Chapter 37
Worry. Mixed in with the relief, and the ache, and the clutch of possessiveness, worry was the primary emotion brewing in Kakashi's troubled mind.
He hadn't expected Iruka to be so fragile. Of course, he should have realized it beforehand, he was an idiot not to have allowed for it. With all of the pressure and isolation weighing on him, and his stubborn refusal to delay his return to work after his last assessment, how could it be otherwise? A man deserved some time to curl up and recover in private after a stint locked up in Ibiki's shop.
The casual observer might not have noticed it much, but Kakashi knew him well enough that the small signs spoke volumes. The barely detectable trembling of his chin and hands; the dark eyes, slightly wetter than usual, to the point that he had to keep brushing at the corners with the back of his hand; the fact that he practically mimed eating and left his ramen mostly untouched. Their conversation had been stiff and stilted. Iruka would start talking only to falter, perhaps fearful that he might not be able to maintain his composure; leading to abrupt silence, and an attempt at a new subject, and silence again, until the futility of the effort became all too clear.
When he arranged to have their hands brush as if by chance, Iruka stiffened perceptibly and immediately withdrew. Tellingly, he didn't look down or simply away – it wasn't a move of revulsion or dislike. Instead, he automatically scanned his surroundings, to see who might have noticed. Kakashi doubted that it was unfounded paranoia.
The pressure of being monitored and watched without sanctuary could wear the best man down. It was cruel at best for Ibiki to keep him under the microscope, using his staff to continuously hound him with their unchecked T&I methods, and Kakashi was pretty sure that he could intervene on Iruka's behalf on that score.
His own best intentions aside, it was a terrible idea to barge in and surprise him at the mission desk and sweep him away, even if it was just for lunch. It was not a happy reunion so much as it was a staggering blow to his equilibrium. Kakashi didn't get the impression that he wasn't welcome, or that Iruka didn't want to see him; it was more like he was doubling over from the impact of the sudden change in his situation.
Iruka was visibly overcome with emotion and had to struggle to suppress it from the moment he walked in and announced his intent. That bastard Hide only made it worse by staring at them openly, waiting to speak until they were walking out the door. His odd comment, telling Iruka to 'take his time" because he knew he'd 'behave himself' sounded like more of a cautionary reminder than a casual, offhand farewell.
Clearly, had this meeting been in private after duty hours, it would have been easier on him. Much kinder. Less stupid.
Three hours from now he would rectify his mistake, nab Iruka at the end of his shift and take him directly to his apartment to help him cope with all of this properly, in private, where they could get everything out in the open. Until then, he could only kick himself around the block for causing so much distress and disruption.
He had to think ahead now, and do a better job of getting his head in the game. His knee-jerk reaction was to seize the first opportunity to dive in and take command of the situation. Iruka was no longer trapped beyond his reach; the first order of business was to secure a place by his side and stake out a perimeter to defend against Moreno's damaging agenda; to latch on and hold tight in order to establish immediate support and do whatever it might take to extinguish that disturbing, painful fragility. Revival of his partner's strong and feisty nature would kick his recovery into gear. In Kakashi's mind, this had to happen now, before the damage became permanent. If it meant he had to step on toes, even Iruka's to some degree, then that's what it meant.
The direct approach might be okay now; Iruka might not resent that kind of aggressive care, because he shouldn't suspect Kakashi of trying to subjugate him or belittle him after all that they'd learned about each other's inner motives.
Just because he felt it should be that way didn't mean it was a given, though. In the past, Iruka had been frustratingly touchy about being protected and taken care of, often at the times when he needed it most. Kakashi would just have to bull forward and trust that their new understanding would eliminate most if not all of that roadblock at some point.
But then there were other influences to consider. Fucking Hide irritated him to no end. Witnessing the look that he gave Iruka after they said goodbye in the hall fired up an anger that he really hated to have to keep under control. The reproachful stare that a teacher might give his student when they took a little too long using a hall pass, but not quite long enough to merit real punishment.
And Iruka's slight nod and blindly obedient return to his desk had his stomach on edge. This was not the dynamic he would have expected. Something was very different between them.
He swore to all the heavens above and the cold ground below, if that miserable bastard was still doing any kind of destructive emotional tooling in Iruka's head, he would make him pay dearly for it.
After laboring so long without support in this situation, the relief of finally having help would likely have to express itself somehow. He might even break down and cry when the pressure's off and he's inside the sanctity of his apartment, Kakashi thought, and wondered if that was going to be okay for him to be there for those moments. Was he going to be cordoned off, no different than the public when it came to covering up such a display of raw emotions? Or would he be allowed on the inside now, seen as a helpmate, blessed with permission to provide support no matter what, as he should be? He surely hoped so.
That was his own selfish source of anxiety. So close, he had been getting so close to securing his place on the inside, without all of the defensive distance and suspicion, and he intended to take up right where he left off. He wanted that bond of deep trust and he wanted it fiercely, despite the fact that he had no idea how well equipped he was to make it work. In the past, irrespective of his intentions, he had sabotaged that level of personal intimacy at every turn, as if it was the most dangerous and undesirable situation his subconscious could imagine. As if it was a trap meant to take him down, as if no one could ever or should ever be trusted that completely.
But Iruka was not a person capable of hurting anyone he cared about on purpose. He never had been, and it was obvious to everyone, even to Kakashi if he had to admit it. It was his own fear that he was fighting by attacking Iruka in their relationship to keep that last wall between them, and now that they both knew it...
The risk still made him edgy, still made him feel like striking out at someone, since striking out was his primary method of taking control of an unstable situation. Hide might be taking a little more flak than he deserved but so be it. Kakashi wanted Hide's position as the other side, the opposing team - hell, even the enemy - well established in Iruka's perception. He relished the prospect of shoving that asshole out of the picture for good.
Here it was again, why couldn't he get his priorities straight? The copy-nin's brew of aggressive emotions were rolling on high boil through his own lack of self-restraint, and drawing his focus away from the person who was actually suffering here, and in need of his help. He had to get his mind clear, and approach the problems like he would any other difficult mission task.
Ibiki and his crew weren't likely to have such conflicts. Whatever designs they still had on Iruka, they would be working in a coldly linear, progressive fashion to achieve their goals.
The sound of dry, fallen leaves tumbling by in the gusty breeze brought his attention back to his surroundings; filtered sunlight danced across the memorial, giving the cold stone the appearance of warmth and movement.
Kakashi was relieved to see it; sometimes, when he was away too long, this solemn place almost seemed to shun his presence. His precious lost souls were giving him a break this time.
