A/N: I'm back with my last official chapter! Took long enough...I know and I apologize! I think this might be the longest one yet so hopefully nobody is disappointed! Don't freak out at the end...I'm writing a short little epilogue that will hopefully answer any questions. Anyway...enough talk! Enjoy my conclusion to this ridiculously long story!
Chapter 37 Great Change
A wet film glazed over my eyes. I felt as though I was being deceived by my own awareness. My body seemed to go numb with shock and all I could do was stare blankly into the golden orbs I had only dreamed of for three excruciatingly long years. I could barely gather a breath until he spoke to me again in a soft and soothing voice.
"Say something, little one…anything," Muarim pleaded. What was I to say? What if he was only an apparition? Haunting and toying with my fragile mind. I needed to protect myself.
"I'm going mad…" I uttered, still breathless.
"No, little one. I promise you I'm here," he argued. He brushed his hand across my cheek, catching each tear that fell.
"When I wake up…you'll be gone! And then I'll be alone again! So please…stop…stop teasing me! You're here one minute…and then you're gone! Gone! Gone…" I couldn't finish my thought as I exploded into unimaginable hysterics. Tears washed freely down my face, finding their way into the crooks of my mouth where I tasted their saltiness. My inability to breath caught up with me in the form of strangled hiccups.
As I collapsed forward from hysteria, Muarim instinctively caught me and crushed my weakened body with the full force of his embrace. "If you believe me to be a phantom…then why do you weep?"
"Because I…because…I'm scared …" I admitted between sobs.
"Scared of what, little one?"
"I'm scared that…that…you're actually real and you've been a slave for three years while I did nothing to help you!" I shook tumultuously between his arms, unable to control my frailty. He lessened my trembling by rubbing my back comfortingly and shushing me when my sobbing grew too loud.
"There's no way you could have known," he whispered somberly. I couldn't deny the truthfulness of his words. For the first time since he woke me, I decided to understand the impossibility of his presence. I would at least try to make sense of my potential insanity.
"How, then? How can you be here when you're supposed to be dead? And….and why didn't you run away? Why didn't you escape? Muarim! I'm losing my mind aren't I?"
He sighed deeply and shook his head. "No of course not, little one. I apologize for not being able to run away from this nightmare. I tried more times than I dared to count, but each time ended with twenty more lashes. I wanted to find you more than anything…but when I was gravely wounded trying to protect you…I was crippled by my injury. My scar constantly opens and bleeds if I jerk my body too quickly. So I was not fit for a proper chase."
With my eyes wide, I continued to question his existence. "How…how could anyone possibly heal a wound that big to begin with? And why would my mother want you alive? Wasn't it her goal to separate us?"
"Ah, they only healed it enough to stop the bleeding and for my heart to continue pumping. Although just doing that much was a difficult process for her team of healers. I can only fathom that she prayed upon my survival because of the dominance she would then have over you. She's been waiting for your return."
"Why didn't she just look for me? Why did she wait three years for me to come to her? It so irrational! She could have had her 'dominance' over me a while ago. So…why now?"
"Well there is the matter of you being under the protection of the apostle. If you were to disappear for too long a time, your mother feared the empress herself would come looking for you. And avoiding that very thing is what inspired her to live in secrecy in the first place."
Still not grasping the concept, I groaned exhaustingly. "But then why would she even bother taking me in now? She even tried to take care of me…which was beyond odd."
Suddenly, Muarim grasped my hand with concern pulsing from his touch and then radiating through my skin. "She won't keep you here long enough for the apostle to take notice," he said grimly.
"She's gonna let me go?" I inferred quietly.
Stroking my cheek, he replied, "No little one…she knows you're the one thing that will keep me and the rest of the laguz from freedom."
"Why should I be a barrier to your freedom? I want you free…I want all the laguz free! I don't understand…"
"Because if you die at her mercy…then she will have finally broken my spirit. And she knows without you…I may as well continue my life as a slave."
"What! That's insane! Muarim, what's gotten into you?" I snapped, feeling overwhelmingly shocked by his revelation.
"Little one…your life is more important to me than all the freedom the world has to give. I made a promise to watch over you and I don't intend to break it. As my child, whether or not by blood, I love you. The master knows this unfortunately…so I must sneak you out of here as soon as I can. If not for your own good, then for mine."
"But, Muarim…. you can't fight your way out of here with that injury! I can help! I've spent these past three years studying magic so I'll never have to watch someone I love disappear again. Please let me help! We can rally together the other laguz and…oh! I can even heal your wound completely with my mend staff! Please Muarim! If we don't want to be separated again then…. we need to work together and combine our strength. Are you with me?"
Muarim sighed heavily, still grasping my hand. "Your bravery makes me very proud. But I can assure you…the other laguz and I have been planning a rebellion for quite some time. I know they will escape and so will you. And now that you're here, we are going to have to work more quickly."
"But what about you?"
"Little one…you may have grown stronger but I've only grown weaker. Like I said, these injuries have crippled me more than you might believe…"
"Then let me heal you! I can change that, Muarim!" I exclaimed with pulsating excitement. He shook his head in rejection and slipped his hand under the hair that fell naturally onto my forehead.
"You have a fever, little one. Your forehead is burning like it used to when you were but an infant. You're not well." He held a sad glimmer in his eyes that tied my stomach in knots. I knew he referred to the common illness I used to suffer from called desert fever. In all honesty, I felt far worse than I looked but I would never let that stop me from healing Muarim. And I would never let him know the fullest extent of my pain.
"I'm fine! I'm going to heal you whether you like it or not!" I declared. After sliding through his loosened grasp I crossed the room to where my mend staff leaned against the wall. Upon picking it up, I felt the distinct feeling of eyes on my back. With staff in hand, I turned around to find Muarim staring at me in awe, his mouth slightly agape. "Something wrong?" I asked in curiosity.
"Little one…you've grown up…" he breathed, almost inaudibly.
I giggled at his shock and placed a sincere smile on my face. "Well yeah!" I agreed. He eyed me up and down several times in disbelief.
"You're not as little as you once were….but still little." I pursed my lips together in dissatisfaction.
"And what's that supposed to mean?"
"It means that you'll always be little to me, no matter how much you grow," he said with an honest smile. I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and sauntered over with my azure mend staff in hand, ready to go.
"You won't be saying that when I'm an old man!" I countered. I chuckled at the thought of him calling me little one as I turned gray. But to my puzzlement, he remained quiet and still in response to my comment, with his eyes downturned. To ward off the tense aura that could suddenly be felt, I quickly changed subjects. "Now then! Let's see this wound-no-more." Muarim apprehensively lifted his shirt to reveal a thick binding of bandages wrapped around his torso. I gazed shockingly at the blood stained and tattered condition of the bandage. There was no trace that the bandage was ever white to begin with for it was mostly tarnished with blotches of red and brown. I was hesitant at first to peal away the bandages, but I was more than relieved when Muarim started unraveling them himself. I held my breath as I waited to see the severity of his injury.
Within a few seconds, the bandages were in a neat pile on the floor. Instead of seeing Muarim, all I could see was the same nightmare flashing before my eyes. The nightmare where I thought him to be dead from the very same wound.
"You don't need to do this, little one. It's much too severe," he suggested in a hushed tone.
"And let you suffer? I don't think so! Not while I'm around!" I gripped the mend staff confidently with both my hands and raised it slightly above my head. From there, I began to recite incantations Rhys had taught me several years ago. They rolled off my tongue fluidly without much thought. As the blue orb of the staff glowed luminously, I could immediately feel my own energy drain. With each word I spoke, energy was pulled out of my body but not in a frightening way. I was expecting to feel the strain, especially since I was out of practice when it came to healing. Instead of fighting the drain of my energy, I freely gave it away for Muarim needed it more than I did. I would recover from my fatigue, but without proper help, Muarim would never recover from the wound he endured for my protection. It was the very least I could do for him. I was more than willing to continue my incantations until I was collapsed on the floor twitching in pain, if only to erase the agony Muarim had to deal with on a day-to-day basis.
