Note: So… first of all sorry for last chapter, my Regina muse is just super intense and dramatic. Hope this chapter is better. Enjoy.

STARING INTO THE BLUE

She has been sitting there for a while now. She couldn't exactly say for how long but it has been quite a lot; at least enough for the cold breeze of the night to settle so deep into her being that she could feel it in her bones, making them ache and in her muscles, making them stiffen.

It probably has been hours and it definitely felt like it, but she couldn't quite say for sure because the moonless sky was as dark now as it has been the moment she arrived so there was no noticeable indicator of the passage of time.

Maybe it has been less, who knew? Because if true be told it oddly felt like time has slowed down to a crawl, stretching her stop there into a surreal eternity that seemed to have no end.

But what was time anyway for her to care? It wasn't like she had anywhere else to go so could stay as little or as long as she wanted to, paying respect to her past and momentarily evading her present.

Lowering her still moistened eyes and flexing her numb fingers, Regina drew in a shaky breath.

It has been years since she last stepped into the cemetery to visit both Daniel's and her son's graves and that she has chosen to do so in such a fateful night has been the catalyst that unveiled a series of raging feelings she wasn't sure how to deal with.

There was the usual devastating sorrow, the rage and sense of impotence about how it all played out and of curse, the guilt that no matter what she did would always live with her.

It was her fault that they were in there, no longer among the living because if she wouldn't have pressed for Daniel to leave like burglars in the middle of the night the accident wouldn't have happened.

She has been impulsive… rash, and she didn't take in consideration the possible repercussions of her acts… and as it seemed, she still hasn't learn a thing about that.

That night she did the same thing with Robin. Sure, the situation was different and she highly doubted anyone would tragically die because of her actions, but she could as well loose him and all because she like always didn't think.

She overreacted, she was pretty much aware of that. Hell, she knew she was blowing things out of proportion as she was doing it but it was as if there was nothing she could do to stop it.

It has been as if her subconscious wanted to sabotage all the progress she has achieved with Robin and because she let it happen she screwed up. She ruined one of the only good things that she has found in life… and now on top of everything else she was feeling, there was regret… gnawing at her soul so she could only feel numb.

'Apologize.'

The word echoed loudly inside her head and she scoffed, closing her eyes as yet another tear escaped her, getting caught in her eyelashes before silently sliding down her cheek.

She wanted to think the voice was Daniel's and that in some mystical kind of way the universe wanted her to close the cycle of him by letting her know it was okay for her to find happiness again and that there was no reason to keep punishing herself for what happened.

She didn't have be her own worst enemy, she didn't have to sabotage her own damn life and she could let go of the guilt and the self-loathing she has been carrying all these years… she could… she should.

But as riveting as that sounded, things were not like that. That wasn't Daniel's voice speaking, it couldn't be because it has been so long since she last heard him talk that she couldn't even remember how he sounded. So no, it wasn't her lost love's voice the one that spoke to her, it was Robin's.

It even made sense for her conscience to mimic over his tone, because ever since day one, his has always been the voice of reason.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, the pregnant woman got to her feet and smoothed her dress. She has been sitting there long enough for the mist of the night to damp the fabric of her clothes, amplifying the cold that had already taken residence in her.

That was why she decided that it was time to go, because it was getting too cold and because she needed to face the consequences of what she just did.

Who knew? Maybe the first step wouldn't even had to be hers, maybe by the time she came home Robin would be there, waiting for her and before he could even say a word she could apologize and explain how she hadn't mean it. She could lay it all out and just admit that she plain and simply overreacted.

After all, she saw most of what happened and he hadn't done anything wrong. Yes, she still wasn't sure how he put himself in such a compromising position and that was something they should discuss, but the reality of it all was that when Zelena tried to kiss him he stopped her.

She saw that with her own two eyes and yet… she still allowed herself to mess up. Now she needed to fix it.

With that in mind, she drove home, and upon pulling over the first thing she noticed was that he wasn't there. At least his car wasn't parked in his usual spot and taking in consideration how all the lights of her house were turned off, she could go ahead and assume that no, that he was not there.

For some reason, that hit her like a blow to the stomach because what if she screwed up so bad that he didn't want to know about her anymore? What if this was the last straw and that she finally and undoubtedly drove him away?

She couldn't blame him if that was the case because as it happened, he has put up so much with her and maybe he just reached his limit.

"Of course he did." She whispered while running her fingers through her hair and feeling how her eyes filled with tears once again.

She didn't like the notion of that, how would she? But deep inside she knew that Robin getting fed up would probably be for the best, as she surely was going to end up screwing one way or another sometime along the way.