Maybe he was on the right path, after all.
xxxxxxxxx
Hide was working through two reports when Iruka's familiar figure caught the corner of his eye in the doorway. He looked up and stared openly, hoping to assess his partner's facial expression; but he had to settle for body language – spine stiff, hands clenched tight, short choppy strides taking him straight to his desk with his head slightly down, eyes averted. Hide motioned to the next guy in line to head over, sending him to arrive before Iruka made it all the way into his seat.
His fine-tuning caught the aura of his desk partner's unsteadiness, further verifying the visual. It was strong enough that he did not hesitate to address it. If he knew nothing else for sure about the man, he knew that throwing a relatively simple but immediate task in front of him was practically as good as medication for settling him down.
He thought, for a split-second, that he might have underestimated the level of disturbance in Iruka's demeanor. There was an obvious though momentary bobble in his composure when he started to handle the transaction; fortunately, the young nin turning in paperwork was in a chummy mood, launching into friendly banter unrelated to the matter at hand. The extra time it took Iruka to get it together likely went unnoticed by everyone except the keenly observant Hide.
Kakashi's presence was already creating problems. Ibiki was right; the Hokage's soft spot was more of a blind spot where the Sharingan user was concerned.
The funny thing was, on a purely selfish level, this turn of events was highly fortuitous. Ibiki's last briefing implied that from here on out, Hide's efforts were expected to be less effective, and the infiltration aspect practically a lost cause, because of Hatake's interference. While it was bad news that Ibiki sourly delivered, the take-away for Hide was all good. He had successfully made it to through to this point in his solo test run. Any errors now would likely be attributed to the complicating factor of the copy-nin's influence – so he was home free. His performance evaluation was at passing level to date and this virtually assured that, barring any huge screw-up, it would stay that way.
Ibiki's focus was no longer on critiquing Hide; his eagle eye was on every move Kakashi might make. But truthfully, despite the personal benefit, Hide disliked contemplating all the unnecessary stress and emotional disruption this would mean for his subject. He really felt like he had been making progress; his skill, support and supervision created the environment that allowed his subject to recover to the point of seeing through to Hide's true identity, no small feat considering his condition. Would someone like Hatake provide even a fraction of the benefit? He was an unstable, unreliable troublemaker and a dangerous obstacle to Iruka's uphill battle to assimilate back into fully obedient shinobi life.
Now he had to make careful use of his time here in the mission room and remain ever-vigilant for ways to maintain his influence and keep Iruka from shutting him out due to this unfortunate development.
Iruka completed his transaction, even managing to reward the nin's parting joke with a slight smile. Hide relaxed a little, noting that he looked to be on track, mind on business again, calling up the next in line. It was good that they were so busy this afternoon. Hide handled his fair share while watching unobtrusively, pacing himself so they stayed relatively even up. They worked together like a well-oiled machine these days when it came to manning the desk, other issues aside.
Iruka had just stamped receipt of a scroll and reached back to hand out the next when he nearly groaned at the sound of the door hitting the wall. From what he could see, the major mission of the week must have been a success.
The lead man's kick sent the door open a little too hard. Lacking a free hand, he quickly used his foot to keep it from rebounding shut in his face, moving through and aside to let his similarly-laden partner go by. Their faces were only visible from the eyes up over the top of the heavy boxes, legs bowed and arms stiff from the long ordeal of toting their load.
It was Iruka's turn to pick up the next transaction, and he deliberately concealed the tension it evoked, resigned to his bad luck. It figured that this would show up when he was so ill-prepared to deal with it.
"It's okay. I'll get it," Hide said softly, surprising Iruka into glancing over. Hide was smiling kindly and waving the men to his just-cleared desk. "You just take all of the regulars that show up for a while."
Iruka was truly grateful. Even if the nin had made proper the inventory, which they seldom did, verification of that much stuff took time and required close attention to detail. If it wasn't domestic weaponry or wealth, defining it accurately in writing was both vital and extremely difficult, with differences of opinion often escalating into arguments between the nin and the desk. On a normal day, Iruka could dive right in without hesitation; but today, foggy and distracted, chest tight with great excitement and inexplicable dread and raw nerves, Hide's gesture was a lifesaver.
Hide isn't a bad person, he's just doing his job – no, more than that. He really does try to help me. It's hard to keep up my guard as if he were some enemy. It's not that different from Kakashi, right? Kakashi probably knew about Hide but he didn't tell me...because it's part of his job to keep those secrets. How can I hold a grudge over performance of duty against one person and not another?
Iruka finished clearing the room, and any late afternoon 'regulars' were looking like a long time coming. He went to see if he could be of help with Hide's check-in, but between the three men it looked like he'd be more in the way.
"Why don't I get a jump on the filing, then? Call me if I miss the door. While I'm back there, I'll do yours, too," Iruka offered, and Hide took a moment away from concentrating on his task to meet his eyes again and nod in pleased agreement. As always, Hide invested the extra split-second to make meaningful eye contact.
That feeling of goodwill, the sense that he was paid attention to and was well liked, did seem genuine. He didn't think Hide was faking that. It was a relief that they worked so well together even after the subtext of Hide's assignment was exposed. There wasn't any of the backbiting or uncomfortable posturing that kept coming up with the other guys, on both sides of the desk.
Still, it was a welcome respite to steal away into the back room alone. He set down the stacks of paperwork and found that his hands were shaking. He had to get a grip and get his emotions under control; it wouldn't be long before the shift would end. Kakashi was expecting to see him after work, and he didn't want to come off as a basket case. He wasn't sure how successful he'd been at lunch in hiding the bundle of raw nerves he'd become; probably not great. The entire time, the atmosphere was pretty uncomfortable between them.
His eager anticipation of their reunion made the awkwardness of the reality all the more painful and disconcerting. Once they were alone tonight, Kakashi would let loose with something, he was sure of it. It was apparent that he was holding his tongue the whole time they were at lunch, just shy of speaking out. Maybe he'd be critical of the lack of recovery after such a long time. It was painfully inadequate, probably disappointing to everyone.
He'd spent too much time letting Hide play tag with him before he figured it out, he should have realized the situation much sooner, when he should have been concentrating on...
On what? At this point, he didn't even know what the hell he could do that would make a difference. He'd been counseled to stay at it, continue to work the desk, follow the restrictions and be patient. But surely, if he had all of his wits about him, there was more he could think to do. This was getting him nowhere.
There were moments now, where he was starting to doubt his own motives. Ibiki was his superior and always would be. Fighting for independence from being under his constant influence, what did that even mean? In the end, he would not be free of his obligation to serve and obey. In the end, he would only be whatever he was allowed to be. It would be easier for everyone if he stopped resisting the inevitable, even if that resistance was just in his head.
He finally got up the mental energy to file and ruminate at the same time, and it made the task go by quickly. Still deep in thought, nearly steady with his hand and eye coordination again and with just a few scroll returns left to nest back in their cases, he startled at the sudden movement in the doorway.