Soon enough I felt my consciousness slip but I furiously fought back by reciting the incantations louder, using my voice as a weapon to force myself to stay awake. I pictured the struggle the wound caused Muarim for years and used that as fuel to finish the mending spell. I hadn't realized I was shaking until Muarim's voice wiggled its way through my thoughts.
"Little one…that's enough, you're hurting yourself!" he growled. I couldn't obey him, because I knew from past experiences that the spell would be truly finished only when the constant loss of energy ceased. And I was still feeling the uncanny tug on my consciousness, which told me I was far from done. As my chanting grew louder, I fervently hoped my voice would not reach the ears of my mother and waken her. It would surely lead to imminent death for both Muarim and me.
I kept my eyes closed, so I was not be distracted by any of my surroundings. It took all my strength not to fall into the pit of darkness that beckoned for my presence. Muarim's injury was much worse than I had anticipated. Not once could I recall ever healing something so fatal. How could he have survived all this time with that wound? And the whip lashes on his back? He's strong…so strong, I thought. Tears started to rain down my cheeks as thoughts of Muarim suffering for so long invaded my mind. I couldn't begin to fathom the full impact of such horrendous physical pain. All this time I thought that I was the one who couldn't catch a break from misery, but Muarim had it so much worse…
"Little one, stop! Don't push yourself like this!" Abruptly, the flow of energy out of my body and into Muarim's was cut off. I muttered one last word in the ancient language and the incantation was complete. I knew Muarim would be okay. And I never would have dared to let myself think such a thing before. With a satisfied smile animating my face, my eyes at last rolled to the back of my head and my stomach dropped as I felt myself falling backwards into a pool of darkness.
I opened my eyes to find myself in the same room as before curled up next to Muarim on my soft comfortable bed. This time he didn't disappear. He was still there. I could feel him breathing uneasily next to me, stroking my head with apparent fear. "You didn't leave…" I whispered. He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head affectionately.
"Of course not," he confirmed. Seemingly out of nowhere, tears started to cascade down my cheeks. I couldn't control my waterworks display, so Muarim cradled me tighter.
"Don't cry little one. You should be very proud of yourself…you have indeed grown stronger with your magic. Thank you…"
"You haven't seen nothin' yet," I replied tiredly before I was once again succumbed into an aggressive sleep.
When I awoke the second time I was still curled up next to Muarim. My fever burned more furiously than ever before. Muarim forced me to put food down my stomach to replenish the supply of energy I had given him. This time when I ate there was absolutely nothing nauseating about the process. The sick feeling in my stomach seemed to vanish as I clung onto Muarim for the comfort I so desperately needed. I knew, given enough time, Muarim's compassionate touch would freeze the inferno burning on my forehead.
He cared for me for the remainder of the night by feeding me, hushing my sobs, and watching me rest when I felt too exhausted to stay awake. I felt like a helpless infant again, but for one night it wasn't so bad.
When dawn began to break, Muarim roused me from the light nap I had surrendered to. I picked my weary head off of his warm chest and gave him a questioning look.
"Little one…I must return before my absence is noticed. When I find you again it will be our time to escape and most likely fight. I'm going to alert the other laguz that our time is rapidly approaching. Until then…don't come looking for me, it will give us away. Do you understand?" he asked. Initially, I wanted to explode into perpetual sobs, until I considered the importance of his words. He was right. If we ever wanted to go back to our normal lives…we would have to endure the temporary separation. But still, the uncertainty of the situation bothered me more than anything. What if something was to go wrong? What if my mother were to find out ahead of time? Those possibilities made my lower lip quiver and my eyes glimmer with sorrow. "Don't be sad, little one. We are going to escape, you and I and the rest of the laguz."
I nodded my head somberly and stared at Muarim with worry. "Promise?"
He placed his hand on my shoulder firmly. "I promise," he confirmed. No matter how convincing his reasoning was, the fact that he was leaving again after I had just gotten him back left me feeling empty and alone. Sensing my displeasure, Muarim pulled me into his arms one last time before he left. I wanted to tell him about all that had happened while he was gone, but I supposed it would have to be put on hold.
"This isn't fair…" I grumbled. Knowing that Muarim was still a slave sent a ripple of anger through me. Before he officially departed I said something I had wished I said three years ago. "I love you, Muarim."
"And I you, little one." He kissed the top of my forehead and made his way out the door. I stared at his back with a heavy heart and felt the loneliness kick in as the door clicked shut. Although I felt saddened by his absence, it was not to the same degree as it had been before. Before was much worse. I didn't need to lament over him because he was very much alive. He was alive and that was enough of a reason to smile and carry on.
My fever had virtually disappeared by the later hours of the morning. I knew I was to wait for Muarim's word but sitting around wasn't doing me much good. Before I ventured off I searched the room for Bolganone, which I distinctly remembered having upon getting captured. However, no matter how much I tore apart my room, the tome was nowhere to be found. "Well this is just great…" I said under my breath.
I assumed then that my only weapon was confiscated. I wondered why my staff wasn't taken as well but I decided not to dwell on the fact too much seeing as the simple act of possible human error saved Muarim from any more pain. After I slid the staff onto my belt, I closed my hand around the cold handle of the door. "Guess I'm going tomeless," I murmured to myself. After all, if need be I could use my mind as a weapon. There were several spells I had memorized for such an occasion.
Before complete exposure, I peaked my head outside the door to verify that I was alone in the long narrow hall before me. As I looked to my right and left, I failed to see another presence besides my own. Knowing that, I silently paced through the halls without a final destination planned. It felt good that I was no longer being quarantined in a small space.
While I strode aimlessly through the halls two different voices met my ears. The chattering was quite faint so I cautiously moved closer toward the source of the conversing. When the chatter became comprehendible, I pressed my body against the wall, so not to be seen, and pricked up my ears to eavesdrop on the conversation.
"And what do you mean a slave attacked you last night? If such a mutiny occurred, why did you not vanquish the beast?" questioned the voice of my mother callously.
"F-forgive me…I was too weak to do so. The beast was so very strong…and yet it left me only unconscious," stammered a wavering voice of an older man.
I clenched my teeth tightly together and began breaking a nervous sweat. "Too weak? What a shame! Hm, no matter…what did the beast look like? I'll kill it myself personally. Since clearly the only way to get things done around here is to do it yourself!" she replied spitefully.
My heartbeat faltered as I waited for the reply of the older man. "I don't exactly remember…it's all but a hazy memory to me now." I breathed a sigh of relief at his response.
"Fine, then. I'll just have to torture them all until one of them fesses up."
"Wait…there is something I remember about the slave. He had bandages wrapped around his torso and he looked like he was in pain. But that is all I can remember…"
Muarim! No! I cupped my hand over my mouth, to stop myself from reacting animatedly. I was torn between rushing to Muarim right away and continuing to listen to the rather informative conversation. One step at a time, I told myself. If I were to run off without a plan, chaos would certainly be in order.
"Ah…I see…thank you very much. Do you know where the beast was headed?" she asked.
"Well I was standing guard on the young master's door…so I assume he wanted entry."
Just how long is Muarim planning on waiting to start this revolt? It seems like now or never! I screamed to myself mentally. I need to warn him…
Suddenly I heard a thunderous crash against the wall and the man cried out in shock. I jumped where I stood and tried urgently to slow down my climbing heart rate.
"Why did you not mention this before? You fool! I should have you killed for your insolence!" she shouted coldly. The man stumbled for words but just before he could mumble something understandable he was interrupted by another brutal blow. I winced at the sound of fists pounding on flesh. Then, without any warning, the clicking of heels resonated only to disappear somewhere off in the distance, away from me. I glanced down the corridor to see her receding down the opposite end of the never-ending hallway.
Once I knew my path was clear I acted spontaneously and somewhat inconsiderately. But I was not going to be bothered with trivial concerns like politeness. I approached the gray haired guard who sat slumped against the wall with black arcs forming underneath his weary brown eyes. I wasn't very confident with my fist fighting skills, but my opponent was already weakened. I took advantage of this by grabbing him by his protective chain mail and sending a punch spiraling toward his already bruised face. My knuckles flared with pain upon contact, but I took a sigh of relief as the gray haired guard lost consciousness with a fresh trail of blood trickling out of his nostril. "Today just isn't your day," I muttered.
