Attachment Syndrome

Chapter 37:

"Dad."

He looks up from his computer, surprised to find Alexis standing in the doorway. He didn't expect her home so soon. They had a senior orientation day at Marlowe Prep.

"Hey," he says softly, glancing toward the crib by the window.

"Dad," Alexis insists, walking forward with a big envelope.

His stomach bottoms out, but he pastes on a smile anyway. "Stanford?"

Alexis blinks, then laughs. "No, no. Daddy, the big envelope is for you."

He sits immobile for a moment before practically leaping from his chair, only the slightest hint of sanity reminding him to toggle his laptop back onto the desk. Alexis thrusts the envelope at him and they stare at each other before glancing in tandem at the crib.

Castle stands, transfixed.

"Well?" Alexis prompts.

He shakes himself and tears the envelope open, eagerly pulling out the papers. He scans quickly, terms and dates and forms passing rapidly as he takes it all in.

A father. He's been officially approved for the adoption.

He and Kate have been officially approved.

They need to come in to sign papers and meet with a judge for a very brief hearing, and then Johanne is theirs. Officially. Legally. One hundred percent. Theirs.

"I," he starts, staring at the forms. "I, um. Kate?" he manages, looking to his daughter. His older daughter. "We should—precinct, maybe?"

Alexis laughs, delighted. "You need to sit down."

"Can't sit down. Baby. Daughter. Family. Oh," he says, realizing. He's not forming sentences.

He's just—he's so excited.

Johanne issues a cry from the crib and they turn to find her standing up, little hands gripping the bars.

Alexis takes the papers from him and he walks over to hoist the baby out of her crib, cradling her to his chest. "Did we wake you, bug?" he murmurs as she continues to whimper. "Daddy just got excited."

Alexis smiles at them and reaches out, grabbing his phone to take a picture. He's sure his eyes are as wet as the baby's are, but he doesn't care.

They're approved. Their going to get their daughter.

"Dad?" He blinks and Alexis laughs. "Come on. I'll make her a bottle. You get dressed, and we'll go see Kate."

He beams and nods, walking quickly to pull her into a hug, both his girls squished tight to his chest. "What would I do without you?" he asks the top of Alexis' head.

"Starve to death," she says, dead pan, before giggling into his shoulder. "Come on. Let's go see mommy, huh?" she adds, tickling Johanne. "I bet you she blubbers."

"Oh, no way," Castle says as Alexis pulls back. "No way. I'm the crier." Alexis raises an eyebrow. "Yeah, I heard it."

She shakes her head. "This is different."

"She's at work."

Alexis simply shrugs. "She's going to cry, and you're going to cry, and I'll put money on Javi."

"Ryan's a better bet."

"Ryan's a given," Alexis tosses back, scooping the baby out of his arms. "Go get dressed."

He looks down, surprised somehow to find himself in sweats and a tee shirt. Man, the stay-at-home dad thing's really getting him this time around. He usually remembers to change into jeans by noon, but he's been getting lax about it. No one cares, and he certainly doesn't. But he's really a stay-at-home dad again.

He grins.

He's a dad again.

(…)

"Did you check to make sure she'd be here?" Alexis asks as they ride up in the elevator, Johanne bouncing against his chest, the baby bag over Alexis' shoulder.

"No?" he says around a grin.

Alexis laughs. "You're giddy."

He opens his mouth, then reaches out to wrap his arm around her. "I am. Problem?"

"No," Alexis says, turning her face into his shoulder. "I'm giddy too. I'm—I'm really glad this…worked out," she decides.

"Me too," he says. The doors open and he leads her out and around the right corner, down the supply hall, suddenly needing to do this first, even before Kate.

"Dad?" Alexis questions as he guides her over to a banket of chairs.

"I want to thank you," he says, sitting them down together. "You've been so amazing with Josie. When I decided to watch her for Kate, you just accepted her as part of the house, no questions asked. You did the same with Kate. You came to the Hamptons with us, and we never would have made it through the summer without you. You—Alexis, I am so proud of you, and so grateful."

Alexis smiles, her chin trembling. "I love you, daddy."