"Hey, you all right?" Hide asked, opening his hands, letting the hefty box drop to the floor with a loud impact. He shoved it along with his foot to find a suitable spot on the lowest shelf. "These are done. We just need to lock them up back here for tonight."
He disappeared momentarily, returning one at a time with the rest, homing them methodically on the shelves. Iruka had calmed down somewhat, but he still appeared to be rough, shaken. The silence that followed when the last box slid home felt heavy and uncomfortable; Hide stepped back to make sure that the mission room was still empty. This was his opportunity to find out if his instincts were correct, and to make his concerns understood. He'd have to hurry; without preamble, he rushed back and caught Iruka's arm.
He was not expecting to get such a strong reaction. Iruka flinched and stumbled back; Hide tried to catch him to prevent a fall, only to have Iruka make an even bolder evasive dodge, crashing into the opposite shelving and sending binders and clipboards clattering to the floor.
Hide had him in an immobilizing hold before he could attempt any other action, quietly but firmly ordering him to cease and desist. One last object from the top shelf hit the ground, ungodly loud in the mortifying moment of stillness now that the struggle was over.
"Hello! Everything all right in there?" boomed a familiar voice from the anteroom.
"Yes, we're fine. Hang on a minute, some supplies just fell off the shelves," Hide answered quickly, not easing up his hold the slightest.
But the nin did not 'hang on'; instead, he made his way to the doorway without hesitation. Peering in, he quipped, "Am I interrupting some exuberant, youthful pursuit here?"
"No, it's just..." Iruka started to protest, trying to regain his composure, but Hide's reply cut him off. Iruka couldn't see his face, but he heard the sharpness in his voice.
"He's not feeling well. Do you mind? Go wait at my desk."
"Oh! Sorry, sorry, I was not thinking. Of course." Gai retreated as swiftly as he'd appeared.
"Shit," Iruka mumbled, covering his face with his hands. Kakashi, everyone, they were all going to see how his supposed recovery was just a lie, and the rumor mill would have a field day, gleefully tearing him apart. The Mission Desk was the simplest task available to men of ninja status. If they all thought that he couldn't even do this job...
"I want you to sit down right here and wait for me. Stay put. Take your time, get your breath. Can you do that?" Hide asked, lowering him to the floor, watching closely. His pulse was racing, and his breath was coming fast, but he didn't seem to be at risk of passing out. Probably a panic attack, and it no doubt caught him by surprise, although Hide pretty much expected it given all the sudden stress.
As he suspected, once freed Iruka sank down to sit with his knees to his chest and gripped them tight, taking up a near-fetal position. Kakashi's reappearance had triggered many things, among them a tremendous wave of self-doubt and insecurities. He would be experiencing a significant level of aversion to this relationship now. But as his orders stood, Hide could not take steps to directly forbid them from interacting if Iruka still clung to that desire.
He dispatched Gai's needs at the desk and sent him off despite his obviously unsatisfied curiosity as to why Iruka did not reappear. When he returned to the back room, Iruka was up on his feet leaning on the counter, shaking his head bleakly.
"Sorry. I don't know what happened there. I'm fine now."
"Don't meet with him tonight, Iruka," Hide said quietly, touching his shoulder lightly as a test, noting that Iruka accepted his everyday body contact again now without qualms. "Give yourself time to adjust to the thought of seeing him again."
"I'm not discussing this with you," Iruka said, his attempt to sound annoyed and self-assured failing miserably.
"Who else can you talk to about it? No one. I'm the only one who's here for you. You've got to stop and reason this out. It's obvious that his presence is disturbing to you."
"You're the one who needs to stop. Please. You're just making this more difficult."
"Hear me out. Just listen to yourself. You said 'more difficult' – and that's the problem, right there. Is it the right thing to do? Why do you need to see him if it's difficult? You think it's just a matter of being nervous, or stress. But it will always be more than that when you see him, Iruka. He's been inside your head, more than once, during episodes of phenomenal trauma. The mind will tend to make those associations, and the horrible memories, the terror, the raw emotions and scars of those events will be forever entwined with the way you think and feel about him. We both know it's not smart for you to drop your defenses when you're stressed. If you have to set aside your self-preservation mechanisms to open up to him, all of the bad things you've had to cope with will have a chance to come flooding back in, too. After all this time and hard work, struggling to come to terms with things bit by bit, if you suddenly try to take it all back in at once..."
"You don't know that any of that is true. You're just guessing."
"A very educated guess. About real, serious risks. I think that you're more afraid that I'm right than you are convinced that I'm wrong."
"Why are you doing this to me? Why do you want to make it harder? What difference does it make to you now, anyway? You told me yourself. Even if I do crash and burn, now it won't be your fault."
"Because you're doing so well here and I want to see that continue. Things have been good, haven't they? We're the top team on the desk. Everyone sees how solid and reliable you are now, always taking care of business, and with the pressure off as far as returning to jounin duty right away, you're able to recover at your own pace, safely, little by little each day. I realize that it's been slow. But it isn't worth it to throw out all of that hard-won progress because you're too impatient to stay with it just a little bit longer."
"I'll be all right. I've been waiting a long time for this. There are things I really want to ask him about."
"Like why he hasn't made a move like this to seen you sooner? You don't need his answer. It's because he was ordered to stay away. If you had asked me directly, I would have told you that," Hide frowned. Kakashi would surely spill these beans anyway, and the question had to have been burning in Umino's mind. "But have you considered whether those orders from above might have been justified? That maybe, just maybe, they had your best interest at heart?"
It took no small amount of effort to stand there motionless. Iruka wanted to clap his hands over his ears and scream at Hide to shut up and leave him alone.
"Did you ever consider," Hide went on, "that you only think you want to see him, because he's established the premise in your head? Because you've been conditioned, over time, to respond to him in a submissive manner? It's not easy to consider but you have to look at this clearly and logically if you want to maintain your objectivity. His presence evokes these confusing, overwhelming instinctive reactions. Yet you insist on denying your fear. Part of you wants to duck and cover, maybe even run away, when you see him. Isn't that right? His unsavory reputation is widely known. Why are you so quick to assume that you don't know what's best for you?"
Iruka's mouth opened, but he couldn't manage a response in the whirlwind of little mind-worms Hide had so easily and efficiently planted.
He didn't have to. The mission room door made the familiar creak-whoosh as it sailed open. Gai's cheerful humming signaled his return; from the tread of footsteps, he was not alone.
Hide hadn't been sure how tight Gai was with Hatake; but now he knew they must be good pals. From the look in Iruka's eye, he'd sensed Kakashi's presence as well.
"We're a few minutes early," Kakashi drawled with no perceptible emotional tone, arms folded, legs braced at parade rest. "but we hoped Iruka might be able to steal away with us now. If not, we understand. We can wait right here if we're interrupting something important."