Upon knocking him out, I stripped him of his chain mail and the silver tunic he wore underneath it along with his silver helmet. Then, I hastily pulled the borrowed garb over my own clothes and fastened the helmet atop my head. The chain mail felt uncomfortably heavy and the helmet perhaps a little too loose, but it would do. Lastly, I snatched the sword and sheath he had slung over his back. I secured it onto my own back, feeling the awkwardness of extra weight pulling me down. I fumbled with my mend staff, trying to hide it under the chain mail without it appearing obvious. Once all was secure, I scurried down the hall in search of Muarim and the other laguz.
To my luck, my memory did not fail me over the years. I could still recall the same room where I had first met Muarim as an infant. It was down several flights of stairs and on my way down I ran into at least five different guards, dressed identical to me. I nodded to each of them as I passed by, attempting to hide the fact that I was in a dire rush. None of them batted an eyelash at me or took a second glance.
When I reached the cellar where most of the slaves were bound to be laboring, I ran into another guard blockading the only entrance. Upon approaching him he said, "Were you given permission to enter?"
I nodded my head confidently. "Sure was! Direct orders from the fine lady herself," I replied enthusiastically. The doubtful guard narrowed his eyes at me skeptically.
"And what were those orders exactly?" he asked.
"Just the standard headcount, nothing fancy," I responded quickly. He grunted in distaste, but opened the doors nonetheless.
"Very well," he began. I started toward the door when the guard added, "everyone's on high alert today. I've got this bad feeling, don't you?" I spun around and flashed him an earnest grin.
"Nope. Not at all!" I said. And with that I hurried into the cellar to make his 'bad feeling' a reality. It was just as dark and dismal as I remembered with the distinct sound of dripping water. The further I plunged into the darkness, the closer I became to the candle lit corner with hurrying laguz, preparing to begin their daily duties. I counted about twenty of them, more males than females. Several were of the bird and beast tribes. When my presence was made known, the laguz hurried even more than they were prior. I was strangely satisfied that my ruse was fooling them all. Of course, that was until I heard the two words that only one person ever spoke.
"Little one?" said Muarim, stepping forward from the chaos. I grumbled dejectedly.
"How'd you know?"
Muarim carefully lifted the oversized helmet off my head and smiled. "Instinct," he replied. As my true identity was revealed the laguz stopped hurrying and stood frozen in place, staring at me uneasily. "Little one…what is happening? Why are you dressed like that and more importantly why are you here when I told you to wait?"
"Muarim, she knows! She knows you came to visit me last night and she knows you attacked a guard! Now is the time to fight! We have to or I'll lose you again! And if you think I'm gonna let that happen, then your sorely mistaken. Everyone, prepare to fight! Because right now…all of our lives depend on it," I bellowed. Each laguz exchanged frightened glances with one another. None looked prepared to fight. Their fear reverberated off their bodies, giving me a sense of anxiety. I looked to Muarim with concern; he crossed his arms and shook his head with a frown forming. The room fell silent except for the occasional murmur from one laguz to another.
Suddenly, Muarim's voice severed the silence. "I know this is earlier than we expected, but we can trust that his word is true. We'll take to battle now and leave any regret behind."
A few of the laguz hissed under their breath. "Why should we trust a human? He could be fooling us! This could be a trap!" said an infuriated cat laguz. I flinched at being thought of so negatively, until I remembered where and who I truly was. The rest of the laguz grunted in agreement and soon the lack of trust and anger swept them away.
"He is not one for you to fear. His only intentions are to see us escape safely," Muarim countered.
"Why should we trust a human? I say we report him as a traitor and watch him suffer at the mercy of a whip! And see how he likes it! Then we'll be the ones laughing…the way it should be. Humans are no good! The whole lot of them, hasn't that been made clear to you by know? And even if this traitor is sincere, then why would he want to help a bunch of slaves? I say we all attack him at once…it would be even better than watching him get whipped! You're right, it is time for us to fight back. Let's leave not a single human alive; starting with this one…" rebuked the fiery cat laguz. He flashed his sharp pointy teeth at me and the others behind him released low growls and intimidating hisses. Slowly they approached me, casually closing into a small circle. I backed up nervously only to crash into a hawk laguz directly behind me. I ran out of open space to step away from them and further found myself barricaded in walls of fuming laguz. Fighting them wasn't option, since I needed them to trust me. But I was partially tempted to call upon my magic as a form of self-defense.
Before I could completely gather my thoughts Muarim yelled out, "ENOUGH!" The laguz froze and turned around to behold Muarim's rabid glare. He furiously pushed through the laguz surrounding me, and grabbed me by the arm forcefully. "I raised the little one. He has been mine ever since he was an infant. He is my son, in more ways than blood ties could ever account for," he spoke firmly. My eyes twinkled with adoration while I watched him speak. He called me his son. I always knew it to be true…but to hear him actually say it bought me great joy and I couldn't help but to grin foolishly.
"And until recently we have been fighting for the emancipation of slaves all over Begnion. So please, don't mistake him for an enemy. At least for today, consider him one of us, seeing as we all have a common goal. And if we can't settle our differences then we may as well stay here and rot," he finished. The laguz whispered amongst themselves for a moment. Some nodded their heads and others shook their heads with discontent. I watched this exchange of gestures for a few more seconds until the cat laguz from before spoke yet again.
"If what you say is true…then why does he wear their clothing?" I laughed off his question, saying I used the garb as a ruse in order to be allowed entry into the cellar. And to make him feel better, I stripped off the heavy chain mail, sheath, and tunic, revealing the clothing I travelled to Karoo in.
"Trust me, I couldn't swing a sword if I tried."
"If you aren't one them…then what are you doing here? Are you a prisoner?"
I chuckled darkly. "Yeah…something like that…but there's no time to get into details now. It's do or die! Muarim, I can't make them follow me…so tell them to prepare for battle," I shouted as I ran to the door to check for guards. Muarim echoed my orders and devised a simple strategy for battle. Since our objective was to escape, Muarim split the laguz into three groups. One group would obviously be led by him, another group was led by an old raven laguz, and the last group he ordered me to command.
"But Muarim! I can't make them listen to me the way you can…why don't we just create two battalions?" I asked in a frenzy.
"Aren't you the leader of the emancipation army? Surely this is a simple task, little one. Treat them the way you would treat Cade and others…then they will listen to you."
"But-"
He put a finger to my lips and silenced my protest before I could form enough words. "Show me how much stronger you have grown."
With that, I nodded with newfound determination and courage. I even managed a smile, knowing very well we were about to be separated again with our fates very uncertain. But I had faith in the training I had undergone. I had faith in my magic and most importantly I had faith in my willingness to emerge victorious.
"I'll do more than show you! If you see me fighting, stand back, because you might just get blown away!" I boasted enthusiastically. Muarim grinned back at me and patted the top of my head.
"I'm very happy you haven't changed," he said with satisfaction. I wanted to collapse into his arms, but instead I settled for a quick reassuring nod. I felt that if I had taken the time to show my affection, our temporary departure would seem like a permanent good-bye. And that was something my fragile mind could never undergo again. Without further discussion, Muarim and I separated and rallied our laguz battalions into a strategic formation made up of four lines, the stronger fighters in the front, and the weaker ones in the back. When I discussed the strategy with the laguz, not one made eye contact with me or gave even a simple gesture to show they were listening. I sighed heavily, feeling the weight of pressure upon my shoulders.
Muarim's battalion shifted and set off way before my own. He shot me a concerned look when he saw the lacking organization of my laguz. I assuaged his worries with a quick halfhearted smile. When the others were clean out of sight, my battalion began to develop extra hard feelings towards me.
"We're not following a human. We are all in agreement and without Muarim, who you probably consider a pet, there is no one to stop us from trampling over you, son of the master," came a hotheaded cat laguz, his ears pricking in irritation, his tail wagging with excitement. How did he know?
