I'm happy to say I'm not dead, even though I am particularly exhausted. Life just keeps trickling past in one giant rush to a finish line that keeps moving out. Or in other words, work is ridiculously busy to the point where regardless of how much we manage to get done there is no sense of achievement because there's still more to be done and no manager willing to point out our progress.
Yeah, our supervisor only points out our flaws, expects us to work over time (without asking or waiting for confirmation that we even can work it), and a decidedly bad habit of scheduling everybody more work in a day than could ever possibly be accomplished even with the afforementioned over time. For example, I no longer eat lunch during my shifts. I almost never take a break longer than to rush to the bathroom and come right back and I'm still stuck in the lab for 10+ hours a day. All of which would be fine, if we got paid for all of it, but the first five hours over forty during the week are on us. and weekend work is only straight time, not time and a half.
Plus the supervisor never says thank you for the things she should. We keep asking about certain safety issues in the lab at each of our rather pointless weekly meetings and nothing is ever done about them. (we have a few towers of boxes set to drop on the first person to touch them) And if we question errors made by supervisors or other non-lab personel, we've been told we're being insubordinate. As I told a few people in the lab, they don't pay me to have a brain of my own regardless of the fact I'm required to have a college degree to even be hired for the position I work in.
Bah, enough complaining, I'm sure you've heard enough though i could go on.
I'm slowly settling into my new apartment, I never seem to spend a lot of time in it even though I seldom go anywhere else when I'm not working. I'm just so tired. Heh, and through it all I had to find some kind of inspiration to get this chapter out. I had a couple false starts before I managed to type all this out. I'm just not connecting well with this story any more, and much as I hate to force it I am determined to finish it.
Ah, well. It'll happen when it happens and hopefully I won't lose you all by trying your patience endlessly. I think once I do finish this up and I had better stop it for a while. I've quite obviously lost my touch.
Maybe then I'll work on my original attempts more seriously. Who knows?
As much as I love Rumiko Takahashi's provided playground, perhaps it'd be better if I finally built one of my own to share. If I ever managed to do something I could sell I could break out of this job I'm stuck in.
Miko with a Mission
Kagome let out a growl of frustration as she had to force her white knuckled grip to loosen on the steering wheel. Council meetings for the last few months had been hellish on the best of days. And even the typically relaxing drive home with Sango couldn't undo her knotted nerves anymore.
Today was not one of the best of days and Sango had not been with her in order to better protect Akemi on her visit to the latest prenatal visit to the hospital.
Kagome let out another growl as she gave the pressure dents left by her fingers a dark look.
While the cardinal lords had easily and quickly delivered judgment in the matter of pardoning the Feral Akemi, a matter that darkened Kagomes mood every time – Akemi had done nothing to require a pardon, they were not the only ones with a voice in council and all of the lesser lords had been making noise ever since.
The approval of such morons normally wouldn't matter much to her. Kagome never made decisions based on what appealed to the masses. The masses, as far as her experience had taught her, were too often time misguided in their judgment by selfish considerations and greed. Usually compounded by willful ignorance and a lack of compassion, the masses could not be trusted to rule themselves they way some idealists wanted to believe.
On her better days, Kagome was willing to listen to the wants and needs of the people before graciously making her votes in council, but lately...
After Akemi had received pardon from the council, it occurred to Kagome that it was possible other Ferals could be reintroduced into society rather than simply exterminating them on site. If Akemi could heal, then it had to be possible that others could live long enough to do the same. Granted Akemi was exceptional and unique, but that didn't mean a system couldn't be setup to aid others to follow the path that Akemi had.
Kagome believed the reason no other Youkai had managed the same feat as Akemi because of the adversities Ferals faced in every encounter with society. If they were slaughtered on sight, it made it fairly difficult to prove whether they could be ready for reintroduction. Dead Ferals answered no questions.
The issue gave her hope for the Borderlines in the Broken Pack. If she could establish a way for them to return after falling, then perhaps the females in question could relax. As it was Morenda and several others teetered on the edge, terrified to fall but unable to step back. If Kagome could make it so that the stress to stay sane as society labeled it lessened greatly, perhaps she could help them finally heal.
She had to do something because the suspense of their balancing act often had her just as stressed out as it had to be keeping them. And she knew of several families that were so sick of the suspense that their beloved daughters going Feral would almost a relief in comparison to what they all suffered now.
The problem was, the council didn't see things the same way. It wasn't the cardinal lords that were opposing her, though some were not a hundred percent in her corner on this issue. Akemi was one thing, opening the door to nameless Ferals was absolutely another altogether.