"He was feeling a little ill just now," Hide piped up defensively as they emerged from the back room, his hand on Iruka's back to guide him and monitor his steadiness. "He may not be up for company."
"Well of course it's up to him," Kakashi said with his masked public neutrality, inwardly getting more annoyed and worried by the second. Iruka was forced to be here, alone day after day with a man Kakashi had discovered, through his covert snooping, to be a very highly regarded deconstruction operative. In his vulnerable condition, Umino would be a broken mouse in the jaws of that dangerous, predatory animal. Hide would have no reason to refrain from using his craft to influence Iruka as he saw fit up until now. It would be up to Kakashi to figure out how make him back off. It was highly unlikely that his methods would change just because Iruka was no longer on social restriction.
Iruka was silent and the moment stretched out too long. Gai cleared his throat and that normal, innocent noise seemed to break the spell. The dark-eyed nin shook his head hard and finally met Kakashi's gaze full on.
"Yes, our plans...I'm fine, just let me take care of my log and..."
"Don't worry, Iruka, take all the time you need. We're early. We can wait," Kakashi said.
"Yes! Perhaps we can continue our rock-paper-scissors marathon," Gai suggested to the copy-nin with a smile. "Quietly, of course."
Hide's grim expression never changed.
"So you're going to go with them," he said with a touch of regret and disapproval, as if they were still the only two in the room.
Iruka nodded, not trusting his own words, hoping against hope that Hide would let it go.
"Head out, then. I'll finish out the logs. You haven't been feeling well today so don't overdo it. Make sure you get plenty of rest and if you get a chance, let me know how you're doing later, all right?"
Iruka let out the breath he'd been holding.
"I will. Thank you. I'll make it up to you next shift."
"You've helped me out plenty of times. Don't worry about it."
Fucking Hide, stop being nice to me! Iruka thought desperately, and joined the waiting men, acutely aware of all three watching his every move with determined, hawkish stares.
"Yes, Iruka, don't worry about it," Kakashi said, striding up to casually block Iruka from Hide's line of sight just because it felt like a good idea.
Their gaze only locked for a moment, yet it was long enough that Hide and Kakashi saw clearly that they were of one unified opinion.
But they both had to concede that as much as they might wish for it, neither was likely to disappear anytime soon.
xxxxx
"I told you not to overdo it. I don't like finding you this way, Genma-kun. Aren't we going to get along? A year can be a very long time, you know."
While it was admirable to make such a huge effort, and brave to disregard the almost unbearable pain, the tokubetsu jounin's ceaseless struggle to move about on his own was starting to get annoying. Jeninki mopped the blood from the fallen man's shaking chin and shook his head in saddened frustration.
Genma could only rasp and gurgle in return as the strong arms lifted him off the floor and settled him back into the cloth hammock that served as his bed. His benefactor said his sudden lack of speaking ability was a result of concentrating too much effort on becoming ambulatory; Genma felt it was more like punishment for acting independently and trying to make progress on his own. He would have voiced that belief, if he could have.
Jeninki found his willful new pet endlessly entertaining, so these little transgressions didn't amount to much in his eyes. For someone so gravely ill, this man was stubborn and strong on a par with Danzo's best days. What an incredible coup if he managed to convince him to become his permanent partner. People like Genma were not easily swayed, and it seemed unlikely that he allowed himself to become emotionally attached to people under normal circumstances. All of these challenges Jeninki fairly itched to take on, an impossible task worthy of his god-like skill and charisma.
Genma reluctantly let the hammock cradle his unruly body – as if he had a choice now that he was exhausted. Jeninki's jutsu and the soft embrace of the cloth combined to give him respite from the cramping and pain, so long as he made a conscious effort to relax and be still. Trying to stand was impossible and punishing but until he could find a way to make it outside and in the sun by himself alone, he wouldn't be able to call up his summon and get a message to Rai.
It wasn't that he sought rescue. If fact, he hoped that he would be able to send a convincing enough communication that Rai would trust that he was okay for now and stop looking – because he knew, absolutely, that given the situation, his pal would be turning over every rock until he found out what truly became of him. He didn't want Rai to worry any longer than he had to; but he also didn't want to be found prematurely and dragged back to the village to face a bed in rest home for the balance of his life.
"Whatever your purpose may be, Genma-kun, you really should consider letting me in on it. I am your lifeline. I am your only hope in this world."
Jeninki, with his excellent eye technique, could ferret out Genma's true intent in a heartbeat any time he felt like it. But it felt like that would be cheating, and kind of ridiculous to have to resort to that with a helpless and immobile subject.
So to distract him, and because he was a bit vain and looking forward to how impressed his pet would be with his handsome visage, Jeninki decided to entertain them both with a temporary advance in perception.
"Let's see if you can make use of your vision while your body rests. This won't last but for a short while. Similar to your experience when I interrupted your ritual and proved my skills."
He reached into the soft cocoon of the hammock and lightly touched Genma's eyelids. The warmth of his fingertips sent a powerful jutsu into the lids knit tightly in distress. One day, he would sing the proper song, and the healing would be permanent, just that quickly and easily. That knowledge made their relationship so much more rewarding; it solidified his position as this young man's god. A saintly smile graced his face at the thought, and he felt that was the appropriate expression to wear for the occasion. When he lifted his hands away from embattled orbs, they were open wide.
The last thing he expected was the expression in those eyes. His gravely ill dependent seemed shocked, then fearful. There was anger there as well. A feeling of injury, rage, then finally...thirst for retribution.
He recognizes me? Or rather, this body? Jeninki puzzled, at first trying to think of any other explanation for such a response. But there was no need to go imagining other scenarios. Genma made that clear in waves of emotion that burst forth. Betrayed. This intriguing, companionable soul could not have veered further out of reach as far as a harmonious relationship was concerned.
He supposed that rendering him mute had only compounded the problem.
Conceding that this was a huge issue, Jeninki decided this was not information that should be left to surface naturally over time. He froze his agitated charge and went in and took it.
Now he knew where he stood. This body belonged to the man who coordinated Genma's interrogation when he was tortured and damaged beyond repair. These were the lips that spit on him, laughed at him, cursed and mocked him. This body had relaxed in comfort, excited and fully enjoying the spectacle of his slow death, relishing the power to issue orders to the men who performed the cruel, horrendous insults to his helplessly restrained body; inviting him to confess his village secrets with a reprehensible arrogance and amusement that went beyond pure, demonic evil.
Awful. This was an awful state of affairs. He had no desire to make Genma suffer any worse than he already had; he only intended to make things better for him, albeit slowly and admittedly self-serving in generating a payoff, at minimum, of gratitude and affection.
Should he make him forget the torture altogether? But that sort of thing never really worked right – meddling with older memories, especially those of great trauma, was tricky business, as opposed to erasing recent events that you knew the details of.