My face flushed with wrath. "A pet? A pet! Pah! I've never had one in my life. Muarim watches out for me and I watch out for him, it's as simple as that!" I yelled in return.
The pugnacious cat stepped forward, hatred glaring through his eyes. "Well where is he now, human?" He hissed viciously and flashed his teeth like he was threatening me. "You're the master's son! I've been a slave here since you were born. I remember you. It's a shame how short your pathetic human life is. Even though I only remember you as an infant, there is no other human, save for the master, who has those devil red eyes!" He hissed even louder, baring his teeth once again.
My hands began to shake with the irrepressible anger coursing through me. "A son doesn't choose his mother! If you claim to know so much about me, then why don't you tell me why I left? You were there after all! Go on! Tell them why I left. Tell them why I curse the place I was born," I spat venomously.
"You set this house aflame, because you're the son of the devil! You're accursed magic killed so many of us! Did you know that? You killed us with your demonic magic! We all spit upon your name, Tormod. I can only imagine that you left because you feared that us survivors would take your accursed head."
I admit, hearing that, I wept. "I…no…I didn't kill anyone! I…never meant for that to happen! It was an accident…" I whimpered. Never had I know the full impact of that night. Muarim and I had fled too soon to notice an influx in laguz deaths. This was the first time I realized I was a murderer. And at last I understood the true nature of the anger they felt toward me. It was hardly because I was beorc, it was because they grieved for the all the laguz I had killed inadvertently. "I never knew…" I whispered as an attack of tears threatened to explode.
"Whether you were aware of it or not isn't the point. Do you understand now why we refuse to follow you? You're going to lead us to our deaths."
I nodded my head miserably with my shoulders slumped over. I couldn't pick my gaze up off the floor and face the laguz who had every right to loathe me. "I'm sorry…" I began.
"Sorry? I'm afraid that won't cut it," snapped the pugnacious laguz.
Suddenly, a spark of anger cut through my despair. I wiped the wetness away from my eyes and stiffened tighter than a bowstring. "I'll not listen to you any more! I don't need to explain myself anymore than I already have. If you are all so intent on dying, then please go right ahead and do so! Stay here and live in misery for the rest of your lives! I have nothing left to stay…but I no longer have the desire to die. I want to live more than anything right now and I won't let any of you stand in my way. I'll not abandon the others who are fighting for their freedom while we stand here and bicker!" I shot an icy glare towards the cat laguz who challenged me. Then, I turned around and with the swish of my orange cape I turned the handle of the door to confront the battle headstrong. "If you don't fancy death, join me. And if I can't change your minds, so be it," I added as I pulled open the door.
Upon opening the door I was greeted with the undeniable sounds of a fresh battle ensuing. Growls and screams coming from every which direction, the distinct smell of metal and sweat, and the ever present feeling of an unadulterated passion to win. My heart fluttered with adrenaline at the thought of deliberately throwing myself into the fray. Of course there was fear heavy in my heart, but such a price comes with any battle. Just as those fearful thoughts threatened to drown my perseverance, memories of Muarim warmed my heart and gave me the strength to run headfirst into the quarrel.
As I rushed into the fight, climbing several flights of stairs, I heard the flapping of wings and scratching of claws against the hard surface. I quickly glanced over my shoulder to see my small battalion following close behind me. I grinned with pleasure, knowing I had gotten through to them. I gave the laguz behind me a swift nod of acceptance and carried on up the endless flights of stairs.
Once we had reached the main level of the house, we were met with an onslaught of guards pursuing us from all sides. "Surround the rebels and kill the boy!" shouted one guard of higher rank. I made the assumption then that the soldiers were ordered to not kill the slaves, but the ones leading them. It was a simple tactic and made perfect sense in most scenarios. An army falls with its leader, and obviously there was no point in killing all the slaves who were needed for labor. With that in mind, I ordered the laguz to pull back, knowing the dangers of such a move since I was the target. They hesitantly obeyed and I smiled wryly when I at last had my open arena for fighting.
Despite the clamor that surrounded me, I cleared my mind of it all and let deadly spells flow freely from my memory and out of my mouth in the ancient tongue. Upon concentrating my arm was jabbed with sharp tip of a silver spear, but before I could cry out in pain and before that spear could completely wedge itself into my flesh, an explosion of a blistering gale of heat burst from my body, stunning the soldiers that thirsted for my blood. With the knowledge that they were only temporarily stunned, I hastily moved the rest of the laguz along closer to the nearest exit.
Soon we were met with Muarim's army, battling fiercely against a seemingly impenetrable wall of soldiers. Behind them had to have been an exit. I could tell simply by the lust shining through the eyes of every laguz fighting. I then ordered my laguz to join them, hoping the combined armies could break the wall of soldiers. However, after only a few seconds of fighting I could see that it almost appeared as if all the soldiers at my mother's disposal were crowded around this lone exit. I briefly thought of searching elsewhere for an escape route, but it would be impossible to shake a group of soldiers this large off of our tails. They would undoubtedly follow us if we ran for another exit. It seemed that we were faced with only two options. Fight or die.
An ear-splitting howl of agony caused my head to turn in the direction of the first fallen laguz. My hands began to grow damp from nervous perspiration. Another shriek sounded and then shortly after a thump vibrated the floor. A hawk laguz had fallen, most likely dead from what I could see. I should have heeded the warning as a third feline-like cry reverberated and a pool of slippery blood formed beneath my feet. This time the death was very close by and it was becoming more and more evident that the beorc soldiers were dominating the laguz. They were pushing us back and soon would have us in a defensive stance.
I couldn't find Muarim through the mess of soldiers, laguz, and scattered dead bodies. I tried not to panic and instead I strategized. With a fresh plan devised, I pushed my way to the front line, being careful to avoid the vengeful tips of prodding spears. Once I was exposed and vulnerable I shouted a quick order for the laguz to fall back yet again. All obeyed except one. Muarim found me just before my plan was executed. He growled at me with worry, flashing his teeth to express his disapproval.
"Fall back, Muarim! I'll be okay! Stay with the others," I shouted to him. He growled again, this time with more savagery. His roar soon made a shift into a sound that appeared to be more of a cry as I sidestepped away from a lance that was being thrusted at my abdomen. "Go, Muarim! You said yourself I've grown stronger! If you really meant what you said then leave! I can handle this…I promise!" He roared again but he turned away as he did so. With him gone and hundreds of soldiers surrounding me I did something Sanaki warned me never to do even in the most desperate situations. I called upon the spirits I harbored inside me. I screamed and shouted for their help in the ancient language until I felt their unbelievable strength coursing through me. Strange red and orange auras floated about me in the most unearthly way. They moved in the same way a flame of a fire waves and sparks with the occasional crackle. The soldiers froze in their footsteps, becoming mesmerized in the scene that was materializing before them.
The dancing auras swirled around my arms and tickled my legs and back as they danced all over my body. Then, finally, a static shot electrified my chest and the auras disappeared. Without any thought, I impulsively stretched one arm out and let all the dark energy the spirits gave me come spewing out of the palm of my hand, creating a fiery inferno. A devastating blaze erupted so violently that the walls around me literally began to crumble and crash down upon unsuspecting soldiers. I held onto the spirit's power that flowed through me until I no longer felt threatened by even a single soldier. Several of them had fallen to the floor and others screamed and ran about frantically trying to extinguish the flames that would inevitably engulf them.
I turned around and ordered for the laguz to flee and search for a window to jump through. I needed to have faith that they would find a way out. Again all obeyed but one laguz. Muarim cautiously approached me, stealthily avoiding the flames that yearned to catch on to his emerald fur.
"Muarim get out of here!" I yelled between clenched teeth. Frustration crept inside my voice as I tried to end the spell I had so critically cast. He growled and took a few uncertain steps closer to me.
My skin had to have been hotter than the inferno itself. Hypnotic flames outlined the contours of my body and although I was unsure how to extinguish them, they caused no real physical harm. As Muarim slowly approached me I couldn't help but to scream at him for the fear of burning his fur welled up inside me at a tremendous rate. "Muarim! No! Lead the others through another exit! I'll be fine, just go! I'm stronger now, remember?"
