. "Retired. I'll find a job. Soon."
The landlord gave him one more overlook before sighing and taking the paper, exchanging it with a key. "Apartment 213. Rent's due at the end of the month, in my mailbox. Any questions, just come here. But ask for Lillian."
He nodded once, accepting the key and bracing himself for his new life.
"Any change?" Kiley asked, plopping herself on the couch. She had quickly gone back to her apartment to get her laptop so she could do some work, but had been gone almost an hour. Before that, Bethany had been in her room for three.
"Nothing," Tony said with a sigh, changing the channel. "Pepper had a conference though, so it's just us."
"Where are Thor and Bruce?" Kiley asked, reaching for a gummy bear from the bag beside her.
"Couldn't tell ya," Tony spoke, bored.
Kiley frowned at the station, reaching for the remote and changing it to a cooking channel. "No change at allm though?"
"No movement," Tony said. "I mean, she's breathing, but it's quiet in there. I peaked in there earlier and she hasn't moved. Just staring blankly at the wall. I don't even think she saw me."
"Poor girl," Kiley sighed.
"All I'm wondering is, has she wet the bed? Because she was going to the bathroom every twenty minutes before."
Kiley scoffed. "I'm sure she just doesn't have to go." Kiley opened her laptop, looking at the millions of photos from the night before. She smiled slightly at the sight of the happy and loving Bethany and Steve, her heart aching for them before being struck with a realization. She quickly moved to open up the folder of photos from Bethany's baby shower, comparing a photo of Bethany then to now.
"Is it just me, or did Bethany put on a lot of weight in a short amount of time?"
"She's pregnant," Tony said pointedly. "I mean, in case you didn't notice."
"No, look," Kiley moaned.
Tony frowned, narrowing his eyes before shrugging. "So? She's allowed to be fat, she's eating for two."
"I guess," Kiley mumbled. "Do you think we should go after Steve?"
"You're the one who said we should let him blow off some steam," Tony reminded her. "And those are my gummy worms. Or bears. Gummy things."
Kiley frowned as the bag was torn away from her. "I thought he'd be back by now. Four hours? Does he really need that much time? You think he's okay?"
"He's Captain America," Tony spoke plainly. "He's probably fine. Eliciting patriotism and freedom wherever he goes."
"Why do you hate him so much?" Kiley asked bluntly.
"I don't hate him," Tony said strongly. "We're just… different. We don't agree on a lot of things. And what we do agree on, it's common sense. I try to get along with him for Bethany's sake, just like he gets along with me. I thought showing him those photos would… be a type of truce. I don't know. It wasn't a well-thought out plan, was it?"
"Not at all," Kiley grumbled, eyes scanning her e-mails. "For a genius, you fuck up a lot."
"Thanks," Tony said with a roll of his eyes. "You know, I re-"
He was interrupted by a loud and long pained scream yelling 'Tony' coming from Bethany's room. Kiley dropped her laptop, not giving a damn about its wellbeing as Tony and Kiley rushed to Bethany's room. Their eyes met Bethany at the end of the bed, one hand on her stomach, another on her mouth as she held back a sob. She looked horrified and panicked, her eyes on the bed. Slowly, they both followed her gaze; a dark, thick red spot on the white sheets.
Blood.
**A/N: Good news; you won't have to wait the full week for the next update! You'll most likely get it on Sunday or Monday. The next update's preview is up on the tumblr now as well, and it's one of my favorite parts of the chapter.
Also; Steve's reaction? Any comments? I know a lot of people were excited to see Steve blow his top. I felt that it was key to write Steve not necessarily as the bad guy, but the one at fault. And yes, Bethany isn't exactly in the clear, but I think we can all agree that she deserves a break.
RealHuntress18: You know me. I have to go and ruin everything. Happiness=something bad about to happen. And as you can see, I took that to a new level this chapter!
sailorraven34: You were probably relieved when it was Bucky. Probably not so much now...
Jo: The idea of Jen and Bucky seems to actually be a popular one. I know what's going to happen. But everyone else will just have to wait ;)
FeliciaFelicis: Well, before it was a dark red. Now? Blonde. So very blonde. But so far, I'm getting compliments left and right! It looks exactly like Jennifer Lawrence's pixie cut. EXACTLY. Which is good, since that was the photo I brought in :P Hayden had her baby last Tuesday :) Very happy for her, and even more excited for photos of her holding a baby. Not awful at all! I'm actually very excited to share that chapter with everyone. All I asked for this Christmas was money since some friends and I are going to Disney for my birthday, and while I can afford it, I'd rather have everyone else pay for it :P