No, he'd have to spin this some other way. For now, he eased a blanketing fog of reassurance and comfort around the agitated, alarmed shinobi's mind, and settled him immediately into a deep, dreamless, healing sleep.
Challenging. That was a woefully insufficient description for this problem – or rather, set of problems. Because he'd learned from long experience that the sort of mind that embraced violence and cruelty on such a twisted extreme was almost always flawed on an organic level as well. Something in that type of brain differed from that of a normal person. With the stress and pressure of an embedded Uzingan, those flaws would spell disaster. His own thought processes were likely thrown off-center from the moment he established full residency.
He hadn't done the proper self-introspection. He'd been so certain, so smug, so totally convinced that he finally had the perfect host body, that he hadn't performed the full and thorough testing he should have. Now that he thought about it, that arrogant disregard for common care was just the sort of flaw that a host like this might exhibit.
He took a moment to gaze affectionately at Genma's untroubled expression. If it wasn't for him, it would have taken much longer to discover this problem. He paid in pain and suffering and the benefit, so far, was all Jen's. Impulsively, he leaned down to let their lips meet, in gratitude and no small amount of possessive desire.
His lips lingered and his tongue started to explore while his thoughts raced on to the next level. If his playmate was still awake, this would have gotten quite a reaction. He would be struggling to no avail, unable to make so much as a sound, enraged and breathlessly horrified at the prospect of what might be next. And as Jeninki suspected, the bad wiring in his host body responded to those thoughts with pleasure and undeniable arousal.
He straightened abruptly, fists tight. That settled it. He couldn't even trust his own urges now. If he didn't act soon, Genma's stay here would turn into something entirely different. And his own spiral out of control might end up being his last this time.
Satisfied that left alone, Genma would remain safely at rest for the duration, Jeninki swirled in an about-face. Gathering his silky robes around him and ascending the stairs in a dash, he paid little attention to the reluctance of his body in the wake of discovering this unexpected, life-shattering issue.
Xxxx
Seeing that his bid to keep Iruka from the jounin had failed, Hide backed out in calculated good grace, careful to avoid giving off any aggressive or negative vibes in Iruka's presence. His role as safety net was still viable, and it was one he planned to maintain. If this visit with Hatake went as badly as he expected it to, Iruka had to feel secure in coming to him for help.
He called out one last time as they went out the door.
"I'll change the register so you don't have to amend it in the morning. I hope you feel better tomorrow. You always know how to reach me if you need anything."
He doesn't need a damned thing from you, that's for sure, Kakashi thought testily. Iruka seemed nervous still, even more distraught and unsteady than he did earlier. It might take some doing to figure out how he was being manipulated. It was unlikely that he would be aware of all of it.
They made it well down the street, walking quietly three abreast, before Iruka's internal static calmed down enough that he noticed Gai and began to wonder.
"So the three of us are..?"
Gai smiled first at Kakashi, then at Iruka. He leaned in close, and Iruka braced for high volume; but Gai spoke so quietly he could scarcely believe it.
"We're parting here. It's good to see you visiting with friends again, Iruka. Don't be a stranger if you find yourself in the mood for a manly challenge."
And with that, Gai matched Kakashi's nod of farewell and moved on, leaving them to continue on alone.
"Is your place okay?" Kakashi asked, even though they were clearly heading in that direction already.
Iruka swallowed and nodded. He wished he could pick up his head and start a conversation, quick before Kakashi became impatient with his silence.
His breath caught when he felt the firm grip on his upper arm, steadying but not rushing him, tight but not too tight. Kakashi was watching him closely. He wanted to feel good about that, but without knowing what was in the other man's head, it just wasn't possible. At least he hadn't gone and panicked, right here in public, at merely having his arm held.
He questioned again the logic behind all of this attention. So many people seemed to think it was all right to waste their time and effort on him, even though he was still so pathetic and useless. Try as he might, he never came up with an excuse for their folly. Even as he clung to his need for their attention, dread filled his heart in anticipation of the day when they would finally recognize his true nature and abandon him as they should have all along.
"Did you know that I've missed you?" Kakashi asked casually, his tone light and breezy. "Well, they were long, hard missions, and I missed being home, too, but...yeah. It felt pretty bad, not being able to see you."
Iruka swallowed hard and managed to find his tongue.
"Y-you couldn't before now. I guess. Right? You were ordered not to."
"Mmm-hm," Kakashi affirmed. "I guess I should give them the benefit of the doubt; maybe they thought it was best for you. I'm a bad influence in anybody's book. But I try not to be."
"So all that time..."
"Yeah. Steady, now."
"Sorry, I..."
"Almost there. Can you make it?"
"Hah. Yeah. Of course. There's nothing...damn it, there's really nothing wrong with me. This is so dumb."
"No, it's not. You've been through the wringer. And you're not out of it yet, either."
"I don't think they could make my lot much easier than it is now."
"You mean Mission Desk duty."
"Yeah."
Iruka paused at the door, fumbling a little in a blind haste to let them in. He wanted so badly to get inside. Kakashi was standing back, waiting, maybe growing tired already of watching something so absurd and pathetic.
But when the copy-nin came inside, something else caught his attention.
That scent. It made him angry, but he pushed that down. Iruka was having a hard enough time without upsetting him further by having him sense aggression. Still, he had to ask.
"So. How often does he come here?"
Iruka cringed, a recoil that was visible even though his back was turned.
"A couple of times a week. To check my residence."
"To check your residence. I guess that means that you know about him. Did he come right out and tell you?"
"I figured it out. Finally. I can't understand why it took me so long." Iruka reluctantly turned back to his guest, unsure what to expect given the copy-nin's flat delivery and concealed expression. He knew his own face was likely giving away his uncertainty, but he'd look like an even bigger idiot if he couldn't speak face-to-face.
"That must have been a shock. They went to a lot of effort to engineer that relationship."
"Is this...what you came here to discuss?"
Kakashi was at a momentary loss. Was Iruka not adding two plus two? Their separation had not been his idea at all; he would have been coming here for much the same reasons he'd always come here, but for those restrictions.
"No. I was just trying to get an idea of what you've been going through. We don't have to talk about it at all if you don't want to."
Iruka stared back, his look slightly dazed and upset – it didn't seem like he was able to make sense of the reply. So instead, the taller man carefully took him by the hand and led him to sit in his usual chair, the one he always sat in to read and relax, never mind that it was suited for only one.
"I'm worried about you. I know you've been functioning well on the job, and I know you're taking care of your own errands and upkeep. But obviously, there's something wrong. What's going on?"
"I don't know."
"Has it been this difficult for you the whole time?"
Iruka shrugged reluctantly.
"Are you on some new medication?"