Red and orange flames reflected in his eyes. He roared so fiercely that I believe the ground beneath us shook, or I may have imagined such an effect. I understood his plight because in truth I was unsure how to discontinue the throwing of fire in all directions. But I needed him to trust me more than anything for I feared his life depended on it. "Just leave Muarim! I'm not a little kid anymore…and that means no more little kid magic tricks. I need you to get out or I'll hurt you! Please trust me Muarim…. please!"
His responding roar bellowed throughout the halls until he at last turned around with extreme reluctance. Soon he disappeared and all that was left to see was a blur of yellow, orange, and red. Embers flew through the air and glowed as bright as any individual flame. The temperature grew extraordinarily hot, even for me. A normal beorc and even a laguz would soon no longer be able to stand the blistering heat.
A feeling of relief washed over me as I watched Muarim's beast form disappear far away from the fire. He trusts me…and I trust him, I fathomed in my mind. With the laguz gone, I hoped they had reached safety; I was alone with the melting soldiers whose shrieks grew quieter and quieter as death's cold embrace enveloped them. I shuddered at the thought of such great loss of life occurring right before me, considering there were well over fifty soldiers. But I knew, deep within my heart, that murder was the only way to ensure myself a future away from the house I was born in and alongside Muarim and the Emancipation Army. The absurdity of Muarim's existence kept me standing inside the blaze that would normally kill another.
And yet it was strange. Initially, I could feel the sweltering heat gather around me and the nipping of flames at my skin, but those feelings didn't last. After a while any discomfort disappeared and I couldn't feel a thing. No pain, no burning, and no weariness. This strange feeling of adrenaline distracted me so much that it took me a moment to realize a feline laguz (the rebellious one from early) had its teeth and claws sinking into the skin of my right thigh. I yelled out only from shock, not of pain for I felt not even the tiniest scratch.
I had no intention of hurting the feisty laguz, but simply by pulling him off of me I did in fact cause him great harm. The touch of my hand sent him swirling into a fit of agony. I'll never forget the death cry as the laguz crumbled beneath my feet. The flames had caught onto his fur faster than I could have reacted. The hungry blaze ate through his fur and eventually it found its way to the skin, then the muscle, then the innards and the rest was more than I dared to watch.
When I turned away from the laguz's torment, I was met with the crazed face of my mother with fire burning in her eyes. "You really do cause so much trouble," she spoke, her voice was barely above a murmur as she competed with crackling flames.
"I try to keep things interesting," I replied with sarcasm. She clapped her hands together and laughed evilly. She then looked around and carefully studied the firestorm around us. She took in the horrid scent of burnt flesh and fur and grinned insidiously.
"Yes…you are definitely a son of mine. Who else could create such a fabulous display?" Her tone of voice made me just as sick as the meaning of her words. Her eyes then wandered to my thigh that had begun to bleed at an impressive rate. "Oh! You are hurt…well this certainly makes my job much easier."
I clenched my flaming fists and prepared to fight her with everything I had in me. "How did you do it? How did you fool us all into believing Muarim was really dead? You're sick…sicker than I ever gave you credit for…I nearly ended my own my life for no reason at all! If I had known…if I had known…" I trailed off in my own act of anger.
She chuckled sadistically and took three steps closer to me, showing no hindrance from the flames biting at her. "Well…you weren't the only one to ever split their shadow from their body. I had done it too, a very long time ago. I couldn't find much use for the helpless thing until the day you were separated from that beast. When I decided what I wanted to do, I made that shadow morph into your subhuman companion…and well the rest is history."
"Are you saying you buried your shadow? ALIVE? You're absolutely mad! How could you dispose of a living breathing person so easily? You didn't feel any connection to your shadow at all? Whatever heart you may have had has officially frozen over!"
She clapped her hands enthusiastically as if she were applauding a performance. "That may be so…but you disposed of your shadow just as heartlessly as I did! I hold no respect for hypocrites!"
My face turned brighter than the bouncing flames around me. "No! Devlin didn't waste his life…like your shadow did! He gave me hope when he died…hope that I could be permanently rid of you! What you did…. was disgusting," I spat contemptuously. "You're insane! The world will be a much better place without you in it!"
Then she laughed much harder than before. "You named the silly thing after your father? How touching! But in all honesty, Tormod, one day you will be just as 'mad' as me. Just look! It's already happening! How many of my men did you kill just now? Fifty was it? A rather ambitious feat! But I feel the spirits hiding in your body…just as they find shelter in mine. They'll take over you, my son, and soon enough you will find yourself thirsting for the blood of all those you may have loved. You'll lose your sense of self. You'll go absolutely mad with power…you will, you will! You'll forget any values you held. You'll be no better off than a feral one. Just think about all the exciting adventures life has in store for you now that you have charmed the spirits!"
"No…never! I'll never be like you! I'm stronger! I can handle the spirits…I know I can! The only reason you've gone batty is because you're a weakling! And in this world…only the strongest survive. And today…that most certainly is not you!" For one last time I let the fire spirits go wild. My skin erupted barbarously into flames; again I couldn't feel a thing. As the inferno blew up in both our faces the walls began to crumble and it became obvious that the ceiling too was caving in as blocks of debris came raining down on us. I made haste to the window and sent my sizzling fist flying through it, shattering the glass that sprinkled into my face. I was thankful I couldn't feel the glass burrowing into my skin.
At first, I believed my mother to be lost in the flames or buried underneath a chunk of the ceiling that had fallen. That was until I heard her callous voice emerge above the snapping of fire and the rumbling of walls caving in.
"It will happen to you too! I welcome you into your fist stage of transformation into a monster!" That was the last thing she spoke as the house severely quaked and more chunks of ceiling and debris fell to the earth. Before I made my escape I would not let her have the last word.
"And may you burn in hell!" I screamed so ferociously that my lungs were sore afterwards. In an instant, the structure in which I was raised in started to crumble to the ground, symbolizing a life no more. With my childhood burdens in the past I ran far away from the collapsing building until I felt I was safe. Off in the distance I could see about a dozen untransformed laguz, watching the demolition much like I was. Their burdens, along with mine, collapsed into rubble with one last earsplitting crash. And the house was no more.
I stumbled away from the demolition behind me, completely out of breath. Every mini explosion that came from within the collapsed building caused my ears to ring piercingly. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed not only were the laguz watching the structure disappear but so were several bystanders, watching everything in horror. They screamed and yelled animatedly. I couldn't understand just what they were saying but the edge in their voices told me they were outraged.
My tired eyes eagerly scanned for Muarim but just as I found him within the group of laguz, I regained feeling in my body. Unable to stand on my bitten leg, I collapsed forward and fell into the rubble. The pain was unlike anything I had felt prior. The sensation of teeth sinking in past my layer of muscle was still ever present. The slippery blood ran down my entire leg smoothly. Despite the agony, I bolted my mouth shut. I didn't want to scream and I most certainly did not want to show weakness. Instead, somehow I picked myself up out of the rubble and stood on my half eaten leg like it was nothing at all. I panted and perspired with every movement I made. But it didn't take me long to hobble over to Muarim and the others. I wiped the sweat away from my brow as I did so and when I pulled my hand away from my face, I saw it. In the palm of my left hand was a dark black swirl, sheer proof that I could now officially call myself a "spirit charmer". However, my pain turned my attention away from that issue.
I wanted to crumble to the ground and release a blood curdling scream, but I still refrained myself from doing so. As I limped to Muarim and as he took notice of me, alarm swept him away. Just a quick glance to my leg and he sprinted towards me with that terrified look about him. I tried for a smile but with great difficulty. When I failed to grin, I let out an exhausted chuckle. "Hey…Muar…im…" I breathed.
He then grasped me by my shoulders distressingly and tried to look past my eyes where I could only imagine he saw nothingness for exhaustion consumed me with unbelievable aggression. "Little one! You're hurt…you're hurt because I left you! What has become of your leg? Stay with me…"
My eyes rolled around in their sockets like independent spirits. And the sudden urge to laugh at everything challenged my sanity. "Leg? Leg…leg…right! Leg! What…? Leg?" My words slurred together like I was intoxicated. I knew my lack of coordination was from rapid blood loss and the strain the spirits placed upon me.