Society had suffered too many losses over the centuries of peaceful unity of the species to Feral attack to willingly take any such creature to its bosom. Even now, protesters paraded outside the council building lobbying to overturn Akemi's pardon. The lesser lords took up the cause and brought into the council chambers, bringing up the possibility of reversing the Cardinal lords decision in every session. And Kagome found herself wasting time she could be spending working to convince the council to consider a Feral re-naturalization project to defend and uphold the finality of a decision they had already made.
Just thinking about it made Kagome want to tear out her hair.
Kagome sighed in hopes of deflating some of her punt up frustration before climbing out of her car.
There were times the miko actually missed her drives to and from council obligations with Sango in the baby blue convertible, but she never missed them enough to suggest taking the car. Kagome was certain Akemi felt more comfortable in the open top than she would enclosed in any of the other Taishou cars, even the ridiculously long, and extravagant limo the Inu no Taishou insisted whisk him around everywhere.
Kagome was ever careful to consider what would unnerve or upset Akemi's fragile state and did all she could to lessen as much of the Feral's discomfiture as possible. Stress was bad for a pregnant female and the miko could only surmise it would be worse for a female carrying multiples. As it was Kagome was dead certain her alpha was suffering under too much strain just looking after the pack. Not that Akemi ever seemed to complain.
Kagome let out another sigh as she pressed a hand to her temple in a futile attempt to ease the pounding therein. Stress wasn't good for her either, Kagome smiled ruefully. There was only one cure for this, the miko nodded needlessly. She would simply have to seek out all of her family to assure herself they were all well before finding some excuse to coral her Inuyasha back to the house for some necessary alone time.
That was one extremely good thing about the Broken Pack taking up residence in the Taishou manse, Takara was always over trying to help out and spending time with Akemi's Rin. And neither girl was about to let anything bad happen to Shin. Although, Kagome creased her brow in though, the infant was started to get about a lot faster than either girl generally seemed think he could. Kagome shrugged her shoulders in dismissal. The Broken Pack had proven to be able to keep all the loose kids running around from actual harm regardless of how much having them around sometimes bothered them. Shin was probably the only male favorite in the pack due to his size, youth, and sunny disposition. Hiro still made most of the pack wary and Miroku had taken to keeping his son elsewhere for at least most of the day.
A glance at the other cars parked beside her own informed the miko that Akemi and her escort were already home from the hospital and the slew of males that were taking Sesshoumaru's class were still in attendance as well. That was another source of stress for Kagome as well. Those thoughtless males.
Some though the fact the suitors to the Broken Pack were willing to take the class was proof that they admitted they had a problem. Sort of a first step to correcting it. Kagome was not one of those as she had personally seen how the idiots acted in her brother-in-law's lessons. The seemingly did everything but actually learn. Most of them seemed to think Sesshoumaru deserved their scorn and teased him for not being male enough to dominate Akemi.
Just the memory of it caused Kagome to growl for more reasons than her previous frustration as she wandered up to the side kitchen door to the mansion.
Kagome had known Sesshoumaru for a long time and well understood his true nature. The pure-blooded inu had never wanted to be in a position of power, at least not that Kagome had seen. True, Kagome had not known the Beta male before he was under the influence of Akemi, but at first meeting him chasing his fiance through the woods of a park near her childhood home, she had always understood that while he was more powerful than nearly every youkai she'd ever met he was Beta as Beta could get.
And as such could live without being the dominant mate in a relationship with his alpha so long as he was in a relationship with Akemi. It was no threat to his self-worth or masculinity and Kagome was truly sick of the other males that tried to shame him into thinking otherwise. If any male deserved to have his machismo questioned with the insecure fools that teased him.
Not that Kagome worried Sesshoumaru would actually feel the shame they tried to tease him into. She was just tired of their disrespect in the face of his and Akemi's attempts to help them achieve what they each seemed to desire. Stupid males.
Kagome briskly walked into the kitchen and deposited her bag by the door into the main part of the house before flaring her reiki briefly in search of the strangely empty space surrounded by others that Kagome had come to associate with Akemi's location. When she didn't find it in the house, the miko frowned and went in search of Sango and Morenda to find out why the alpha female was missing with the males still in the house.
"Mommy," Takara came smiling down the hall, the joy of welcome shining from her every pore.