He reaches out and pulls her in for another hug. "I love you too. You are the best big sister ever, and the most amazing daughter."

Alexis squeezes him once then looks down at Johanne, who gurgles up at her, smiling. "Look at how happy you are, Josie-bug," she says, taking one of the baby's grabby little hands. "She never would have made it here without you, dad. I was happy to help. And you—Kate's really good for you."

He smiles. "I know."

Alexis considers him and glances behind them, down the empty hall. "So…anything you want to ask me, before we do this?"

"What?"

"When you proposed to Gina, you asked me first. I mean, you know what my answer is about Kate, but—"

He reaches out and pulls her in again, laughing. "I—had plans. I was gonna take you out for dinner," he tells her. "Just the two of us."

Alexis laughs and pulls back. "Unnecessary."

"Hey. You're my baby. My first baby. I wanted—"

"I know," Alexis says, cutting him off. "I get it. But I'd rather you just ask her. Make it official. You do it now, you guys can have a spring wedding."

He shakes her head at her, but can't keep the grin off his face. "Okay. Can I take you ring shopping with me instead?"

Alexis beams. "Deal. Sunday?"

"I'll have mother or Jim babysit," he agrees. "Now, we should—"

"Castle?" He turns and finds Ryan leaning around the wall into their hallway. "Thought I heard your voice, man. What are you doing here?"

"We came to see Beckett," he says easily. "She around?"

"Paperwork at her desk. Hey, Alexis."

"Hi, Kevin," Alexis says easily, hauling Castle up with her and nearly dragging him down the hallway.

Ryan bumps his fist and smiles at Johanne, who reaches out for him. "Hey, princess. How are you?"

"Hi," Johanne squeaks out.

Ryan beams. "Hi."

Johanne giggles and then squirms, spotting Kate over Ryan's shoulder. Castle laughs and places his hand over the baby's sternum, quieting her just a bit. Kate turns at the babbling sounds, her eyes going wide as she spots the four of them. Esposito comes up behind her desk and smiles at them.

"What are you guys doing here?" Kate asks, standing to catch one of Johanne's flailing hands. "Hey, baby. Why'd daddy bring you, huh?"

Alexis fishes the papers out of the baby bag and hands them to Castle. Kate gives him a confused look but he just smiles and hands them over. Kate cautiously slips the papers out of the envelope and reads. Castle notices Ryan and Esposito standing shoulder to shoulder now. He can see that they're in the middle of chasing down leads, but this has stopped everything.

Kate's breath catches and she glances up at him. "Really?"

"Really," Castle says, his smile matching the brilliant one that slowly stretches across her face. "I called the office. Brian says we can go in on Friday."

"But we have Goldstein," Kate says softly.

"We'll go to Goldstein after," he says, beaming.

"We may have to have a hearing," Kate mumbles, looking back at the papers.

"Formality," Castle assures her. "Just to dot and cross everything off. Brian says we're good to go."

Kate looks up at him, her eyes wet. She smiles and steps close, bending down to press her lips to Johanne's head before arching up to catch his lips with hers.

The boys whistle, but Castle doesn't care. He lets her linger, keeps her there with the catch of his fingers on the lapels of her blazer.

"One more week," she whispers as she pulls back.

He laughs and reaches up to wipe her cheeks. "You were right, Alexis."

Kate raises an eyebrow as Alexis laughs beside them. Johanne squeals, reaching up for Kate. Kate lifts her from the carrier and hoists her up so they're face to face.

"Hey there," she coos. "Did daddy tell you? You're gonna be a Castle."

"Castle," Esposito lets out. "Why Castle?"

Kate turns to face him as Castle rolls his eyes. Ryan takes a step away from Esposito, his hands up.

"Why not Castle, Esposito?" she wonders, deftly untangling Johanne's hands from her necklace without breaking her stare.

"You—you brought her back. She's a Beckett. No offense, Alexis."

Alexis waves him off while Castle stands there, not quite sure of how to react. They've never talked names for Johanne. He hadn't considered it. But of course she needs an official last name. There's no reason she can't be Johanne Beckett. No reason she shouldn't be.

"I may have brought her back, but he chose to do this with me," Kate says slowly.