"Either let me carry you or sit down now! I can't watch as you stand on that leg! You're making it much worse," Muarim barked.
"I'll do whatever I want to do…thank you very much!" Subconsciously, I rubbed my oozing leg with my hand then brought the bloodied hand up to my face. "Whoops…" And then I laughed so mirthfully that it took a moment for me to remember just what exactly it was that I was laughing at. "I'm tired…so tired…Muarim…would it be okay if I just closed my eyes and…" Without even realizing it, I collapsed forward. Luckily, I fell right into Muarim's chest where he decided to lift me up over his shoulder.
He carried me like that for a few minutes until he at last dropped me somewhere near a body of water. The place felt familiar but my frazzled mind couldn't quite figure out where I had seen the place before. Muarim yelled something that I couldn't understand but I knew it wasn't directed towards me. Someone must have followed us to wherever we were. I guessed it to be a surviving laguz. I hadn't noticed my eyes were closed until I opened them and saw a feline laguz rip the bottom of his shirt and hand the tattered fabric to Muarim. Muarim yelled something to the laguz again and then he sprinted off in the opposite direction.
"Be careful," I heard Muarim say clearly. After that, Muarim looked at me worriedly and again I struggled to focus my stare on his face. His glance was brief because soon after he scooted closer to the body of water and dipped the piece of shirt fabric in and brought it to my bleeding leg. He simultaneously kept me sitting up right and wiped away the crimson liquid seeping down my leg. His touch caused me to wince in pain and the strangest feeling shocked my body. I couldn't imagine what caused the sensation until I craned my head to get a closer look at my leg. And when I saw the severity of it, I was no longer sure of the likelihood of my survival. Never had I imagined seeing the bones of my own body. And yet, there it was. The traitorous laguz gnawed deep enough into my leg until he struck bone. The whiteness of the bone popped out dramatically against the dark thickness of the blood that surrounded it.
Although I promised myself not to scream and show more weakness than I had to, I could no longer help it. I threw my head back and moaned frustratingly. "What a mess…" I mumbled humorously.
"Little one…stay with me…I'm going to care of you, okay?"
"I'm not going…. anywhere…ha…not like this! Ha…ha…funny…you're so funny, Muarim…" The loopy feeling came over me again but this time it was much worse. Muarim didn't say anything, he just held the fabric closely to the gaping wound on my leg, being careful not to rub up against the bone. "You think…you think I'm going to die? Ha..ha…I never die…not with you…and Sothe…always butting in. I never get…what I want…ha ha…."
He looked at me questioningly. "Little one save your strength…I can't understand you."
"I wanted to die…but not anymore…we need to find Sothe…I need to thank him for stopping me…I miss Sothe. Where is he, Muarim? Can I talk to him? Ah…I wish he were here. I'm not going to die, Muarim. Not after everything…this isn't my place, so don't be sad!"
I wasn't positive, but I thought I saw Muarim beginning to tear. "Little one, I hope you made up most of what you just said."
"Not one bit," I slurred. He stared at me wild-eyed with moisture forming under his eyes. Then, he continued to add pressure to my wound and carried on like the conversation never happened. "Cut it off…" I muttered daringly as a burst of pain shot up my leg.
Muarim froze, unable to look at me directly. "Cut it off…" I repeated, the agony swelling up inside me.
He continued to stare at my leg blankly; not daring to move a muscle "Cut it off…the leg!" I raised my voice that time.
"No…" he finally said. "No…I couldn't. There has to be another way. I sent some of the others off to find a healer. There has to be one in this town. They should be back soon."
I laughed sincerely and shook my head. "Like a healer in this town would be willing to help some laguz!"
"I don't care whether or not they want to help! I told the others to bring me a healer, no matter how they do it. I don't care if they have to beat him or her senseless! I don't care! All I care about is you, little one. I won't let you down…"
"Muarim, I'm going to die if you don't cut this leg off right now! If you care, you'll do it! If I had the strength to pick up my mend staff, I would do it in a heartbeat! But, I can't so I need you to do this for me."
"No…they'll come back!"
"Muarim…I'll be gone by the time they get here. Without magic, this injury is irreparable. If you cut it off now…we can be done with this and move on!"
"But-"
"I'm going to die! What don't you understand?" A long silence fell upon us both. After that final outburst I was done with talking. I couldn't catch my breath and the frightening feeling of suffocation tormented me. My body fell limp in Muarim's arms. Any bit of energy I had left me when the last pool of blood spilled out of my leg. I couldn't say anything else to Muarim. I could only hope that he would find a sword or anything to help him separate my irreparable leg from my body.
To my surprise, Muarim pulled a stained bronze knife from his pocket. I wondered why he had it but I was too weak to ask him. His face showed much hesitation and sorrow. But I was glad. So glad that he would be strong for me. As I carefully studied his movements he brought his hand to my face and gently closed my eyelids. He didn't want me to watch something so vile and I appreciated his gesture.
Although I struggled to hang on to my consciousness I could still feel him roll up the leg of my shorts until he found a clean spot to make his first cut. I admit, I was terrified. Probably more terrified than I had ever been prior. He had to still my leg for I started to shake out of pure terror. When I felt the cool blade press against my flesh, I sobbed. And at the sound of my sobbing, Muarim pulled the blade away. "Just do it!" I cried. For the second time he pressed the cold blade against my skin. Slowly, he applied more and more pressure. Slowly and carefully the blade sunk in, so chillingly against my warm leg. Now that I wanted to pass out, I absolutely could not. I was more awake than ever. At the first sharp prick I screamed earsplittingly enough for all of Tellius to hear. But then, just like that, the pain was gone. I heard the knife fall to the ground and I immediately became outraged. "Muarim! Just do it and ignore me!" I screamed. But he was silent to my outburst. I curiously opened one eye and when I did, I knew I wasn't dying. I was spared by the graciousness of fate.
"By the Goddess what has happened here?" came a voice I solely recognized as the healer who taught me all I knew about the art of using a staff. What he was doing in the middle of the Grann Desert I had no clue…but his arrival meant that I would live, that much I was sure of. There was much left for me to do in the world. That was made certain by Rhys's unexpected presence, which I was eternally grateful for.
"Nice to see you too…" I said under an obvious strain. As the fear of going through life with only one leg vanished, my pumping heart slowed and my eyelids began to fall. Muarim said something to Rhys, although I couldn't make out what exactly it was. But he spoke with such sorrow that I wanted to cry out for allowing myself to get injured so severely. Then, Rhys began to speak in a rushed tone. Even though I failed to comprehend his words, I could tell he was chanting a spell by the rhythm in his voice and the melodious composure in the few words I did understand.
Ever so slowly, the pain subsided and I began to become more aware of my surroundings. I could listen to Rhys's hurried chant and I soon noticed the tension in his voice. But I knew his spell was working, for the pain ceased to grow. Either that or I was passing into the void, which I firmly disbelieved. I attempted to open my eyes, but the incredible weakness was still ever present, as if I had gone weeks on end without sleep. Not only that, but the luminescence of Rhys's mend staff blinded me to no avail.
"There's so much blood…" Rhys uttered with a sense of hopelessness about him.
Muarim grunted. "Can you stop the bleeding?" He asked apprehensively.
"Hm? Oh yes of course! I've learned much since you last saw me three years ago. I've already stopped his bleeding and mended his torn skin and muscle, but…I only fear he has already lost too much blood prior to my arrival. I've never seen…so much…from one person…ever."
"Are you saying you can't help my little one? Rhys…he has only just begun to live! There must be something more you can do!" An angered growl rumbled in Muarim's throat and I could feel Rhys tense up as Muarim's animal-like instincts showed.
"Well…there is one thing…but I've never done it. And it has only been attempted a few times before…most times ending in failure. I…I don't have the means to perform something so intricate…but perhaps in the capital…no it is too far…we would never make it. I-I'm sorry…" he spoke. I barely had enough strength to even wonder what it was Rhys spoke of. But I did wonder how I could possibly die in his hands. It seemed so unlikely, yet I could tell Rhys was worried.
