Hi all, someone thought that Christian had been insensitive to leave Ana crying on the kitchen floor.
Well, he didn't know that she was actually crying, as she just slammed out of the room. By having a shower he was giving her space to calm down. Besides he had just finished working out who wants a sweaty body comforting them?
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As ever characters belong to E.L. James.
Chapter 37.
I held her face in my hands "I think I love you too"
She throws her arms around my neck and burying her face into my chest and starts crying all over again.
"Ana baby please don't cry, I mean it I do love you"
"Hey stop this," I say softly; I am absolutely mortified at her distress and knowing I am the principle cause of it.
Who would have thought spending a small amount of money trying to make a special girl feel good would give her so much pain. Clearly I have been insensitive. But what upsets me angry is the gossip Ana must have heard; how fuckin' dare they say things like that about this lovely girl, my girl, my Ana.
We sit on the floor for what seems like hours holding each other. Until her tears finally stop. She uncurls herself from me and looks me face to face; then she smiles and the sun comes out.
"Shall I make you that coffee now?"
"No, I will make it for you, that I can do; the rest of breakfast? I'm afraid it's brunch with Elliot and Kate. Did you say they were coming over?"
"Oh good grief, yes. I'd better go shower. God I must look a sight" and she scrambles to her feet. I stand with her and before she disappears to the bathroom I hold her face in my hands and kiss her gently her lips feel so soft.
"You are beautiful to me."
"Thank you, but with these puffy eyes and this wild hair? You have to be joking. Please will you make me some tea? I'm not fond of coffee" and with that she scampers off to shower.
When Elliot and Kate arrive Kate takes the clothes she has brought for Ana through to the bedroom and Elliot fills me in about how our mom feels about Ana being after my money.
"What the fuck Elliot, she is behaving as if I'm sixteen. Talk about mama bear."
"I know, we all told her that you are a big boy now. The one thing mom said though was that she had not discussed your relationship with Ana with anyone but dad. She reckons Mrs bloody Harper must have been eves-dropping when she and dad were talking at the edge of the dance floor. She wants to apologise when she gets the chance; and she has a few choice words to say to Mrs. Harper. Christian I don't think for a minute mom really thinks anything bad about Ana as you say she is just being a mama bear. She and dad could see that you and Ana have something special going on last night.
Kate told her what a genuinely nice person Ana was. In fact, she sort of tore a strip off mom this morning. I think she understands Ana a bit better now."
"Well now all we have to do is console Ana, she was pretty cut up about the insinuations this morning."
The girls come back into the lounge and I notice that Ana is dressed in her own jeans and loose green, button down cotton shirt, with sleeve partly rolled up, converse sneakers and her hair in a long pony tail. She looks like a teenager and completely adorable.
I take her in my arms and kiss her nose, "Are you feeling better now? You look lovely by the way."
She hugs me back, "Yes much better; Kate has told me about what happened and how your mom is sorry."
"Well" said Elliot with a pained expression, "shall we go and eat I'm starving?"
######
All day on Monday I brood over mom's worries, I don't want her to feel badly about my relationship with Ana. So around six, I decide to call it a day and go and see my parents there is some things they need to know about my feelings for Ana.
Taylor drives me to Belleview and I tell him to go and get himself a drink or some thing in the kitchen while he waits for me.
I find mom and dad in the family room having a drink before dinner. They look a bit surprised to see me.
"Christian, what a lovely surprise." mom gets up from her chair to give me a hug and dad shakes my hand.
Mom asks if I'm staying for dinner and dad offers me a drink. As I'm not seeing Ana tonight I decide I will have dinner.
"Please dad I'll have a beer. And yes I'll stay and eat. Can you feed Taylor too? I haven't let Gail know what time we'll be back so she won't have started dinner yet."
"Of course," Mom says cheerfully. "Is Taylor in the kitchen? I'll tell him to let Gail know you are eating here."
"Yes he'll be teasing Mrs. Shepherd, no doubt"
Taylor and my mothers' housekeeper have had a love-hate confrontation ever since he started working for me. Their banter is all taken in good part and she is always happy to accommodate him when ever he drives me over.
Dad gets me a beer and he is watching me speculatively as we wait for mom to come back.
I can tell mom is worried about what I'm going to say about what happened at the ball. But I cannot put all the blame on to them Ana being upset is as much my fault as theirs.
"How is Ana? She not with you tonight?" asks mom tentatively.
I sit on the couch and cross my right ankle on my left knee, loosen my tie and unfasten the top buttons of my shirt.
"No she started her internship at Seattle Independent Publishing today. She went back her apartment last night, so she and Kate could be without the distractions of Elliot and me to get in the right mind set. Kate started her new job today too so I guess they will be comparing notes this evening. We, Elliot and me are allowed to phone them this evening and that is all" I grin.
"And are you happy with that?" dad smirks
"I can't say that I am, but we've had our instructions whether Elliot sticks to them is another matter. But I will give her the space she needs. See mom I'm respecting her wishes, being all grown up
I take a long drink of my beer. Well here goes.