"So she gets his last name? Takes you right out of the equation," Esposito says.

"I would have pegged you for more of a traditionalist," Kate returns.

"Why, because I'm Hispanic?"

"Whoa, Javi," Ryan puts in. "This isn't—"

"No, because you're a military man," Kate cuts in.

"What does that have to do with anything? I can't be a feminist because I'm a military man?"

"Are you saying I'm not a feminist?" Kate wonders.

"No," Esposito says quickly. "I just—you're not gonna take his name, are you?"

"What?" both Castle and Kate let out.

"You just—look, Beckett, you're…Beckett. I—forget it," Esposito says, turning and striding back toward the break room.

"I'll, uh," Ryan says, pointing after him before scurrying away.

Castle, Alexis, and Kate stand in a daze. Kate slowly revolves to face them, Johanne quiet on her hip.

"Johanne Beckett-Castle?" Castle suggests softly.

"That works," Kate agrees. "Do you—you and Esposito share any similar feelings?"

He blinks and notices Alexis backing away to give them privacy. He sighs and watches Kate and Johanne—his almost daughter and almost fiancé.

"If you wanted to take my name, that would be fine with me. I don't—I don't have strong feelings one way or the other?"

Kate nods and looks down at the baby for a moment before meeting his eyes. "I just want her to have a sense of family. Castle—she should share Alexis' last name. And yours. And I think," she pauses and reaches up with her free hand to touch her necklace. "I don't know that my dad would—Johanne Castle is her own person. I didn't choose her because of her name, but it's close, you know?

"I do," he assures her, stepping up to run his hand down her arm. "Josie Beckett Castle sounds good to me."

"Me too," Kate agrees. "A week."

"A week," he repeats.

"Can you talk to Esposito?"

Castle feels his eyes widening. "You want me to talk to him about this?"

Kate shrugs. "He might be able to get the words out. I don't know what this is about, but I don't want it to…fester."

"Sure," he says immediately. No, he definitely does not want to talk to Espo about this, but he will, for her. "I'll just—" he smiles at the baby and then heads back for the break room.

Esposito sits on the couch, head back, staring at the ceiling while Ryan hovers uncomfortably by the espresso machine.

"I just don't get it, Javi. What the hell was that?"

"Just leave it, bro," Esposito grunts out as Castle walks into the room. They both turn to look at him and Esposito groans. "Look, Castle, I'm sorry, I—"

Ryan clears the room, hurrying back to his desk, closing the door behind him. Esposito sighs and waves Castle off. "I'm fine. I'll apologize to Beckett."

Castle takes a moment, considers his friend. The man looks tired. He and Ryan ran point with the FBI all summer. They took care of logistics when Castle and Kate came back from the Hamptons. They've kept all press at bay. They've kept his partner laughing, taken extra shifts and stayed overtime to let her go home.

"Always knew you were a mama's boy." Castle starts, smiling slightly as Esposito huffs out a laugh.

"I'm sorry, man."

Castle holds up his hands. "I'd pick Beckett over you too." Esposito laughs a little more at that and Castle walks over to lean against the table. "That all this is about?"

Esposito considers him, then glances to the closed doors. "If something happens to her, that's it. You get Josie, and she's gone. I don't know. I'll apologize."

Castle feels himself deflate at that. "You really think I'd let her just forget about Kate?"

Esposito shakes his head. "I know you wouldn't. I just—look, what she did, taking Josie from Haiti? That's huge. If she dies, that dies with her. I know you'll raise her right. But the world—the precinct even. She'll just be your kid after a while and it's just—names stick."

Castle bobs his head. It's not necessarily logical, but he gets it. "We're gonna name her Johanne Beckett Castle," he tells him. "Who knows. Maybe she'll become an actress and go by Josie Beckett."

"Or a writer," Esposito says, giving him a smirk. "Follow some hot shot cop around, get herself into all kinds of trouble."

"Don't even," Castle growls, giving in a moment later to laugh with his friend. "Beckett will stay in the family."

Esposito considers him. "She gonna take your name?"

Castle shrugs. "That's her choice. If she does, don't give her shit for it, would you?"

Esposito nods. "She'll always be Beckett here."