"This...started today," Iruka said, resigned to the fact that he didn't have the wits to invent some excuse to cover up the truth. Now that they were here alone together, it was all he could do to carry on a conversation. "When I saw you."
"It's me? I'm the cause?"
Iruka's head was shaking back and forth, but slowly, more of a regretful yes than a no. He buried his face in his hands; this had to be hurting Kakashi, and he didn't want that. Up until today he thought that his life felt lonely and incomplete primarily because he was waiting to resolve the issue of whether they would ever be able to come back together. But ever since the sudden shock of having the copy-nin appear and whisk him away from his constant state of supervision to interact with him semi-privately at lunch, his brain had been writhing like it was being charged with 10,000 volts.
"I don't understand it," he managed, shrinking down and away in the chair, to get even a tiny bit more distance between them.
"You're afraid of me," Kakashi breathed in shock realization. Ice filled his gut. He had to figure out how to undo whatever tampering had caused this. Iruka was struggling to hide it, perhaps didn't even fully recognize the emotion it for what it was, but the eagle-eyed nin saw it readily now, smelled it, even felt the ambient pressure of it. Fear. If this was something artificially crafted to shatter the trust between the two of them, it was a cruel, arrogant abuse of power. If he couldn't get Iruka to understand the situation, it could be impossible to surmount.
"No. I..." Maybe. That actually described the clenched feeling in his chest more than anything. But this was Kakashi, he had no reason to be afraid of him now. He'd been afraid of losing him, of being without him.
"You can't trust Kakashi." The quote echoed in his ears. Ibiki had said it many times. And Hide had warned him as well.
"I won't make you admit to it, Iruka. But I know it's true; I can sense it."
"But I don't!" Iruka shouted, fighting himself, coming to his feet, grabbing blindly and catching a pale wrist. "I'm not afraid of you! I never have been! So why do I...why..."
"Slow down. Let's analyze it, then. What does it feel like? Are you afraid of what I might say? Or do? That I'll say something painful, force you to do things, or outright injure or kill you? Let's start by pinning down the problem."
But Iruka had already let go and fallen back again with his face covered, helplessly confused, confirming Kakashi's suspicions.
So he moved away, clear across the room to the entry door and waited. Maybe this keyed on the proximity of his chakra signature. That didn't seem to have much effect; the conflict was still clear as day, written all over the wilting nin's body language.
Iruka had a second source of distress when Kakashi went to the door. He wanted the feeling of fear to go away and it was almost a relief to think that he was leaving. But it was upsetting to think that he might leave, too. This was the person he focused on during all those long nights of loneliness. He tried not to, but over time, he'd come to think of Kakashi as someone he needed again.
This had to get resolved somehow. It was just that...with the day the way it was, and the shock, and now this...Iruka didn't think he had the ability to deal with it all so abruptly. It wasn't like he was giving up, but it wasn't unreasonable to need some time to try and get his head straight.
"Let's try something. Do you think you can occupy yourself doing something in another room if I'm still here? Don't think too much about it. Just go do something you'd normally do if you came home alone," Kakashi suggested, ready to dig in and start working straight to a solution.
That didn't seem to sit well. Iruka appeared to be working up to his own decision; one that Kakashi sensed he was not going to like. He was caving under the emotional pressure. He was about to call an end to their interaction.
"I'm sorry, I..."
"Iruka, wait. Don't apologize. Please. Look, you know me. I'm not going to hurt you. You have nothing to fear from me but I'm telling you now that someone, somehow has embedded that reaction into your subconscious. What you should be afraid of is letting that someone succeed in using a technique like that on you."
"Maybe it's not like that," Iruka said, heartened that he could manage the composure to try and gloss this over, at least a little. "Maybe I'm just tired and stressed and I wasn't expecting you. It was all so sudden. Maybe we should just try this again later."
"Tomorrow?"
"Or...or like next week, when the Mission Desk is less busy and..."
"After all this time you seriously want to wait an entire week when we don't have to? Is that what you really want now? Does that sound right to you?"
The pressure in Iruka's head intensified, as if those words tripped yet another switch. In this quiet living room, with his long-time companion standing with open hands, calmly and sensibly striving to help him...he was completely overwhelmed with fight-or-flight instinct, filling with pressure and charging up with the level of adrenaline he would produce in the face of a danger so great he was unsure of his ability to survive it.
"I can't talk to you right now! You have to go! " he wailed, hands up and shaking, searching fruitlessly for relief from the rapidly worsening grip of this unstable reality. "I need you to get...get away from me!"
What Kakashi perceived was a blinded cry for help; there was no hesitation in his response. With the ease of a thousand jutsu, he captured and held Iruka securely before his initial movement was able to be sensed, exposing his Sharingan and penetrating without waiting for calm or permission, knowing that until he found the cause of the problem, neither was going to be forthcoming.
He eased in and applied a slow, gently warming jutsu to catch and compose the swirling chakra. It was just as he suspected; the culprit was a mind management jutsu, an artificial web of auto-suggestions and preset trigger points applied by slow accumulation, capable of disrupting and displacing normal spontaneous emotional reaction. Mind-crafting jutsu was too slow, delicate and awkward to use in active battle; but applied in minute doses in close quarters, over long periods of time, the subtle influx of specific subconscious suggestions could slip in undetected, pooling into a significant of body of influence and reacting with great effect when tripped by the trigger or triggers they were sensitive to. He'd applied similar methods with a fair amount of success while on long infiltration missions, though he hadn't had many of those types of assignments.
It was not Iruka's chakra that held it in place. Fully familiar with application and release methods and thus not worried about causing collateral damage, he used a precise flash of kamui, and that foreign influence was gone.
The last thing he expected when he backed out was a white-hot rush of self-righteous anger and hands locking around his throat.
Pulling back to focus on Iruka's outer being, he saw it clearly, the mismatch between the two sides of Iruka's face.
If only I'd eliminated you when I'd had the chance! blasted the furious dominating thoughts, accompanied by concurrent, separate impressions of deep shock, nausea and confusion. Iruka was breathing hard but biting his lip fiercely, making it hard to interpret the oddly mixed expression.
The hands at his throat, even the one applying pressure, lacked the strength and coordination to cause any damage, so he let them be, waiting to allow the aggressive intent to flow through and out. Once spent, the negative energy vanished and the arms fell away of their own accord. Rage faded as quickly as it came, leaving Iruka mortified and off-balance – and his fear now more reasonably directed at his own instability. He leaned into the hold he was still locked in.
"Easy now. It's all right," Kakashi said quietly, responding to his partial collapse by carrying him straight to his bed for safe observation. He wasn't sure now if what he had done was as appropriate as he thought it would be when he made his snap decision. He knew what the jutsu was causing in response to his own presence; but it may have been more comprehensive than it appeared. The T&I tinkering may have been, in part, about dealing with the remnants of Even. But it was definitely preset to help make his presence unwelcome. "You shouldn't mind my touch so much now."