"The thing is, mom, dad, Ana has come to mean a great deal to me over these past weeks I have known her." They both make moves to say something; I hold my hand up wanting have my say. "I know it's only a short time; but there is something about her that makes me feel completely content." I take a deep breath hoping they will understand where I'm at.
"You both know how I feel about anyone touching me and without discussing my sex life in any detail; I have found close relationships- err, difficult shall I say. That doesn't mean I haven't had relationships it means that I have never really formed any sort of emotional bond…in the past.
As soon as Ana walked into my life there has been… I can't really put it into words. But when she sleeps with me I have the most restful sleep I have ever had."
I see my dads face I can tell he's thinking "that'll be the sex then" I scowl at him.
"I know what you're thinking dad, but there has been others who have slept with me well they have slept I haven't because I wasn't comfortable with them being in such close proximity, even when I had pyjamas on. But with Ana, I wake and we are holding each other and she can touch me, everywhere." I grin, feeling embarrassed now.
"The point is, I'm not panicked, and her touch is very comforting." I pause and finish my beer. They are looking at me in astonishment.
"So you see she is special, I have never, ever felt so at ease as I am with her. Last night I couldn't rest, couldn't sleep, when I did, I had dreams of her being taken from me, and that morphed into the reoccurring nightmare of the pimp and my dead mother. I don't ever want to go back to that, so if Ana is gold-digging, well hallelujah! She has found the mother load and if it takes every dime I have, I will try and keep her with me. Now can I have bourbon please?"
I think this is the longest I've ever talked to my mom and dad about my feelings and they are speechless. My mom's eyes fill with tears, my dad is opened mouthed. Slowly he raises and goes the drinks cabinet and pours three measures of bourbon. He gives one to mom then me, and then slumps down in his chair.
We say nothing, the bourbon slides down warming me, relaxing me.
At last dad asks "Are planning to marry Ana, Christian?"
"I don't know it's too soon. I'm enjoying being with her and I don't know how she feels about me." I'm not going to tell them about our declarations of love for now, because I find it difficult to believe that anyone, even Ana can love me. Although I love her, I'm sure I do last nights torment when she was not with me affirmed that.
"You must take it one step at a time darling," mom whispers coming and sitting next to me on the couch she squeezes my hand and puts her arm around me.
Before we become uncomfortable in our silence, Mia bounds into the room,
"Christian, I didn't know you were here!" she exclaims throwing herself at me and kissing my cheek.
"Mia watch out you nearly spilled my drink all over." I tried to sound exasperated but end up laughing.
"Are you staying to have dinner with us, or are you dashing off to see Ana?" she gushes.
"I'm staying. Ana wants a girl night with Kate. No doubt to swap notes about their new jobs"
Mia interrupts me snorting, "More like swap note about you and Elliot."
At that moment Elliot walks in, "Who's talking about Christian and me?"
"Kate and Ana of course" says Mia.
"Hi mom, hi dad. Is there any dinner going spare I'm starving? And I'm at a loose end not being allowed to see Kate." he pulls a comical, pathetic face sighing in mock tragedy and helps himself to a drink.
####
.
Grace POV
I watch my children as we eat our dinner; my three lovely children I am so proud of them. I have to tell myself that they are not children anymore but young adults. Mia is on the brink of her career; so enthusiastic about opening her bistro. I know Christian
has helped with her business plan and finance. Elliot is helping her with the refurbishment of her little restaurant. Carrick is dealing with the legalities and I will help with the décor. All of us working closely together to make the venture a success.
But the biggest change I see is with Christian. He usually is quiet and in his own little bubble but tonight he is relaxed and animated. He usually gets exasperated with Elliot's remarks about his sex life but this evening he hasn't told Elliot to "fuck off" once. This is remarkable in it's self because while I don't like to hear it; he has been saying it since he was ten years old.
No there has been a change in Christian, his whole demeanour is different he seems happier inside somehow. And I can see it plainly he is in love. The way his face is animated when her name is mentioned; the shy smile he has when he talks about her; tells all. Yes little Anastasia Steele has had a profound effect on my scarred boy.
While I have a mother's misgivings about anyone who could hurt any of my children emotionally; especially Christian, given his traumatic past; I have to let go, I have to let them experience life as it is I cannot shield them forever.
Elliot has been in and out of love so many times it makes your head spin, but he's survived. Even Mia has her share of boyfriends and has been hurt a couple of times and like Elliot she has survived. It's all part of growing up. But as far as I am aware Christian has never been hurt like that. He has carried enough hurt and anger from his childhood experiences he has never allowed himself to get that close not even with us his family. So that is my essential worry about him that if Ana decides to break his heart further he will not survive. But he is an adult and as Elliot says he has an ability to "read" people to see what their motives are. That in it's self has played a good part in his success as a business man.
The best thing I can do is to support him and embrace this girl as part of his life and be grateful that she is bringing out the best in him. Perhaps I should arrange for Christian to bring Ana to dinner one evening and perhaps get to know her better, make her welcome. In the meantime I may have a few choice words to say to certain
person about eves-dropping and gossiping in ladies toilets.