It sounds like half a threat somehow. "I know," Castle agrees. "I'm gonna take the girls home. See you soon."

Esposito nods and watches as Castle leaves. Castle glances back, but the man's already left through the other door. He shakes his head and makes his way back to Kate's desk, where Alexis is sitting in his chair, making faces at Johanne on Kate's lap.

"All clear?" Kate asks as he steps up to them.

"Yeah," he says. "You need anything? I can make a food run."

Kate smiles but shakes her head. "I'm good. I should be home in a few hours. We're waiting on forensics and a lot of number crunches. Probably won't have much 'till morning. You guys go home. Or go get ice cream or something."

"We'll celebrate with you," Castle promises. "Let me know when you're on your way?"

Kate nods and passes Johanne to Alexis. The teen takes her sister happily and waves the baby's hand. "We'll see mommy tonight," Alexis tells her. "I'll meet you downstairs," she adds to Castle as she stands.

He goes to protest but the girls are around the corner before he can even try. He sighs and sinks into his chair beside Kate's desk. Just for a moment, something clicks, the memory of years past, spent in this chair, day after day.

Kate stares and he thinks perhaps they're having the same flashbacks.

"Everything really okay?" Kate asks after a moment.

He smiles at her, feeling somewhat more normal for this momentary relapse. Even Esposito's little fit rights the world just a bit more. "Everything's great," he tells her. "Espo's just getting back to normal."

Kate nods slowly. "Okay." She pauses and taps the papers with her fingers, her smile returning. "Thank you for bringing these."

He nods, reaching out to grip her hand briefly. "Good news. I wanted to share right away. Even woke Josie up by accident."

Kate laughs and squeezes his hand. "We'll celebrate," she insists.

He nods. "We'll celebrate."

(…)

Kate flops back beside him, both of their chests heaving. She turns her head and grins at him, sweaty hair matted against the side of her face, her cheeks pink, chest flush.

"We should adopt more often," he gets out, laughing as she giggles and half-heartedly swats her hand in his direction.

She misses, her palm thudding against the bed. He reaches out and snags her hand in his, tugging gently until she rolls over and cuddles into him. She threads her calf between his knees, her thigh hooked over his. She nuzzles her face into his chest, her breath warm and wet against his cooling skin.

"Wow," she breathes out, and he grins.

"Yeah," he agrees, crooking the arm beneath her head to thread his fingers through her hair. "I didn't know you could bend like that."

She smirks against his skin. "Gotta keep you on your toes."

"Literally?"

Her smirk grows and he feels her teeth nip gently at him. "Maybe."

He laughs. "Maybe we sign up for couples yoga, then. I wouldn't want to break a hip."

She huffs and pushes up to meet his eyes. "Break a hip and I'll break your face, Castle. I need you in top kid wrangling form."

He leers at her. "Just kid wrangling? Or are you worried about our sex life?"

She considers him as he trails his free hand down her back, palming her ass. "I think we could figure something out."

"Ooh, kinky hospital bed sex. I'm in."

She giggles and scoots up his body to press a kiss to his lips. He takes her movement as initiative and manages to release her hand and slide his own down between them. She gasps into his mouth, shifting her hips, releasing a quiet moan between them.

"Castle," she whispers.

He smiles and arches his neck to press his lips to her cheek, her nose, her jaw. "Let me," he whispers back.

"But," she begins, before her mouth falls open, her hips gyrating against his hand as he works her back up.

He can't go again, but he knows she can. Maybe more than once at that.

"Love you," he tells her, watching her face as she moves against him, watching the way she reacts as he twists his fingers just so, rubs a little harder, finds a rhythm to counterpoint the rock of her body.

"I," she manages, taking fast breaths. "Too."

He grins and increases his pace, eager to see her crest and fall. It's one of his favorite things, watching her like this—seeing what he does to her, what he can do to her. For so long, he thought he'd never touch her, let alone love her, live with her, parent with her. And now he gets to see her do this any time he wants, gets to watch as bliss over takes her face. He gets to feel the way her body clamps down, gets to revel in the vibrations of her shaking body pressed against his.