Brown eyes gaped wide at the man leaning over him, struggling to catch up with what just happened, in no way ready for the additional shock of the position he was in now. On his back in bed, Kakashi's hand on his cheek, the lights on low; this could be a memory from one of the better moments of their intimate relationship in the past; but his chest was heaving, everything overshadowed by the bitter aftertaste of Even's jarring presence passing through his heart and head. That strange, unbreakable wall of fear and panic was gone. But the situation now felt nearly as out of control. It wasn't that he lacked the desire, but this was too huge of a step to take so suddenly in the midst of whatever just happened.
"You didn't know they were treating you with that kind of jutsu, I can tell. In that regard they're not a whole lot better than Danzou. At least it wasn't a seal."
"H-how did you know?"
"I had a hunch. Sorry I went in so abruptly."
"Well, you shouldn't have! You could have warned me! That...that's probably why...what made him come out like that!"
"You were in distress. I felt I had to stop it."
"Don't decide everything on your own!" But Iruka was running out of steam, and his attempt at indignant protest came out more as a gasp of sorrow and disappointment. Truly, he was mortified to find that some of his recent improvement in state of mind might be someone else's doing, not truly his own progress.
"I'm sorry. I'll do whatever you ask of me now. If you really insist that I leave, I'll go. But I think it would be better if I stayed here with you, at least for a little while. I hate to leave you here alone; not until you feel more settled."
"I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me now that you're not invading my head. I don't need a sitter!"
"I didn't mean it like that." Kakashi scrambled for an angle; a "sitter" actually was what he needed at the moment. Until Iruka was more stable, there were a lot of reasons to keep an eye on him. "Look, I'm a selfish, horrible man, and I've been away for months doing some of the shittiest jobs of my career. I know you'd probably be happier if I'd just go away. But if you'll let me, it would mean a lot to me to be able to spend some time with you now that I'm not making you uncomfortable. I'll let you rest. I won't do anything more and I won't stay long. If you don't feel like like talking, I'll just sit quietly."
"You barge in here, doing whatever you want..." Iruka sighed in fading reproach. But in truth, put that way, it sounded good to him, too. Kakashi's hand was so warm and comforting now. It steadied him in the midst of the dismay of realizing that he was still susceptible to emotional seizures, those episodes of murderous intent that hijacked his though process, causing him to lash out venomously at the person he wanted to be close to most of all.
"I know. I'm sorry."
Iruka's face was symmetric now. While he still seemed unsteady, the extreme emotions provoked by the jutsu seemed to have finished draining themselves out. He was beginning to relax and more than just accepting the copy-nin's presence, seemed to begin to welcome and embrace it. Hide's implanted jutsu failed, and now there was one less stumbling block between them.
"Maybe we should let them think their tampering is still intact for now. But just remember. You can't trust that Hide bastard. He isn't one drop better than fucking Ibiki."
Iruka cringed inside. Because when the jutsu's influence was fully enabled, part of him felt reassured that no matter how badly things went with Kakashi, Hide would be there to help him deal with it. In his resentment over learning about the jutsu, he sure didn't feel that way now – but he couldn't decide if that tendency to trust Hide, despite everything, was also implanted, or genuine. To have Hide's utterance of nearly the same phrase, 'you can't trust a man like Kakashi,' turning over in his head minutes earlier, made him feel like he was been pulled in two directions at once.
He reached out and gripped Kakashi's forearm, to prevent him from moving away. As fucked up as everything was, his instincts drove him to seek the known experience of their physical relationship. It used to be as reliable as the dawn, the good along with the bad.
"You..." Kakashi breathed, shaking his head, battling temptation and starting to lose. Iruka was a complete mess. There was really no excuse to take advantage of the situation by claiming he knew what he was doing enough to give clear consent. This was wrong, it was stupid. If Ibiki found out this happened right after he used his Sharingan without warning to disarm their jutsu, it could be interpreted as a crime.
"Don't go."
"I wouldn't dream of it." He lowered his mask and came to rest his lips and body gently atop his shivering companion, savoring the warm, familiar form beneath him. He'd just do this much, and not for very long, they shouldn't go too far – it wasn't going to be easy to stop. But damned if he could make himself go sit across the room and not have this at least.
The gentle weight, the soft kiss, the lack of demand...Iruka was amazed at first. It felt so warm and dream-like. His body was responding instantly, and the urge to act on his desire gripped him hard.
The copy-nin's careful suppression of his signature dominant, rough-riding nature sent things spinning off-course. His unexpected approach began to seem suspicious, forced, foreign. Still unsettled and disrupted, Iruka's subconscious mind ran wild with that fact, making other connections, jolting him hard.
He tried to pull back but Kakashi, strictly out of habit, moved with him staying lip-to-lip, his life-long practice for preventing the eyes of lovers from gaining the distance necessary to achieve focus on his unmasked face.
Iruka's blurred vision wavered and supplied him with an image that took his breath away.
Jeninki's dark eyes crinkled in a smile and closed as he put more passion into the kiss, his body moving with more urgency, using his weight to apply erotic pressure in all the right places.
For several long seconds his sanity rippled in and out of reality. Jeninki's scent was making him dizzy; the idea that he was actually here, that he slipped in by impersonated Kakashi, was at once terrifying and heart-wrenching. Elements of Even began to vibrate with outrage. The possibilities exploded in his head; he couldn't begin to sort out the emotions it evoked, faced with the psychotic mass-murderer who brainwashed and lied to and mutilated him and stole life as he knew it; the devil whom he still feared and hated, yet mourned with such a deep and abiding sense of loss that it sometimes still woke him at night nearly in tears.
Kakashi was completely up off the bed and his partner, mask back on, trying to apologize and makes sense of what just happened. Iruka went from really getting into it straight into...whatever this was. He looked like he was fighting back a scream. He eyes were unfocused, and he didn't seem to hear anything Kakashi was saying. The copy-nin kept calling out and shaking the rock-stiff shoulders in vain, reluctant to resort to Obito's eye again but not ruling it out.
The vision evaporated; released but reeling from shock, Iruka turned away hard, curling into a ball and gripping himself tight. He had to reassure himself several times to make it stick. Jeninki was long dead and the dead could not possibly be here; Konoha had padded rooms to house people in who could no longer make that distinction. He had to keep this to himself at all costs.
The smell disappeared, too, and when his hearing returned it was Kakashi's voice calling out to him again and again. Relief mixed with embarrassment, disappointment and pain. It was too much to deal with, the revelation that he was still so fixated on the idea of Jeninki coming back for him, impossible though it was.