"Welcome home, Miss Kagome," Rin followed almost as excited as the partial youkai she called friend. Kagome was one of Rin's saviors after all, so the miko was one of her favorite people.
"Hello," Kagome greeted them with the best smile she could manage.
Both girls stopped short as they perceived the worn smile Kagome tried to turn in to one of genuine joy for them, but both knew enough to the elder girl's mannerisms to identify exhaustion when they saw it. Both pups were glad Kagome's council duties only called her away from the house three days a week. As it was Rin and Takara shared a knowing nod before Takara retreated back into the main house to retrieve Inuyasha.
"Are the stupid grown ups still not accepting Miss Akemi?" Rin asked Kagome. The child, though not well versed in full political arena Kagome dealt with day to day, was well aware that a number of people objected to her new mother-figure's presence in the world. "Why won't they just accept it?"
"Because it scares them to Rin," Kagome answered tiredly. "They do not understand how a Feral thinks and reacts, many of them have been hurt by Ferals that escaped the wilds and can't think beyond that."
"Like Kohaku?" Rin asked
"Like Kohaku, but worse, because they do not know as much about them as even Kohaku did," Kagome replied. "And that's the main problem. There are not many people who know much about Ferals. And even fewer who think we should try to learn more." Kagome sighed in another attempt to keep her frustration from tinting her words as she continued to converse with the younger girl. "It was the same before humans and youkai learned to live peacefully together," Kagome reminded herself as much as imparting the information to Rin. It was good to remember a similar battle to the one she fought now had been won before. It would just take time.
Rin nodded in understanding though she was shaken to learn so many grown ups could be scared of something Rin held no fear of. Akemi had never frightened Rin even though her close friend Shippou was still getting over his fears concerning the Feral. And he was doing the so with the selfsame feral all those grown ups were so scared to trust.
"They're still dumb, all of them," Rin insisted stubbornly. "Being afraid of someone they've never even met!"
Kagome smiled mildly, "They are entitled to their fear as you are entitled to your feelings as well. The only time anyone has the right to criticize the feelings of others is when those feelings cause them to physically harm someone else for no reason."
"Like the bad people that hurt the Broken Pack?" Rin asked as she and Kagome finally approached the room Rin had been certain Kagome was heading toward. Unlike Akemi, Kagome was pretty predictable. If she came home and the majority of the stupid males from Mr. Sesshoumaru's class was still present, she always headed there to help kick them all off the premises.
Kagome paused in surprise, "What do you know about that Rin?"
"They hurt Miss Akemi too," Rin gazed sadly up at Kagome. "They're the reason she went Feral. They hurt her so bad that she had to run away from everyone to feel better. Rin knows. Rin felt the same way for a while. Rin asked Miss Akemi why she had to run so much farther than Rin did to feel better."
"What did she say, Rin?" Kagome asked, certain the answer was important.
"She said it was because humans care for their injured in the way the wild youkai looked after theirs and youkai don't do that the same way," Rin looked up at Kagome sadly. "Rin thought about it after she said that because I know the youkai go to the hospital when they get hurt with broken bones and stuff. But then I realized there are more hurts than that, and those are the ones she was talking about."
Kagome pondered this carefully. Akemi's assessment of the society she was barely accepted in seemed at first a little skewed until Kagome realized that only humans had doctors for mental illnesses and such. Human doctors even treated depression as a worthy malady to be taken seriously. Youkai had no similar equivalent and generally relied upon miko for such hurts.
But miko were as easily the bringers of punishment as comfort and no mentally hurting creature could fully trust such a creature. What they needed was someone to listen, soothe, and space to lick their wounds without fearing judgment, further abuse or rejection.
She hadn't even been aware of the deficiency in her own society until it was pointed out by a child trying to understand the perceptions of an outsider. And it gave her fresh incite into how to go about setting up her project and getting the council to see the necessity of doing so.
She should probably wait until Akemi's load was a bit lighter though as Kagome was now certain the Feral would be needed for her attempts to be successful.
With that positive though, the miko Squared her shoulders in determination and stepped into the impromptu classroom she was all set to clear out in record time so that she could go back to her home with her mate for some alone time without leaving a reason to require Akemi return to the mansion to supervise them. Kagome felt like she'd had the first real break in her efforts for the first time in months and she was eager to share her new ideas with the only other person outside the council that knew what she was trying to achieve.
With a more genuine smile than she'd managed in weeks Kagome stepped into the midst of some of her most obnoxious obligations ready to clean house and shut down the mansion for the night.
Things were looking decidedly up.