Muarim's curiosity, anger, and melancholy startled Rhys as he snarled barbarously like a beast. "Whatever this mystery remedy is you will do it, Rhys! I can get the little one and you to the capital by the morning. Is that enough time? The other laguz are indebted to me and must help, especially the bird tribe."
"I'm not sure how long he can last with so little blood…it's a gamble for sure. I suppose it depends on his will to live at this point."
"Good. My little on is stronger than you think. He will make it."
"This is a dangerous game we are playing…" he fretted.
"What other choice do we have? Come! We leave now!"
Ever so gently, Muarim scooped me up in his arms and pressed his forehead to mine. I couldn't open eyes, but I wanted to desperately so I could smile at Muarim and see him smile back. "Just a little longer, little one," he muttered.
"There is one more thing you should now. Tormod will need a donor in order to-" Rhys started.
"I'll do it," Muarim replied promptly without hesitation.
"That is very thoughtful Muarim but I don't think that would…"
"I said I'd do it! And if I can't do it then I'll find a way to do it!"
"Very well…I'll explain everything in full when we reach the capital if that's how it is going to be. In the mean time we need to keep Tormod awake if we are to have success at this."
Muarim shook me and yelled in my ear, as did Rhys. I wanted to open my eyes and tell them both to quit it, but the lack of strength I endured was crippling. Finally, Rhys resorted to more drastic measures. He whispered a spell he had once taught me years ago, the spell of adrenaline. "This time it is most necessary, my friend…" he murmured. As the incantation took effect I felt life swim back into my no longer dormant body. I shot my eyes open and took in all the sights around me. The first face that came into my field of vision was Muarim's. He looked incredibly pleased to see me awake, but I could tell he didn't understand the full price of the spell.
"Amazing…" he breathed. Soon after, Rhys explained to him quickly what the spell meant. After he was done with his explanation, we wasted no more time. Rhys and Muarim exchanged a few words that I paid no mind to, seeing as I was busying myself with studying my healed leg that bared not even one scar. He's incredible, I thought. I want to be able to heal like that someday!
After some mild discussion, it was decided that Muarim and the laguz would transform in order to speed up the travelling process. While Muarim shifted he handed me off to Rhys, who was more than glad to steady me while I stood.
"I got it," I said and Rhys reluctantly held back until I stumbled forward. For the small distance I did walk, I noticed I had acquired an irritating limp, originating from my once injured leg. For the time being, I overlooked it and hoped it would fade soon enough. "Sorry…" I mumbled timidly. Rhys smiled pleasantly as he allowed me to lean my weight onto him.
"You might be alert…but you still don't have enough blood in your body to feign good health. So let's be careful now!" He spoke. The two of us watched the laguz transform, dissolving out of their humanoid forms and into the shapes of stunning hawks, ravens, tigers, and cats.
For a moment I turned my attention away from the laguz and placed it solely on Rhys. "What brings you here anyway, old friend? Perfect timing might I add…"
"I could ask you the very same question, what with all this destruction I see! Is it a new hobby of yours to set buildings on fire? A most interesting hobby at that!" I laughed at this remark. "Well if you must know…I come to Karoo once every year."
My curiosity peeked at that statement. "Oh? Why is that?" I wondered out loud. Rhys let out a long lingering breath and stared longingly into the vast expanse of the desert where the dunes met the sky.
"I came to pay my respects to my dear brother. After all today is the anniversary of his death!" I gasped aloud at his words and I quickly realized that he didn't know. He didn't know that Devlin was my father. He didn't know of our blood ties. I opened my lips to speak excitedly but he cut me off before I could mouth a single word. "Tormod…what did happen to that house?"
I smiled wryly at his question. "I took it down," I replied simply.
"I can see that but…was it because I told you of this place so long ago?" he asked.
"A little of this…a little of that…I had my reasons. But it's a story for another day…it looks we are just about ready to leave anyway." We both glanced over to the laguz who were ready to depart. Muarim approached us and flicked his head backwards as if to show me where he wanted me to be. Rhys helped me onto Muarim's back where I laid on my stomach and wrapped my arms around Muarim's sides to hold on. Before Rhys disappeared from my line of sight I cried out, "Wait!" But my voice failed to reach his ears. With a disappointed sigh, I settled on waiting until we were in Sienne to tell him.
The ride through the desert was long and agonizing. As the adrenaline spell began to wear off, I admit, I felt like succumbing into the permanent slumber that beckoned me. Never before had I felt so numbingly cold under the scorching sun, but so it was. My teeth chattered and uncomfortable chills tickled my skin. My thoughts were reduced to the same line repeating over and over in my mind, So cold…so cold…so cold…
But I chose to carry on. I chose to survive, mostly for Muarim but I thought of Sothe and Sanaki too as I shivered through my journey back to the capital, where I had no intention of returning to, at least not for quite some time. About halfway through the journey I started to imagine the possibility of my own heart being able to pump enough blood for the rest of my body. The idea occurred to me as I found it harder and harder to breath with my heart fluttering like a hummingbird. Soon enough, my chest became a victim of a horrible twisting sensation. The chest pains failed to subside for the remainder of the time.
A little bit past the halfway mark of our march marked the beginning of the hallucinations. Somehow, the sand surrounding me turned a blinding white. Then, clumps of white fluff drizzled from the grey sky above like a rain shower. The dunes were no longer dunes in my wild eyes. Within seconds they shifted into treacherous white cap mountains. "Snow?" I muttered. A tantalizing chill shimmied up my spine and I sighed out of discontent. I thought nothing of the geography change, only that it was making me colder, which enticed my frustration. "I hate snow," I whined.
After hours of the wintry chill, I stopped paying attention to my surroundings. Instead, I became obsessed with the patterns of fur on Muarim's back. Before long, I became infatuated with the different layers and various shadings of green that I had nearly forgotten everything else. I was going mad. But I knew all that was needed of me was the smallest amount of strength and I was not about to let anyone down. Not after Muarim came back to me and not before I saw Sothe. I was going to live. Death was unacceptable, so I decided to embrace my delirium and wait for salvation to come.
My eyes shot open with a jolt. I wasn't sure if I had been sleeping or if I was having a hallucination. Either way, the undeniable clamor of chattering voices awoke me from my dormant state. At first it was only a low buzz of noise but soon it grew louder and louder. That was when I stopped feeling the vibration of Muarim's body in motion. He must have stopped so I slid off his back to see what the problem was. I stumbled a bit as I rolled off but Rhys was behind me before I could hit the pavement. Pavement? Before I realized where I was, Muarim and the rest of the laguz shifted into their humanoid forms.
"It would probably be best if you all hang back while we go into town. A band of laguz this large would stir trouble in a beorc town," Muarim said. The laguz mumbled in agreement. "South of here you can find our Emancipation Army. They are good friends of mine and were once in your position too. Find them near the beorc ruins and I promise they will help you, whether you decide to join our army or not. I thank you deeply for your help. None of this would have been possible if it weren't for your cooperation. Thank you…" he spoke gratefully. The laguz nodded and sent reassuring grins back at Muarim.
"Thank you, brother! It may have taken years but we finally are free of that accursed place! I no longer believe there is a Goddess…for what kind of divine being would let us suffer so? Despite those feelings…you have our deepest gratitude. I'm only sorry that one of us wasn't so faithful to our cause…but your child is strong. Frighteningly so! Watch over him, brother. And take care of yourself," said a tiger laguz with dusty gray hair and silvery eyes.
My eyes slid closed again and Rhys gently nudged me on the shoulder. "Just a little longer, Tormod. You're doing wonderfully!" he said soothingly as ever. I grunted in return and let my head droop on his arm. When I reopened my eyes, I found the gray laguz hovering over me with a tenacious look about him.
"Thank you for being the kindle to our fire, young one. There was never a day when Muarim didn't talk of his red haired beorc. We should have realized sooner you were a friend. I pray you can forgive us for our harsh judgment earlier. But don't bother saying anything just focus on getting well. Farewell, young beorc! Live strong," spoke the tiger laguz. I tried for a smile but my lips felt numb so I let my eyes fall closed again. When I was jostled awake by Rhys, I noticed all the laguz were gone.