And it was disturbing on so many other levels to have those thoughts and feelings erupt in the midst of yielding to Kakashi's bid to share his bed. The guilt and shame were strong, unmistakable.
I must be losing my mind. Jeninki is dead. The relations that we had happened under the influence of his jutsu. How can I possibly be feeling like I'm being unfaithful to him when I'm with Kakashi? Because that's the trick my mind is playing, right? It's making me see the person I'm cheating on out of guilt.
Strong hands took hold and turned him over; Kakashi was through waiting to see if things would resolve on their own. The worry in his widened eye was mortifying to see. Iruka instantly felt ashamed at causing such a fuss over nothing, literally nothing at all.
"I want to take you in and let the medics have a look at you."
"No. It..." Iruka cursed himself but threw a low blow anyway, banking on his partner's worry and new-found sensitivity. "It's just too soon. After you overstepped the boundaries and all with your eye. I thought I was ready but it's too much! I can't do this yet!"
"I wasn't..." Kakashi started. Of course Iruka couldn't have known he was planning to stop there. It was natural that it would have appeared that he was going to plow ahead just like old times. That was too much to expect right now, given the state Iruka was in. He should have said something. He should have clarified his intentions before jumping on Iruka like that. What an oaf.
"I'm really sorry. I wasn't trying to force myself on you."
"I think you should go now."
"Okay, look, I'm sorry. I won't touch you again. But I really don't want to leave you alone. I'm worried about you, Iruka."
"There's nothing wrong with me, so you don't have to be. I want to be alone, so please go. I need some time to think."
"But..."
"I mean it, Kakashi. It's not any jutsu, it's me asking this time. I'm asking you to go."
"I don't like the way you looked just now. You don't need to be toughing this out all by yourself."
"Once you leave there won't be anything to tough out. I said I need some time to think, and I do. That's all"
"I really don't think this is smart."
"Really? Well, as dumb as it is, that's still my decision."
Kakashi stared, assessing. Iruka, for whatever reason, was adamant. It was as loud in his body language as it was clear in his words.
"If you won't go, then I'll just go and leave you here by yourself." Iruka started to rise.
Kakashi held out an open hand in surrender.
"No. If you feel that strongly, if that's what you want, then...I'll do as you ask."
And just like that, the evening of disaster was over almost before it started. Back out on the street in no time, Kakashi bristled in the knowledge that Hide was surely observing his early egress, no doubt with great satisfaction.
What the hell, when had he lost all ability to communicate with Iruka? How could this have gone so far wrong?
For the first time, it occurred to him that he may have made up his mind too late. That the underlying relationship he was now, finally, willing to fully commit to was crippled and perhaps even damaged beyond repair.
That maybe Ibiki and his minions had managed to succeed in corrupting Iruka's feelings for him, to the point where this last mistake was just that – his last.
With that unbearable thought preying on his mind, he switched direction abruptly. He wasn't about to go home and sit in silence to contemplate that all alone. The prospect was just too damned much.
He aimed for the one bar that Ibiki and Tsunade were least likely to patronize; he was pretty sure that if either of those two appeared before him a few drinks from now, he'd be looking at time behind another type of bars.
Iruka might or might not end up beside him in the end. His own misdeeds were as accountable for that as the insidious influences he had little control over. But that did not translate into the conclusion that his presence was the issue here. If he stepped out of the picture, it would not resolve the majority of the problems Iruka was facing. It would only leave him to face them alone again, and he'd clearly suffered a great deal the entire time Kakashi was out of the picture. They were not being above-board. Their methods did not have his recovery as the primary goal, their manipulations were obviously harmful, and the motive was as murky now as it had been all along.
Rather than letting this chase him off, he was fully invested in the conflict. He had to stay in the middle without getting himself banned again. If Iruka was prejudiced against him, he'd just have to deal with the fallout. Whether anyone else accepted it or not, he'd sworn to himself that he would protect and defend this man. That commitment stood unchanged, even if the subject of his concern was unable to embrace it.
A few more strides and his destination appeared, moving his attention back to the immediate surroundings. He'd met the boys here many times when they wanted to vent about upper management freely. It was casual, dark and comfortable, and as soon as he saw the well-worn front door, he couldn't wait to get inside to see what the crowd was like tonight.
The sight of Rai drinking alone, next to the empty spot Gen would always occupy, hit him like a hand grenade. He swallowed it down and went to join him, berating himself for those earlier feelings of doom. He had a hell of a lot more chance of getting back with Iruka than poor Rai had of ever Gen alive ever again.
And Rai, raising a glass in bleary greeting with a grim smile, didn't show any sign of giving up yet.
xxxxx
Munasawagi repositioned again, this time directly adjacent to the stone fence instead of high above it. He had to keep himself under constant check. Moreno had been abundantly clear. His goal was to develop his remote detection skills; but the primary directive was to make sure that as he did so, he was not to be observed in this vicinity, especially not by anyone or anything related to the property owner.
He cast another type of jutsu for close-range stealth, hidden from detection at most angles by the wall and a conveniently lush young evergreen. Just in time, he turned all his attention on his surroundings, and caught a fresh pulse of Danzo's yellow chakra. The old man had been in and out of the entry area of his dwelling several times, only to fade too far back inside to keep tabs on the sense of his presence.
As he suspected from that restless behavior, a visitor soon came, so swift in slipping in that a blink of the eye could have missed him, but arguably not trying to be deceptive or sneak in. Almost as if that balance was attained purposely, to attempt to pass with a high percentage of chance of going undetected, but without the serious stealth measures that would be tantamount to admitting to trying to hide their activity.
He caught the chakra for but a micro-second and that was long enough. It was very strong and a dead match to one of the profiles he'd been given to watch for.
Once Sai gained entrance both presences passed too far inside and disappeared. Munasawagi settled in to work on his skills; with two strong presences inside, this was an ideal opportunity.
By the time the two reappeared in his field of detection, two hours had passed and he was reaching his limit in exhaustion. But his fatigue was nothing against the sharp drop in chakra the young nin evidenced when he was leaving compared to what it had been when he arrived; it was easier to analyze in detail since he was moving with far less speed. When he passed out of the cover of Danzo's suppression field, Munasawagi perceived significant areas of freshly applied healing, a blue haze covering over half of the young man's body. Unless he'd been cloaking an injured state when he arrived, he'd taken a lot of damage over those last couple of hours.
It was impressive to watch Sai leave presenting himself in much the same way as when he arrived. Without Munasawagi's unique abilities, you wouldn't see any difference, nothing would look out of line.
He had a meaningful report to give to his superior, and a renewed determination to crack the cloaking and expose Danzou once and for all. Having expended his energies for the day, per the permissions given him for the assignment, he broke down early to go submit his findings.
Leaving his post unmanned and wide open for the next visitor to enter, unobserved.
tbc