She squeaks as she hits her peak, her mouth open, eyes screwed shut. He brings her through it then slows her back down, using his free arm to rub over her back, quieting the aftershocks as she twitches over him.

"Ugh," she mumbles, her face pressing hard into his collarbone.

"Good?" he asks, shifting his hand, trying to pull it from the sweaty mess between them.

She pushes against him, stilling his hand. "Real good," she admits, shuddering still.

He smiles and lets her cut off his circulation. "How many?" he asks after a soft, silent minute.

"Four," she mutters into his skin.

"Wanna go for five?"

She shakes her head, her forehead brushing his chin as she slowly rises and slips sideways, huddling back into his side. "Four's good," she says, her voice rough.

He can feel the fluidity of her body, notes the way she's limp beside him, even her arm a dead thing on his chest.

And yet—"You go one more?" she mumbles into his shoulder.

He laughs brightly. "No. No. Two's good for me. Sleep, Kate."

She sighs and nods against him before shifting. "Shit. Bathroom," she whines.

"Don't bother," he replies, holding her to him. "I don't care."

"I do," she gets out, sighing before pulling herself from his hold and climbing gingerly out of bed. She shuffles toward the bathroom and glances back at him. "Four is definitely enough."

He laughs and she offers him a tired, relaxed smile, before disappearing into the bathroom. He stretches, his own body limber and relaxed. He smiles and goes about righting the bed before settling back against his pillows. His mind is calm and he can't seem to wipe the smile from his face.

He just got laid.

He just got to make the love of his life fall apart four times. He gets to be with her, and love her, and just live this life with her. He feels sappy and a little overwhelmed, finally, finally in the best way.

They get to adopt their daughter, officially, in a little under a week. And soon after that, it'll be Johanne's first birthday, Alexis' graduation. There will be so many firsts, and they'll share them together.

He hopes one of those firsts will be their wedding. She's not his first, but she'll be his last. He's happy to have some lasts with her.

"No more than four," Kate announces as she comes back into the room.

"Oh, but I could so get you to six," he coaxes, raising the blankets for her as she crawls in, still deliciously naked.

She snuggles up to him and he waits her out. "Okay, but not on a work night," she decides, rising up to give him a chaste kiss before settling back at his side.

He smiles and cards his fingers through her hair. "Deal."

She sighs and strokes her palm over his heart. "Do you ever feel lucky?" she asks.

He blinks. "Every day."

He can feel her smile against his skin. "Sweet. But, no, I meant—we could have been terrible together, you know? We waited so long, I got shot, we have a baby. What if we'd just…sucked at this together?"

He laughs. She arches up to look at him, and he can tell she's serious, but he just can't help it. "Kate," he manages.

"Castle," she returns, nonplussed.

"We were always going to be great together," he gets out, calming himself in the face of her sober look.

"How do you know that?" she wonders.

"Because if we weren't, don't you think we would have moved heaven and earth to be better at it? I would take sex classes with you, Beckett. In fact, I've had fantasies about it."

"About being so bad at sex that we need instruction?"

He shakes his head. "No, tantric classes." He smirks as her nostrils flare, her eyes growing a shade darker. "Non-genital orgasm classes. Kama sutra yoga classes."

"Do those—no, yeah, I'm sure they do," she concedes. "You really think it wouldn't have mattered?"

He smiles and pulls her up to rest against his chest, wrapping his arms around her as her body slots in with his. "As long as we managed to talk about it, yeah, I think we'd have gotten over it. You're amazing in bed. I like to think I suffice."

She flicks his ear. "Fishing for compliments?"

"'Four's enough' is enough for me," he tosses back, smiling as she huffs. "But I know we'd have gotten through it. After everything we've gone through, I like to think there's nothing we can't handle together."

She searches his eyes and he lets her, lets her see the utter honesty in his words. He does. He believes they'll make it through everything. It's the world he worries about—all the forces of nature and humanity he can't control. But them, together? They can do anything.

"I love you," Kate offers, sliding up to press her lips to his cheek. "And I—I feel the same."

"Good," he murmurs, turning his head to meet her lips in a brief, soft kiss. "Sleep now?"

She smiles and nods, shifting back down to rest against his side. "Sleep now."