He deserved better than what she was giving him and he could go and find it now, and if that didn't give her solace then she didn't know what would.

Refusing to entertain the idea that maybe she was overreacting once again and that if he wasn't there she could always call him or even go to him, Regina climbed out of her car and made it inside her house.

Maybe that was what she should do… if not calling him then at least sending him a text message telling him that she wanted to talk things over.

They didn't even have to met in that moment, but later on when she would be feeling more composed and when she could at least look half presentable.

"Where have you been?"

Gasping in surprise at how his voice drilled into her brain while her eyes automatically searched for him, Regina felt her phone slipping out of her grip so it could crash hard into the floor.

She barely noticed, because when she spotted him, sitting with his elbows resting over his knees while sitting at the edge of her sofa, she froze.

She hadn't been expecting him to be there, sitting in the dark and even though she knew this was the moment she needed to be the better person and apologize she just stood there.

It was dark so she couldn't quite see his expression, but judging by the timbre of his voice and the posture he had taken, she could say that he was not happy. "I think I asked you a question."

Blinking a few times at the severity of his tone, Regina shook her head, not really knowing what to say. "I was clearing my head a little."

His head dropped down between his shoulder blades for a moment before lifting it back again. "I was calling you, and I messaged you and I looked for you all over town. Do you have any idea…" He stopped there, snorting and covering his face with his hands for a second.

Regina just watched him, her still puffy eyes stinging with her unshed tears because the air felt so thick with animosity that she couldn't quite breathe. "My phone was turned off."

"I was about to call Graham." His tone, low and eerie was like nothing she has heard from him before and then, the words he spoke made her do a double take while her lips parted a little.

"You thought I was with him?"

He sighed out loud. "When I said Graham I meant it as if in Sheriff duty. Regina I thought… that sometime happened to you. I was worried because last time you disappeared like this… well, you know what happened. But I see you are fine so I'll go."

Watching him get up on his feet, she snapped out of her trance and reached for his arm. "Robin… I, can we talk?"

Having him closer now, Regina could see his face much clearer and yes, just like she suspected he didn't look content.

"Not now… Regina, really."

Dropping her hand away from him, she sucked in a breath and when he walked away she felt her chest constricting. He was leaving and she didn't do a damn thing to try and fix things.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you… or to do what I did…. I'm… really sorry. I wasn't thinking…"

For a second, she was sure he was going to disregard what she just said and just leave, but then he halted on his track, lifting a hand to his head so that his fingers could run through his hair.

"I don't want to loose you. Not over this."

Turning around so that he could face her, Robin leaned forward and grabbing her face he pressed a kiss to her forehead. He lingered for quite some time and then when he pulled away he didn't let go of her face.

"I love you, you don't even know how much. But I can't do this right now. We're both upset and that's a lethal combination."

She nodded, once again feeling her chest too heavy. She wanted to press for him to stay but the words were stuck at the back of her throat and she was sure that if she even attempted to talk she was going to choke and end up crying.

But apparently, talk was something she didn't have to do in that moment because from her face he dropped his hands to her arms and then he noticed.

"You're shaking."

As a response, Regina just blew out the breath she has been holding. Yes, she was trembling, partly because of the cold and then another part because she felt like she was holding so much inside of her that she might as well blow.

"I'm cold." She said simply.

From her arms, he dragged his hands so that he could touch her dress and finding it damp he fixed his eyes on hers. "Where were you?"

"Cemetery. I needed to think."

His brows furrowed a little and his lips pursed. It was as if he was debating on whether he should say something or perhaps if he should stay or if he should go. She wanted to ask him to please stay, but because she knew he would probably go anyway she remained in silence.

"Come on, let's get you out of those clothes and into something warmer."

She nodded again, knowing very well that she should take what she could, that's why she went with him to her bedroom and as he started to run a warm shower for her she just stood there, watching him.

When he finished with the preparations, he motioned her to go ahead and without saying a word she went in, and then when she was done with her nighttime routine he was still there.

Much like when she found him in her living room, he was sitting in the chiaroscuro of her room now, apparently waiting for her.

"Alright… you wanted to talk so talk."

Caught unprepared but feeling more at ease since she was warmer and relieved that he wanted to talk, Regina pushed the inside of her lips with her tongue.

She couldn't remember having to apologize much in her life so she didn't really know how to start or how to even do it.

"What I did… was a shitty thing to do. I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt like I should have done and I'm sorry about that."

"Are you, really? I mean sorry?"

Her eyes shifted as if in thinking. "Why wouldn't I be?"

He shrugged, keeping his eyes on her. "I don't know, you tell me."