At some point I was handed off to Muarim and we began walking through Sienne together. And at another point we were inside somewhere foreign to me. I attempted to study my surroundings and found a graying man seated behind a wooden desk with years of stress evident on his face in the form of wrinkles and dark bags underneath the eyes. When we entered the office-like space, the man immediately sneered at us, seeing Muarim's green tail sway back and fourth. "What do you want?" he spat distastefully in a rather raspy disgruntled voice. Rhys stepped forward and bowed politely.
"Good morning, sir. I came here seeking your medical advice. I hear that you are the best healer in Sienne, an incredible feat! And well...I'm aware that you're a busy man but my good friend is in dire need of your help. If you could help him straightaway I would be indebted to you for as long as the Goddess wills me to live!" Rhys exclaimed. The old healer shot a look at me and then glared at Muarim scornfully.
"Mmm…enough talk! Let me see the boy," he grumbled. My eyelids drooped down again but I immediately forced them back open and made eye contact with the old healer. My stare must have seemed desperate, seeing as the healer frowned upon looking into my eyes. "Pah. Why have you brought me a dead child? This is a waste of my time. I can't bring the dead back to life. I refuse to practice the dark arts!" he yelled.
My blood boiled at his remark. "N-not…dead…you son of a-" Muarim pinched my arm to stop me from finishing my words.
Rhys pleaded with the old man again. "Please, sir, we've travelled a great distance! My friend has lost a great deal of blood and-"
"Too much blood! His heart will tire of pumping fresh blood and it will eventually stop beating. I'm a healer, not a miracle worker! Now quit wasting my time with your petty concerns." Who the hell is this guy? I raged mentally.
"Please! If you won't help him then could you kindly let me borrow some of your medical equipment? I'll be most careful! All I need are a few needles and any large tube or capsule you have. I'll do everything myself! I'll pay you whatever you want but please let me help my dear friend! He grows weak!" Rhys implored frantically.
The old healer paused for a moment and observed Rhys trembling from complete desperation. "What is it you plan to do?" he asked with his arms folded.
"I'm going to perform a blood transfusion, sir," Rhys stated.
"Ah. You are aware that no one, at least around here, has ever successfully performed a transfusion? You would be the first. I'll tell you what…I'll give you everything you need and if the boy lives to tell this tale I won't charge you a single piece of gold! I'll make you very well known if you can do this," the man bargained.
"That is kind of you, sir. Now, please show me where I can find what I need! I don't have much time!" Rhys replied hastily.
"Of course. But…might I ask who is donating the blood for this experiment of yours? You couldn't possibly function with such a loss of blood. So who will it be?"
"I haven't decided yet."
"Not I," said the healer, just to be clear. Rhys nodded his head.
"Then I guess it will be me," Rhys declared. Muarim's body stiffened and he dropped his head almost shamefully.
"Then you will most definitely fail. Count on that!" said the old man coldly. I shuddered at his bitterness and watched Rhys scrunch his face up as if he were in pain. A single tear streamed down his cheek gracefully.
All was silent, until Muarim's deep voice disrupted the quiet. "I will do it," he stated boldly. Rhys and the healer gasped simultaneously. The decrepit healer then giggled in defiance.
"Subhuman blood mixed with human blood? Disgusting! I don't even want to think of the consequences of that. Do the child a favor and don't damn him to such a wretched curse."
Despite my weakness, I wanted to incinerate the arrogant healer for talking to Muarim in such a way. When this is over…I'm going to punch him, I though cynically.
"Muarim…that is very brave of you but…I don't know how Tormod's heart will react to such different blood! It is such an incredible risk! I don't know if-"
"We have no choice! If we don't take risks then we might as well do nothing at all. I hate this idea as much as you…but I don't see any other options. All I know is that I can't let my little one die on me…even if I have to damn him. Rhys…I don't care! I want my little one to live!" Muarim roared like an enraged laguz. The old healer seemed to shake where he stood.
"Take what you need! But I want nothing to do with this abomination!" The healer shouted fretfully.
"Very well, Muarim. May the Goddess watch over us," Rhys prayed.
I was slightly disappointed that I never saw this impossible feat occur. How such a thing was even possible to accomplish, I had not the slightest clue! As soon as the first needle was inserted into my vein I blacked out completely and for the rest of the procedure. As I rested in the darkness, I refused to pass into the void.
However, I was rudely reminded of my livelihood towards the end of the entire ordeal when I began to feel real burning aching and stabbing pain, all centered around my chest. It felt as if my heart were being twisted into hundreds and hundreds of knots. My skin felt like it was set aflame and my lungs could hardly carry the intensity of my high-pitched scream. "Make it stop! Make it stop!" I yelled. The pain was so terrible that I began to run my nails across my face, leaving scratch marks along the way. But then, strangely enough, the burning feeling moved away from my heart and onto the front of my right hand. I scratched at my hand and hoped to lessen the burning somehow, but to no avail. If I had had the means to, I would have severed my hand from my wrist. "Muarim! Rhys! Make it stop!" I yelled manically again. I cried and I cried for their help but I never felt their touch or heard their comforting voices. It was like they had abandoned me. "MUARIM! PLEASE!" I screeched one last time. "Rhys!"
Finally, I let out the most deafening blood curdling scream I had ever released. And just like that, the pain subsided. The burning was gone. The twisting had vanished. And I opened my crimson eyes to the world around me. Sweat dripped from my brow and into my eye. My breathing was increasingly heavy but my heart was slowing down, not dangerously so. I found myself on a tiny cot that was considerably wet from my own perspiration. I ran my hand through my ruby red hair and felt its dampness. Slightly disgusted, I stood up straight and found Muarim in a chair next to me, clutching my arm. I wiped more perspiration out of my eyes and wept, not from pain or sadness, but because I was happy. I survived and that meant I had many more years to spend with Muarim. At the time, that was all that was important to me.
"Muarim…" I whispered. He looked at me with concern and obvious guilt, but besides that I could tell he was just as happy as me.
"You did very well, little one. You're okay now," he assured me. I giggled with glee and blinked more perspiration out of my eyes and then rubbed them since they were slightly blurred by the sweat. Once my vision was no longer blocked by the moisture, I took in a sharp breath alarmingly. I blinked several times and rubbed my eyes again. How…?
"Is something wrong, little one?"
I grinned animatedly and stared in wonder at every swirl of wood in the wall and every dust particle on the floor. "Everything is so…clear! It's incredible!" I breathed in a puff of air with my nose and smelt an array of scents. First there was the musty scent of blood, then there was the putrid smell of sweat, and most distinctly a different strong scent overwhelmed me. It smelt of the outside world, mostly the desert. It took me a second to realize that it was Muarim's scent. "My nose…it's sensitive!" I exclaimed. I giggled some more as I tried to pick up hundreds of scents at once. "This is really overwhelming! There's so much to see and smell…and hear!" I could hear careful footsteps gliding across the pavement outside, then the tiny squeak of a doorknob turning. I breathed in through my nose again and picked up the undeniable scent of blood and malodorous medicine herbs. "That must be Rhys!"
"Yes…he went to get you food for when you wake up. Do you smell it?"
I sniffed the air again. "It's meat!"
"Very good. Little one…how do you feel?"
"More alive than I ever have before!" Muarim smiled tiredly.
"Good…that is good." His words slurred together and soon I realized that he was exhausted. I wasn't sure how much of his blood he had given me, but it had to have been a decent amount.
"Muarim…you can rest now. You've done enough for me…thank you."
"Never thank me for what I've done to you, little one."
"Why?" I asked, feeling confused and infuriated. He grabbed my hand and held it up close to my face so I could see. There, on the back of my hand, was an emerald mark. A mark of the branded.
A/N: Like I said...there is an epilogue coming! And it won't be quite so long...actually I hope it's not even half as long as this. But, it's coming soon! Possibly even tonight if I'm feeling ambitious. Thanks for reading!