Lifting her arms a little and then letting them drop to her sides, Regina closed her eyes.

Couldn't he see that this was hard enough on her already as it was? She was doing the best she could, true, but it was just that she was still learning how to open up to him and pushing her was going to make her want to shut off once again

She apologized, she told him she didn't want to lose him so what else did he want?

"I don't know what else you want me to say."

Lowering his eyes, Robin took in a deep breath as that was obviously not the answer he wanted to hear.

"When I came here, looking for you, I did it with the intention of apologizing until I had no breath left in me, and that was for something I didn't even do because trust me, Regina, I didn't do anything for you to react like you did. But I was ready to compromise because that's how much you mean to me."

At his words, Regina just blinked, wrapping her arms around her midsection as her eyes refused to leave his.

"Then when I realized you were nowhere to be found I got worried out of mind and I could no longer care about how… ready you were to throw this away as all I wanted you was for you to be safe."

"I'm sorry." She said almost in a sob because that he could be worried was something that didn't even cross her mind.

"I was relieved when you came here, I really was. But I was also angry… I still am, because Regina what you did… was really not fair."

Saying that, he took out of his pocket the engagement ring she gave back to him and swirled it between his fingers.

"I get it, what you saw upset you and in a way you were in all your right to feel that way. But giving this back without even listening to what I had to say was like throwing in my face everything we've been through, everything I feel."

Biting on her lips, she sniffed, listening and shaking her head because that wasn't what she meant to do.

"To me it was like you just found the perfect excuse to bail out of something you've been trying to get away from for the longest time and it made me mad, first with myself because the possibility that this is too much too soon for you is something I've been trying to turn a blind eye to and then with yourself for not having the decency to say it like that to me face."

Regina opened her mouth to deny what he just said, but then when it hit her she clasped it back shut.

"Is that what you were trying to do? To break things off?"

Swallowing on dry and feeling her tears flow, she shrugged. "Unconsciously? In a way, probably…"

She heard him draw in a shaky breath, as if what she just said broke him inside and if anything, that made her feel like the lowest scum in earth. That's why she hurried to explain herself.

"I am… my own worse enemy, and part of why I am this way is because I'm so full of these raging feelings that keep tormenting me. I don't even know how to explain it or how to even understand it myself but…"

She looked up to her ceiling, trying to make sense out of all her babbling.

"I think I have this severe case of self-loathing that doesn't allow me to be completely happy. That's why I always screw everything I touch, because deep inside I don't think I deserve good things and I sabotage myself. But I don't want to do that anymore, not with you."

Drawing in a breath and realizing that she was by then fully crying, Regina wiped at her eyes. She did it just as she saw him stand up and walk to her.

"Then just don't." He said when he was in front of her, then he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her to him, her face snuggled to his chest while his fingers buried into her hair.

"I wish it was that easy." She said, breathing into his scent and finding that comfort she always got from him.

"Regina, you'll be as happy as you'll allow yourself to be. I can help you and I want to. But if at the end it's something you don't work for then you won't get that far."

"I know."

His hands lowered to the nape of her neck, the pad of his fingers slowly brushing against her skin. For a few minutes that seemed to have dragged into an eternity they just remained like that, silently holding to each other.

"Nothing happened with Zelena. I didn't kiss her, or lead her on or anything of the kind. First because I don't want anyone but you and second… well, I don't even need a second reason. Regina, when I said that I love you and that I want to spend my life with you I meant it, so trust me when I say I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have."

Pulling away from him so that she could look at him in the eye, Regina nodded. She believed him and why wouldn't she? She trusted the man with her own life.

"Okay."

Squinting his eyes, he frowned. "Just… okay?"

She hummed in affirmation. "I trust you. I mean I don't like the idea that she though she could do that… but I believe you."

Chewing on his lips, he nodded. "Okay."

"You still mad?"

His eyes danced over her face. Yes, he wasn't his usually merry self, but the severity of his features were more relaxed now so she wondered if they were good. "I should."

And she knew he should, but still she ventured to ask. "Can I have my ring back?"

Scoffing and arching an eyebrow, Robin reached for the ring and grabbing her left hand he put it where it belonged. "You can't do what you did again. If something bothers you we talk about it until it's fixed, but you can't do this again."

"I won't."

Before he could add to that or before he could say he was going to leave, Regina pressed her mouth to his.

It was something brief that didn't quite get a response from him. He just let her do it, and when she pulled apart she had to search into his eyes to see if she could find a hint out those blues that would tell her that indeed everything was going to be fine.

She wasn't sure if she found what she was looking for but when she closed the distance that separated them to kiss her once more, he kissed her back.

TBC